jsmwolf

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Everything posted by jsmwolf

  1. I have a question. My bishop awhile back told me that I need to learn not to wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't know how to do that. I have always tried to be honest with those around what my thoughts and feelings are, sometimes to a fault. I have read where people suggest not wearing your heart on your sleeve. Yet, I have also had people say that they wished that more people still were so honest with their feelings. I just don't really know what to think. I really like this young lady, a part of me wants to show her that I am honest with my feelings. Yet another part of me is afraid that I will scare her off and that my heart will be hurt again. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, it is just who I am but there have been plenty of times that I have had to bury my feelings deep especially in the military but at those times, I just felt like a shell of who I am. I am trying not to rush the relationship but I am just afraid that like I said that I will scare her off and my heart will be broken again. How can I be honest with my feelings, yet balance trying not to be so open with it that I scare her off or just cause myself more heartache. How does one find a balance between the two? How does one find a balance so that I don't overcompensate becoming a robot? I would appreciate any help that you all could give me. Thanks.
  2. I also, would like to talk with you. This not something that I usually do, posting on forums like this. I stumbled across this website and thought that I would give it a try. Thank you, everyone for your kind words.
  3. I am currently in the Army Reserves just waiting to finish my time in the military. There are not any wards near by that have large populations of military. I got out of active duty March of last year so I am not near any Army base.
  4. Thanks. I have tried the Veteran's Affairs and they have proved without doubt that they are dishonest. For the last year, I have been fighting with them to recognize that I have PTSD. They are still fighting me on whether not it is related to my deployments. They have lied to my face. I have learned that I can't really trust them to help me. I know that there is only one person that can truly help me but I cannot feel His love. There are many times where I just feel that I am beyond His love, His Mercy, and so on. I am sorry that I am going off like this. I just don't have anyone that I really can talk to about this. The people in my ward are just so young, I just feel so old compared to them that I know they won't understand where I am coming from. I cannot talk with my parents over these things because I am so afraid of hurting my Mom more than I have. My Mom knows that I am hurting but I just can't let her see how much. I had trials when I had gotten home from Iraq the first time. I turned to the Lord and I thought things were going great but I began feeling like HE was not listening to my prayers. It seemed like the carrot being dangled in front of the animal that as soon as they take a step towards it. The carrot is another step away, the prize is dangling in front of you and you are never allowed to have it. Yet people around didn't want it, and they were finding it. I guess that I know some of the things that I need to do in my life but still when I was trying to live the best that I could. Attending church, reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, home teaching, attending the temple, and so on that I could not find the happiness or the peace that I so much wanted. It is gone and I am not sure how find it anymore. Please, excuse me for my babbling. Jason
  5. The Traveler, In a lot of ways, it seems that you have gone through what I am going through. I have had such a desire for a family but I just can't seem to socialize with people my age. They feel that I am cold and unfeeling. I feel that they are young and naive. The things that interest them, don't interest me. They would never want to know my experiences and if they knew, I would be afraid that no one would want to be near me. I had wanted to go to school for so long and finally I can afford it. I used to love school with a passion but now I can barely stand it. It is especially hard when some of the teachers are teaching things so contrary to what I know is true. When they sit there on their imaginary soap box trying to tell me that my friends and I are MURDERERS. It hurts. I am getting a 4.0 but I sometimes would just rather quit, then listen to them anymore. I had such hopes for when I got home and had left the military. Most of those hopes are not there anymore. I just can't let go of my experiences. There are times, I just wonder "Why am I still here?" I guess that I am still trying to figure out my own thoughts and feelings. Thanks. Jason
  6. Thanks. I was seeing someone at the VA but they were just playing their normal games, not really listening to what I said so I just told them that I didn't want to see them again. I have been fighting with them, tooth and nail since I returned home. It just ticks me off. Sorry for my little rant. Jason
  7. I really don't know how to begin. I returned from my 2nd tour in Iraq in December 2006. I served as a medic with a tank platoon, and we were constantly on patrols just outside of Northern Baghdad. I cannot say that I saw the worst that happens over there but still over a year later, I still can't get over some of the things that I saw and did over there. I have tried talking with my bishops and even the stake president, they even gave me a temple recommend. No matter what I still don't feel worthy. I don't feel like God loves me. I know that he exists but I don't feel like he cares for me. I used to pray a lot and read my scriptures but I just can't do it anymore. No matter where I attend church, I feel like an outsider whether I go to YSA wards or Family wards. I just feel to old for the single wards and I don't feel extremely uncomfortable in family wards because I find myself jealous, they have something that I want so bad but I am afraid that I will never have it in my life.I just don't feel like I belong to any group anymore. I don't know why I am doing this. If anyone knows of talks by General Authorities, scriptures or anythings about being a member of the church involved in war. They would be greatly appreciated. Thank you Jason