Repentant1

I was in a similar position as you several years ago. I felt all those same emotions and rationalizations that you're describing. I often think about what I would have done differently then, knowing what I know now. I would have had a very honest discussion with my wife. I would have told her what I was thinking about doing and everything that was happening. I know she would have freaked for sure. But certainly a lot less than she did after the fact, when I confessed that I had actually followed through with what originally had been a forbidden thought, to what became a very regrettable action. Seriously, talk to your husband, tell him what you have been tempted with and why that temptation has been so strong. Discuss with him openly what you feel has been lacking in your marriage. Seek the council of a professional, or at least your bishop. It sounds like nothing has progressed beyond the point of no return, yet. So please, nip this in the bud and expose this fantasy of yours to the light of day, and for what it really is. Don't wait until it's too late. I would never recommend an affair to anyone. I have been blessed with a very forgiving and understanding wife. But I would take it all back in a second to change the emotional and spiritual destruction that my affair caused, not only to my marriage, but also to our children. Fortunately our marriage has been in recovery instead of divorce, but the road to recovery is long and filled with eternal regrets. Almost three years after my confession (and 4 years since the affair ended) we're doing a lot better, but we still have a long ways to go. You have taken the first step to avoiding disaster by coming here and seeking help from others. Remember that all actions first begin as thoughts. You are still able to redirect your thoughts, emotions and energy before it's too late. Please, do yourself a huge favor and focus on your marriage and do everything you and your husband can do to pull back from the brink of disaster, before it's too late.

I can totally relate to your dilemma. I dated my high school sweetheart for 4 years before we got married in the temple. When we started dating, she was a non-member and I was inactive, and we had been having sex for quite a while. I always knew I wanted to marry in the temple. And I had some pretty heavy family expectations of temple marriage too that added to the pressure. I repented and she started taking discussions, and I ended up baptizing her with our goal of a temple marriage one year later. Let me tell you, that was one extremely tough year! I'll be honest; we slipped up a few times too. But we both repented and worked harder to be worthy. The last time we slipped up, our Bishop, who was also a pretty close family friend, told us point blank, knock it off or he would have us disfellowshipped. That got our attention, and we were able to hold out and were finally married in the temple. Thinking back on all that, I'm glad we were determined enough to be able to get married in the temple first, but in the end, we would have ultimately gotten married in the temple a year after a civil marriage anyway. For me it really came down to family pressures and "doing the right thing". If you can strengthen yourselves, set your boundaries and are determined enough, you'll reach your goal. But you have to be honest with yourselves. If you honestly don't think you can abstain that long, then simply get married. It's better to get married civilly and then go to the temple after you've repented a year later, than to continue struggling like you are. I wish you the best, regardless of your decision.

I have experienced a disciplinary counsel first hand, after my affair. I can tell you these are councils of love. The decision is between the High Council, the Stake Presidency and the Lord. Every member of the high council is sworn to secrecy. They are there to help in the process of repentance, and ultimately the return back into full fellowship, as long as there is true repentance. Your Bishop is there to support the transgressor. The basic facts of the transgression(s) are reviewed. The high council members ask questions in order to better understand the facts and to ascertain how repentant the transgressor is. After the questions and answers, the council meets privately to deliberate. Then, the stake presidency meets privately to deliberate with the Lord to know his will in the matter. I held fairly high Priesthood callings, was endowed and married in the temple. I was afraid and prepared for the worst, excommunication. In fact, my stake president prepared me for that result. Fortunately, the answer in my case was that I was to be disfellowshipped. I think in my case, the decision to be disfellowshipped was the fact that I was repentant. I voluntarily confessed, first to my wife, then to my Bishop. If I had been caught, or was unrepentant, I'm sure the results would have been much different. Fortunately for me, after a little over one year, another council was held, and I was welcomed back into full fellowship again. I am extremely fortunate that my wife had the spirit of forgiveness. She attended both disciplinary councils and spoke up to defend me. If not for her love, understanding and forgiveness, I would most likely be in a completely different place (spiritually and physically) right now. It has been two years since my disciplinary council. My wife and I still have our struggles, but we're closer now than ever before. I wish you all the best in your struggles. If you are both determined, you will get through this!

Thankfully, we're still married. Good suggestions. And frankly, I have already thought of those. Maybe I should have mentioned, that unfortunately, we have slipped into inactivity lately and don't hold current temple recommends. Even if we held recommends, I don't think going through the temple for others, while still very meaningful, is personal enough for us at this time. Ultimately I want us to return to the temple and do everything mentioned, but that's going to take some time. My wife won't go back to church right now because of some things that have happened, but we're working on those aspects. Hopefully her heart will soften in time. She doesn't necessarily want a public decloration, a private ceremony would be fine. Just a formal ceremony where we exchange (renew) our voes again. We purchase new wedding rings last year. We talked about a ring ceremony, but that hasn't happened. She insists on some kind of formal ceremony to recommit and renew what we promised each other so many years ago. I'm fine with that, but I don't want to do something that I've heard mocks our original covenants and sealing in the temple. I haven't approached our bishop, because of I don't think he'll be receptive. And the only thing I have really thought of (short term) is a quick Vegas style wedding. You know, fun and festive at the same time and keeping things light. Thanks for your comments and suggestions!

My wife and I have been married for 23 years (temple marriage). A couple years ago we hit a rough patch in our marriage that has taken a long time to work through together. But things are better now than ever. Now my wife wants us to renew our marriage vows as a symbol of our recommitment to each other. I have heard that the church discourages civil marriage ceremonies after having been sealed in the temple. I wouldn’t mind doing that, but I think I heard a talk by a General Authority who said that it mocks the sacred temple ceremony. I mentioned that to my wife, but she doesn’t care and insists on us having a recommitment ceremony, whether it’s in weekend in Vegas or by some other recognized, (legal) means. I have been stalling on this, but now she has pretty much given me an ultimatum. She expects us to have a recommitment ceremony this year. So, what should I do?

I am a faithful garment wearer. I appreciate that the Church has made them so affordable, and with a wide selection of choices, but I really wish they would use higher quality fabrics. Considering their sacred nature, I would think they would want to. Personally, I prefer the (men’s) cotton poly two piece garments with crew neck top. What I have a hard time with is that the tops begin to show their wear after only a few washes and they start to pill up around the collar, loose their shape and become unsightly. I wear an open neck dress shirt for work so my crew neck garment shows like any normal T-shirt would. I end up having to buy way more tops than bottoms, and I have a drawer full of tops that I have only worn like 4 or 5 times before they are unacceptable to wear except for just around the house. If Haynes or Fruit of the Loom can make underwear that lasts and stays looking good so much longer, why can't the church provide higher quality garments? I would willing to pay a premium for top notch quality. Maybe I'm missing something, or not aware of better options currently available? Anyway, who would I contact at Distribution Services to give my feedback and ask for them to make higher quality garments available for us to wear?

Thanks for all the great feedback! Lots of different perspectives to consider. Our bottom line is that we are not comfortable with our son sleeping over at anyone's home we don't know well, let alone exposing him to lifesyles we do not condone. We'll continue to have his friend over here though, even though his moms haven't made any effort to get to know us at all. He's a good kid and these two boys get a long great together. We simply told our son that we don't know his friend's family well enough to allow him to spend the night in their home. We just left it at that for now, and he was fine with our decision. We'll have the talk about the alternate lifestyle thing soon enough.

My 8 year old son is asking to have a sleep-over at his friend from school. His friend is a real nice boy. We had him sleep over at our house last Friday night. Naturally he has been invited to sleep over at his friend's house now. The only problem his mother and I have with that is, other than not knowing the family, is that we just found out that his friend "has two moms". We suspected this was the case but didn't want to jump to conclusions. When we questioned our son tonight about his friend's family, he said that his friend's dad lived somewhere else, but that his friend had two moms! Now we're unsure how to deal with his invitation to sleep over at his friend's house Friday night. Part of me thinks it would be fine, they seem like nice folks. But another part of me doesn't want my son exposed to this "alternate lifestyle". Are my wife and I being paranoid and overly protective if we say no? And how do we explain that to our son and his friend, and his friend's "two mom's" Yikes! Any quick advice is appreciated! Thanks!!!

Hi all! I'm new here and I am introducing myself. Life long LDS, husband and father of four 8 to 21, married for almost 23 years. Been through a lot of ups an downs. I'm here to seek advise and learn from others here, and gain different perspectives from folks. Thanks!