Vort

In a more civilized era, this was an uncommon though not unknown phenomenon. The neighborhood men (either those local, or those who took part in the families' social group, or those related, or some combination of all three) saw to it that the abandoned wife was treated as a widow and helped out with things so that she could continue her important mission of mothering her children while the men collectively and individually picked up the responsibility of surrogate father to the children. Wasn't a perfect system, for sure, but I think it beats our modern system of the government sending a check and everyone else just keeping their distance every which way.

I’ve been married to the same woman for 20+ years, so this doesn’t apply to me. But I have friends who are single, don’t want drama but want sex, and would almost certainly be okay with paying for an apartment in exchange for a friends with benefits thing.
 
It’s gross and sinful to me, but I can see it happening.  

I don't know if this is new, per say, but my internet algorithm keeps throwing stuff at me for some reason about the rise of the stay-at-home girlfriend lifestyle.
Now, while I realize that the housewife/homemaker stereotype was actually a flash in the pan historically, at least the way we want to picture it and usually the female adult of the house was doing SOMETHING besides watching soaps and eating bon-bons, I do support the general notion of a caretaker of home and children. I think there are many benefits to this: house care, direct and full-tie involvement with children's needs, food prep, errands, even the wild card in the back pocket of having someone a household could theoretically always send to work for money, if needed.
But the notions of the stay-at-home girlfriend vs the stay-at-home wife (or, hey, husband, whatever) seem worlds apart and I'd even say a mockery of that traditional type of marriage. On the surface, it seems the same: you have someone caring for the home. Yet is there any commitment or is it just two people playing house? In the current economy, it really is a sacrifice for many to get by on a single income. So what happens when the stay-at-home girlfriend, without the significantly greater commitment (and, let's be honest, legal protection) of marriage, gets dumped? Why would you be in this situation without a real commitment despite the sacrifices?
And I realize the ones making it on social media rather do have a job and are getting an income out of this, but what message does it send?

May your page load lag just enough that you end up accidentally clicking the ad link.

May your page load lag just enough that you end up accidentally clicking the ad link.

Gentamicin has seen to it that I hear continuous noise day and night. It's always with me, a kind of devoted but annoying friend that never, ever shuts up.

May your page load lag just enough that you end up accidentally clicking the ad link.

May your belt loops get caught on every door handle.

It's fluffy bunnies! How cute!
 

There's a meme going around claiming that someone saw Watership Down, decided that because the cover pictured these cute little bunnies it would be a fun Easter film for the whole family to see, and developed a very severe case of regret. 

As a kid, I was subjected to homophobic abuse. And I'm not even gay! In fact I am SO not-gay, I think many of those who homophobe-abused me were gay by comparison. In fact I suspect some were actually real-gay with an "I'll homo-abuse the allegedly gay kid to get the attention off myself" type of agenda.
But that's speculation.
The point is, I know that homophobic abuse is an actual thing, coz I've been on the receiving end. And though I agree there is much nonsense talked about "hate speech", homophobia (along with transphobia) is a real thing.
But it's so easy to think after the event what you should have said. I was never able to think on my feet. So I'm going to indulge in a little wish-fulfilment fantasy...
There was one kid - somewhat older than me - whom I'm going to call him "CT". He once gave me a grilling about what I'd do if I were propositioned by a half-naked Bo Derek, beckoning me to bed. When I didn't immediately respond in words to the effect that I'd "do" her, he told me I was not normal, while his bully-partner (a smirking sycophant whom I'll call "CV") snickered snottily away to himself in the background.
CT: So? What would you do? There's Bo Derek calling out for you, wanting you!"
Me: Well... (Not sure how to respond. Even then I had a superstitious view of sex [barring masturbation], even though I was not very outwardly religious.)
CT:  Come on! It's Bo Derek? You do know who Bob Derek is, don't you?"
Me: She was in 10. And Tarzan the Ape M..."
CT: So...? What would you do?
Me: OK, well tell me first what you'd do?
CT: Oh well...haha...what wouldn't I do? Haha...mmmemmmmemmmm... (performs bodily contortions intended to convey sexual arousal, but actually more suggestive of diarrhea)
This is where fantasy takes over...
Me: So you'd have had "carnal knowledge" of her?
CT: Mmmm...you could put it that way....(continued vocalizations and bodily contortions). But you'd just run away, wouldn't you? Like a scared little rabbit, that's you! You'd...
Me: Has it never occurred to you that Bo Derek is married?
CT: (Momentarily taken aback) What...?
Me: Yes. To John Derek. That's how she got the name 'Derek', you know. Or did you think that's the name she was born with?
CT: I don't believe this! If you think...you're actually saying that...?
Me: That I think the sanctity of marriage is important? You bet I am! Or are you the sort of slimy little toad who goes around sleeping with other men's wives?
CT: What...? (looking over to CV for support, but getting none.)
Me: Because if you are, then I hope that when you get married, some other little slime ball comes and has his way with your wife! And I hope she enjoys him ten times better than you!
CT: But...
Me: And I hope he tells everyone about it, and everyone has a good laugh at Mr. Cuckoo-Cuckold! *does cuckoo impressions*
It's good to dream...

Part of some science-y show I watched explained that doorways trigger our brains to "leave the old behind" and "prepare for new" (to greatly simplify).  As we get older, it's harder to recall what we left behind - though going back into the previous room can help.  They explained that if one wants to retain something from one room to the next, one should simply repeat it to oneself as one passes through the doorway.  This seems to work for me.

May you enter a room and forget what it was you came to the room to get.
May you repeat the above process several times in succession. 
 
The Traveler

May your pillow be warm on both sides.
(For more intensity) May your pillow be warm and soggy on both sides.

My family is the holder of the best known copy of the Rules of the United Order.  For your fun and enjoyment I have printed out a copy (on my compurter not a photo copy) of the rules of the United Order.
 
The Traveler

Reminds me of Enos.  
I know darn well that his uncle Nephi and Father Jacob taught him numerous times many details of the gospel.  Surely he had gone to church on a routine basis
Enos 1:4-8
Yet, the knowledge without the spiritual work does not allow one to take advantage of Jesus Christ’s Atonement.
It took Enos a might prayer to gain his testimony, and forgiveness.
All of us must pass a personal test of spiritual work.  
Salvation does not occur via osmosis.
Having a prophet father figure probably helps though.

IMO, this talk gives a good example of how one can go through the motions and miss the point: "Sir, We Would Like to See Jesus".  One can do "Church" work without doing "spiritual work".  I think many have been taught to do Church work, on the assumption they would naturally come to understand the spiritual and that the spiritual can't be taught.  Meanwhile, some of us didn't pick up on the fact that there was something more, something not being taught...  Fortunately, today in the Church, we also teach the spiritual.  It's the difference between exhausting checklists and exalting gospel living.

May every jar lid be just slightly too tight.

Hey now, no need to escalate things that far.
For that offense:
May your car develop a squeak when it backs up.
May you dust your ceiling fans, only to discover one blade was missed, and now it wobbles, and you have misplaced your stepladder.
May you insert the USB cord the right way on the first try, and spend the rest of the day worrying how the universe will get revenge on you.
 

May you run out of hot water just as you step in the shower
 
 Curse you Vort!

On our family call just now, my daughter came up with, "May your USB always be upside-down."

Thanks pal, this always happens to me! 

May your belt loops get caught on every door handle.

May your pillow be warm on both sides.
(For more intensity) May your pillow be warm and soggy on both sides.

May your phone charging cord work only in certain positions.