deydream

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Everything posted by deydream

  1. Hanging out can be a date, homecoming is a date. It doesn't matter if kids say they don't consider it a date, it still is. My parents had certain rules for hanging out with friends, before I turned 16. And I had rules for dating. You also have to think about the example you are setting for your kids if you decide to keep some of the prophets commandments but not others. Be careful that it doesn't appear that you are keeping only the ones that are convenient for you. You are the parent, you will have to decide. Sure, some who keep all the rules still marry early while others don't. If you are unsure as to what to do, read "For the Strenght of Youth" pamphlet and talk to your Bishop about dating rules. I'm sure he can give you some help.
  2. I agree with keep going to church. You can set a good example for them. Pray and fast for them. Heavenly Father can soften even the hardest of hearts. Even if they never go back to church, you can show them you love them no matter what. But make sure you keep your testimony strong. You can't help someone spiritually, if you don't have a testimony.
  3. "The 5 love languages" is a great book. It has greatly helped to improve my marriage & helped me to communicate better. As for being married.... over much time, I have come to understand my husband better, and how to communicate with him, so he understands me. I'll let you know some of my observations that have taken me 12 years..... Most can be applied to dating. -Whatever I am doing when my H gets home, that is what he thinks I have been doing all day, even if I just sat down for 5 minutes, but had been doing house work the rest of the day. -When I tell him about my day, I am precise and to the point so that he can easily follow me. I try to spare him too many girly details, so that his thoughts won't wander off. -I don't expect him to guess what I am feeling. If I need something, I tell him exactly what I need..."like I need help folding laundry", instead of saying "I need more help around the house." -I try to thank him for everything he does, especially menial tasks, like taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, filling up the car with gas..... No one wants to feel they are being taken for granted. Usually, he will reciprocate so I don't feel taken for granted. -Service: It is important to serve others, but more importantly, let him serve you. I made the mistake of not letting my husband serve me, and it didn't take long before I was being taken for granted. Don't let anything get to be one sided. Don't expect them to always be the leader. If he asks what you want to do, don't say "I don't know, what do you want to do?" Initiate a dialoge of several things you would find interesting, and decide together.
  4. A higher education is a wonderful idea. The more you learn the better you will do. Decide on what goals will be the best for you, and then pray about it. If you feel good, make the steps to do it. If you don't feel good about it, choose something else. Let the Holy Ghost be your guide. I would stay away from getting someone pregnant. It would only complicate your life. And it is better to raise a new born baby with a loving mother and father who are married (from a statistical point of view).
  5. Homecoming is a date, even if they are just friends. Once you say yes to something, it will be hard to say no later, even if it is for good intentions. You may feel guilty now for saying no, but down the road you will be glad you did. Kids who start early in dating situations, often marry earlier or have premarital relations. Better safe than sorry.
  6. Anyone can grow apart from their spouse, and feel emptiness inside. They can also rebuild and remember the love they had before. My one suggestion is to read the book the Five Love Languages. It did amazing things for my marriage, when my husband said he didn't love me anymore. That was over 7 years ago. Eventhough we have our problems, we still love each other, and can now express it easier to each other.
  7. Physical contact with the opposite sex is like traveling down a road. The farther you have gone, the easier it is to go even farther. Whether you are traveling fast or slow down that road, you will eventually end up at sex, even if you have no intentions of doing so. unless you turn around and go in the opposite direction. The more you cross the line, the more Satan will tempt you to go a little more, and you will feel less and less of the guidance of the Spirit. A friend of mine from college had a roommate who used to cuddle all night with his finace in his bed. They never let anything go past kissing. They thought they were too strong for any temptation, and they had the goal of marrying in the temple. A few weeks later, I heard they had gone all the way, and they were devistated they couldn't marry in the temple. They had no intention to have sex. There are reasons the prophets have said to stay as far away from temptations as possible. Don't even dangle your foot over the edge of the cliff, because you could slip and fall. And yes, talk to your bishop.
  8. If you can find someone to report to about your progress, like your bishop, it may help you be stronger. Also, don't let yourself be idle or bored. Don't go near the line, if you feel yourself start to be tempted, stay away from the computer, shut it down. Don't even use the computer unless some one else is in the room with you. If the computer is in a bedroom, take is out and put it in a public place in the house. Make a long list of anything else you can be doing and then use that list. If you are having a hard time, don't lose hope. Satan wants you to lose hope so he can more easily tempt you and bind you down with his chains. He doesn't care about you, but there are a lot of us out here who do care what happens to you.
  9. I commend you for stopping before making any worse mistakes with the OW. That takes a strong man to see where things are leading to, and ending it right away. Many people who cheat on their spouse say they didn't think things would go so far. It is a road that starts with thoughts, flirting, and goes on from there. Most people just don't look where they are going. No matter how far the infidelity went, or how long ago, the wife does have a right to know. Talk to the bishop first to contiue the repentance process (confessing, and making restitution). Just stopping the sin isn't enought to repent. The bishop can also give you guidance on how to approach this problem. Pray to find the most gentle way to break it to her, and make sure you are sincere and show her your regret. If you have already talked to the bishop before, it will show you really feel sorry. Discuss with her a way to rebuild the trust you have lost (it is in your court now). Show her that you will hide nothing from her, because you have nothing else to hide. The fact that you and your wife were having problems, and you turned outside the marriage, is a huge problem in itself. She probably didn't know how badly you felt. How can she work things out if she doesn't even know how serious the problems are? I think you underestmate your wife. Most women suspect something is going on by their husbands actions, but can't prove it. Every woman I have ever met, including myself has said we would leave our husbands if they cheated on us. But it is different, when it actually happens to you, especially if you have kids. Take it from someone who has stayed through infidelity twice. However, 3 strikes and you're out in my book!
  10. P.S. You are being a great friend and support. Keep it up.
  11. I find when I feel torn about something, it is for a reason. Usually because it is something I shouldn't do. I would go talk to your bishop for advice. He is given inspiration for the ward. You should stand up for yourself, regardless if she is your best friend. Maybe she isn't as good of a friend if she wants to drag you down with her and expects you to lie for her (even lies of omission). You should continue being a good influence on her, encourage her to do the right thing. She will find someone else to watch her kids, and give her a ride, if that is her decision. She is asking you, because you are easy and convienient. Why make it easy for her to make such a big mistake? You will regret being an enabler. Compassion for someone, isn't enabling them. You don't have to buy alcohol for an alcoholic, or drugs for an addict to help them, and show compassion. Think of Christ and how he would show love.
  12. I have found that the easy path isn't always the best. I once had to take a job on Sunday and miss church, because it was the only one I could find. I hated it. As soon as I could, I found another job that didnt require working on Sunday. The longer you are at a job, the less you will look for another one. You are obviously worried about it for a reason. You should go with your feelings and get another job as soon as possible before you become complacent about it. Have faith, move forward. You will find additional blessings by doing things like reading scriptures, praying, fasting, going to church, or living any basic gospel principle. The scriptures say that when we keep the Lord's commandments, he is required to bless us (I'm not just talking 10 commandments). Problems will still happen, but you will be stronger, enlightened, uplifted and better able to solve them.
  13. deydream

    Alcohol

    Being consistant is important. Let your family know from the begining that you do not want alcohol in your home. It may be difficult at first, but they will respect you in the end, and it will be worth it. You and your family will be blessed by being good examples. Don't worry if your brother does things differently, that is between him and his wife, and this is between you and your husband and the Lord. Also think about how this could affect children, whether or not there are children now. Children are very impressionable by what they see. They notice more than you think.
  14. The older I get, the more I can look back on my life and I see how my struggles and trials have led me in the directions I was meant to go. Sometimes we are meant to learn in long-suffering, or be tried or tested. Some things don't seem fair, and we don't know the reasons why. Don't give up on going to church. You will be blessed for trying. Maybe your current struggles will strengthen you and prepare you for something ahead. Heavenly Father doesn't take our trials away, instead he will uplift and strengthen us so that we can get through them. But you have to ask him. My brother had wanted to go on a mission, but his bishop wouldn't let him put in his papers. There was no good reason for it. At first I was upset. Eventually there was a new bishop, and he got his papers ready. Unfortunatley by that point, he no longer had a desire to serve. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for you. Don't give up hope, though. The right path is never easy. I have found that when something is delayed, it is only to give me time to get something else taken care of first, or it is to lead me in a different direction from what I had expected. You will be blessed if you keep trying to go to church, keep reading your scriptures and praying. In several years from now, you may even be able to look back at the path you were lead, and see what vital things you would have missed otherwise. Climbing uphill can be very difficult, but the view from the top is priceless. Just keep climbing, the top isn't as far as it seems.
  15. I feel for you. I'm sorry this is something you have to go through. Your standing in the church will not be affected by your husbands actions. Go to your bishop. He will be able to give you councel and support. You can go back to church and find a family of support, even without telling them about your husbands problems. Read the Book of Mormon and pray. You aren't alone. I had a friend that found out her husband of 5 years was gay. It devistated her for years. They finally divorced, and she has found some one who makes her happy and can take her to the Temple. Hang in there, you will get through this.