I have a huge problem concerning my faith and testimony here...
First off, I am a youth member at Seattle First Ward, 17 years old, and like the only young man there. All the other youth go to 3rd Ward, but that is a 25 minute drive away from my house, and First Ward is only like 5 min from my house. Anyhow, I am having a huge problem with my testimony here. Everyone at 3rd ward acts and seems completely spotless (except for like 2 kids). But as for me, well...
To understand here, I love death metal, but I dont dress like it (seriously), I like video games (like every teenage guy), and I hang out with kids whom dont seem to 'fit' in any school categorey.
But the problem is that, every time I go to seminary, church, youth group, the combination of 'perfect' kids, beating-you-into-submission kind of lessons, synthetic atmosphere, really makes me feel like a pile of crap, and gets me thinking to myself, "is this how life is supposed to be?". It really frusterates me, and what makes it even worse is that I like a girl there, but she is really 'pure' but nice at the same time, which really makes me frusterated even more! I try not to concern about these things, but this crawls up my butt every time I try to forget about it. I really hate family home evenings (which we rarely do), my dad is not part of the church and has divorced my mom a while back. It's just this hokyness of a atmosphere is really making me mad. I've told this to my bishop and freinds over and over again, but they dont seem offer any help with those same awnsers. I tried reading the scriptures, but that only made me feel more synthetic. Is there something wrong with me? What am I supposed to do? What is it?
