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Showing content with the highest reputation on 10/12/19 in all areas

  1. 5 points
    Lost Boy

    Daughter got her mission call

    My oldest daughter got her mission call. It was a long time coming. She always wanted to serve a mission, but she developed pretty bad depression her senior year in high school and ended up not graduating. Basically a straight A student dropping out with one semester left to go. It all set in right after her Karate Sensei quit. The new sensei didn't click with the students and my daughter quit Karate and within two months she spiraled out of control. Meds didn't help, therapists didn't help. She had constant suicidal thoughts, but thank goodness she never did anything to self harm. This went on for several years and it was brutal. I had no idea of what to do. She eventually found a job teaching Karate. This was a true answer to prayers. Slowly she got out of the funk she was in. Over the next two and a half years she changed dramatically into a new person. On her own started really studying to gospel. She was instrumental in her best friend joining the church. And she saved money the best she could because she wanted to pay for the mission herself. So she finally got her call. And yes, she would have been happy to serve wherever, but like her old man got called to one of the top three places she wanted to go. I am so happy for her. After the struggles she went through, it is hard to think of a better place to go.
  2. 3 points
    Just_A_Guy

    How to restore desire ?

    Preliminary reactions: 1). Beware of the red pill marriage thing. A lot of it doesn’t seem to be rooted in the sort of Christlike husbandry Paul teaches in Ephesians. 2). Specifically, the flirting bit. There’s no aphrodisiac quite like loyalty. 3). You need to get to the bottom of your suspicions on adultery; whether that means a frank conversation, a PI, or something else. 4). https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2000/10/agency-and-love-in-marriage?lang=eng
  3. 2 points
    Fether

    How to restore desire ?

    I would definitely confront it. I’m not a professional counselor or anything though, but having gone so long with such lack of communication, getting everything you feel out would seem awful. And waiting to find proof or evidence seems like a good way to get an “I got you!!” Moment... which is probably not what is wanted or what would be healthy. May not be the best decision depending on you and what all is going on. But I wouldn’t definitely approach her and put it more on my back as fears I have instead of accusing her.
  4. 2 points
    NeedleinA

    How to restore desire ?

    When you asked her why she is no longer in love with you, what was her answer? What is her reason for lack of respect, admiration and general boredom with you? I would offer up two thoughts. 1. You either have faults (we all do) that you need to honestly work on. Help her fall in love with you 'again'. OR 2. Perhaps your suspicions are correct, she is unfaithful AND therefore she is creating/finding unnecessary faults with you in an effort to mask her own misdeeds. Agreed. Not a path with lasting happiness as its destination.
  5. 2 points
    Vort

    Anne Sacoolas

    I don't disagree with your frustration, and I don't disagree with your overall analysis. I've always hated diplomatic immunity exactly for this reason: People can literally get away with murder (or rape, or extortion, or prostiution, etc.) by invoking diplomatic immunity. To be blunt, it sucks. But getting upset at Trump because he won't waive diplomatic immunity seems useless. Makharadze was drunk as a skunk when he killed that little Brazilian girl, which I think is a strong motivator to request waiving immunity. The Sacoolas case lacks that element. So I don't think that's really a good comparison. Again, overall I agree with you, and I understand your frustration. I believe this is a misuse of diplomatic immunity. It would be nice if Sacoolas would just turn herself in of her own free will to be tried by the British courts (which, by the way, don't have a sterling reputation on this side of the pond). But so things go. She is guilty of killing that young man. Living with the knowledge of her guilt and responsibility is not justice, but it's likely all Harry Dunn's family will get. So I'm fully in sympathy. But honestly, of all possible things to get upset about regarding US governmental foreign policy, I would think this one ranks toward the bottom. I expect the UK government would respond similarly in a similar situation going the other direction.
  6. 1 point
    Vort

    How to restore desire ?

    I would be very careful about doing this. Which is to say, bluntly, I would not do this. If I felt the need to say such things to my wife, I would be very strictly honest about my shortcomings. I would not exaggerate them in any way to try to "prove" my sincerity—nor would I seek to minimize my wrongs. I certainly would not say "I have been an awful husband" or "I'm not meeting any of your needs". Such grandiose, hyper-self-critical statements don't work anywhere but Hollywood. I have no real input for the OP. Just be honest and try much harder. Just my 2¢, probably worth no more than that.
  7. 1 point
    Jedi_Nephite

    How to restore desire ?

    Didn’t you basically just tell him to get everything out? Rip the entire tree out from its root, and all that? It’s not an “I got you!!” moment. We’re not talking about him catching his wife forgetting to put the cap back on the toothpaste or putting her on the show “Cheaters.” This is serious. If his marriage is already suffering from lack of communication and other issues, do you honestly believe accusing his wife of adultery is going to help things? His intentions may be innocent enough, and even understandable, but, the reality is that most women are not going to see it that way, especially if they are already unhappy with their marriage. He can try to tell her these are just fears he has, but she will nevertheless just feel accused. Quite frankly, if she is cheating, she has more to answer than he does. But, like I said before, if he finds out for certain that she really is unfaithful, it is something that he needs to approach with through prayer.
  8. 1 point
    dahlia

    Would you list a mission on a resume?

    Maybe along a similar line - Years ago, I was looking for shared office space to practice law. My resume at the time included working with the HIV/AIDS coalition of the city's bar association, doing estate work for this population. This was fairly early on, before the AIDS cocktail had started to change life expectancy. I had one guy tell me to take it off of my resume. People would wonder why I was associated with this group - was I gay? Did I have AIDS? Without a personal connection, why would I be working with these people? Would AIDS patients be coming into the office? I guess the idea of providing legal work for those who needed it was an ethical concept that escaped him. btw - I only had 1 gay male client under this program. All the rest were females who had been given HIV by their male partners, including husbands.
  9. 1 point
    cat123

    How to restore desire ?

    15 years of marriage. There is a lot to unpack here. The primary reason this is occurring is because you and her did not do the proper work during the previous 15 years. Just because you have a piece of paper and the ability to copulate without Church discipline does not mean you are married. Being married is a state of being, not something granted-it is something that is earned by lots of hard, hard work. This is a common thing in today's society because most people (even inside the Church) don't have a clue what it means to be married. I don't blame you or her-it's just our culture teaches it wrong. When you first got married, you probably had kids relatively soon and instead of making your roles primarily as husband and wife your primary roles shifted to mother/father. When you do that-you stop being married. The reason why what is occurring now is that as kids get older and each partner starts seeing the light at the end tunnel of being mother/father-they start reseeing their role as husband/wife. Then they start seeing this person who they have seen in the role as "parent" for the last 15 years and they don't recognize them at all as spouse. I do believe it is reversible-but it takes work on by both. If you don't nip this in the bud now and take some major corrective action, she will almost certainly divorce you as soon as the kids are gone. Next, she is as much to blame here as you are. Do not let her get off scot-free in this. More likely than not she put more emphasis and attention to either being a mother/career than she did being a wife. Don't go down the route of saying you are the only one at fault-it takes two to tango, it takes two to make a marriage. You need to stop with the self-deprecating talk (i.e. lazy, "not doing enough right things") those sound like things you've been told to say by your wife as she has complained to you about your faults. Now, it's certainly possible you are lazy, but unless you are one welfare ... most likely you've been a hard-working provider for your family. Don't buy into the lies that you're lazy or that you're not good enough to keep her interest. You certainly have your faults, but your wife absolutely has just as much to blame for your marriage not being good-and don't forget that! Now the red-pill stuff. There is some very powerful messages in the red-pill and a whole heck of a lot of truth, unfortunately it is also mixed with some very bad lies too. I would not ever advocate for flirting with other women not your wife-that is playing with fire. It's against God's law, it plays with your wife and it plays with the other women. Not good. Now to your wife. She must be a very attractive lady, or the younger guys she is flirting with are total losers. Woman's looks generally start dropping around 30+ and it's the very rare woman who at say 40 is able to flirt with and get serious attention from men in their 20s . . .unless she either has money or is really good looking or the men are total losers who couldn't get a date with a paper-bag. Now I'm going to go with attractive lady, b/c well if she is looking for love with younger loser men-I'd cut bait and tell her good luck!!! (b/c obviously she isn't too bright). So b/c she is attractive, you won her over somehow. Women inherently (and good looking women especially!) know their ability to make a man weak in the knees. Yet with her beauty, she chose you! Somehow, someway this good looking woman who most men would dream about getting chose you! That's a really good sign for you. Now the question is why did she chose you? And the follow-up question are those things that you did to win her over still valuable to her? People change and so what she once valued 15 years ago in you, she may no longer value, but odds are she does and just needs to be reminded of it. Finally, for good looking women, they know they can get men to do what they want and that any man will try to please them-yet there are many total loser men out there. My guess is that in you she saw someone who was stable, dependable, reliable. My guess is you provided her a great environment to raise kids in. However, you two didn't build a marriage together over 15 years, you simply raised kids. So what else probably won her over? Most likely it had to do with confidence, my guess is when you were first dating you were much more confident than you are now. You probably held your head a little higher. Stop being afraid you are going to lose her-that will kill your confidence, start being confident that you can win her again! Women hate insecure, self-loathing men they instinctively will run away from and reject them. So how to you be confident? Start putting your foot down. Stop walking on egg shells. The reason why red pill marriage tells men to flirt, is two-fold 1) it puts the wife in her place and 2) it gives you self-confidence. I disagree with the method, but agree on the goals. If you catch your wife flirting with other men-don't take it. Tell her directly "That is unacceptable behavior, I will not tolerate that in my marriage" and then walk away. Start standing up for yourself and be a leader! Other people (including your wife) are drawn to attracted to people who are good leaders. Start setting boundaries, enforce them and yes confront head on any potential infidelity. That and you can give Stefan Molyneaux a call-he does call-in shows about this sort of thing, will talk to you for 2+ hours and does a good job.
  10. 1 point
    Jedi_Nephite

    How to restore desire ?

    @Fether offers some sound advice, but I would be cautious of telling her that you are afraid she is cheating on you. If she is cheating, it’s not something she is likely to admit. And if she’s not cheating, you have just made things worse by telling your wife you don’t trust her. If you seriously suspect she is cheating, I would find proof before confronting her about it. And if it does turn out that she is cheating, and you still want to save your marriage, I would fervently pray for guidance on how to approach your wife about it.
  11. 1 point
    Just_A_Guy

    Anne Sacoolas

    Hmm. The white-collar financial stuff where money is moving in and out of US accounts for illegal purposes is admittedly murky (as well as the sorts of campaign finance/interfering with election stuff we’ve been hearing about lately); as I think I acknowledged earlier. But when there’s no connection to the US other than the country of origin of the parties involved—murder, rape, assault, robbery, etc—can you name a case where the American government, or a US state government, prosecuted an American national under an Article 3 or state court proceeding for crimes the American committed while not within the borders of a US territory, embassy, or military base? Back during the Carter administration, when there was a national 55 mph speed limit—are you telling me that an American who did 120 on the autobahn, could have come home and faced prosecution? If I go to Nevada and hire a Utah-born, Nevada-resident hooker in one of the counties where it’s legal, am I subject to prosecution when I get back to Utah County? I’m kind of thinking that current location and jurisdictional boundaries mean something here—maybe for better, or maybe for worse; but they do have a significant role on what does and doesn’t get prosecuted, and where, and by whom.
  12. 1 point
    Fether

    How to restore desire ?

    @SomeGuy The biggest advice I can offer is communication. It seems like there is this huge wall between you where you are both thinking to yourself "Do we divorce? Do we keep this going? It ain't working obviously. I bet he/she is thinking the same thing. What do I say? I don't know. Ill just let this build and deal with it later" If I was ripped out of this reality and immediately placed in a reality like yours, but with my wife, I would immediately sit her down, break down ALL those walls, and hit the issue point-blank. Don't trim the issue, uproot the entire tree and see what happens. You are clearly in a state of relationship limbo and slowly drifting away further and further. I would literally sit her down and say "Wife... I know I have been an awful husband. I know I am not meeting any of your needs. I know that you are looking to others for the love you crave. And I know I am no longer attractive to you. But I love you and I want to change. I want to be the man you are excited to come home to see, and love to be around. I am also afraid that you are cheating on me. I don't know for sure, but it hurts me to think that that is a possibility and I would like to know the truth (and believe whatever she says even if I don't think it is true, the truth will eventually come out). I want to get this figured out right now. Whether that means we make some drastic changes and become who we ought to be. Or we divorce. I can't keep living with this un-surety any more. So where are you at with this? Please be honest, cause I want this fixed." ... and then wait for her to respond. If she wants to figure things out, IMMEDIATELY sign up for couples counseling. It is incredible and will help you and your wife see your own faults and learn what each other is thinking. My wife and I had a fairly healthy relationship from the start of our marriage, but we had some minor things that my wife needed figuring out so she signed us up for counseling. At first, I thought it was a little silly, but after the first session, I was sold on seeing a counselor. They are incredible I would also HIGHLY recommend reading / listening to on Audible the book "His Needs Her Needs" TOGETHER (https://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Building-Affair-Proof/dp/0800719387) And of course... read your scriptures, your patriarchal blessings, keep scripture notes... say your prayers and make them heartfelt. Keep a journal and write down your impressions, I promise God will speak. These aren't just arbitrary things we are asked to do as saints. They are real and they really help. There are also some incredible self-help books out there about forming habits and becoming the best person you can be. Find times in your life (like commuting to work or exercising) where you can play these and learn how to be an excellent person. That is what you, your wife, and God need right now.
  13. 1 point
    Vort

    Is this valve open or closed?

    Remember it this way: Generally speaking, valve handles "point" in the direction that they allow flow. So a valve handle pointed along a pipe shows that it allows water to flow along the pipe (i.e. the valve is open), while a valve handle pointing across the pipe "allows" water to "flow" across the pipe—in effect, it stops water flow (i.e. the valve is closed).
  14. 1 point
    estradling75

    Anne Sacoolas

    It seems unlikely she will have a change of heart at this point So Jamie is attacking the USA and Trump when he should really be focused on the impotence of his own government... Britain used to be a power that could protect its people... and it could be again.
  15. 1 point
    I would make two suggestions: 1. Pretend that you have been called to give a 15 minute talk on a subject of your choice. Start preparing now to do exactly what you would do to get ready for your conference talk. Write out our talk - make as many drafts as you think necessary. During the sessions of conference you may find it interesting how many talks presented during the sessions touch on your material and quote the same scriptures. 2. The Thursday before conference - fast and pray with and for our general authorities. They will be gathering for a preparatory fast and testimony meeting that Thursday and you can spiritually join with them. The Traveler
  16. 1 point
    anatess2

    Anne Sacoolas

    Trump did not give Sacoolas immunity. She already has it granted by law as part of her duties. Trump wouldn't be doing HIS duty to ignore the law.
  17. 1 point
    Just_A_Guy

    Anne Sacoolas

    Did somebody say “lawyer”? I can see both points of view—from a realpolitik standpoint, of course national leaders defend their own citizens (and to some degree, without much consideration of whether those citizens are in the right or not); but from an equal treatment/reciprocity/justice approach: We can’t shield Sacoolas and simultaneously expect all those UN grifters to pay their outstanding New York City parking tickets.
  18. 1 point
    Sunday21

    Is this valve open or closed?

    Too lame for us? Surely not!
  19. 1 point
    So, not to detract from your engaging story, but the church does more than encourage education, it provides quite a bit. There is an entire curriculum on self-reliance, we cover getting out of debt, starting your own business, ways to deal with unemployment or underemployment, how to network, etc. Honestly, if you don't have the $200 for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, the church has you covered for free. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/self-reliance?lang=eng
  20. 1 point
    I had a very similar feeling. That statement stood out to me the most.
  21. 1 point
    The Law of Attraction is New Age mysticism which is steeped in the occult. I'd be staying far away from it.
  22. 1 point
    Vort

    Why Women Don’t Wear Pants to Church

    Maybe I'm naive, but I doubt anyone would talk. I frankly doubt most people would notice. Those who did would tend to be the women, only because women are much more likely to notice anything about clothing than men are (in my experience), and would probably be more inclined to comment on style or color than on the fact that they were pants. People would have to be leading truly sad, dismal lives to sit around gossiping about a women who wore pants to Church.
  23. 1 point
    person0

    Career Change - Advice?

    I passed both of the A+ exams today. On to the next exam 🙂
  24. 1 point
    I have included my mission service on every resume or college application I've ever sent out. I do this for a few reasons. A. I believe it shows my level of committment by demonstrating that I volantarily left home for 2 years to do something difficult. B. It shows I'm used to interacting with people about potentially difficult to talk about subjects, which actually went a long way to getting me my current job. C. It let's my employers know a little bit more about me without them having to ask. If they are going to have a problem with me being a Latter-day Saint I'd rather they find out and not hire me, then have them give me grief later.
  25. 0 points
    anatess2

    Anne Sacoolas

    The US Constitution protects American citizens regardless of their location (which is also why American citizens are still subject to US taxation even when abroad). I believe it was Reid v Covert that is an application of this. Therefore, the American victim can seek redress of grievances in a US court. Because the crime is committed in foreign soil, the case will more than likely be filed under Federal jurisdiction although it is not outside of the purview of Utah as the victim is a resident of Utah. And yes, they can try to subpoena witnesses from the Philippines but Filipinos are not legally bound to honor a US subpoena... except - the Philippines do have a mutual legal assistance treaty with the US and the US could invoke the terms of the treaty if the case qualifies (I'm not familiar with the terms of the treaty only that we have one - it's been used several times when we used to have US bases and soldiers or their family commit non-duty crimes outside the base or Filipinos commit crimes inside the base - yeah, it's usually because of some rape charges or somebody got somebody pregnant and need child support). Some States have extraterritorial arrangements and can do this process within their courts (I believe California has one) without needing to pass the case to Federal Courts. When this does happen, the Filipino does not appear in Salt Lake - they meet with a delegate who will then create an affidavit or statement that will then be accepted/validated/authenticated by the US Consulate in the Philippines.