Leaderboard

When we say Bishops dont receive training is not totally accurate. I cant speak for the whole Church but, it comes down to the Stake Presidents and the training they give to the Bishops. We were always encouraged to make sure door not locked and to leave it partially open and to have someone sitting outside the door. That could be a councilor or parent or even a youth leader. As for interviewing Youth I personally always used a different set of questions depending on their age. I am not crazy about having a Parent in the room with me while interviewing their son or daughter for two reasons. The first being I would be concerned with getting the young man or woman to open up and feel comfortable and the other reason is....I dont want Mom or Dad answering the questions for their son or daughter or trying to dominate the conversation. I have had some very good conversations with the youth when I interviewed them. There were times they told me things and would then ask.....are you going to tell my Parents?? I would reply No i am not....but I think you should. Had a few times where the youth asked if I could get their Parents and bring them into the room. Bishops are human and we make mistakes....these callings are hard enough as it is. You get more crap from members sometimes than what you got going door to door as a Missionary. If you have never been a Bishop you have no idea what its like. The first time I was called I dont think I did a great job at my calling being new and learning what I was suppose to do. I never asked to be called either time, but I am thankfull I was called a second time and I feel like I did a better job the second time around. Total combined years of serving both times was 11 years.

While I agree with most here that the bishop is probably the greater victim here that the child, I would caution you against entirely dismissing your daughter's concerns. While it is possible and likely that some level of discipline (not necessarily church discipline) will need to be levied against your daughter, it needs to be done with respect to how she went about addressing her concerns. While doing that, you should also acknowledge her concerns and validate her feelings on the subjects. The goal needs to be teaching her how to respond to these matters appropriately. And to put a fine point on it, this should have been done two years ago. I can sympathize with your daughter on her feelings about the bishop's interviews with the youth being uncomfortable and potentially inappropriate. You need to find out what aspects of the interviews make her uncomfortable and help her define limits on what are and are not appropriate questions for her bishop to ask her. If she feels uncomfortable answering a question, she has every right to say "I'm not comfortable with that question." She also needs to know that if her bishop is unaccepting of that, she has the right to get up and walk out. After doing so, she should go to you, the parent, to discuss what just happened. Then it needs to be made abundantly clear that the way in which she handled this was childish and rude. Making the recording alone may be illegal, depending on your state. On the bishop's side of things, I see a couple of issues that he may need to address in himself. First, he needs to spend more time with these young women. He needs to attend classes with them, mutual activities, visit the families in their homes, if necessary. And he needs to get to know every child in Primary that will be in the youth program within the next two years. If he doesn't already have a relationship with these youth where they are comfortable talking to him by the time they turn 12, he's compromising his ability to serve them (that's an 'easier-said-than-done' thing). But that fact that your daughter was able to stage a revolt with nine girls at the age of 13 tells me that the majority of them had similar feelings about the interviews. That's a problem. Second, he needs to rethink the level of detail necessary when pursuing people's transgressions. While calling the police with respect to this interview may be overkill, the school psychologist is doing her job, which is to protect the child from potential abuse. If a professional psychologist is concerned at the level of detail brought up in this interview, I think it warrants some review*. Also, let's keep in perspective that the psychologist's concern is the level of detail he was asking for while alone with a young girl. There is an age and power imbalance in this situation that is ripe for abuse and it's generally in the best interests of all parties for someone to be present in the discussion that can normalize that imbalance. It's a crappy situation you're in, and I don't envy you. But I'm hesitant to go all crazy over what your daughter did. Her actions are a symptom of deeper issues, and it is those issues that you need to work to understand and address. * To be fair, bishops receive almost no training about this, which is something I think really ought to change.

Sometime people who have been assaulted try to make light of it to convince themselves what happened to them wasn't that bad. Some victims of sexual abuse become promiscuous because they think if they can devalue sex then they can make what happened to them feel less painful. - just a bit of observation from my social work days...

The interviews are prescribed to be twice-yearly. For youth aged 12-15, one interview per year should be with the bishop, while the other may be with a counselor. For 16-17-year-old youth, both interviews should be with the bishop. They are not required. However, not participating in these interviews can have consequences, such as not being able to obtain a limited-use recommend for the temple*. You mentioned in your OP that you didn't force your daughter to go to the temple with the ward. The temple should never be forced. If she doesn't want to attend, she probably shouldn't. If she wants to attend, she needs to meet with the bishop. If she refuses to meet with the bishop, then she needs to accept the consequence that she will be unable to attend the temple. As I think about this more, it sounds to me a little like your daughter is just rebelling for the sake of rebelling. As the oldest child, she is likely given the most responsibility and blame, but the least amount of freedom and control. She may be acting out simply because she feels she is under your thumb and (like a toddler during the "terrible twos") simply is trying to assert a level of control in her own life. The sharing may just be to get your attention. Or, she may not have a testimony or want one. Despite your own efforts and the way you've raised her, she may genuinely want nothing to do with the Church. The more you push her into it, and force her to "do what's right," the more you may be pushing her away, in reality. I don't have any advice for you on this issue, because I've often thought to myself that as long as my children live in my home as minors, they will go to church with the family, whether they like it or not. When they're 18, they can make their own decisions. Thinking about your recent experience, I'm not certain that I agree with myself on that anymore, though. But it is an angle you should consider. *Other things might include broadcasts of local temple dedication services, ecclesiastical recommendations for college, letters of recommendation, and other local non-official things (in my stake, youth have an interview with the bishop prior to attending Trek for youth conference every four years, and they sign an honor code contract). Additionally, she would not be able to have a calling if she refuses to meet with the bishop or a member of the bishopric.

classylady, -- I also read agenda in the OP and the response and therefore have not engaged. I have also not engaged because there is not enough information. Unless we know what the bishop actually said how can we possibly assess its appropriateness? The OP stating that something bugged her does not tell us a thing. Either way, I find myself skeptical of the legitimacy of the report, and side with you on the inappropriate behavior of the teen. Ridiculous.

Shepard... I have to ask... what was your response the very first time your daughter told you that the bishop creeped her out? Did you blow off her concerns? (at least in her mind). Or did you talk to her and try to figure out what was bothering her? (Again this was the very first time) As parents we need to take signs that our kids have issues with other adults that we would consider "Trusted" very seriously. Maybe it is just a personality clash, maybe its just a teenage rebellion thing, but in this day in age were we are very much aware of child predators and we can't expect a child to bring forth concerns and then not listen when they do. To me this sound very much like a "your not listening so I will make everyone listen" kind of response. I have not heard the recording but since you have and you aren't calling for the bishop's head and I going to assume that this is a parent/child issue with the bishop being caught in the middle. And since you are the adult you need to take charge in fixing it.

+1 to everything you've said here. If this was my daughter, she'd be in so much trouble! I would not be concerned about the bishop -- I'd be focused entirely on her manipulation. I'd also be concerned about where/how she's learning such detail that she can just spout off extemporaneously.

Maybe it's just me, but aren't we all adults here? The site is open to ages 14+, but even the teenagers here know what "it" is that we're talking about. Is there a reason we can't just say "sex?"

Shepard, Parenting in this modern world is exceptionally difficult. I have made so many mistakes and my kids are young. Not only are children bombarded by messages, but so are parents. For example, if you have ever watched the movie "The Croods". It seems to be a fun-loving movie, but the underlying messages are so destructive. The message about an idiot father and the rebellious teenager who ends up being smarter than her dad and teaches her dad a thing or two. This is 180 degrees what the message was 40 years ago of the very wise father helping the child learn to be an adult. I'm not that old and while yes kids talked about "it", I chose my friends wisely and the friends I chose didn't talk about "it". Your child isn't being exposed to "it", she is exposing others to "it". And that is a big, big difference. You can almost bet, bottom dollar that if she is willing to talk about "it" in that much detail, she is thinking about doing "it", if it hasn't already happened. There is a difference between being rebellious and slamming the door in your dad's face (which I did and my door-after the 10th time or so was promptly removed for several months) and being contemptuous of religious authority, parental authority,etc. Recording and sharing it to all her friends is a big, big problem. Leading a revolt, to me means she's not the child who is following someone else, it means she is the one who is leading others into captivity and sin. It quite frankly means your child is the rebellious ringleader. Parenting is real hard, and if you are honestly seeking for the best interest of your child then you should read. But please, please, please wake up and smell the coffee, your child has some very serious issues. Since she is now 15, it may now be too late to spare her the pain and absolute suffering that is coming for her down the road. 15 and she is sharing recordings of her explaining things that she supposedly did. 16 and she is texting a boy about stuff, 17 and she is sending pictures, doing things, etc. 18 she is pregnant. As an FYI, in many states it is an actual sex crime if a 18 year old sends explicit messages to an under-age teen. A child who is this brazen to record it, send it to friends, is headed for trouble. Your daughter didn't immediately go to the psychiatrist, or you, they got from a student you don't know!!! I hope you can feel my sincerity, but please for all that is good in the world, do not worry about the bishop, worry about your daughter!!!! If you really want to get a handle on things, then you will need to read. If you truly want to fix this problem, I have one person who's books you will need to read. John Rosemond: Teen-Proofing http://rosemond.com/teen-proofing/ & John Rosemond: Parenting by the Book. http://www.amazon.com/dp/1416544844/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=32602029558&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=663143708805853569&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=e&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_2di9sb8yug_e

Not with teen girls. The worse it is, the more likely it is to go viral. Either herself, in a way to get her own back... Or via a friend doing the same thing,,, or a frenemy doing the public shaming girl-fight-vicious-backstab, that she can either get crushed under, or claim credit for. Teen girl culture is vicious. And often completely opposite of how those same young women will act for the next 80 years. Once they grow up. Granted,.. A lot of teen girls WILL hide in shame... But a huge portion make sure to tell every person they meet take photos, post them on an open website, practically hold a parade in town square... And hen completely FREAK OUT (You're invading my PRIVACY!!!) the moment an adult calls them on the sky writing, billboards, & ticker tape parade. Q

Don't know if there's a hidden motive within the original post but here are my thoughts. First, assuming this is an accurate report, the teen has done wrong by purposefully being deceitful and manipulative. Second, I would think that many religious practices and or protocols would turn the heads of those outside of subscription. Typically, people are sceptical and perhaps even fearful of what they don't understand. Now, addressing a possible "hidden motive", which I felt was the questioning of whether bishops should be having invasive interviews with minors without parents, here are some more thoughts... I would hope and would like to think that the majority of bishops out there are fine ones, and worthy priesthood holders, with only the best intentions. That said, there is no doubt in my mind that there are going to be a few bad apples in the mix, as with many things, it's just unavoidable. Personally, I would feel more comfortable with a second "witness" sitting in during these interviews that touch base on delicate and sensitive topics. I think if it's a female child, perhaps a YW leader ought to sit in or maybe a parent, and like wise if it's a male child, a YM leader sit in or maybe a parent. This would help protect both parties, child and bishop.

None of us have heard the audio recording. We don't know if the questions being asked were out of line. Was the Bishop digging deeper into the details because he was a perv? Or did he need to dig a little deeper to decide if some disciplinary action was required. We've always been taught that conversations with the Bishop remain confidential. Most Bishops respect that aspect of their calling. Your daughter betrayed him with her recording and sharing of the audio. If she really was concerned she could have taken it to you as parents. Not share it around the school to get a few laughs. Yeh something wrong with the daughter here. I actually feel for the Bishop here.

I'll be blunt. Something is seriously wrong in this situation and it's not the bishop. Your child has some serious issues that if not resolved now will lead to misery down the road. Obviously this teenager is quite frankly rebellious and is playing you like a fiddle. You are more upset at the bishop for asking for details, rather than being more upset at your daughter for a) deceiving the bishop and actually explaining "tawdry fornications". I can only imagine what that might be, if it goes beyond just "having sex". I think I might be more upset at any of my kids for making up such stuff, actually feeling comfortable explaining such stuff to an adult (especially a religious leader when it didn't happen) than doing it. At least if they did it, they could say they got caught up in emotions, etc. But planning something like that shows a complete lack of respect for authority, religion, and a total disregard for the actual sin of fornication. If she feels comfortable talking about it now . . . there is very little doubt in my mind that later on it won't be just talk. Again, I'm going to be perfectly blunt, you need to wake up and take control . . .and even if you do now it might be too late.

I'll sit on the fence on this one. On the one hand, your Bishop could be a creep. On the other hand, your daughter could be doing the obnoxious teen girl thing. No way for me to know the difference. On the one hand, that's exactly what a Bishop is FOR, a trusted adult with whom to share things one might share with no one else (teacher, doctor, counselor, priest are the Big4, right?). So it's not only natural, but required by the job description to fully understand the details of what is at play. On the other hand, there are teachers, doctors, counselor so & priests who cross the line. In a variety of ways. On the one hand, The teens could be all over the recording because it's salacious and Herbert the Pervert On the other hand, the teens could be all,over this purely because it's taboo (Catholic teens often have groups of (usually girls) make bets on how flustered they can get their priest in Confession (or Mass, etc. It's so culturally expected -frowned upon / unacceptable,, but expected you'll see reference in movies all the time. Like in a League of their Own when "May" gets her priest to drop his bible 4 times in one confession). I could do this all day. It's neither inherantly wrong, nor inherantly right, from what you've described. Your daughter is also neither inherantly wrong, or inherantly right from what you're described (esp if she's creeped out by your Bishop). Q

I wonder if Dr T heard me snort when I read that?

This thread is to list things we wonder about: I wonder…, what the U.S.A. will look like in 100 years? what it would be like to have lunch with Pale Rider? why PC calls threads "strings" and not threads? how long it wiil take my Lakers to be back on top in the NBA?

a bishop asking for further details regarding LOC issues to a teenager is extremely inappropriate. If I found out my bishop asked my teenage daughter anything other than the standard "do you keep the LOC", there would be serious problems. if a YW does not fully understand the LOC, it should go to the parents for counsel, not under any circumstances the bishop.

When the tube is fresh I'm a little indiscriminate on where the pressure is applied, but once it's emptied a bit such that it's easier to flatten that's the route I tend to go.

It's also the scriptural approach:

I think that when most people talk about bishops having inadequate training, they're typically referring to things like the engineer bishop being completely clueless about teen psychology. At least, that's what I think of when I talk about bishops needing more training. Leaving the door cracked open is just plain common sense.

There are appropriate questions to ask concerning the law of chastity and there are inappropriate ones. The inappropriate ones are inappropriate, regardless of how many are sitting there, regardless of it being a male or female asking. The inappropriate questions should not be asked. However, the concern, I think, is putting a check on the asking of such questions -- meaning, I suppose, that if an adult sister were sitting in the room with them, maybe the bishop wouldn't ask certain questions, yes? But there's a different issue at hand. Confession is not an easy thing, and most people, I think, who were serious about it would want to confess it to as few people as possible. If I committed a sin that was severe enough to require a bishop level confessions I would have a hard enough time letting my bishop know. Throw in a few others and it becomes even more overwhelming -- particularly to a less mature youth. When and if a council is required, then a council is required. But generally, part of a bishop's job is to protect the youth and keep their confessions entirely private. I have another inexplicable agree-with-MoE moment here though. I think bishops should have clear and explicit training in this regard.

It's not my intent to argue with you on this...However, consider how many children are groomed, abused, and violated by adults in positions of power over them. While the teen in question may be obnoxious and over the line, it may also have absolutely nothing to do with manners & appropriate behavior, at all. It may have to do with the teen protecting herself. ((Which is why I'm on the fence, since it could be either.)) I can't even count the number of cases I know of teens who DO record all their interactions with certain individuals that they don't feel safe around. It infuriates the police in my area, since I live in a "consent state" (meaning the person has to consent to being recorded, or it's I admissible in court). 100+ audio files of increasingly aggressive conversation, culminating in the 101st (or 112th, or 172nd, etc.) in a violent rape or assault. NONE of which can be used in court. None of the "grooming" conversations, none of the lewd conduct, and NOT EVEN the assault itself. Which is the part that drives police insane. A recorded violent crime doesn't have a loophole in the law. Unless the criminal agrees to it, the recording cannot be used against them. So they walk. And go abuse more kids. Since teens want to be self sufficient, or -worse- are smart enough to know that few people are going to believe them about a pervy teacher/priest/doctor/coach/etc... They think these recordings make them safe. It gives them a level of control over a situation they feel otherwise powerless in. Sharing them with their friends, adds another level of control. It makes them FEEL safe, even when they're not. ...OR... It could be, as you say, a seriously obnoxious brat. ...OR... 3rd option, is that she's been either groomed or assaulted by a DIFFERENT adult in her life, and is now hypervigilent & overreactingwith others, like her Bishop. Which means she has more than enough cause / it's understandable WHY she'd be doing this with someone who isn't vile and dangerous. Making both her and the bishop innocent of true wrongdoing. Like pooping in your boss's car. It's not okay in the general sense... But if you've become violently ill or have just been in a car wreck and your sphincters all relax due to sudden pain & trauma. Still a mess to be cleaned up, but it's an understandable mess, with cause. As opposed to sauntering out and having a squat because you don't like your boss. Which would be what she's done if she's being a brat. But if she's been assaulted and is overreacting... Then there would be cause. ________ All of the above is why I'm not arguing with you... For it could be as you say. Which is not funny at all. But it could also be her trying to keep herself safe. Q

I had a big long post written out for this. But it's probably easier just to read it on my blog. I'd Like Another Offspring. I Don't Want Another Child. What did it feel like when I'd decided. I don't really remember. What I do remember was that I didn't doubt that it was the right decision. From what you describe, Bini, (and I may be wrong in my interpretation, so take this for what it is) you seem to be showing the same kind of feelings Mrs MOE and I had before having #2. We liked the idea of a second child, but we had a really good thing going for us, and we didn't want to disrupt it. As we commonly described it, "Mini-MOE #1 has been so easy that we know we'll get come-uppance with #2." Apprehension over the unknown effect having a second will have on your family is a terrible reason not to have a second. If your only hesitation over having a second is that it will be different than what you have now, then I say--internet acquaintance to internet acquaintance--go for it. However, you blew it. You should have asked this a few months ago when there was hope that you could still deliver before the end of the year. If you start now, you'll have to wait until 2016 to get your tax credit for this kid. :)

Classy lady; Yeh, that describes most of it, not a good place. A mountain of shame, a small hill of disappointment with my bishop. Out-flanked by a withering frontal assault from my own blood and caught in friendly cross fire from the bishop. But there will be consequences. Applepansy; Scary. She is not primarily a liar, but uses deception to achieve another agenda. Perhaps worse in some ways. What would you have done differently with your son? Estradling75 What was our response when she said the interviews creeped her out? She is an oldest child, we had little experience with teenagers. We did what works with small children, we forced her to do the right thing. All of the parents did this, many with more experience than me. We do listen to our church leaders better than we listen to our youth. Yes, that was the origin of the problem. You're not listening I will make you listen. I guess she knew that sharing it with friends would eventually get back to us magnified. I think you hit the nail on the head. Do we really listen to our youth? Not only bishops need training. Parents need it too.

If my daughter did this, even if she truly felt uncomfortable with the Bishop's interview, I would be so ashamed--ashamed that my daughter has no regard for authority or appropriate behavior. Did I not teach her proper behavior? How could I as a parent fall so short of my responsibility of teaching correct manners. If this is an actual occurrence, and not some troll trying to get a rise out of us, I would be so embarrassed over my child's behavior. And, I as a mother, look at my children's behavior as a reflection on me. This is not a funny joke that she perpetrated. This is just totally uncalled for and inappropriate. I may rile a few people here, because I understand that children can go against their parent's teachings. But, this behavior is not acceptable. If the Bishop's questions were a little out of line, then she should have gone to her parents. This sounds to me like she purposefully egged him on. And recorded it! I should probably just erase what I just typed and not post this. I usually don't get upset over posts. And, it's not the post that is upsetting me, it's the behavior of a 15 year old girl. Not acceptable or funny!

My mother was a member of the church when she passed. She had been inactive for as long as she was a member, I believe, since my dad was very against the church. I was determined to do her temple work for her once the year had gone by. But, I didn't. I never felt the Spirit telling me to do it. In fact, I felt like I should wait. Not sure why. Three years passed after her death when I got the distinct impression that I needed to do her temple work. Within a month, I was at the temple performing her ordinances. I had a very spiritual experience while there that let me know that my mom was there and was happy to accept the proxy ordinances. Remember that while your mom was not desiring baptism while in this life, there is missionary work happening on the other side. Perhaps after the year wait, she will be ready to accept the proxy ordinances--perhaps it will take longer for her. Even so, you doing that work will allow her to accept it when she is ready for it.

From what I understand about federal law, if there is an investigation from CPS, the person/people being investigated must be made aware first, that there is an investigation, and second, what allegations exist. From what I understand about the various city, county, and state CPS organizations, education and adherence to the relevant federal laws are sometimes lacking. In some cases, the social workers are ignorant of the relevant laws. In other cases, they are intentionally not following them, and refusing to comply. Some are trained to bluff and lie about what they're doing, and the power they have to do it. Absolutely you should tell your bishop everything you know about what is happening. Both he, and the stake president, should be made aware of what's happening. The church in general may wish to conduct their own investigation, because absolutely if there's a bishop doing something wrong, the bishop needs to be dealt with.

I agree with Pam. I do feel for the Bishop. I don't know what the protocol is for interviews. Sounds like the beginning of some very trying learning experiences for this young lady. I will say that I have heard of a Bishop taking questions too far. I know it happened with my brother when he was went to the Bishop in the MTC with some things he had not repented of. My father (also a Bishop) was furious when he was told about how the interview went down. If there is ever a problem you simply move up the chain of command and speak with the next authority, (Stake President).

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Well, I really enjoyed it actually! It was nice to get out of the routine of Catholic mass and see how your church operates. Sacrament meeting was a little boring honestly, but Sunday school and Young Men's class were awesome. I can't say I've been changed or anything like that, I'm still a devout Catholic, but I wouldn't mind going again.

My husband and I had seven kids. We had a mini van that seated seven though there were nine of us total. Car seats weren't the law until the younger children were born. Finances were always tight. I did what I could to bring in extra money like babysitting from my home, or at times I worked full time. I would put money aside on a regular basis so we could go on vacations. It was a priority for me. We managed to go to Disneyland several times. A lot of our vacations were visiting relatives out-of-state or going camping. When our oldest daughter graduated from High School, we rented a large 15 psg. van and went to Great Basin Nat'l Park, Yellowstone, Canada, Glacier Nat'l Park, Seattle, Mt. St. Helens, Oregon, and then down the cost of California to San Francisco and Sacramento. Then back over to Utah. It was a wonderful vacation. And, I knew it was going to be the last one we had as a whole family. A few years later when I went to work for a major airlines, my older children were already out of the house. The younger kids were able to travel internationally because of my flight benefits. We learned to travel inexpensively. As for providing for the family: Our home is a moderate 2400 sq. ft. But, it has six bedrooms. The basement was unfinished when we bought it, and over time we have finished bedrooms as needed. Now, whether if we had two children or the seven, we would be in the same house. So, mortgage would have been the same. We had our mini van, and usually one other vehicle. Church was within walking distance, and except for that and vacations, or driving to visit Grandparents, we didn't need to be all in one vehicle. Food and clothing would of course be more expensive for a larger family than a smaller family. But, you don't need designer clothes to be well dressed. And, you don't need to eat steak for every meal. I learned to cook casseroles, which by the way, my husband does not like, but he learned to eat them. Also, on the practical side of things, I did not over schedule my life or my children's. We couldn't afford it for one thing. They did manage to have swim lessons, piano lessons, and some of them played sports. When we had some really bad financial problems, all lessons were stopped because we were unable to afford them. But, I think my children would say, thank you for giving us birth, we didn't need all the sports, music, or dance lessons. Is it practical to have a large family in this day? Practical may not be the correct word. It's do-able. My son and his wife are expecting their sixth. And both of them are attending school full time right now. My daughter-in-law will be taking a short break after the baby is born, and then she'll be back in school. Now, their children are spaced a lot closer together than mine were. With most of my kids, I had a three year space and one four year space. They have about a two year space between all their kids. So, to me their house is more hectic than mine was. Their oldest is nine, and with the kids as young as they are, they don't go through too much food, yet. Just wait until they are teenagers! Diapers is one of their biggest expenses right now, but that won't be forever. They are struggling financially, but managing. I think even if they had one or two kids, it would still be a struggle financially. That's why they are both in school. They want to better their financial situation. For me, a large family was what I always wanted. I came from a large family, and so did my husband. On my mother's side of the family I have an Uncle and Aunt who had 14 children, another Aunt and Uncle that had 12. As a kid, my favorite place to visit was my Aunt and Uncle's house with the 14 children. There was always something happening, and it was so fun. I'm not an empty-nester yet, but almost. My home is so quiet without all the kids and their friends coming and going. I miss it. This week I've been able to watch my 16-month-old grandson while his mama is in So. Korea visiting her older sister. I love the snuggle time with the baby. I love his little happy dance when he sees me. I love his fresh baby smell right after a bath. I love it when he wants me to hold him. I love watching him play. I love to see the progress he has made, just in the week I've had him. These are things that I miss from when I was a young mother. And, because I was blessed with more than one or two children I had the joy of seeing the magic of childhood multiple times. Are children a lot of work? Yes. But, to me, so worth it. Children are a wonderful blessing. My heart is so full with the love for my own children and my grandchildren. I can't imagine not having the children that I had. In some ways I wish I could have had at least one more. But, by the time I was 39 when I had the last, my body had had enough, and I almost lost the last pregnancy. We were so blessed to have had that last baby, and he has been such a joy. And, I was attending college full time when I had him. I don't feel like I missed out on anything by having the family that I did. I would do it all over again in-a-heartbeat.

Call me when the fights get back to how those depicted in Slap Shot, hands down the best hockey movie ever.

I wonder about strong acids: I wonder where we get the various strong acids (I am not talking about drugs here) I wonder where various acids comes from? As a youth I was a pool man and we used acid to do an acid wash to make the pools look brand new. That stuff ate a lot. I wonder where Sulfuric acid comes from and why it doesn't eat through it. Nitric Acid? Hydrochloric Acid? I wonder why I don't remember much about acid in my science classes? Chemistry? Biology? I wonder why that information is gone from my memory?

I had 6 siblings - we never went on vacations. We went to my Uncles house in Snohomish, WA (we lived in Ballard, WA) three Saturdays a month. Excluding Oct, Nov, Dec, Jan & Feb. Roads were just too nasty to risk 10 lives in a car. Mom's mother lived with us, and no she never helped financially. She helped some with chores, cooking and laundry. We all had chores to do. Starting at age 5, you did chores. At 5 yrs old, you dry mopped the floors, folded laundry and even ironed pillow cases and handkerchiefs. We did not have fabric carpeting, so there was no vacuuming until my last two years in High School, when my oldest 3 siblings went together and bought Mom & Dad a large area rug for the living room for their anniversary. That thing needed vacuuming! Grandma and Mom's two brothers bought the vacuum cleaner. On holidays - like Memorial Day, we all got into the station wagon and we went into the woods where there was a lake. Mom and Grandma had cooked fried chicken, potato & macaroni salads, we each had a whole tomato, whole cucumber and handful of radishes. We played in the nearby woods, swam (or floated in an inner tube), ate and got sunburned. Mom, Grandma and all of us kids fell asleep on the way home. I don't know where we went- but I absolutely loved those Away (away from the house and our own backyard) Picnics. We never locked our house either! No need to, the neighbors would never let anyone to walk into our house when we all were not there. Mom was a mother, wife and keeper of all things dealing with the house. Daddy was a father, husband, & worked one job. Grandma worked as a cook at a Nursing Home and she lived with us. Mom cooked nearly everything from scratch. The elbow macaroni was purchased, all other noodles were from scratch. It wasn't until I was a Junior in High School that she was introduced to envelope mixes and boxed meals. She abandoned her way of making spaghetti & lasagna sauces and used the envelope mixes. She also much preferred to use cake mixes, though she still made the 'From Scratch' birthday cakes (Angel Food, Chiffon and Dad's favorite Lady Baltimore cake with 7 minute frosting and date/nuts/raisin filling. If Dad hadn't of worked at Pacific Fruit and Produce, we would probably have grown our own vegetables and found more places where we could have gleaned for the fruit. Mom, Grandma and us girls made our own clothes. Daddy taught us girls how to knit socks, and how to darn them. I was not skilled at that. I could do scarves, IF you really didn't care what it looked like Mom was extremely skilled at taking clothes others gave us and remaking them into outfits for us younger, smaller kids. She accepted clothes even if they were too old for us kids, because she was going to re-make them. Grandma laid us down on the floor, on top of newpaper that was taped together. Marked our shapes from the knees up, and use that to make patterns for aprons. At home we always wore aprons over our clothes. The aprons came off at the exterior door when we went outside to play, and at the stairs as we went up to bed. I always forgot to take mine off before leaving for grade school - so I ended up wearing mine all day long. My most comfortable winter coat was cut down from a 'cape' style coat given to Mom. It was two people too big for her, She made me a sleeved, button up coat and a button up, collared. long sleeve jacket for our youngest sister, and a pair of dress up slacks for our little brother.

I wonder why I can't find the laugh button for this.......Lol

A few thoughts - - One antidote is to serve him. You can do this anonymously and as often as you decide. - Another is to pray for him. (Matthew 5:44) - You may want to consider saying something to him just so he can learn from it. Keep it simple ("I'm sure your heart was in the right place but I need you to know that what you said really hurt my feelings."), hand him a plate of cookies, wish him a nice day and leave. x

If it's been 6 months ... I would have to suggest you're not going to just get over feeling badly. Which leads me to suspect that EITHER what he said was true OR that it's something you work hard doing the opposite. The first one is the hardest, so I'll table it for the moment. If it isn't true: The second one has an intermediary step... Which is to meet with him and point out exactly how untrue what he said was. At that point he can either decide to believe you, or not... But either way the miscommunication is dealt with & the problem begun to be addressed. Ahem. Which is another thing... He may be completely unaware that it has affected you as much as it has. Oftentimes things that bother me not at all, send others into fizzles, and vice versa. Not being mind readers, we generally don't know how much something we've said or done has affected someone... Yep. Even if they react strongly in the moment. It's not uncommon to have someone bawling in your office one minute (as a boss, or a teacher, or ANY position of authority... So I suspect it's the same for bishops), and then cracking jokes, working hard, totally fine the next. In fact, in some jobs, it's expected that a person may break down on the 1:1, and then be fine, better, best as soon as they're no longer 1:1. So while you may be simply gutted over this statement, it may very well be possible that he's clueless it's affected you this much, for this long. He may not even remember saying XYZ to you after this long, or have even meant something totally different. To be clear, since you were leaving the actual incident out I have no idea what it's about or how memorable it is in the scheme of things. So the above is just fairly generic what ifs and could bes. I'm not saying he did forget, or meant something different, and he may well be aware how much it's affected you. Or not. No way to tell without talking to him, or more detail. If it IS true... Then you've got some simpler options: sort it and move on. Yeah. I said simpler, not easier, unfortunately. The simple things are always the most difficult. Q

I wonder why you would think it isn't.

I wonder why Dr T made us wonder about this stuff.

I wonder if my son will ever get married and make me a grandma. I wonder if there will be a treatment for diabetes that will let me drink a nondiet Pepsi again. I wonder if I will ever get married again. I wonder if I will ever meet Benedict Cumberbatch (a girl can dream). I wonder if I will ever be able to play a guitar "just like a ringing bell."

I wonder what the next sport to be added to the olympics will be? I wonder why I was blessed with the children I have? I wonder why they have the "i" before "e" rule, why we have silent letters and why English is so silly sometimes? I wonder if anybody has ever watched Gallagher the comedian and his English Language comedy act where he points out silly English words and pronunciations?

I wonder if Maureen was ever a teacher ?

I wonder how FAST I'd be with really BIG feet. Every once in awhile I stick my teensy tiny (stubby little knobs on the ends of my legs) feet into my son's or my dad's shoes, and am just stunned. The LEVERAGE I'd have to push off the ground with dogs like those! Whoa. Mind. Blowing. Q