mutant replied to mutant's topic in ParentingThanks to all of you who have responded to our request for ideas. I thought I would give you an update of the situation. Our daughter met her boyfriend at a party of one of her girlfriends. Just recently, though a mutual friend, we learned that our daughter engaged in sex with her boyfriend only four days after this initial meeting. So since that time she has been lying to us about this and several other things. The "sleep-overs" occurred in her boyfriends home, which is shared by several of his roommates. Anyway, all of your posts have helped us deal with this. One of you even mentioned that you had done the same thing and lied to your parents about it. That's the post that helped me really put things altogether to realize that she wasn't as innocent as she claimed. We are just dumbfounded at how quickly she has fallen from a young lady who was in the relief society presidency, excelled at piano, school, helping around the house, being a friend (especially to her mother), etc. We suspect that part of the problem could have been the music she listened to. It wasn't music that I could tolerate much of (I'm an oldies fan, and for some reason all of my kids hate this music--music that actually has a tune that can be sung along with...). Some of you wondered why we were paying for anything at all. I remember going to school and getting next to no help from my parents, and I got through it OK. So did my wife. Our daughter was paying her own tuition and for the cost of the dorm room when she was attending college, so our only real support was a moderately old car and the cell phone. We were happy to do that as long as she lived by our standards and was actively bettering herself through education. She also had a job and paid for her own sundries such as food. Perhaps helping her out was a mistake, but I don't know that that would have made any difference in the choices she has made in her life. She thinks that parents should live and just let their kids live. That's OK by me, but NOT on my dime, hence the decision to cut off the cell phone and car. And after Christmas we've decided she no longer welcome to live here 1/3 permanently. It just seems to us that if her boyfriend is enjoying the perks of marriage without marriage, then he can also enjoy paying the expenses of it (or she can). Bottom line is that as parents we are heartbroken. Our oldest son has turned into an athiest and has pretty much only contempt for the Church. Our youngest finds church to be incredibly boring and only finds entertainment with video games to be worth pursuing. There's hope for our second to youngest. But we pray for them all. Satan is certainly doing his best at raging in the hearts of men. With the economy crumbling and freedoms eroding, we are in for some very rough times ahead. God bless you all. D.
mutant posted a topic in ParentingOur 19-year-old daughter has been the pinnacle of perfection all through high school and her first year in college at a state college. While she was there, other girls in the dormitory would "sleep" with their boyfriends (not having sex, so she says). So now our daughter is having sleepovers with her boyfriend in the same bed and claiming their not having sex. The boyfriend is 8 years older and divorced and a convert who had admitted to having sex with about 8 other girls. Now, our question is, should we put up with this. It seems counterproductive to throw her out. It seems stupid to do nothing. We're contemplating taking away her phone and car which we pay for. We also wonder if she wouldn't just get angry and move in with him. When we talk to her about this she is giggly about the whole thing and basically ignores us and sneaks out of the house to continue the nocturnal activity. Has anyone else had this problem and figured out a way to deal with it? Thanks!