johnnylingo

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Everything posted by johnnylingo

  1. Your garment sleeve definitely will peek out of the base of that armpit hole, but that's a small alteration. I wouldn't worry too much about the dress length. Surprisingly, garment bottoms are different lengths in different fabrics (The ones with Carinessa fabric seem longest). It also depends on your shape - all my garment bottoms end well above the knee (if I wore ones that were actually knee length, they'd fall down off my waist). The back should be fine, especially if you wear your bra over top to keep everything in place. That's a beautiful dress, and good on you for being brave and mentioning this to the bride!
  2. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." The one common denominator in all your relationships is you. You pick the same type of 'traditional' woman each time, you get the same result each time. As wild and radical as it may seem to you, maybe the woman for you shares your interest in science! I urge you to truly become more flexible and less dismissive of the women around you. I say this from the other side, as a woman who was overlooked because I wasn't "traditional" enough, because I had an intimidating educational background and made more money than a lot of the men my age. If they had gotten to know me, they would have learned that I was having fun in my career, that I think it's vitally important for a single woman to be able to support herself comfortably, and that ultimately, I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and have a traditional family. I did not change who I was, but I made myself more approachable. I dressed in a more feminine way. I showed off my home making skills more. I learned to disagree in less harsh ways. And I eventually met a man in my field who appreciated my independence, valued our shared interests, and understood true equality in a relationship. If you want different results, you need to get out there are do things differently. Clearly, your current strategy isn't working.
  3. You're not alone in your struggle to make friends. I've talked to many members who feel left out of the ward. You can give yourself more time. It takes some people longer to make friends, and it's not because they're incompetent, it's just who they are and there's nothing wrong with it. You can choose not be discouraged or offended. Keep reaching out, like you're doing now. If your efforts aren't reciprocated, don't take it personally. People are comfortable with their circle of friends, and it can be hard for them to get out of that comfort zone. But one of the best things you can do it visit teach. You may not become best friends with your companion or teachees, but if you learn to sincerely love those sisters, it will make relief society a lot more pleasant to attend, and help you to generally be more sociable in a hundred different ways. Edit: Moving in to a new place, we tend to focus our social efforts on church. It's a built-in social network. But often, people outside the church can be much more open to new friends. Volunteering, joining a community sports team, and attending group exercise classes or continuing-ed classes can be a great way to meet people.
  4. I think talking to your bishop, praying, and discussing with your husband are great ideas- but sometimes, you need to use your own discretion. I don't think you need to keep punishing yourself for something you did 20 years ago, that you repented of, and don't have a problem with now. If you're worried about something- this doesn't always mean that you've done something wrong, it could mean that you need to forgive yourself and just move on. Whatever you end up doing- don't let fear be the deciding factor. Do what you feel is right, not what's easy.
  5. Thanks for your replies. It really motivates me to do better!
  6. I've been trying to pray daily, but I had a few questions: 1) How often and when do you pray? If I prayed when I got up, before I went to bed, and at 3 meals...that comes up to 5 times a day. Do people actually do that?? 2) What do you ask forgiveness for, if you're generally doing o.k.? For thinking mean thoughts, for being impatient, for being less kind then you could be? I want to ask for forgiveness more often in my prayers, and I'd like to hear what other people say. 3) How do you avoid repetitions in your prayers? Aren't you always grateful/always asking for the same things? 4) How often do you kneel in prayer? Thanks, praying daily is pretty tough for me....
  7. I'm not saying that you don't have bisexual feelings, but it's actually very common for teenage girls to have female crushes, and it isn't necessarily an indicator of orientation. Just give yourself a little time to get to know yourself better.
  8. It's not tacky, but in my opinion, a potluck is not ideal for young people. Maybe some parents will send their children with actual dishes, but many teenagers (if that's the age bracket) will just bring a bag of chips, maybe some pop, maybe some cookies. It'll be pretty unpredictable with 30 people. (In my family ward, potlucks are always delicious and full of great dishes. In my YSA ward, not so much, and people bring random things like frozen waffles with no syrup, or bring nothing at all)
  9. -Having only your mother there should be fine- just make sure people don't wander off! -So, inexpensive food, that you don't need tables for, that's not complicated to prepare? That is a tall order! I don't think it would be too difficult to set up a few tables and eat spaghetti (everybody loves spaghetti, it's cheap and easy to make, and you don't have to worry about vegetarians/vegans). If you really don't want tables, then maybe you can set up a buffet (I don't know how old you are, or if you're cooking this yourself, so I'll just throw out suggestions: garlic bread, pita and hummus dip, cut up vegetables, cut up fruit, pasta salad, chicken drumsticks, sloppy joes, hawaiian haystacks, rice and chili). This stuff might be hard to eat standing up, but because you're all young people, I'm certain you'll sit on the floor, the edge of the stage, or chairs). I'm a poor student and will sometimes serve breakfast at night, because it's cheap: eggs, pancakes made from scratch, and fruit can cost very little. As for desserts, if you're hosting this after Christmas, there should be a ton of goodies on sale at the grocery store or walmart. -This sounds like such a fun event and I hope it's very successful!
  10. I have heard this rule before: Stay in your family ward until you're 21, unless you're away from home (for example, if you move to another city for university). I am surprised though that your bishop would refuse to transfer your records! Maybe you could ask your parents to back you up and get your records transferred? But in the mean time, maybe you can try to appreciate a family ward. I go to a singles ward, and I miss having the opportunity to interact with people of all ages. I miss my old calling in primary, I miss the older and wiser ladies in Relief Society, I miss people who go to Sunday school instead of hanging out in the hallway. Also, all the gossip and drama of a singles ward can be frustrating. And for better or worse, a singles ward is very marriage oriented (at least, mine is) and that can be hard to deal with if that's not where you're at.
  11. I am a young, single woman, and I live in a college town in Canada. If someone knocks on my door late at night and I'm alone, I might not answer at all. I might take a peek out the window and then decide whether to open it (if I didn't have a peephole I might shout through the door and ask who it is). If the knocking persists, I might call the police. In the past, I have called the police because my roommates were worried about somebody lurking outside. Personally, I would never, ever, open the door hoping that a kitchen knife would protect me from an assailant. I really don't want to derail this thread, but I feel that protecting yourself from a predator and protecting yourself when at home are related, and it is possible to have a reaction that may be not the most appropriate to the situation.
  12. First off, how can you not know if he's the same guy your sister knew? Isn't that what Facebook is for? And can't you casually ask your roommate a few questions about him (What's he like? What previous cities has he lived in? Has he ever had a restraining order filed against him (just kidding)?), to find out for sure? Secondly, maybe you can get to know both P and your roommate better. Maybe your roommate is a lot more savvy than she seems, or maybe she's very innocent. Maybe P is a nice guy once you talk to him, or maybe he's more horrible than you could imagine. It doesn't seem like you've spent much time with either of them (or both of them, together). And while you have to be very cautious about listening to rumours, maybe you can ask people in the ward what they think of P? Maybe they all think he's an upstanding young man, or maybe they all know to stay away. And I'm truly, honestly, doing my best not to sound like a jerk (and probably doing a poor job of it), but you answered the door with a kitchen knife? If I'm completely off base than I'm sorry, but to me, this sounds like the behaviour of a person who is extremely (if not overly) cautious. Sometimes, you just don't need to worry.
  13. So...you have a good friend of 3 years that you hope will become your girlfriend? This is a great opportunity for you to demonstrate how well you know her. Maybe you could take her to see a concert/show/game she really likes (maybe some people would view that as a sneaky way to get a sort-of date, but oh well), or something in her favourite colour, or something you know she's wanted for a while, or something that's kind of an inside joke between you two, or something that reminds her of a great time you had together, or something that she collects, or something quirky that you know only she would like, or something you make yourself.
  14. No, and not unless you feel bad or guilty. You should be extremely cautious about how far you go, but you are allowed to kiss before marriage and you're allowed to make out ( What bishop is going to forbid a grown woman from taking the sacrament for the sin of horizontal kissing?). I think For the Strength of Youth is great advice for a 16 year old girl, but for a 30 year old woman, if you're keeping all your clothes on you've got little to worry about.
  15. Do you ever see your newly-married-old-YSA friends? Is it just me, or do they disappear into the black hole of marriage? I guess married people only hang out with other married couples......
  16. No, I don't think you need to pay tithing on it (but it in the end, it's purely a personal decision). Your parents are helping you survive and not be homeless, they are not giving you a gift to spend the way you like. If they were giving you a living allowance to spend as you like and not just bill money, it might be a different story. You have not really received any increase, your parents are just providing you with the things you'd have if you lived at home, like electricity and hot water. If you are working part-time and paying tithing on that, everything else is up to you.
  17. The best diet is no diet. Just eat the foods you normally do, but cut the portion sizes. You could eat a kid's burger at In-N-Out, or eating 1 bun instead of 2, or split a french fry order amongst your family rather than getting individual portions. Try lower calorie replacements (like swapping soda for carbonated water with lemon) whenever possible, but never deny yourself delicious food, and never feel guilty about it. If you still feel hungry, you can eat fruits and vegetables, but once your mind gets used to it, you realize that your body doesn't really need huge portions. Diets (and self-denial) usually only work for a few months, but eating the foods you love in smaller portions is something easy you can maintain your whole life.
  18. You could pick a few convenient times and ask your companion to choose the best one. Or you could ask her to sign a card, then drop it off with a plate of muffins at your visit teachee's house alone. Or you could call your visit teachees. In any case, be patient with your companion. Who knows what kind of challenges she is facing in her life right now?
  19. I don't think there's a problem when you look at photos, and find certain women more attractive than others. But women, but people, are more than images. And when you refuse to give people a chance because they don't meet that ideal photo image you've imagined, I think that is shallow. Give a person a chance, get to know them better, and somebody you didn't initially find attractive might become very beautiful in your eyes because they have a beautiful soul, and you'll be glad you didn't dismiss them at first glance.
  20. I guess everybody has their own perspective. I am (in my own, I suppose not so humble opinion) a conventionally good looking person. Women that are not my mother have described me as 'tiny', have told me I look very nice, have complimented my clothes. But I have a difficult time in my YSA ward because I've always been very shy and a little awkward. I've seen women not as conventionally good looking (they were pretty, but not in the tired, stereotypical way) frequently date and get married, because of their winning personalities. Part of it was their ability to pursue men and ask them out. From my perspective, it seems like an outgoing personality is the real key, and not looks.
  21. I have to disagree. It's the women with the largest social networks, who are the most outgoing and the most friendly who get the most dates. This has been my observation in a YSA ward. In theory, it makes sense that "hot" girls get the most dates, but when it comes to Mormon men actually asking somebody out on a date, the friendly, fun, smiley, bubbly, always-meeting-new-people woman who's at all the parties and all the activities is more approachable.
  22. It is your family, and your child- not the bishop's. I would politely explain to him not only the law, but also your personal reasons for not running to a closet every time your child needs to eat.
  23. I also had a difficulty time making friends in a YSA ward. My advice is to attend the meetings and activities on a regular basis, not just occasionally. As well, rather than waiting for people to notice you, you can approach people. Members come and go all the time in a YSA ward, so it's kind of exhausting to meet all the new faces- try and initiate a conversation, and so how it goes.
  24. Casual dating is for teenagers, steady dating is for adults. There isn't much of a time difference between age 17 and age 21- but there is a tremendous development of maturity during this turning period of your life (more so than between age 50 and 54). This is an important time, where you learn about yourself, you learn how to make difficult life decisions, you learn how to function without the guidance of your parents, where you emotionally mature. This may sound a little condescending, but as a young adult, I can see how much I've grown in the last few years, and I am insanely grateful I didn't make any irreversible life-changing decisions when I was 17.
  25. This is an incredibly difficult issue for myself, and for many Mormon women (Check out feministmormonhousewives.org). I don't feel like there is any truly acceptable answer to the question "Why don't women have the priesthood?" Maybe you could ask some of the women you admire most in your ward about not having the priesthood- if they feel removed from the decision making of the church, or denied responsibility or blessings. For me, it's like a lot of things in the church- it may not make intellectual sense, but if it works, that's all that matters.