A Million Ways to Die at Church (Okay 8)


Apparently, there are “A Million Ways to Die in the West.” While this post isn’t meant to recommend the movie, which family-friendly reviewers warn contains crude humor, we’d like to apprise everyone of the many dangers of your neighborhood meetinghouse. Here are the top 8 ways to meet your demise within your chapel walls:

8. Refreshments


SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Donuts (blessed or unblessed) contain chemicals known to the State of California to cause heart disease.

7. Funeral potatoes

You are what you eat. What can I say more?

6. Talk anxiety


Thump…thump…thump…combined with those donuts, you’ve really got some heart issues coming.

5. Boredom


It happens to the best of us.

4. Jumping off the stage

base jump

…without a parachute of course. Remember those days?

3. Playing in the dark in the gym


“Where are you?” “Ouch! There you are!” Every kids dream, every parent’s nightmare.

2. Tripping on a nursery toy


Apparently, the Church wasn’t a party to the 1997 UN Convention banning land mines.

1. Church Basketball


Enough said.

Jesse is a twenty-something student of Arabic and the Middle East at Brigham Young University. He enjoys writing, hiking, fantasizing about world travel, and deep discussions. He is a proud member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and served a mission for the Church in South Korea. Jesse speaks Spanish, Korean and (some) Arabic. He can be reached at [email protected]