mimi

do you live in utah? I grew up outside utah and recently moved to utah. It's like a whole other world XD if you live outside utah there's a lot less of those families that have tons of kids. and by the time you are in your 40's and just getting married for the first time, i say it is totally up to you whether you have kids or not. and i think that most other church members would feel that way too.

I agree it sounds like her parents aren't too keen on the idea of her dating you for whatever reason. and sounds like she isn't very independent from her parents yet so she's afraid to have anything to do with you while she's around them, but she's also afraid of losing you altogether. so she's just barely keeping you hanging on. but i'm sure it's hard for her. being between the devil and the deep blue sea like she seems to be. maybe you should ask if you can come visit her in calilfornia before you go on your mission. you know, just as a friend visiting a friend. maybe her parents are against you because she met you online. people are still pretty prejudice bout those things these days. maybe if they see you aren't really an axe murderer waiting to kill their daughter, things will start to turn around.

Female pornography use is very common in the church and out. really its just as much of a problem with women as it is with men. and i hate the emphasis on just males with this subject in the church as well. i also hate the emphasis on just males with homosexuality. different topic, but same situation. i'm bisexual (used to lean more toward lesbian) and i looked for a long time for resources from the church about homosexuality and it was all about men and i didn't feel like any of it really applied to me like i needed it to. apparently the church doesnt think lesbians exist or something. but I think it's terrible that you had to feel that way because of how pornography addiction is treated as a male only problem in the church. i even had a relief society teacher one time gloss over pornography in a lesson because she said that "us sisters are above such things" i almost laughed out loud, but i caught myself in time. lol

going to the bishop is a confidential thing. He is sworn to secrecy about the things you confess to him. your parents do not have to know. if you wanted the bishop to help you in telling them these things i'm sure he would, but if you don't want him to blab, he won't. go talk to your bishop.

I totally agree which is why i said she should not do that.

For clarification, I'm not suggesting she go in bad mouthing her first husband. I don't think it's a bad thing for a child to see a parent realistically. surely they understand that everyone has flaws, and despite being a great father to them, he had flaws in other areas. they should understand how their mother feels and why she feels that way. IMHO Idolizing our parents and seeing them as perfect is what we do when we are little children. seeing them as real people and loving them despite their shortcomings is what we do when we are adults.

do your kids give any reasons for hating him? are they around him often/do they still live with you or something like that? really i don't see where it is any of your kids' business. and being the southern mouth that i am i would tell them so. but maybe that wouldn't be your approach...if it isn't, then i would suggest just sitting them down and talking to them about him. asking them what it is he does or is or whatever that they don't like. maybe they just don't understand him or know him well enough? sometimes kids hate to think that their father might be being "replaced". if that is the case then maybe it is time for you to sit them down and tell them exactly what you told us. that your marriage to their father wasn't that great. they may see their father through rose colored glasses but they don't really understand the reality of the situation. maybe he was a good father to them but it's what he meant to them. and it doesn't mean that he meant a good husband to you.

this debate reminds me of a common misconception that if you were abused as a child you are way more likely to abuse your own children. so i've heard people say things like "I heard that so and so was abused as a child and i really like them but i just don't think i can get in a relationship with them because they will abuse our children" will so and so abuse their children? it's possible, but in all likelihood, no. the truth of the statistic is that most child abusers were abused as children. but most people who were abused as children do not become child abusers. should people who were abused be denied the opportunity at a family because they share a similar past to someone who is and behaves very differently from them? so should young men be denied the opportunity of learning to care for children and learn good parenting skills for the same reasons?

I do disagree with extreme couponing. or at least the kind they do on the tv show. i know people who use a lot of coupons and maybe they stock up on items but it's all within reason. the people on the show...no. they buy so much product ....it will either go bad or they will die before they use it all. some of the non-perishables will probably have to be given away to their children as part of their inheritance. that's the main problem i have. i wouldn't call it so much dishonest as greedy. these people are taking products that other people need. there was also a comment about stuff being "free" if you use coupons right. it might be free to you but it isn't free to the company. they have to reimburse the store for the amount of the coupons. or if the store takes coupons that are no good or were used on the wrong item then the company won't reimburse them and the store has to absorb that cost. so somebody is paying for it regardless. you're just pushing your cost off to someone else. so i guess you could say that that part of extreme couponing is dishonest. especially when done on a regular basis and with no real need other than the want of bragging rights.

I hate this kind of stereotyped thinking. it's also the same type of thinking that asserts that all women are natural born child care experts just because they are women. which is definitely not true. I think that both males and females should have equal opportunity at childcare experience growing up. they'll have to work together to raise their own kids so they should have equal (or close to equal) experience.

Personally, i thought the carinessa II bottoms were too hot even in the winter. i did like how they stayed put though. I think drisilk is the most comfortable of the fabrics i'm just waiting for someone with the power to fix the problem to realize that they need an actual hem instead of just surging them off. i swear sometimes mine roll up like big legged granny panties =/ the ladies at the distribution center just keep telling me to try a size bigger but at this rate i'll be four sizes too big and it still won't be guaranteed they won't roll up. XP I also very much agree with whoever it was that posted about them needing to take larger chested women into consideration. in my regular tops the seam that is supposed to be down with my underwire hits about the middle of my boobs. though I have learned that it kinda helps to get tall tops. they stay tucked in better and the chest area seems larger.

I think that some people are destined to be together. I think my husband and I were. I knew i was going to marry him the first time we talked. as odd as that may sound to some...didn't admit that to myself for years but hey, it all worked out in the end XD I know someone who has a very special blessing in their patriarchial blessing. she is told that when her and her future husband see each other, they will know that they knew each other in the pre-mortal existence and that they are supposed to be together. it's a very beautiful blessing. :) though, i wonder if all people have a "special somebody" i guess you could say. or if some don't. I've also sometimes wondered if people who don't get married in this life, through no fault of their own, aren't meant to because their spouses died as babies or as children perhaps and then they'll meet up again in the next life. but perhaps i overthink things....?

For a nice summer picnic I think anything good and cool and refreshing would be wonderful. a good homemade chicken salad on croissants. deviled eggs. yumyum. a fruit salad. spinach and strawberry salad. and i saw a recipe just the other day i was thinking would be good for a picnic.... cold cucumber salad Cold Cucumber Salad — Pauladeen.com there's a few good suggestions ^w^

From your post I'm getting that you never loved your husband. have you dwelt on that thought since you've been married? in this culture, we are very caught up on love in marriage. and don't get me wrong. love in marriage is a great, wonderful thing. but in other cultures, people don't love each other when they get married. heck, they usually haven't even ever met. they're love for each other grows as they get to know each other in marriage. and surprisingly (to us anyway) statistically, they have happier marriages. love really is something that you choose to have. and it can be hard because even little thoughts of "oh I don't love him. we weren't meant to be" can hamper the growth of it. so marriages that start out loveless can definitely work. we just aren't used to that order of business in our culture. You asked why should it be work to love someone? because it does take work to get the real kind of deep, unconditional love and commitment that comes from a good marriage. sure, you can get a more superficial kind of love without the work, but the lasting kind takes real effort. focus on your husband's good points and learn to understand him. you say he has no sense of humor? maybe you just haven't found it yet. but to address the second part of your question, would it be a sin for you if you did decide to get a divorce...IMO, no. divorce is such a hard thing,and should try to be avoided at all costs, but I don't think it is a sin if it is done for the right reasons. and one of those reasons might be that the marriage is causing stress in the family. not because of abuse but because of bad feelings. though i do think you should really stop and think about how a divorce would accept your husband. if he still loves you, then there is always a reason to try to keep your marriage together. and if you talk to him about how you feel about him then maybe it will make him try harder also such as being more open to your views or things that you want to do/are important to you. change comes from both sides in a marriage afterall.