beefche

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  1. Love
    beefche reacted to Carborendum in Understanding & Forgiveness   
    I've experienced some enlightenment these past few months that I'd like to share.
    The reason you haven't heard much from me in the past several months is that I've been working about 60 to 80 hours per week.  Some weeks more than that.  It is this level of work that brought me to some enlightenment recently.
    Many of you know that I've got daddy issues. But I'm finally coming to understand him.  And with that understanding comes some forgiveness. Much of what I'm about to say is basically what I'd kind of heard when I was younger.  But not being in the situation, I just blew it off as people trying to excuse bad behavior.  And maybe that was true to some extent.  But the fact is that it isn't about excusing bad behavior, but about finding forgiveness in my own heart.
    My father had to be heavily focused on customer service.  The nature of his business always required that he interact with people almost constantly.  And even when he was not interacting with customers, he interacted with each of his employees.  He had to keep a smile on his face even when he was being treated horribly and even being taken advantage of.  He did this for 50 to 60 hrs/wk as the norm and had even busier weeks as the seasons changed.  My business is not nearly as people focused as his business was.  But I still have to do my share of people pleasing.  One thing I found was that not only did I not have much time for my family, but I also didn't have the energy to "keep up the front."  And that was when it hit me.  
    On the one hand, he was constantly stuck in this "keep up appearances" mode because that is what customer service really is.  And when he was not quite so busy at work, he had enough energy where he would be able to keep it up at home as well.  On the other hand, when he did not have enough energy to keep it up, he was just brutally honest.  And it wasn't kindness we saw from him.
    When I was younger and didn't understand the idea of deception, all I knew was that I "felt weird" around my dad.  The thing of it is, I felt it not in his actions, but in his words and gestures.  He was almost constantly in customer service mode.  And for him, that meant lying to people.  He always told people what they wanted to hear just so he would be considered a pleasant person to work with.  So, he was so practiced in it that he carried it over to his home life.  He could have found real traits to compliment people on.  But he decided to compliment us on things that he "thought" we wanted to hear.  All that did was make me feel weird whenever he tried to be nice to me.   This is just the tip of the iceberg when it came to my dad.
    So, what was this great revelation I had?
    All my life, I thought of my dad as a liar.  I always hated lies.  It hurt me emotionally (even when I didn't understand what I was feeling) when others lied to me.  And if I ever lied to others, I felt something that was almost a physical pain.  That's why I tend to stay away from lies as much as I can. Although, I'll admit that sometimes, I find subtle deception to be an art that I have fun with.  And it is usually in jest or for a topic of iinsignificance.
    What I have learned is that his "lies" were his way of trying to be better.  It's "acting as if".  Yes, "acting as if" is a type of lie, even if it is in a pursuit to become that noble state you're pretending to be.  And it bugged me.  It hurt me (as I've explained).  But in understanding his motivation, I'm finding that it is becoming easier to find forgiveness in my heart when I think of him.  I now see that he really was simply "doing the best he could with what he had at the time."
    The saying is that the purpose of the Church is to make bad men good; good men better, and better men best.  My dad was a bad man.  But he became better, as much as he could.  He really tried.  And I can see through this new lens and recognize that he did indeed become more than he was.  Maybe he became a good man.  I'm not in a place where I can judge that.  But I now have found some compassion to realize that he was simply doing the best he could with what he had to work with.  He tried.  And he kept trying as best as he knew how.
    The other day I was talking to my son about how much I'd seen him grow.  He told me the same about me.  Then he described some traits that I shared with my father -- some traits which I would certainly do better without.  I was initially angry.  But when I gave it just a couple of moments' thought, I realized he was absolutely right.  My son has a "brutal honesty" about him, which I guess he got from me.  Sometimes it is annoying when your kids put a mirror up to your face.  But he was right.  I was like my dad in so many ways.
    I finally said,"You know, you're right.  All I can say is that I'm doing better than my father did.  And I see that you're doing better than I have."
    He said,"That's the way it's supposed to work, isn't it?
    What I realized he meant was that as flawed as I am, he was grateful that I had improved myself from the condition my father was, so that he could then improve himself even further than I had.  I saw for the first time the "picture of hope" in my son.  He was going to be alright.  His children were going to be alright.
    It is unfortunate that I came to this realization this late in life.  But I wasn't really ready for it earlier.  And it is even more unfortunate that my father has fallen victim to dementia to the point where he doesn't recognize members of his own family anymore.
    It is unfortunate that he'll never know that I have finally found a way to invite forgiveness to take place in my heart for him. But I'm finally finding some peace inside myself.
  2. Like
    beefche reacted to Grunt in The Elder's Quorum move that left a mark.   
    Thank for sharing.  Since I joined the Church, I've always taken my children on every service project I've done.  We've laughed, cried, and learned.   I remember one particularly good lesson where we were helping someone move from her home after a divorce.   
    We showed up and the house was destroyed.  Lots of pets, smelled horrible, and hadn't been cleaned in years.  It was very disgusting.   Nothing was packed, and the only people that showed up to help were her ministering brother, the bishop, and my boys and I.  She sat on the porch without helping, and the entire time we packed and loaded her things she swore at us for being church members, criticized the Church, smoked, and was just being a pretty crappy person to those of us that helped.   
     
    At more than one point I asked her to stop swearing in front of my children, and my boys asked why we were helping her.  It was a great opportunity for me to share the nature of service, why we serve, and blessings.   To this day when one of my boys complains about doing something, they will bring up that day and talk about how we own our attitudes and the effect we can have on others through cheer and good-tidings when confronted with grumpiness and bad behavior.
  3. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Backroads in Requiring a COVID-19 Vaccine (shot/s)   
    My sister has a mental health issue that is controlled by meds. When she stops those meds, she gets awful....harassment, destruction of property, verbal abuse/attacks and on occasion, physical abuse/attacks. We cannot make her take that medication. It isn't until she either threatens or does actual harm to herself/others before we can get her help. And even then, we had to take her to court to get it ordered for her to take her medication. 
    So, why is it that something that could possibly save her life (she has serious other medical conditions that when she stops her mental health meds she also stops those--and she has threatened suicide or on one occasion actually physically attacked someone) not be mandated for her to take? But, yet, this vax which may or may not (depending on your health and underlying conditions) save your life and from a disease that has nearly a 99% survivor rate (again, depending on individual health) should be mandated? I honestly don't understand why one should not be mandated but the other should? 
  4. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Anddenex in Requiring a COVID-19 Vaccine (shot/s)   
    My sister has a mental health issue that is controlled by meds. When she stops those meds, she gets awful....harassment, destruction of property, verbal abuse/attacks and on occasion, physical abuse/attacks. We cannot make her take that medication. It isn't until she either threatens or does actual harm to herself/others before we can get her help. And even then, we had to take her to court to get it ordered for her to take her medication. 
    So, why is it that something that could possibly save her life (she has serious other medical conditions that when she stops her mental health meds she also stops those--and she has threatened suicide or on one occasion actually physically attacked someone) not be mandated for her to take? But, yet, this vax which may or may not (depending on your health and underlying conditions) save your life and from a disease that has nearly a 99% survivor rate (again, depending on individual health) should be mandated? I honestly don't understand why one should not be mandated but the other should? 
  5. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Anddenex in Requiring a COVID-19 Vaccine (shot/s)   
    I realize that those in power see this as a power grab. But I'm curious about those who don't have power--my fellow voters, everyday people--who insist that vax should be mandated/forced and that people should lose jobs, freedoms, etc. If the virus is a threat to the lives of people so vax should be mandated, then how is it that someone off meds and could be a danger to self/others not be mandated to take meds? How is that explained? 
  6. Like
    beefche got a reaction from mirkwood in Requiring a COVID-19 Vaccine (shot/s)   
    I realize that those in power see this as a power grab. But I'm curious about those who don't have power--my fellow voters, everyday people--who insist that vax should be mandated/forced and that people should lose jobs, freedoms, etc. If the virus is a threat to the lives of people so vax should be mandated, then how is it that someone off meds and could be a danger to self/others not be mandated to take meds? How is that explained? 
  7. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Vort in Requiring a COVID-19 Vaccine (shot/s)   
    I realize that those in power see this as a power grab. But I'm curious about those who don't have power--my fellow voters, everyday people--who insist that vax should be mandated/forced and that people should lose jobs, freedoms, etc. If the virus is a threat to the lives of people so vax should be mandated, then how is it that someone off meds and could be a danger to self/others not be mandated to take meds? How is that explained? 
  8. Like
    beefche got a reaction from mirkwood in Requiring a COVID-19 Vaccine (shot/s)   
    My sister has a mental health issue that is controlled by meds. When she stops those meds, she gets awful....harassment, destruction of property, verbal abuse/attacks and on occasion, physical abuse/attacks. We cannot make her take that medication. It isn't until she either threatens or does actual harm to herself/others before we can get her help. And even then, we had to take her to court to get it ordered for her to take her medication. 
    So, why is it that something that could possibly save her life (she has serious other medical conditions that when she stops her mental health meds she also stops those--and she has threatened suicide or on one occasion actually physically attacked someone) not be mandated for her to take? But, yet, this vax which may or may not (depending on your health and underlying conditions) save your life and from a disease that has nearly a 99% survivor rate (again, depending on individual health) should be mandated? I honestly don't understand why one should not be mandated but the other should? 
  9. Like
    beefche got a reaction from JohnsonJones in Disney wokeness   
    Sometimes, it isn't just about bringing a company to its knees. I boycotted a particular fast food chain because of my abhorrence for their commercials. I knew my 3 or 4 times/year spending $10 wouldn't do a dang thing to their company, but I felt better for not giving them my money. 
  10. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Still_Small_Voice in Disney wokeness   
    Sometimes, it isn't just about bringing a company to its knees. I boycotted a particular fast food chain because of my abhorrence for their commercials. I knew my 3 or 4 times/year spending $10 wouldn't do a dang thing to their company, but I felt better for not giving them my money. 
  11. Like
    beefche got a reaction from SilentOne in Disney wokeness   
    Sometimes, it isn't just about bringing a company to its knees. I boycotted a particular fast food chain because of my abhorrence for their commercials. I knew my 3 or 4 times/year spending $10 wouldn't do a dang thing to their company, but I felt better for not giving them my money. 
  12. Like
    beefche got a reaction from scottyg in Disney wokeness   
    Sometimes, it isn't just about bringing a company to its knees. I boycotted a particular fast food chain because of my abhorrence for their commercials. I knew my 3 or 4 times/year spending $10 wouldn't do a dang thing to their company, but I felt better for not giving them my money. 
  13. Like
    beefche got a reaction from LDSGator in Disney wokeness   
    Sometimes, it isn't just about bringing a company to its knees. I boycotted a particular fast food chain because of my abhorrence for their commercials. I knew my 3 or 4 times/year spending $10 wouldn't do a dang thing to their company, but I felt better for not giving them my money. 
  14. Like
    beefche got a reaction from mirkwood in Disney wokeness   
    Sometimes, it isn't just about bringing a company to its knees. I boycotted a particular fast food chain because of my abhorrence for their commercials. I knew my 3 or 4 times/year spending $10 wouldn't do a dang thing to their company, but I felt better for not giving them my money. 
  15. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Backroads in Disney wokeness   
    Sometimes, it isn't just about bringing a company to its knees. I boycotted a particular fast food chain because of my abhorrence for their commercials. I knew my 3 or 4 times/year spending $10 wouldn't do a dang thing to their company, but I felt better for not giving them my money. 
  16. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Vort in Disney wokeness   
    Sometimes, it isn't just about bringing a company to its knees. I boycotted a particular fast food chain because of my abhorrence for their commercials. I knew my 3 or 4 times/year spending $10 wouldn't do a dang thing to their company, but I felt better for not giving them my money. 
  17. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Traveler in Bishop rent assistance   
    In my experience (working in the RS pres), bishops can and do help with rent. However, what I'm familiar with is he'll often work to help with food/utilities so any income can be used for housing. I would encourage her to talk to the bishop, be honest with him about everything, and allow him to arrange help.
  18. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Backroads in Bishop rent assistance   
    In my experience (working in the RS pres), bishops can and do help with rent. However, what I'm familiar with is he'll often work to help with food/utilities so any income can be used for housing. I would encourage her to talk to the bishop, be honest with him about everything, and allow him to arrange help.
  19. Like
    beefche got a reaction from NeedleinA in Bishop rent assistance   
    In my experience (working in the RS pres), bishops can and do help with rent. However, what I'm familiar with is he'll often work to help with food/utilities so any income can be used for housing. I would encourage her to talk to the bishop, be honest with him about everything, and allow him to arrange help.
  20. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Fether in Bishop rent assistance   
    In my experience (working in the RS pres), bishops can and do help with rent. However, what I'm familiar with is he'll often work to help with food/utilities so any income can be used for housing. I would encourage her to talk to the bishop, be honest with him about everything, and allow him to arrange help.
  21. Like
    beefche got a reaction from Just_A_Guy in Bishop rent assistance   
    In my experience (working in the RS pres), bishops can and do help with rent. However, what I'm familiar with is he'll often work to help with food/utilities so any income can be used for housing. I would encourage her to talk to the bishop, be honest with him about everything, and allow him to arrange help.
  22. Like
    beefche got a reaction from NeedleinA in Encouraging Temple recommend renewals?   
    I don't mean to sound inconsiderate, but what conversations are you having in a temple recommend interviews? Other than the initial chit chat, my interviews consist of questions being asked and answers given. I can only think of a couple of interviews that had conversations and that was because I asked questions to gain clarification on questions that I had been thinking about. 
  23. Like
    beefche reacted to Carborendum in Benefits of marrying for time only in the temple?   
    It's a historical legacy that some people still consider important.  The rising generation has little understanding of that history, so probably not.
    My version of history:
    1) Either hundreds or thousands of years ago (depending on who you ask) there was religious "marriage" and there was simply "taking" a wife.  This played out in reality in any number of ways.  But there was certainly a difference (at least to those who understood the difference).
    2) This carried over into the culture of the United States which was heavily influenced by Judeo-Christian tradition.  Even until the 1970s and somewhat into the 1980s, the sentiment was that if you had a religious marriage, then there was some benefit.  There was a different cachet (thank you, @Just_A_Guy) the couple had because of a religious marriage.
    3) What you describe is simply the LDS version of it.  A temple marriage is different from a non-temple marriage just because it was in the temple.
    4) Today, people only consider the temple marriage as a "sealing".  The legal marriage is just a nice afterthought.  But the older generation felt differently.  God sanctioned this marriage in a way that is different than two people wanting to shack-up.  The latter considers marriage to simply be a "piece of paper" that can easily be torn up and thrown out.  But a temple (for time only) marriage is still a type of covenant with God.  It is not a "salvific ordinance".  But there is a seriousness and spiritual element to the covenant being made that the piece of paper simply doesn't have.
  24. Like
    beefche got a reaction from mirkwood in Benefits of marrying for time only in the temple?   
    I knew a young couple (less than 30 years old) who married for time only in the temple. She was divorced and was working on having her sealing cancelled. They didn't want to wait any more than they had already and both were worthy. Sadly, they were both killed in a car accident just 3 months later (on their way to the temple to attend a sealing of their friends). Her family was able to get them sealed to each other posthumously.
    This is when I first learned about time only marriages. I think that they both wanted to be sealed to each other and so they had the temple in mind when they married and kept that promise to each other to marry in the temple. 
  25. Love
    beefche got a reaction from Backroads in Benefits of marrying for time only in the temple?   
    I knew a young couple (less than 30 years old) who married for time only in the temple. She was divorced and was working on having her sealing cancelled. They didn't want to wait any more than they had already and both were worthy. Sadly, they were both killed in a car accident just 3 months later (on their way to the temple to attend a sealing of their friends). Her family was able to get them sealed to each other posthumously.
    This is when I first learned about time only marriages. I think that they both wanted to be sealed to each other and so they had the temple in mind when they married and kept that promise to each other to marry in the temple.