sanguine

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Everything posted by sanguine

  1. You deserve better. ...but do you actually believe that? Sounds like your hitting your head against a brick wall, saying ouch, doing it again and expecting a different result. Shout, scream, stamp your feet, have a good cry, you more than deserve too, BUT (a big but) what are you going to do about it? How are you going to change the situation? What support network/family do you have to help you, as you get out of this relationship? Document EVERYTHING, have evidence, you may well need it, in the coming months. Protect yourself, please, make sure financially you are not taken to the cleaners, ie accounts emptied by husband etc. Put your house in order and be pro active, you will heal in time, it will get better. Wishing you strength and courage........and hope of a happy future.
  2. My SIL married a guy like that, he's never held down a job or wanted to do anything, but be taken care of. She likes it in many ways, because she likes mothering and likes to be in control. Sometimes it annoys them both, but mostly it suits their personalities. Sadly neither seem to grow in that sort of situation. There is somebody for everyone.
  3. I don't know how close you can talk with her, but when you can, please get her to check out the Narcissistic sites/forums on the net. If she was drawn to an N before the chances of her being drawn to another one if very high. Even if he's nothing like her first husband, he may well be a NPD. (Chances are you won't be able to do this until she's been married awhile) Let her know you and hubby are pleased she's getting married, but you are just not up to organizing anything. I think your idea of nice dress and present and no more is perfect. Good luck with sticking to it. Is she likely to put a guilt trip on you? It must be a worry for you. I hope they can remain faithful to each other.
  4. First Congratulations.:) Friday was our 27th Anniversary. I can no longer remember our first lol There would of been cards, a nice meal and maybe a little present...but my mind has forgotten the details.
  5. I think I can understand how you feel, I'm living with a husband that can't be trusted, he's working on earning back that trust, I'm not sure he ever can. His own children are hurt by the lack of trust they can have in him. BUT ...yeah a big but, forgiveness is not about the other person understanding or making amends. We are required to forgive all. Sure it makes it easier if the other person is genuinely sorry, but that isn't the point. Personally I think forgiveness is for us, no matter what the other person has done. When we forgive, we are able to heal, to let go of the anger and pain. There are very few people I trust, but please don't let your trust issues, get in the way. It's wise to be cautious, especially around those, who've shown themselves to be untrustworthy. But we still can be loving, kind, after all we all have flaws and faults. It's not for us to judge. We do need to keep ourselves safe and while not judging or being mean to those who've hurt us, we can keep our distance if needed. Pick a quiet time and tell your friend how you feel, their reaction, will tell you a lot. Most people would be upset that they'd hurt a friend. If they turn out to be a liar, what then....... Then it'll be up to you, to decide can you except your 'good' friend, even with this flaw. Are you willing to throw away the good, with the bad? Or can you work with what you have, knowing it won't be the same, knowing you will have to be cautious....but also being able to experience the best of your friend also. Sorry for the sermon lol. I hope your friend comes through and it's a one off or a misunderstanding.
  6. Hope not, I've not been for years, due to ill health. Yet consider myself an active (chair bound...so an oxymoron) member.
  7. Yes some LDS get a civil service first. In some countries like the UK, the Temple sealing is not recognized by the government as legally binding. So we are married in the chapel first by the Bishop. I'm also a convert. (my family disowned me,dead to them on membership of the Church) When it happens this way it is on the same day. Church marriage then, reception, then sealing. Those who live far from a Temple are allowed a few days between Marriage and Sealing.
  8. This doesn't sound good at all. Your mother should not be competition. It does sound from the little you have said, that she may have boundary issues. There seems to be more going on here and I would seriously recommend professional help. You are in a difficult situation, you need to have clear boundaries and don't let your mother cross them. I'd like to PM you with a suggestion also.
  9. I'd have to see the vid again, to check the accent. These books are classics and must read. My youngest daughter didn't 'get them' the first time she read them, some of the wit and humour went straight over her head, but she recently read them again and loves them with a passion. The last dvd version of Sense and Sensibility, had me chortling at the lady with the strong Devonshire accent. One of my favourites is Persuasion.
  10. We took a vote and got rid of the t.v . Problem solved and more time for each other.
  11. You sure you're not my lost twin. I'm from England (live in Wales right now). Have fibromyalgia (other illness too, home bound) Into art'n'crafts. Rough childhood (my families not in the church) My husband and our own children are members. What sort of support are you looking for? Did you gro w up in the church? Heavenly Father can give you guidance and calm you fears. It can be very scary when those we love, go off. My daughters are away from home and I fear for them, but know if they stay close to HF, then whatever happens we will be a family forever. He will guide them and I, and protect us, if it's his will.
  12. Wouldn't be fair, if they were fulfilling their creation. Anyway, there won't be any blood for them to suck, so they wouldn't be a pest anymore. Imagine what they would have to say about their lives... 'well I had to suck blood to live' 'we were hated above all other creators for doing what came naturally to us and for our crimes we faced the danger of being splattered.' ' I lost my entire family to a spray can'. ' I hope all humans go to hell, what use are they to us anyway'
  13. Do you believe every child goes to a chosen parent. I'm sure my adoptive mother (also a blood relative) should NOT have adopted me. I wish she'd dumped me. It's better than dealing with someone who beats, plays planned mind games, constantly belittles and makes attempts on a child's life. It's not worse than being abandoned. 'Throwing away their problems? who's? Iif they don't dump, it's the child problem. It's the child who, can often be abused, never found out by social services, never protected. If the child is not dumped, the 'problem' can go on for generations to generation, unless a child is able to over come. Many do, many don't.
  14. I can't see any logic being applied here. lol Anyway, go for it. Get gay married, then get divorce banned, then you can be happy.
  15. My oldest daughter has aspergers and she has dated. She has been promised if she prays about her future husband, she will be blessed, she will marry and have children. She's been able to work and leave home, though she's been back home a few times, when things have gone wrong...but she picks herself back up and tries again. She is more than her condition and does not label herself with it. She has her struggles, but does ok. I know the Lord loves her and is with her, as long as she turns to him, she will be guided. Good luck with dating.
  16. We took a vote and kicked the T.V out. We do have the option to watch videos and dvds. My children are quite critical about what they watch. I hope they spread that to their kids.
  17. I never used to believe in ghosts, but since moving to this house I do. It's well over a hundred years old, and it has a ghost cat. I was embarrassed at first and did not tell my husband, then my youngest daughter (19 years old) told me she'd seen this cat. It's dark. It goes through the study sometimes. On several occasions I've thought our cat has landed on my bed, at my feet and snuggled up, only to find, nothing there. The same has happened to my daughter. Our cat's fur all goes on end, he arches his back, and hisses and runs under the bed, when this ghost cat walks in the room. It used to happen a lot, but now it's only once every couple of months or so. Weird hey? ..but not scary.
  18. No one should hurt or hit another person. This marriage is damaging you..even when he does not hit, if he threatens or is emotionally, vocally abusive, it damages you. Until one day, you will feel you don't deserve anything better and that some how it's your fault. Separate, get out, at least for now. If you need help, call the Womens refuge...even if you don't feel you are being hurt, beaten up enough to contact them, please do so. They are there for those who are emotionally abused too. Maybe a separation, will give your partner time to realize they need to change, they need to get help. You also need help, to learn boundaries, what is acceptable behaviour and what you won't and don't need to tolerate. Also why you accepted that behaviour, because if you don't realize why, you probably will, accept the behaviour in future, either from this partner, or other people in your life.......and go on to inadvertently teach your children that is ok beat on someone else or to be beat on, or that life needs a drama. May I suggest you,list just the facts on a piece of paper, of what your partners says and does. Anything you can think of, the top of your head. (Keep a journal is a good idea, so you can see your patterns of behaviour and those of your partner. So you can see how they may say one thing, but their actions say another.) Is that the actions of the person, who's meant to cherish, protect, love, honour and stand by you? I'm not saying divorce, but get out for now. So that you can be safe. It's hard to think straight, when a person is afraid. This is an awful situation, to bring children into. It can only damage them. Wishing you good luck, keep safe. Turn to Heavenly Father for guidance, listen to the Holy Ghost. Our Heavenly Father loves us, and does not want his children hurt. It took me years to leave a violent and dangerous situation and I couldn't truely hear my Heavenly Father, until I was away. My fears, blocked out all reason and sense.
  19. When I have an upset tummy, I drink it, because it helps. So I guess I used it to medicate, ok I admit to being weird. lol As for the point about profanity, what is profanity in one country is not in another. Even countries that speak a similar language ..ie USA and the UK, it can be quite funny, on occasion.
  20. Does not liking racists, make me racist?
  21. LDS Was raised by Jews, then a Baptisit, then was nothing particular for a time- not knowing, what to believe. Now LDS forever.
  22. When policemen and doctors started looking, too young to me.
  23. Hi, I am LDS inside and out. Having joined the Church when 18 years old, as a convert (family is Jewish and Baptist). Going on to marry a member within the Temple. I have 3 children, my son came home from his mission, at the end of this summer. This site looks very interesting, and I'm looking forward to wasting some hours here, lol :) and look forward to getting to know the regular members and reading their posts, blogs etc.