Answers Your Most Hilarious Questions


Google allows to see the searches that lead our readers to our site. Inspired by the guys over at Modern Mormon Men we decided to take some of these queries head on. Here are some hilarious questions from actual searches of our actual readers over the last thirty days.

“in love with a mormon girl”

So am I, and it’s working out great!

“how to seduce a mormon girl”

Step 1) Talk to this Mormon girl

Step 2) Get to know this Mormon girl

Step 3) Ask this Mormon girl out. I know it’s old-fashioned, but that’s how we roll.

Step 4) Ask her to marry you. That’s right Mormons still wait for marriage, and since it leads to happier teens, healthier lives, and stronger families we’re sticking with it thank you.

“why dating mormons is impossible”

That’s obviously not true, worked out great for me. But if you’re looking for some extra insight, check out “Why Mormons are Undateable”

“should you marry an overweight woman”

Sounds like things are getting serious, but not sure why you’d ask us that question.

“lds baby blessing what to say”

Glad it worked out. Here is some great baby blessing advice.

“what is meant by loud daughter”

It means you probably need to take her into the foyer

“can mormons play bunco”


“can mormons play video games”

See above. Seriously though, ask Levi Hilton

“yoda lds”
LDS Yoda Mormon

I’m pretty sure this is what you’re looking for.

“why do mormons have 5 children for seal family”

Seal Family Mormon

And I’m pretty sure this is what you were looking for.

“can mormans drink decaf coffee”

Yes. But Mormons can’t.

“can mormans drink non cafinated tea”

Also yes. But Mormons can this time. It’s actually not the caffeine, but the type of tea. Black and Green no go. Herbal tea, thumbs up.

“elders quorum secretary”

I’m sorry.

“why can’t i find cheer laundry detergent”

I don’t know, but I can’t help you since Mormons exclusively use Tide. Well except for this woman, she hates Tide since it smells like her ex-boyfriend.

“what is a curelom”

According to Rocky Davies over at Doppleganer T-shirts, it’s something like this:

Zarahemla High Cureloms

But according to the amateur linguists on our Forums, something with a poisonous front.

“what to think about during sacrament meeting”

Definitely don’t think about what people are googling to find


Christopher D. Cunningham is the managing editor for Public Square Magazine and contributor to Third Hour. He loves emphatically celebrating the normal healthy development of his sons Albus and Whitman, writing about the Church of Jesus Christ, finding the middle ground on most controversies, and using Western Family generic brand lip balm. Christopher is a proud graduate of Brigham Young University-Idaho, and a resident of San Antonio, Texas.