Liesl

What can I say.... I love fb.... yes I've accepted some ppl as friends that ended up being a bad idea, but that's what the delete button is for.....hahahahahahaha

This is a tough one.... may I tell you my experience as 'the wife'. My husband has been in a band for many yrs and you can imagine the attention he is constantly getting. He would tell me some things that had taken place so I would hear it from him and not someone else...... it was hard and hurt everytime. I had told him a few times that if I caught him cheating on me in anyway, I would leave as I didn't see the point in fighting for something he forgot about for a 'moment'. Well,... it's one thing to say it, another to act upon it. A few yrs ago I stumbled upon evidence that blew my world to pieces, and you know what?.... I never left. But the deceit was the killer. My advice to you is that you go see your bishop, then tell your wife. But pray for the Spirit to guide you and soften her heart.... after that there is not much else you can do. But if she had to find out by accident..... the deceit will make trusting you that much more difficult. Good luck

Sweetie, I did fall over as you said I would.... I'm so sorry to hear about this. I knew something was very wrong, somethings didn't shock me, but I am surprised about this "job" we all had such high hopes for the two of you. Just know that you will always be close to my heart babe. One step at a time...... one step at a time..... and you have friends. And so does your husband, if ever he looks for any, hopefully he'll know where to find them. Oh, for others info.... they are members.

My, makes you wonder if high school does any good.... my husband wants to move to the USA, but my biggest fear is not being able to protect my children from their peers at school. At least here is SA I know what to look out for, but so called school friends are another story. But, doesn't mean we not faced with cruel ppl here. Something I've had to deal with all my life too, and suicide does end up entering your mind out of desperation. Perhaps you could ask a trusted priesthood holder for a blessing, you don't even have to tell them why..... Gretchen, this goes for you too. I once asked a good friend of mine to give me one and it opened my eyes to the fact that I chose the most difficult path on earth cause I knew the prize at the end..... well, I am wondering what the heck was I thinking, and would like to make changes to that decision. But, though it does not make life easier, it helps when there is light on the subject on Heavenly Father's will for you. Ask for a blessing every 2 wks or more if you have to, and you can also call the temple and ask them to put your name on the prayer list. My daughter has made friends with a girl who gets bullied at school, she has been called names because of her friendship with this girl..... but she sticks by her.... and I am so proud of her. When she was called a nerd I told her that nerds make a name and money for themselves, have good homes and grow into themselves..... I'm yet to know of many jocks who live a good life..... without a beer. Now, when they call her friend a dork, she happily replies.... "but she's my dork" I so wish I could sort out those kids for you, but pls you should know by now that most of us have gone through that high school age, and you know what.... some are still going through it, you'll make an awesome friend to someone who faces the same trial one day. Hold your head up, you are a king.... in training...

I must confess.... all this psychological talk had me lost a few times on this thread..... Think I know what I should study next... lol

Dearest Gretchen, I wish I knew what to say to help you at this time of your life, I wish I had a wand I could wave to make it all better. I too am a cutter, I often go through times of wondering if it's worth living. I'm not always successful at staying away from cutting, but when I am it's because I focus my energies into my passions...... my children and my dancing. I'll push myself physically to the point where my body aches, my feet have blisters and my knees are buised..... but I become a better dancer in the process. I'd suggest finding a passion or talent you want to improve on...... maybe try be the best at.... preferably physical. gives you more incenctive to focus on it. It may not always be the answer but it will help redirect that energy. Girl, you'll be surprised how many of us understand and feel for you, more than you know. There are many here who have reached out...... and I'd like to be one of them..... msg me anytime.

Missi, it's always all hard work. My metabolism is working at the perfect rate, so I can eat what I want.... so far so good. I'm hoping to defeat the middle-age spread.

Well after 5 babies, my last one was 4 months ago, I picked up 19kgs (41.6lbs) I have already lost 17kgs (37.4lbs) and I'm a junkfood fanatic. I eat a bag of chips, choc slab and lots of chewy sweets just about everyday.... after gym hehehehe.

Go for it Missi, you can even msg me direct

Haha..... get hr monitors at sports shops.... polar is a good make. If you gonna do this you need to give me your age so I can work out your target zone.... and any injuries I should be aware of. If you buy the monitor you can't waste money and not do it, so best you make the decision and then stick with it.... don't waste it........ hehe......

Ok, here goes... I'm a qualified personal fitness trainer and aerobic instructor etc, etc... I've killed myself for 2hrs a day on trying to get into shape and maintain it which is alot of time and work. Now that I'm married with 5 children, time is scarce and the body gets beaten. I found a program that takes 1 hr, no weights and doesn't slide backwards when you go on vacation. It's metabolsm training program that trains your metabolism to function at a healthy level for you at your age, and involves aerobic training, not anaerobic. It will take bout 3 months to kick in properly, but works... I do it everyday. I had a triple surgery a few yrs ago, which they don't normally do, the doc was surprised at the condition on my body that he just did the whole lot, I stayed in hosp for 6 days as apposed to the usual 2wks. And my baby is 4 months old now and my jeans are already falling off of me. And I don't do diets. If you're interested, let me know, I need your age and all you need is a heartrate monitor, and for you to give it a fare chance.

Ok, here is my bit for all that it's worth.... I'm a qualified personal trainer with a huge weakness for junk food. When I crave sweets I eat a fruit first...that way I find the sugar craving is satisfied through nature, if that doesn't do the trick I then chew some soft glucose sweets, I just don't go over board. I find if I try stop... I end up eating more than usual, so instead I try listen to my body. I'm also very active so the glucose gets used up quickly which can cause a slump. May I suggest lots of water throughout the day and snack on fruit in between meals, but if you feel a major crave.... don't torchure yourself.... treat yourself then move on.

Glad to hear, I found the more active I was the better the pregnancy went, I even competed in a Nationals dancing comp at 22wks, (was a chanllenge spinning around with a stomach). But then we went on vacation after that and I went down hill full speed.... keeping active was the key for me.

I have a non-lds friend who takes her 14yr old out to clubs with her and they get drunk together, asks her daughter to roll a joint with the leaves they grow and smoke it together. Her girls started dancing in shows..... in underwear.... in a nightclub on school nights, she also requests her girls to dress sexy when she has meetings with potential business men. And to top it all off, she closes the bedroom door for her girls and tells them to let her know when they're done so she can take the boys home.... Needless to say, I don't see her very often. We have had parents hiring strippers for their son's 12th birthday, and I have watched parents happily drop their daughters off at the mall wearing more make-up than clothing.... these girls look like they should still be playing with barbie dolls. My jaw drops ever time.

Congrats to all you mommies-to-be, that's marvelous. I'm done with pregnancy, I have 5 and my baby is 4 months. I've had UP and UB's with all of mine and was fortunate enough to have waterbirths too except for my first cause she came 4wks early and my last cause I had a 45min labour and almost had him in the car, so there was no time. I have been truly blessed considering my body doesn't handle pregnancy very well.

I think you've been given fabulous advice here, and if you read again, you'll notice a repetitive pattern on certain things..... Your bishop loves you and won't judge you, take that first step and everyone falls victim somewhere or another..... I know you'll do the right thing, no matter how hard.... I'll keep you in my prayers.

Spade, I feel for you, it's tough being the "perfect mormon mom." But I agree that no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, we're all very good at putting on the right mask. I have 5 kids and always smile in public and window dress what is seen, but at home I often fall apart. Something I did start doing... which many may not agree with, is I go away for a few days with a friend... no husband, no kids.... unless I'm nursing. Something else, I want to testify to you that Heavenly Father will look after you if you obey the law of tithing. I have experienced it many times, whether it be a food parcel at the door or a Christmas hamper instead of gifts. Even if you don't have faith in it and do it begrudgingly.... you will soon do it willingly. Test Him on this.... If you think about it, the only thing standing between you and the temple is 10% money..... now you tell me who you love more..... I pray you allow others the blessing to help when you need it, you are a good woman... don't doubt that. And we all struggle

Thank you, I appreciate your honesty and your suggestion.... I helps to hear from a child's as well as a wife's point of view.

Ruthie, I've got to tell you, you sound just like my husband... The porn was no accident, he went to an adult shop and got a few videos. He also had no problem driving for 45min during work to meet this girl in a secluded stair well, his brain knew what he was doing. And what did he say every time I caught him?.... It's your fault for not giving it when I want it. When I organised activities for just the 2 of us, I had to go alone cause he prefered network games... heck, I could walk naked in front of him and the screen and he would'nt even know it. I did try, I fought while trying to be a mom to small children, but it was'nt convenient for him and. My fault lies in that I got tired of begging.... and I know I'm not a nag. Do you know what it's like to go into early labour and call your husband for help just to be told, I can't help you now, I'll call brother...... (I was in the bath at the time), he only came to the hospital that night, I said nothing. Do you know what it's like to have major emergency surgery on your own and wake up alone, then have him visit after hrs... after he played a few games? And no, I did not complain, and have stilll kept quiet bout it. I have often wondered if it's true... am I really to blame for the things he's done? And have believed that I am, depressing thought, isn't it... So why does he want to change, if I'm so bad for him??????

Have you thought of being an aupare?

I don't know the living or relationship situation with your dad, but I would suggest a good fast and prayer session. If you still feel uneasy then maybe look closer to home within your field. Or, it might feel better if you stay with your dad but on a temp basis... until you find or can afford your own place. Look at a wider variety of options you could persue

I know the 6 months thing seems short and normally I would agree. But we have been in such a bad way it was about as much as I could handle for now. I also need to make the right decision soon.... because of the children. They have been affected by it all, though we do not argue in front of them, in fact we don't argue much at all... my children have been suffering at school, their marks have gone down and I can see it in the way they carry themselves. I was even called into the school because of concern for my daughter. That's why something needs to happen soon. I also realise that divorce damages children, but at the same time so does a dysfunctional home. I remember wishing my parents got divorced, I hated the atmosphere, the anger and the cold silence. I don't want my kids feeling the same. When I decided on 6 months, I was ready to walk away then. But am giving it time to make sure we do all we can. My bishop has even said we need to decide soon because of our kids... but it's a tough decision to make.

Thank you for your encouraging words. I know divorce is'nt easy, that's why I've stayed when I had good reason to leave. We are going to councilling, in fact we've got an appointment this afternoon. I did decide to give this at least another 6 months to see if we can make this work. I'm supposed to tell him what it is I want from him and for the life of me I can't think of anything.... Like I said, what I once fought for I no longer want... I don't even want intimacy anymore, which is a BIG problem. Unfortunately I live in a country that does'nt run marriage courses so that is'nt an option, and I've had alot of ppl tell me I need to get out. I've never been a quitter, but this time I've hit rock bottom. As for why I married him... I knew it was the right choice, he was totally different... we worked in the temple tog and the gosple and I mattered to him. That's what I cling to, but reality is that it's not anymore.

I've been married for 12yrs now. My husband and I have slowly drifted apart to the point where we live past each other. He has tons of interests and hobbies which have been and sometimes still is over passionate about.... For yrs I have begged and fought for time, help, recognision as more than the maid and for him just be apart of us. Over time I have slowly but surely given up fighting for it all including for us. I have become a 'married, single mom'. Without getting into details, there are things that have happened that have cause major damage to us as husband and wife as well as on personal levels. Now after alot of heartache I almost walked out and seriously considered divorce, which scared him to the point of panick and major wake up to our situation. He is trying to make a change and I see it and recognise it. My problem is that, I'm so used to doing it all on my own that those changes make no difference to my feels anymore. Now, I don't want what I once fought for, almost like I've given up and just going through the motions.... I've been so numb for so long, I don't know how to feel again. We did separate for a couple of wks and coped better with him gone and less stressed. It seems like I've 'fallen out of love' with him, and I don't know if I can get those feelings back again, I don't know how and I'm not even sure if I want to anymore. What if these changes are too late? I know the saying that it's never too late, but something big has died inside. I don't know what to do anymore.

Here is my 2 cents worth... If it keeps haunting you then it's best to get it over and done with, speak to the bishop.... he'll give you council according to you and who you are. He may not do anything because he will see your remorse, consider the circumstances, age and that you are willing to fully confess to do what's right. The only way you going to be free of this is to get over with.... why torchure yourself more for the next 20yrs, when your burden could be light after 30min.....