leming6

I want to clarify too that I do know eating disorders seriously affect a person's health. I have researched it to try to figure out how to deal with her. I have come across sites that have touched said that starting an eating disorder is a choice, which goes along with what I believe about choices. People make the choice to not eat, to throw up, to purge, to binge, to take laxatives. It isn't a simple choice to stop doing it, but it still has to be a choice to stop doing it, without making a choice, a person won't fully recover. That goes with everything in life. Choice can hurt or help a person, but it all comes down to making a choice.

Thanks for all your thoughts and ideas. I was looking for advice on how to deal with her, not change her. I know that you cannot change anyone. I do not expect her to except the church or my beliefs. I am confused on the way her mind works and I'm just hurt when I have to hear some of the shall I say lies. I'm not angry with her in anyway, I'm sad for the choices she has made and how they are affecting her daughters. My problem is that I feel she is placing blame in the wrong direction although I really don't believe in blaming others. Like I said, I strongly believe that people make their own choices and hers just spiraled out of control. I don't know everything about her or her problems because she does not reveal much to me unless it's about her divorce and custody issues. When she started writing her blog is when I learned a little more, but that is also where I learned how she really did misconstrue things growing up. I do question the severity of her situation although I know I shouldn't. She's always been the type of person that wanted the attention and that everything revolved around her, that's why I question things. To me it looks like she found a way to get all the attention in the world. It's just more so now than it was when she was a child. But like I said, she doesn't say much and she's been in recovery for 2 and half years and doesn't seem to make progress. That's another reason I wonder about things. All that said... I have decided I will be here for her if she needs it. I will keep coversations restricted to topics that will not upset either one of us, this includes religion, any mention of selfish activities, and putting down the family. I have always told her I'm here for her and she doesn't take up on it, but I will continue to tell her that and maybe one day she will use me as a support and realize I along with our family do love and support her. I pray for her everyday. I do not read her blog anymore and do limit myself as to not affect my feelings for her which does affect me in my life. Unfortunately, I do have to be a little bit selfish when it comes to that because I have a family that needs me and I can't let this stuff affect my family.

I totally understand your situation. Although you may feel you are letting your family down by taking a second job and doing other things, think of it as at least you still have a home for your family. My husband works two full-time jobs, just finished his master's degree, and has a calling at church. I am working on my master's degree, hold a calling, and take care of our 5 kids. We don't have extras, we can't even get Christmas for our kids. Yes, it is rough to not have him home more often but I thank the Lord every day for his ability to work and pay the rent. Without him working so hard we would be homeless. We are at a point that we need to go to the bishop and I don't want to but I'm going to have to and I will do what he asks if it means my family has heat, is fed, and has a place to live. I also have a hard time when we need to go to the bishop and ask for help because sometimes he seems like he doesn't care or understand our situation. I don't know that anyone will ever truly understand anyone else's situations because everyone is different and their situations are different. The truth is, they do care, they do want to help, they just have to make sure you are doing everything you can. The Lord only helps those who help themselves. You have to put in the work too, in all areas of life, not just literally.

I'm looking for advice on what to do about my relationship with my sister. It's a touchy situation so I won't get into it unless someone asks questions, I don't want my beliefs to offend anyone. It comes down to, we have completely opposite views on life, on family, on religion, on everything. We are twins so we grew up in the same situation. I understand that everyone will percieve things differently but there was no abuse or anything like that. My parents raised us LDS and did the best they could. They worked hard for what we had and as I am a parent now, I understand they did the best they could, as I believe every parent does. I am still LDS with a husband and kids who is working hard to provide for them and teach them what I think is right. My sister has left the church and in fact is extremely negative towards it. She is divorced with three kids and has made some selfish choices that has affected her family and her health. I don't want to make too much light of her choices because she was to the point that she was in a treatment center and is in recovery right now for an eating disorder. I firmly believe that life is about choices and being unselfish. I look at her as a series of choices she has made that has taken her down this path. What I don't understand is how can someone blame everyone else but themselves for the choices they make? If she really hated so badly how she was raised, why did she do things that hurt her girls more than anything that happened to her as a child? Because of conversations and things that she's said and done after being released from the treatment center, I question the seriousness of the disorder. Why can't she understand that our parents taught what they thought was right just like she is doing with her girls, just becuase it isn't right for her it doesn't mean she should cut her whole family off. One thing she does is if a person doesn't do or say what she wants them too, she cuts them off. No one can have an opinion that is unlike hers, hence my belief that she is just selfish and self-centered. She always talks about her 'family' that loves her and supports her now and she feels so loved. Will she ever understand that she walked away from our family, not the other way around? Sorry, this ended up longer than I planned. I tried to limit it. I'm not necessarily looking for answers to these questions because I don't know that she will ever change her perceptions and selfish ways. My problem is, do I keep trying to have a relationship with someone who only contacts me if it's about her and if I contact her it always turns into all about her? Do I try to keep a relationship with someone who is constantly negative towards the church and says things that aren't true but I could never convince her they aren't? I get upset everytime I read her blog or converse with her and I don't want this to affect my own life. Is there a way to have somewhat of a relationship with her without getting upset or frustrated?

Sorry, haven't been on in awhile. Anyway, I've tried talking to the members of the presidency and for some reason I couldn't convince them that they do get taught out of different manuals. I don't know if it's because they are young and don't know or what. We are in a branch and numbers are small and members are always moving in and out. Most of the adults have a calling for something, but I may be able to find a few parents who don't have a job. My husband does come help me when he is there, unfortunately he sometimes has to work on Sunday. I always come out of church exhausted because of the numbers but I do love these kids and work hard to teach them. Since the presidency doesn't seem to understand the manual differences, I just get the lessons online. What I've been doing is split the class into the two classes and let the sunbeams color their picture first while I teach the others and then I switch. It seems to be working out but still exhausting keeping these kids quiet and reverent during sharing time and such. We just had the primary program and I came home from church so exhausted from watching these kids on the stand plus having my 2 year old on my lap the whole time. I'm just tired of going to church and watching the clock thinking is it over yet. I want to come home happy and excited about the teachings, not tired and exhausted and thinking only 6 more days til I do it again. I will not have 3 of my own at one time, my older one will move to the other class when the new ones come in in January so I'll just have two again. I am worried about my little one coming in because he is only turning 3 in Dec and is such a momma's boy. I know he will have a hard time, like probably most of the new ones will. I know a few of them and I think it's going to be frustrating and even more exhausting when I have to teach the new ones how to behave in primary while still giving the older ones the lessons they need.

I was talking to one of the counselors today and I got the impression that's how they think it is supposed to be. If there is a lack of people willing to accept a calling, it is my opinion that they combine the classes that use the same manual and leave the sunbeams to be its own class.

My situation: I was called to be a sunbeam teacher a few months ago. I was frustrated and did not like going to primary. The kids would talk all the time and I didn't know who was even supposed to be in my class. A couple of weeks after I was called, a new presidency was called in. I was talking to one of the new counselors a few weeks after they were put in about my concerns about the behavior and chaos in primary. She said they noticed it too and were working on changing things. A week after that I was talking to my president about who was supposed to be in my class because I had kids in my class that were 5 and kids on my role that I knew were 5 already and should be in the CTR 4 class. We talked about that we both thought that the sunbeams shouldn't be combined with the older kids, for a number of reasons. She said they will be getting things changed soon. Well, they have decided to put the sunbeams and CTR 4's together. I felt frustrated once again. For one, they didn't tell me, I just had all these kids follow me to class and I was like who are all these kids and am I supposed to have them and two, because of the developmental differences in this particular age group, they shouldn't be combined. They also are supposed to be taught out of a different manual. So now, within the past few weeks, the older kids are thrown back into the sunbeam class. The ones that have been five for awhile know the difference and a few cried over it. As the teacher, I now have 13-15 kids in my class in which I teach myself. I am also concerned as a parent because I now have two of my own children in my class and they know they are different ages and don't understand why, especially the older one who got put back. Also, in Jan, when my son who is only going to be 3 two weeks before Jan 1, is moved up to sunbeams, he will be in a class with children who will be turning 5 within the first few months of the year. There is a huge difference in the new sunbeams coming in and those that are older. I don't think it's fair to either age group. All my concerns aside, I need to support the decisions of my primary presidency and teach this group of kids. How do I teach this group of kids who are at such different stages of life developmentally successfully?

A few comments to some posts...no, my husband doesn't offer to give me blessings (he never has), not going to church doesn't necessarily have to do with people there, I just don't like being around people in general. My anxiety about people twisting my words or overreacting to things has to do with a well established pattern (I guess I'm not that great at communicating) that has turned into some real threats to me and my family. I never have cared what people thought about me until recently because of some events that have happened..not just words, actions. Okay, so last night my husband sent me to a hotel by myself. I was on the verge of who knows what. Anyway, I did a lot of thinking, praying, and scripture reading. I listened to some good music and just plain old had some time to think. My conclusions--I need to surround myself with good LDS women who can lift me up, I need to stay on the right track to keep the Spirit in my home no matter what my husband does, and I need to just be the best me I can be. Now, I plan on making sure I go to church every week even if I'm not ready to trust people yet. Eventually that might come again, but I can't let my spiritual self disappear because of it. Even if I don't talk to people or open up at church, I can still learn something. As far as the meds or counseling...I think I just need to not let Satan in. It's a choice that I have to make and I don't believe anyone or any meds can make that choice for me. True joy and happiness is a choice and I am choosing to be happy, for myself and for my kids. Maybe one day I will trust people again, but people aren't going to affect my eternal progression, only I am. Everything in this world has it's purpose and I will learn from it and make things better for myself.

Yes, but it's hard to ask him when we are having marriage troubles.

Church is just one part of the issue and no I haven't gone to my branch president or recieved any blessings. I'm hesitant to ask of any of it because I don't feel I deserve anything like that because of my thoughts and feelings right now. My husband and I have talked to our branch president about other issues with our marriage and I'm pretty sure he'll just tell me the same things, it seems all church leaders do is say the same things over and over. Every situation is different and I want to feel like someone is actually listening to me. I want to find someone who can be supportive without being judgemental and actually help me through this process and I don't know where to go.

I do feel missionaries should be respectful to people who invite them over, but at the same time people who invite them over should be respectful too. I think it is disrespectful for a person to expect anyone to eat everything they make. As long as the missionary or any guest is respectful about turning food down...who cares. They have likes, dislikes, allergies, and principles just like the rest of us.

My parents always did and I got in the habit before I had kids and then after too. If you don't wear jammies to bed you get used to taking care of kids in just your garments. My kids are getting older and my husband and I try to be more careful now. I don't want them embarrassed as I was and I want them to understand that they have special meaning.

I guess I'm looking for advice from women in the church on how to keep going and how to keep the spirit alive in me and my family while I'm trying to deal with others and learn and grow. I know what I am supposed to do, I just don't know how. Yes, I have issues that I told myself I would never have. Will I go to a medical professional...no because I don't have insurance and cannot afford anything. I didn't post anything personal because I don't want it public and I don't want people twisting things because who knows if I will write anything so it makes sense.

Hi, it's hard for me to let this out and you will see why when I'm done. I have always been weary of people but have done okay trusting people and trying to be social. Events of the past couple of years has led me to a life of total distrust. I don't trust people, I don't like people, I don't like being around people. I try and take my kids to church because I don't want them to miss out but I usually walk the halls with my youngest or if he goes to nursery I will just sit in the car. I never invite people over or go to other people's houses. I know this is sad and pathetic but it's how I am right now. I guess I have never really dealt with unfriendly, mean, crude, and uncourteous people before. I don't know how to handle it and the way I am handling isn't good. I just don't know how to change that. I don't know how to go anywhere and not think in the back of my mind is someone going to do or say something to me. Is someone going to go behind my back and do something extremely hurtful? I mean what is with people these days? Why do people seem so intent on butting into your life no matter what pain they may cause? What happened to common courtesy? I know I need to trust in the Lord and all that but I'm beginning to not do that. Why is all this happening? What am I doing so wrong that things continue to happen? Why can't people be decent? Why can't people confront me instead of going behind my back? I would like nothing more than to go live in the middle of nowhere so I don't have to deal with people and they don't have to put their noses where it doesn't belong. I want to trust in the Lord, I want to have a good experience at church, I want to enjoy life, I want to teach my kids the right way to live, but this is all easier said than done. I am sick of being constantly disappointed in humanity and in my family. I want to know how to change my wants into actions and how to be able to trust people again. I want encouragement from people, not discouragement. I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything and now am starting to disconnect from the Lord. I know I shouldn't go down that path but I don't know how to change it.

We are working with the church on putting things back together. The church saw no need in reporting this situation as abuse, this was an accidental event, and I trust the church and what it has to offer. I truly hope no one got the impression that this household is the typical abusive household, because that is not the case. Our branch president is fully involved in helping us preserve the family and marriage. The church does not believe that you can fix a family by having them seperated, if my husband and I were not together we couldn't work together. My opinion is that yes, there are circumstances that warrent a seperation and leaving and possible legal actions, but not all. Families are core to our society and through repentance and change, families can work as a better unit. It just takes work on all parts. My husband is working hard on his anger. After a few sessions in talking with the bp, he has realized the scope of his actions on the family and on his covenants with the Lord. It is a repentance process we both need to work on and move forward.