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About lizinginholland

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  1. lizinginholland

    Looking for some Support

    wow it's been a long time since i was on here! lol, i am so excited to tell ya'll for all that remember anyway, that my depression is taken care of for the most part without medication seriously the Lord is amazing and i see that i should have turned to him in the first place! also i've just finished my mission papers and are sending them in next week!!! BUT i also want to reach a couple goals before i get my call, and this is super scary for me haha, but i want to break out of my shell as much as possible before then and reach some goals to help me be more confident, one of them is weight loss, SOO i made a youtube channel lol, and i'm just wondering if maybe ya'll might be willing to check it out and offer your support on it, i could really use it!! here's the link :) YouTube - RainingAwnSunday's Channel love you!
  2. lizinginholland

    A Healthier Life!

    I have this here because i'm looking for a buddy to do this with me to help stay motivated and make it more fun :) Being healthy and fit makes a person so much happier in life, and it's important to take care of ourselves, this Body is a GIFT it's part of what we came here for! I feel it would be a sin not to take good care of it! so well that's my goal, to be healthy and Fit again :) I've had a lot of stress and many changes since January and I've kinda stopped taking care of my health and forgotten about it, and well i just wanna take it back again, Lose the weight i've gained, and feel good again! anyone want to health up their lives with me?
  3. lizinginholland

    Fighting Depression w/o medications.

    thanks everyone, things are gettin better, just somedays were pretty bad, but i've been forcing myself to get up and be busy go to the gym etc, and things are improving thank you for all you advice! it means a lot to me!
  4. lizinginholland

    Fighting Depression w/o medications.

    and i guess part of me thinks i'm just faking it all because well i'm the youngest and maybe because everytime i didn't feel good in my youth my siblings (all 6 of them lol) would tell me i was faking lol.. but the other half can feel the reality of it.. i dunno its an inner struggle..
  5. lizinginholland

    Fighting Depression w/o medications.

    thats true.. thanks everyone.. but i really don't want to go on meds because some part of my mind and feeling knows that i can take control of it.. it's aware of the situation.. its just i guess looking for a way to assess it.. and because i feel like meds would make me become fake.. like make my personality fake.. i dont think i have a chemical imbalance just a ton of things going on.. because if someone says or does something it is possible to cheer me up completely, for example tonight we were takin out the recycling and there was a matress out by the trash and one of the boys i take care of just piped up and said '' i know where you'll be sleepin tonight'' it cracked me up and pulled me quite a bit out of the drag i've been in all day.. but yeah it is still there..i have really good days and then days like today has been...i've always believed i could choose to be happy or not but this.. this does feel like a deformed leg so to speak.. and i dont like it.. i'm sorry its really late where i live but i hope ya'll get what i mean..
  6. lizinginholland

    Fighting Depression w/o medications.

    hi this is kinda of embarrassing and hard for me to tell ya'll but i really do need some help.. I've been fighting depression since Feb. of this year, I thought it was just cause we had a long winter and i had developed some seasonal depression..(after bein in the beautiful cali for christmas) so in that time i recognized it and even though i'm generally against it -i went tanning, and it made me feel better, the heat i dunno it just helped.. anyway i'll give you a really short summary of the past so you can better understand the now.. in 2004, when i was 13/14 we moved from Utah to the Netherlands, i'm the youngest of 7 kids my siblings all live in the states. i've been here since, when i was 18 i decided to be a nanny here, after a year, i enjoyed the experience but decided to move on which was to stay with my sister and get my GED etc. but then my bosses came with an offer that i couldn't refuse and only go there for 3 months instead, then come back and work for them for one more year.. which i did. i loved being in the states again, it was so comfortable and felt like home,i felt my independence and loved it! i loved the time i spent there last october to the 1st of jan. i had learned so much over there accomplished so much GED and a lot of other neccissary things.. after coming back to work as a nanny again for another year, after the first month and a half i just couldn't handle it anymore. it was so cold, and the people annoy me, the kids annoy me, my job annoys me. i know it's just me, but i usually am a very VERY patient person, and caring.. at first i would just be irritable, i thought it was just because the kids had gotten older and are gettin into their teen years.. but then i would just feel sad all the time, for no reason,at least that i am consciencly aware of. this continued even after spring came, throughout that time i would just cry so randomly just feel this utter heavy sadness, i couldn't help it, it was totally out of character for me, i was never like this. even in church i just felt like ''i can't do this anymore, i can't keep tryin to do my best, i will always keep making mistakes, and i'm so tired of it..'' i'm only 20, i shouldn't BE tired. one of the reasons in the first place why i wanted to leave the after the first year is because i got so bored here so fast, i need independence..i wish i would have thought it better through before jumping to take the offer.. in spring we found out my dad has cancer that had a huge effect on me, even though i didn't feel it inside it did have a great effect on me without me realizing it when i started crying out of the blue in front of my boss when he asked, i couldn't control it so i just left the room. i haven't been sleeping well if i think about it. in the end of july beginning of august my dad had a heart attack, and i have a lot of guilt about that as well for some personal reasons.. i'm sorry i don't feel like mentioning them on here..(i'm grateful i was home the only 3 weeks off i have in the year to be there to take care of him! it was such a great blessing how it all worked out..i mean the timing was great because my mom could take over his work and i could take care of him, it worked out how ever best it could so i am thankful..) I can't do anything here while i'm waiting for my contract to be over in April.. i can't accomplish anything i have no independence i mean i am living on my own, my parents live in a different city but i live with the family i work for.. i feel like an intruder this isn't my space, i don't just feel that about where i'm working but i feel that about this country and have for a while i mean it will always be a home to me, i've lived and learned here for almost 7 years now and made great life long friend.. but it's not my America, it's not who i am.. it's so hard to explain.. i can't go to school here because of the times i work, i can't get a second job for the same reason, so when the kids are at school i'm just here.. i could go see the city but i'm trying to save for college in Utah when i move back in May,.. i know i could work on my fitness and my health, walk the dog, get a hobby whatever just work on just leaving this place with a bang when it's time for me to, and doing things to get my mind off everything.. i so want to enjoy my time here but.. it seems so un interesting to me right now.... i have no motivation to do it. somedays i have super good motivation to do those things, but days like today, the motivation to exercise and just do anything is gone. i can't get out of it i have no motivation, or concentration to even try and pray, or read a talk to help or anything.. i want to snap out of it. i have before but i can't remember how and i cant .. i dont have strength to right now.. wow this all sounds so woe is me bla bla bla, which is not like me either, but right now i have lost disinterest in so much! so many of my passions (like health) are gone, i have gained 24lbs.. 24! .. Since January. because of stress, and this depression i'm fighting, and just plain missing my family, and worrying about them, besides my parents and my sister, i am the only other active member in my family (church wise) church is usually my motivation and my heart, i love it, i still do, but i feel like i'm barely holding on, and that i'm going to fall, i can't concentrate enough to pray fervently or diligently, and because of this i feel inadequate about EVERYTHING not just spiritually, i mean these lbs haven't helped much either, and being the youngest my sisters have strong opinions of what i should do in my life, i just want to be me, and do what's right for me,.. and i tend to be a people pleaser.. and i hate conflict so i avoid it mostly,.. which is another reason besides keeping my word that i will be staying until april and not leaving any earlier.. if anything i want to keep my integrity about that. and feel a sense of accomplishment when i leave.. ugh right i wish i could better voice my thoughts on here but my mind feels so disorganized and scattered.. Medications i feel are not an option for me.. i want to overcome this myself. or else i would feel like i failed. i know thats not true but that's what it would feel like. also, this is something psychological which i KNOW i can overcome.. but i dont know how to approach it..i know fitness, exercise, positive thoughts, i've looked it all up, everything.. i know i KNOW what i need to do to pull myself out of it i'm just lacking the motivation to do it.. i've gotten blessing(s)? for it before i'm sure, and i know i need to just keep reading my scriptures etc. but like i said, i just lack the motivation.. i need help, i need someone to push me to keep me up to doing these things.. wow.. that sounds so selfish, but i honestly feel like i need a coach. can anyone help motivate me?.. or... i dont know.. i don't even know if this is appropriate or rude or strange to ask.. but i just need some serious help. most of my thoughts are things i'm constantly worrying about, Like: is one of the boys gonna be in a bad mood when they get home from school, how can i prevent that, to am i able to go out tonight i dont want to make it inconvinient for my bosses if they have plans, to what i'm going to study when i get back, how i'm going to get my license, how i'm even going to pay for school i'm not even making enough for anything right now as it is, to who's going to take care of my parents, how are they going to keep working and keep everything up when my dad can't work, and my mom's going to burn herself out.. who's going to give them peace?? their kids are all in the states, so are their grandkids, they miss them but they are stayin here because they feel the lord wants them here, (a reason why we moved here in the 1st place) when i know that if they felt their work was done they would move back in a heartbeat to be with the people they love.. i mean granted that's their own trial, and i know God will help them through it..then to, how can i best motivate my siblings to return to christ, i dont want to be alone in whatever kingdom at the last day, and i dont want to see their pain anymore so than i already see it now. then theres when i go back my sisters are gonna be ticked i'm not going to one of them to see their kids, (which i haven;t seen yet because i'm so far away, and they're almost a year old now.. ) i mean don't get me wrong and i value their opinions and thoughts so much but then there's going to be their opinions about what i want to study-- etc. its just all to much, the pressure of everything is caving in, and i can't handle it. sorry if this was all disorganized, and scattered.. :S PLEASE HELP!!
  7. lizinginholland

    Mission, School, or Military?...

    I'm 20 -- 21 in may, living in Europe at the moment, i'm American I have a couple of options.. I've prayed and i felt it's my choice, but i have no idea what i want to do.. i've made lists of pro's and cons but i still can't figure it out! I'm able to act on any decision after April 1st, ( my work contract) i've been working as a nanny for the past 2 years, here are my choices: --Go back to Utah and Study English or History at CEU ( need the independant experience, college experience.. and school experience, i have been out of school for so long.. i never had a high school experience because we moved to Europe.. i know this is all worldly but yeah.. anyway besides that: i love learning which is why i have college on my list as well.) --Serve a Mission (has been on my mind for a couple years..) also in my PB it emphazies that it is not manditory that i serve.. --Join the Air Force ( always have had this as a goal, come from a family who was in the AF for generations, my brother is in the U.S. military as well.. (navy)) maybe you all could add some pro's or cons to my lists .. or give me your advice, your thoughts, etc. it would mean A LOT!!! much love, --Elisabeth
  8. lizinginholland

    In Need of Some Serious Advice..

    What do you mean by the Residency thing to live in utah, I was Born in Salt Lake and lived in Utah my whole life until up to 5 years ago, i have Duel citizenship.. i dont really get what you mean.. but thank you for the advice :) i appreciate it :)
  9. lizinginholland

    In Need of Some Serious Advice..

    (just realized i posted this in the Wrong section so im putting it in the right one now lol) Hi everyone i haven't been on for the longest time! things have been pretty crazy..anyway so the thing i need advice with.. i just turned 19 in May, i have a Job Contract until the first of may 2011 (i'm a Nanny in The Netherlands), then i will be almost 21 (i turn 21 mid may) and i've been Planning on Serving a Mission since i was about 15 and thats been the plan since. but also during that same time (that may) i could go to college at UVU (work my way to BYU) with my best friend who i've been really close to my entire life. ok a little background as to why i feel going to college, with her and college in Utah in General means something to me. well i moved to the netherlands 5 years ago with my parents (from a little town in Utah) so i was almost 14 when we moved, im grateful we moved because i have had the advantage of learning so many things i feel i would not have learned if i'd stayed, and for the fact that i have gained my testimony here and have a firm faith in Christ. but at the same time, i had to grow up extremely fast living here, and well.. sometimes i just want to be my age for once. and go to college work on my education have the dorm room, and everything experience.. i know it sounds so selfish and wordly, but my education has also become something meaningful to me while living here as well. for the past 5 years i have felt torn between two countries and i have no idea.. its so confuzing but its time for me to go back home it feels like.. anyway, and the church being so close and active there with activities and YSA and just so much more aware of the spirit and Enjoying the gospel that is Very appealing to me. and i kind of just want a break from the struggles of trying to teach people to enjoy and live the gospel here as they are supposed to. I've prayed about moving back to the states this year and felt i should wait another couple until im of age to make another major change in my life, and i also felt and it says in my blessing that i need to help over here. ok it goes into more detail but its kind of personal. so there is that, thats why i'm staying another few years in the Netherlands, but i can't figure out what to do afterwards.. go to College and i could work on my education and also just take a break from school to go on a Mission. or just go Straight on a Mission... i want to be a Servant for the Lord, and i know by staying here or going straight on a mission that that would be a way for me to be one. But i also just kind of want a break for a few years to ENjoy the gospel to its full extent! with my Friends and my Siblings ( who all live in the U.S. as well) .. wow this must sound really confusing. i know i can enjoy the gospel here also on a mission to its fullest but i mean being surrounded with people with the same beliefs and love for each other and i just want to go to a place where people aren't obsessed with all this worldliness where i can be myself and help my family and friends.. i know the church there and everything wont be perfect there but .. i dont know maybe you get what i mean.. sorry this is so long i feel it's really hard for me to discribe my feelings right now.. oh yeah and i forgot to say that going to college i would also feel like a coward running away to feel more comfort in living the gospel.. and not facing the battle head on like i have been... do i deserve a break.. i can't help but think that i don't not after what Christ has done for me.. us. im just kind of confused i know the church says women should get married, and go to college and if they can't do that then go on a mission but its different for every woman based upon what she feels.. i have no idea.. and a Goal to join the U.S. military should fit in there somewhere too.. probably after a mission though but thats not my biggest concern right now. So if anyone has any Advice for me.. or any guidance or experiences they'd like to share with me that you think might help i would be SO grateful!!!
  10. lizinginholland

    Relying on the Spirit

    I've been studying Preach my Gospel and i came to the Recognizing the spirit section and that has been extremely good for me because thats what im trying to learn. anyway then i came to relying on the spirit, and i realized how hard that is or can be even without realizing it or thinking that you are. i think in the world today we hold ourselves back so much with so many people and put up a wall or sheild so to speak against things that we sometimes ourselves dont even see it. and i've come to realize i've even had that in my relationship with Our Savior, i looked up the word Rely in the Dictionary and i came up with: Depend on with full trust of confidence, to be Dependent on. i realized that i haven't been doing that and at the times the spirit tries to talk to me I'm the one blocking that communication, the Lord isn't its not a punishment or anything, its just me putting up an invisible barrier that i didn't know i was building. so i've came up with a goal, i realize i rely on my friends, on my family, as i should the spirit, when a member of my family says they will pick me up at a certain time. i depend on that i rely on that. an example as simple as that. we know that person is coming to pick us up, we have confidence they're coming. it should be that real, that easy and simple relying on the spirt. : ) i dunno i just kind of realized this for myself and it is a tough goal to work on for me, but i'll accomplish it through prayer and opening my heart and trust a little wider than i knew i could :) what are your thoughts of Relying on the Spirit?
  11. lizinginholland

    In Love ???

    ok so i went on a date with the less active guy. well wait first let me start from the beginning. this morning i prayed and asked that i will only be attracted to him as a friend so that i can concentrait on helping him and having good conversation without flirting or leading him on in any manner (i dunno i think i got it from my 5 older sisters LOL me being the youngest i learned well lol!!!) and well he was completely un-attractive to me. and i felt that i have done and said what i needed to say to him and now its up to him to change. and i felt like i should tell the guy that i wont even consider dating him unless he's changed. and well he respects that and treated me like a gentleman which was nice. but im glad to just have another friend :) anyway thank you so much for all of your opinions they've really helped. and well as for my best friend. we can still talk hours and hours non-stop on the phone or skype or whatever.. and im still keeping my feelings open. but i'm just not attracted to him in that way even in i try.. but im sure glad he's my friend. he deserves someone special.. anyway i just thought you'd like to know how it all kinda ended up. i feel really good about not feeling tied down with anything about the first guy ( the inactive guy) so i know its ment to be this way and i said what needed to be said so... anyway tell me your thoughts if you have any on this matter! thanks again! your opinions meant a lot to me! thanks!
  12. lizinginholland

    Who wants to Read the Book Of Mormon With me?

    yeah i think my idea for that is kinda shot down lol work started again today and i was wiped out im thinkin like a chapter.. maybe two a day, anyway, so i read mine and im still looking forward to getting into alma again lol.. i really admire Nephi though. living with such pessimistic siblings! and staying optimistic and positive all the time. its such a great example. i need to work on my optimism i think. how did your's all go?
  13. lizinginholland

    Who wants to Read the Book Of Mormon With me?

    awesome ok :) well we can also just read 2 or 3 chapters and more on a weekend or something if thats easier, what would be easier for all of you? :)
  14. Hi, i recently finished the book of mormon for the first time in my life!!! it is officially one of my favorite books ever!!!! so i was wondering who would like to start reading it with me again starting monday? and then we can share what we've learned, and what motivates us, encourages us etc. like maybe read 5 chapters a day or something :) i would like to have it done before easter! then read the easter story thats in the bible :) anyway thinking to far in advance haha, who would like to read it with me?
  15. lizinginholland

    In Love ???

    ok so maybe i posted this last time in the wrong section lol but im copyin and pastein it so here it is :: HELP!! PLEASE! :) Ok well im not sure if im in love actually. but ok here i'll give ya the story LAst year at YSA camp, i met this guy, and we really connected, like not with a matter of interests but we just felt totally comfortable around each other we didn't even have to talk and it felt totally natural, and during the fireside we both felt such peace around each other. and we talked a lot of course, anyway he's 23 and im almost 19 he's been inactive since he was 16 but still goes to camp every year. he wants to come back to church and has been adjusting his life since i met him. he feels for me like for real and i can tell but im not sure how i feel about him.. when i met him i told him my standards that i wont have a relationship with someone who isn't temple worthy. and i would agree to go on a date with him if he would change some things, which he has, and so we set up date for this coming monday. Anyway he totally respects and understands my standards /conditions, and told me he doesn't ever want me to change them... anyway i still feel peaceful about him but with a hint of fear? which is odd because if peaceful feelings can come from god why would there be caution there? i have never been so cautious with my feelings so much in my life as i am now, im not one to start relationships off the bat i have to feel and trust the person completely so..but when i think of him being worthy and living the gospel to the fullest like i know he can! he has SOO much potential and maybe thats why im drawn to him and i can just see who he can become he is such a good guy he can be great if he works at it! anyway.. i dont know. i've prayed if i should help him change and i felt to be his friend for now.., so thats what im doing. just being his friend and when he's temple worthy then we'll see.. but i feel somewhat uneasy about the situation. i know he feels for me and he's told me so. and i don't know if its because im not used to the whole relationship thing or if .. i dont know.. i mean one of my best friends who is a guy has told he loves me too. and i KNOW he would be a better choice ( returned missionary, strong in the church etc) and he probably would love me maybe more than this guy but even though i've tried i can't love him he's just my friend and i dont know .. man im confused!!!! what is your opinion? on making clairity of what im feeling and your opinions and suggestions on what i should do... btw im considering on telling the guy that once he's temple worthy i would like him to serve a mission.. because i want to make sure that he's not just changing for me. he needs to change for himself and the lord... man its so complicated in my head right now! please help! and what should i do with my best friend.. i know he would care for me forever and take care of me best to his ability and i know i could love him if i tried to like that but im just not attracted to him in that way.. i wish i would be but im just not.. dunno what's wrong with me HELP!