momoftwobabies

I actually know of a girl who was married and divorced cause of an abusive relationship and went on a mission! She was a little older than you too. I don't know what the rules are for that, but I know it can happen because I've seen it happen.

Congrats Faded! I hope AI works for you! I have somwhat followed your story cause I too was dealing with infidelity. I never would have thought this but it's true that something like this can make your marriage stronger. I can atest to that for sure. My husband and I have overcome a lot as well and am happy to announce we are expecting our third child in the fall!

This is happening way too much. It probably shouldn't suprise me but it still does. It happened to me. There is a support group on this site for thsoe who are dealing with infidelity. Surviving Infidelity is the group and just ask the creator to join. It helps to talk to others who have been thgouth it. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It's a very difficult road to overcome. Just hang in there. Time is the key!

You just found out so I think you will be in a state of shock and possibly denial for a while. I have been through it as well. It takes a long time to heal but it can happen. You and your husband need to go to a counselor. It helps a lot. There is also a group on this wesite called Surviving Inflidelty. There are a lot of us and it's nice to vent and get advise from others who know your pain!

Affairs don't mean having sex. You could be having an emotional affair which is just as damaging. If you are confiding in someone other than your spouse, you are having an affair. Stop now. You need to confide in someone like the bishop or a counselor. Not another man.

Go utes!!!!!!!

I also know what you are going through. I found out just a few months ago about my H porn problem when I caught him having an affair with a co worker. He committed adultry with her once. Before all of that we had the "perfect" marriage like you describe. He hid his addiction from me all that time. It was on and off since 8th grade! Most of this I found out 5 days before I gave birth do our second child. I got "trickle truth" for a few months after I caught him and now we are working on our marriage. We go see a marriage counselor through LDS Services and she has helped tremendously I have filters on our computers also. I have not seen him looking at porn since. He has been through the repentence process and is currently going through his discipline. This incident has seemed to wake him up. He has totally stepped it up and being the husband, father, and preisthood leader he has needed to be. I just hope it continues. I still have my daily struggles with this. Sometimes I am so angry about this whole thing I feel like picking up and leaving. I told my husband I am at zero tolerance mode right now so no screw ups. I do love him but the trust is not there. It will take time to get back and I just hope I have the patience to stick around. Sometimes I just don't know. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had no idea porn addiction was so huge!

I can't seem to find mine. How do I get a new copy?

What is the difference between formal/informal probation, disfellowshipped and excommunication. I know what excommunication is but what does it take for one to recieve these "punnishments". i know that excommunication is rare now days compared to a few years ago. I just wonder what the diffence is.

Well, he wrote me a 3 page letter explaining everything that happened, which was a bit more than he told me, why he thinks it happened, how he feels now, an apology, what he has to do to fix things etc. He is meeting with the bishop soon too is seeing a councelor. He is also going to the doctor to get checked out. I can tell he is remorseful and sorry. I am really really trying. Every day is a struggle to see past thig but I can tell you that when I pray for strength and read my scriptures I feel much better. So I do it multiple times a day... this is going to be a long road. My husband and I never had problems all of a sudden we have the biggest problem a marraige could ever face and more. It's over whelming and painful.

I love my husband. I love him so much. I tell him all the time even through this. I have reacted so well concidering what I have gone through. I plan on trying to work through this. But I can't say right now what the future will be. I learn more and more things every day about the affair and it reopens the pain and hurt. He has never been honest with me except when he says he is so sorry and wants to fix the family. We went to the marriage councelor individually yesterday and he came hom saying there was more he needs to tell me tonight. He wants to take a few hours to talk about it and finally get everything out.... FINALLY???? I think I know and expect what is going to be said but I am dreading hearing more. I was confused at travelers post but there were some good points. But if he was in my shoes I wonder what he would do. Probably exactly the same thing I have. I have done well. I know I have. I have probably everything and reacted almost always the way I should and I know our heavenly father is proud of me.

SO the past few days my husband has been in a deep deep state of depression. He has had nightmares, shaking, etc. Its hard to see him go through this but I think he has to to fully go through the repentence process. It seems like I have another child to take care of now. He says he will go to a councelor and he ahs an appt this week and wants to schedule with the bichop next week. I miss my strong husband. All I see now is a weak man. WIll I ever see that strong man again????

I met with the bishop. He contacted me immediatly. He was wondeful and gave me a blessing of strength, peace and patience during this time. I felt a burden lifted. He said he ran into my Husband a week before and went to shake his hand and could tell something was wrong...... yesterday my Husband broke down... sobbing and told me he needed help. I still want to beleive him. Half of me does but the other half says he just feels guilty he was caught and I know. I have to learn to tryst again. I hope I have the strength to do it. The bishop gave me some wonderful advise.

No I had to lie to him to find out. i told him I talk to the other woman adn she told me everything i wanted to hear the stroy from him. Than I got it. But still I don't know if it was all........ becasue than I told him I lied to get the info from him before i had all the info I think. I emailed my bishop last night to contact me asap. I shouldn't have waited these few weeks to talk but now he knows to contact me.

Found out today that he did commit adultry with her........ once and he stopped it before "they finished" Right.... oh yeah, and he has had a porn addiction I didn't know about.

Not yet.... I just found out recently and I have been wanting too..... I have two kids and no time. I need to make time though. I am concerned though because if I go, I don't want my husband to feel "pressured" in going too when he's not ready. I want him to go for him and us, not just for me. Know what I mean? How do I know he is ready to repent and take care of it. I mean, he it trying I know, but someone posted earlier, is he just guilty and feels bad because he has been caught or is he truely sorry? My trust in him has been lost. I don't know what to beleive anymore. But yes again, I personally do need to go. Get some guidence. I'm so down and lost right now.

I'm typing this really fast cause there is so much... so sorry for the confusion if any. We have always had a great relationship. We were the "ideal" couple people thought. Been happily married for 5 years until my Husband started working long hours this fall. It showed in his pay check. He started acting differently around than. More and more distant. He traveled also for work occationally. Starting in January of this year it started to get worse. I was in my thrid trimester or pregnancy, my husband showed no interest in me emotionally or physically. He would rarely talk to me even when he got home and would be easily frustrated with our rambuncious 2 year old. Didn't want to go to church anymore etc. I found a email to someone (which I will post) that was a little much. I also found a few links to porn he sent himself. So I started keeping my eye out and found a number with no name in his wallet. A few weeks before I hate that same number on our cell that called and I missed it. OUt of impulse I called the number anda girl answered "Hey". I asked who it was and they said "oh I work with your husband." I asked her name and hung up I asked him about it and he said it was a girl from work. They were just friends. I asked him more questions like about the porn links etc and he said he was "a bad guy" I told him to stop it and I found out more about his past I didn't know. He had been with more girls than I thought etc. I told him it was okay and it was his past and I had a small past he didn't know about and it seemed to make us closer after talking about it. So he started to show alittle more interest in me the next few weeks but I will kep my eye out. Anyways, he started eatin gout more when he would always take his lunch to work. He is a cheap skate and so I was suprised he would buy lunch. I took his car to my doctor appt and found a long piece of black hair attached to his passanger car head rest. I asked him about it and he said I don't know..... and I second guessed myself saying that it was attached to me or my purse form the hospital... but I will wondered. He would get up for work extra early during these few weeks and wouldn't get home until 6ishPM. For months he would also erase his browsing history etc,. I decided to do a free download of a spy ware to see what he was looking. He was on the internet while I was putting my son down and the next morning I found what he was looking at. First.... some porn., Second, he had made himself a new email address I never ever knew about. I found the password and logged in. There was a myspace page he had made up and messages from someone in his inbox and trash. So I went to myspace and figured out his pass word. They were both the same..... this girls name he was tlaking too. It was a co worker., They emailed these messages back and forth.... granted this is 5 days before I had our second child. Emails I found from him to her Feb 28, 2008 8:18PM So ~A~, your right, is was a long email but that’s okay. As I believe I have stated before I like reading your thoughts. It gives me more and more of an insight into who you are as a person. So are you ever going to post your blog? Am I ever going to get a chance to read it? Even if you decide not to post it I would like to at least read it. I hate to do it here but I have to go back to work for just a minute. I will give props where props are due and you got me good with the 5$. I don’t think I would have ever looked there for months, literally. But since I got….. March 2, 2008 night time A, First off I apologize for her calling. What had happened was that when I had gone to England with Martin I had kept your number on a sticky note incase I had any questions for you while I was over there. I never took it out and she went through my wallet to look for something, found it, and decided to call. It’s not a big deal. I feel bad for having put you on the spot, I apologize for that. We’ll talk— March 11, 2008 7:54PM A, Hey, this is the big stocky guy from work, remember me? Thanks for the birthday kiss message…. Although I prefer the one in the elevator. Those are always nice. Hmmmmmm…….. So tomorrow, for lunch I may not be able to make it back to work in time. I have to watch Hunter from 9 to 1030 so I’m, not sure if I’ll be able to make it back in time. We’ll see. I don’t plan on working more than 8 hours tomorrow so I’m probably going to leave again around 3. What time you coming into work? You got plans after wards? I was thinking that I noticed something that needed to be fixed in the back of your car…. I think I need to go back there and check it out. But I think I will need you back there to help me out…. Get where I’m going with this???? Yea so maybe next time we are out for drinks we may need to find a new place that would have better drinks than Azteca. Seems as though we are not getting the best drinks over there. Who knows. IN any case I hope you are doing well. Talk to you tomorrow. TJ March 14, 2008 7:38PM Hey you, This is a reminder for you to leave your phone on… that is is you want to get a call in the morning for breakfast, or a wakeup visit. I guess as usual, let me know if you don’t want me to stop by cause your too tired or whatever. I’ll try and check this in the morning to see if you’ve responded or not. I always enjoy seeing you, at any time of the day. I have to say though; you look great dressed up like today or even in the early hours of the morning. Your lucky. Well I appreciate you working as hard as you do on my work. I can honestly say you are the best drafter we got in our group by far. I know that a big reason why I am getting my stuff out in time is cause of you… well, I’ll hopefully see you tomorrow…… Good night… smooch TJ HER RESPONSE TJ, Phone is on… going to bed…. Smooches! ~A~ I confronted him about it.... we cried, he said they only kissed afew times, he said he stopped it before if went too far. He picked her up a few times for lunch and breakfast wehn he told me he was working on weekends. I would beg him to stay home being so pregnant and having a two year old to take care of. He wouldn't. I don't know if that was all that happened. I eman, through these emails it seemed like more has happened. Lately he is doing everything I say.... home when I say. He has been pleasent. But our relationship is so strained by it. We have nothing to say to eachother but superficial things. I don't bring up the infidelity anymore (happened a few weeks ago) cause he just closes down and says I'm sorry I screwed up. This was a co worker and they still work together. I am going to a marriage councelor tomorrow. she wanted to see me first. How do you go on with his. I mean, he will eventually go to the bishop I am sure but wehn he is ready. I mean, there is much more to the story but I'm just wondering from what I dol you what you all think.... MOMOFTWOBABIES