Saraphina

Thank you everyone for your help! I really do appreciate it. I need all the help I can get, sometimes with depression things feel so impossible because you don't get WHY you can't feel a certain way. I will keep you updated on how things go. For now I'll keep praying even though I mostly feel like I'm talking to myself.

Good evening everyone. I have a few questions. First, some background is in order. I got married about nine months ago OUTSIDE the temple with the intent to be sealed a year later. Everyone knows how that will always go. About a month after my wedding my whole world decided to cave in on me. I had sudden health problems that have been constant in my life since, and I fell into a deep depression. Well, the health problems are being dealt with. Luckily I've learned to find humor in them as best I can and have made progress in ways of living without constant pain. The depression is....lifting. I was on medication for a few months that made me rather numb and now my question is....how do I get back into the gospel? The med I was on didn't help me with motivation to go back at all. The depression made it hard for me to go to church as well as the physical pain. Along with depression I've developed severe social anxiety so the idea of a new ward terrifies me. However like I've mentioned I'm getting better...but I still haven't a clue where to start. My husband and I want to get sealed....things have tried to get in our way but especially now that I am more myself, we have no intention of letting them get in our way. I'm just struggling with feeling the spirit at all, ever. When severely depressed I NEVER felt it...and I still have a really hard time. Anyone have any recommendations? I really want so badly to get back to where I've been spiritually and I want to get sealed to my husband.

Dating a nonmember in some sort of immature rebellion against "the church" is a fine idea. Look, people aren't perfect anywhere. It's not the organization of the church's fault that some of those young women are so ridiculous. Do they know why you didn't serve a mission? If a girl knew why you didn't and still wouldn't date you, she'd be discriminating against your high-functioning asperger's, not your non-RM status. And that would make her an even bigger loser. I'd take your mind off of dating a little if it gets you thinking about dating outside the church just to prove a point. That's dating for the wrong reason. Which will just lead to marrying for the wrong reason. And I second whoever said that 23 is not the end-all age for marriage.

Also, NO ONE can understand how it feels unless they've been there with ANY trial. Suffering is subjective. You may feel you have it worse than anyone, when many other people feel the exact same way with something completely different.

But you don't stand alone. I understand how you feel, I gave an example that I don't just throw around at dinner parties to show you other people are suffering your plight-what's more, the Lord has atoned for your very cross so that you will not have to be alone. I have to disagree when you say it's not always about sex. Most of the time, it is. Unless you have actually fallen in love with someone while married to your spouse, you are probably having feelings based off of PHYSICAL desires that have nothing to do with love. Did you love your spouse when you married him/her? Does being gay and admitting that to yourself, suddenly change your love for you spouse because they're not the right gender? If it's not about sex, the answer would be no. I know it's hard....and I know it goes against everything you believe. I felt that way too. However- would giving up your family to go find love based off of this "attraction" make you happier?

I think it would be wise to go to the police. That's all I can say. Talk to your stake leaders, and then go to the police. This has gotten out of hand (long ago it sounds like) and the safety of your child cannot be threatened.

While following your heart is great and all, when one has a family (spouse and children, I've gathered from the OP) "following your heart" while destroying that, isn't as charming as you make it sound. I'm one who thinks that once you have a spouse and ESPECIALLY children, thinking of them is very important while making life-changing decisions because your life is no longer simply your own. That's just my thought, though.

I understand, twospirit, to a degree. It wasn't that you didn't deserve the protection. Though I laid my problem on the Lord's shoulders, it didn't disappear. I had to CONSCIOUSLY guard my thoughts day and night for a long time. I had to remind myself how much I loved my husband and keep my thoughts away from all things physical. I hardly even glanced at women passing by each day, to keep my mind clear. It takes constant guard on your mind, but the struggle does lessen. For me, it's ended-at least for now. It doesn't for everyone-let me assure you I've moved on to lot's of other trials but keep in mind your husband-you still love him, and you know that. Your thoughts must be on constant guard. Find out what triggers you to start thinking in the patterns that cause you problems. You may try seeing a therapist for this. They're wonderful helping you realize what causes thought patterns and how to better control them. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I don't wish it on anyone.

Shortly after getting married, I questioned my sexuality. I knew I loved my husband and was attracted to him, but I couldn't keep my mind off of women and was tempted to look at pornography. A death in my family followed shortly, and at the funeral my uncle gave a talk that really struck me, something I needed to hear. He said that some things, we cannot handle alone. We absolutely can't. Because of the atonement, we can surrender them to the Lord and let him take control. I'd never thought of it that way, I thought I had to handle everything. I spent a lot of time praying, handed my problem to the Lord, stopped being on my computer alone and watching movies with sexual things or nudity. It took awhile, but I no longer feel the way I did. I am 100% attracted to my husband and thoughts of women never pop into my head. BUT-I have to avoid the computer, avoid sexual movies, I still have to do my part. See your bishop, pray. The Lord will help you. This cross is one of the hardest to bear, I think. But you can do it.

Justme, let me say that as someone who prayed with her fiance dilligently about marriage and recieved an answer like yours- in fact, was discouraged by priesthood leaders to wait the year because of stats....you're in for an interesting year. That was what I'd been told, and it turned out to be true...but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just always be strong and pray often, and you two will be happy together :) Now, with the mom thing- I had a cousin whose mother acted this same way. It was obnoxious and embarassing. She's concerned what "everyone will think?" If they have any common decency they'll be embarassed for her and happy for you because you're an adult who can make her own decisions. People are disappointed by the civil thing, I understand that well....but they'll get over it. Stop allowing your mom's childish reactions to affect you, and make sure she knows they don't. That way she'll stop being manipulative and get over it. Refuse to let her ruin this wonderful time for you, and enjoy it. It will (hopefully) only happen once! :) Congrats :)

Wow I'm a bit late on this but.....why weren't you thinking of your dear kids when you were kissing another woman? Maybe not thinking with the heart then? Hmmm. Part of sin like this is confessing. Your wife deserves to know. Suck it up and realize a kiss when you're married is still CHEATING.