interalia

I cannot tell you how much joy it brings to me to hear you say that. I'm glad to know people who may not be immediately effected by SSA or GD are benefiting from it. I have known many of the contributors for several years. Unfortunately, I pulled my own piece from it before publication because of difficulties I was having with my ward. I regret doing it now, but I worried I might leave the church and hated the idea of some person being inspired by my addition only to find out I left the church afterwards and getting demoralized. We are hoping to do another one in time and hope to include more GD entries in it.

Once you join us at Northstar, I can share with you materials that our members have put together specifically to share with bishops to help educate them on our condition and remove any biases. Keep the Lord close in anything you do. Constantly seek revelation. Concerning GD, the only wrong answer is to do nothing at all, but it sounds like you are doing something. There are many though who would use this to tell you that you MUST be X or Y and then do A or B. Let the Lord guide you and do what you feel is best for you allowing yourself to be subject to a course correction if so directed by the Lord.

No the church has no stance on hormones. They should be considered a standard treatment for individuals with GD. I would still include my bishop as I progress - not for his approval necessarily, but for his guidance for you as a transgendered person who is trying to live the Gospel with so much trying to pull you away.

Well, it depends a lot on your perception. Hormones, regardless of how much or how long you take them will not change your sex. The physical changes are usually very subtle (softer skin, development of breast tissue, and redistribution of fat across the body, a change in sex drive). It seems you have no desire to transition, so you are probably most interested in the psychological effects. How to describe it... essentially, it takes all the confusion and anxiety you feel over your gender and quiets it. It makes you feel okay being you. For me personally, I felt "right" - an overwhelming feeling of rightness. Now perhaps "right" is what "normal" people feel, but after feeling "wrong" for so long, it is such a relief. I could get my life back, I wasn't so consumed with the depression and anxiety and confusion associated with being dysphoric all the time. That isn't to say I didn't struggle at times, but those struggles were much more manageable. Kate

No problem. I may be of help having taken hormones myself. What questions do you have? Kate

Transsexuals fall under the general umbrella term transgendered. The primary commonality is that both experience (suffer from) gender dysphoria - a powerful feeling of disconnect between one's primary sex characteristics and their internal gender identity. Hormones are merely one form of treatment for those with gender dysphoria (GD). They have proven to be especially effective and some, once having taken hormones find their GD manageable and seek no further treatment. For others, hormone therapy isn't enough and other measures must be taken to control their GD. Some hormone effects are reversible while others are not. For example, male bodied people who take estrogen tend to develop permanent breast tissue, though not nearly as pronounced as natal females. Female bodied people who take testosterone tend to develop permanent facial hair and a lowered voice. For some these changes are welcome, but not for others so each must decide what works best in treating their GD. I encourage any member of the church seeking hormone treatment to get the counsel of an endocrinologist and a therapist experienced in gender identity issues, then to report their progress to the bishop to keep him in the loop. We can talk more privately if you wish, or continue our conversation here. Kate

Hello! I am a representative from the Transgender/Intersexed group from Northstar, an organization trying to help Latter-day Saints who struggle with same sex attraction or gender dysphoria live Gospel centered lives in harmony with the church. The Voices of Hope referenced above was a product of Northstar and the piece written about the transgendered person was written by a member of my group. If you'd like to find out more, we are here to help! My email is [email protected]. I can answer your questions there if you'd like. We'd love to have you join us! Check out our general website at North Star International | A Resource for Individuals & Families Dealing with Same-Sex Attraction Follow this link to join our good groups discuss group with many active members. Rules and Obligations of Membership | North Star International Look forward to hearing from you! Kate

You have now. *Points to self*

I already addressed the world's inherent unfairness in my other post. The world's unfairness doesn't have a human at the head of it directing who gets a fair or unfair shake in this life based upon God's will. I assume God does all that on His own without using a human representative. Of course it is ludicrous to assume a human or prophet even could dictate when tragic events happen in the lives of the world's inhabitants. What makes this other unfairness (the gender based unfairness) so hard to understand or accept is that it occurs at the seat of God's government on this earth as dictated by a man who represents God's will on earth. My wife is incredibly non-religious and has professed strict agnosticism for as long as I've known her. Only recently has she really begun to come around and this due to the constant exposure to church doctrines and seeing the blessings that come from gospel living. So she can accept my explanation that bad things happen to people as part of the fallen nature of this world and are an essential part of this mortal probation. However the idea of a church headed up by a male who claims to speak for God and won't on principle allow a certain group of people to hold authority positions is too suspicious for her. So can you better see her point? I cannot explain it any better than that. Ultimately God can allow unfair things to happen in some cosmic way, but when he authorizes his servants to enforce that unfairness, it makes the whole plan seems suspect to her.

Normally loudmouth has some excellent points and I really appreciate his insight, but you are correct wingnut, that statement was not consistent with the data I provided and seemed more like an emotional retort than a reasoned attempt to get someone who isn't a member of the church to understand why they should be. Still I would like to attempt to answer his question. To put it simply, the idea of a person not being able to have something a person can have, like an authority position, based upon sex seems in our limited earthly perspective to be unfair. The idea that God endorses such unfairness seems inconsistent. This of course doesn't make her question God, but rather the entity (church) that enforces the gender-based separation that purports that it is God's will. That is the hard pill for her to swallow. She wants to believe the church is true and that God is at the head of it calling the shots, but she cannot rationalize belief in a God that would do something she considers so arbitrarily unfair. Sure it can be stated there are plenty of other unfair things in the world (people starving, dying, horrid birth defects, etc.), but in each of those cases man is not enforcing that inequality under God's direction. But in this case with the gender based separation, this is a perceived unfairness that is being enforced by man. Is there anything else the church enforces that might be considered unfair to the world? There are a few, but most of those she can understand to some extent, but this one she cannot at all. I hope that better explains what her problem is with it (and mine).

A female can never be the president of the church regardless of her spirituality or any other earthly or spiritual trait because of her sex. An unrighteous male cannot be the president of the church either. Obviously these two are not equivalent, but it feels unfair that a righteous woman can never be called to such. My wife honestly doesn't desire any authority, in fact she is more than happy with me fulfilling the "head of household" role in our home, but she resents the principled take that a female cannot, even if she desired it, hold the priesthood or any priesthood offices. I ultimately don't understand it and will try not to justify the church for it - I'll just try to focus on the things that do make sense to me and how to receive personal revelation. Maybe this stumbling block can be overcome but she feel so strongly about it it's going to take a lot of humility on her part - humility and truly blind faith, something neither of us are good at (the blind faith part).

Hello all it has been a while. My wife is taking the missionary discussions for the first time since we met nearly 10 years ago. She actually seems interested in moving forward, but she has one hang up and it is a BIG on - in fact it is the same hang up I had (ok still have somewhat). When we go to church together ANY time the priesthood is mentioned with regard to it being only male, she gets irritated. If she hears it enough, she leaves in a blind fury. We often have talks later where she lets out all of her emotion on it then calms down. I think it is important to note that she doesn't find me contemptible or the members in this, but she feels this idea of men having the priesthood exclusively is fundamentally flawed. This wouldn't bother her so much except for the fact she WANTS to join the church now and WANTS to believe it, but is having a very difficult time rectifying affiliating herself with an entity (the church) who espouses a male-only priesthood. I too had a very difficult time with this when I was learning about the church. I still have a difficult time with it today. The only thing that made me leave it alone was the Spirit finally confirming to me the truth of the church despite my opposition to this one area. I went forward with joining the church hoping it would one day make sense. To date it hasn't completely to me, but I accept it and move on now. I wish I knew how to help her with this. She feels so strongly about it and I know it is only bothering her as much as it is because she wants to believe the church is true. Any ideas out there? Perhaps I'll see something I haven't tried or a perspective that might appeal to her.

Actually I'm quite the opposite. I am reserved at church generally, but I'm rather extroverted everywhere else. My rational mind seems to be my greatest enemy at times - it certainly seems to be so when it comes to having faith. I think I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, but I don't see anything specific happening. Maybe it is due to my lack of faith. I personally have never known anyone to do the kinds of miraculous works described in the scriptures - it doesn't mean they don't happen - only that I've never seen them.

It is weird - I never really questioned it before. I have been the voice of blessings for years and years without actually "seeing" results - I just always assumed whatever HF wanted to happen would and that I did my part. I also received blessings - feeling nothing in particular, but always just assumed HF was acting in my behalf even if I wasn't aware of it. I felt my unawareness of the results of either giving blessings or receiving them was somehow my problem/fault. Well I feel like I've just been deluding myself with regard to it all and feel that maybe I am doing something wrong to start with - but I have no idea. I've taken it to the Lord with no specific answer - and to PH leaders and all I seem to get are platitudes. I'm not ready to give up or anything, I just want to find some answers.

To be honest I have always struggled with the idea of being a Priesthoold holder. I have a hard time convincing myself I have any ability whatsoever to fulfill and perform many priesthood duties (performing blessings, etc). That said, I have faithfully taught in Priesthood nearly 7 years, have been a decent home teacher and am always working to improve in that area, and have even served in the presidency. I want to "bring the blessings of the Priesthood" to my home, but I have no idea how to do it. I know how to be and have been a faithful member, but I don't understand what distinguishes being a good priesthood holder from being a faithful member. I have always felt uncomfortable in priesthood meetings with other men. I feel as if I don't belong there. I try to bypass or give to others lessons on the priesthood (that I would normally be teaching) while in priesthood. I just don't believe I have the ability in me in any capacity to heal the sick, bless others, etc through the use of ordinances, though I have been able to use my influence and commitment to the Gospel to help others. I don't know - perhaps I just don't and have never had a good grasp on it all. Perhaps there was a question in there somewhere.

Prolly my personal favorite and I've heard many derivations: Two muffins were put in the oven. One muffin turned to the other and said, "Man it's hot in here!" The other muffin look at the first and exclaimed, "Holy crap a talking muffin!" Always gets me. I'm laughing now. How sad.

Last Sunday was my first time back to church in 9 weeks. Previous to that I don't think I ever went even 3 weeks in a row without going - more often than anything, I was always there. Unfortunately my new job requires that I work Sundays. It is driving me nuts - I've been deprived serious time with my wife since she works mornings and I work nights, and I cannot go to either of the 3 services at my local ward building due to the schedule. I finally convinced my boss to give me a Sunday off and was so excited about going back to church. I went to church only to get triple whammied by stuff that bothers me insanely about church - and trust me, this stuff doesn't happen often, so the fact it happened thrice in one meeting was totally unexpected. I was in sacrament and a return missionary was speaking. He decided to reinterpret the story of Nephi going to retrieve the plates in terms of how young single adults should conduct themselves. All well and good, except his interpretations of such very clear scriptures were so out of harmony with what they actually said, he basically was teaching false doctrine. Without going into all of the details, and just for example, he explained that the reason why Zoram joined Nephi in returning to the wilderness was because Zoram had been converted to the Gospel by Nephi's teaching while they were walking back to meet his "brethren". Why does this stuff bother me? I saw this type of stuff all the TIME in mainstream Christianity - dramatic reinterpretations of scriptures to suit some well-meaning goal or to sugar coat what they actually say. I'm not used to it happening in my church since I became LDS and it is something I've always valued about the LDS and their overall resistance to doing this type of thing. Well I shrugged it off and went to Gospel Doctrine. There the instructor told us he would not be using the Gospel Doctrine manual at all, that the manuals of the church (such as the Teachings of Jospeh Smith used in priesthood and Relief Society) were only for the teachers to read and interpret so they could teach the proper lesson conveyed in the manuals from the scriptures alone. I was like... oooookay... but I went along with it - I mean it couldn't be too bad being taught exclusively from the scriptures... Well not 10 minutes into his lesson does he use the quote, and I briefly paraphrase, "learning about behavior does less to change behavior than learning good Gospel principles." He took that to mean and told the class, that their time would be better spent in the scriptures than with psychologists - the implications of which are quite scary for people with real psychological issues. I was floored. I wanted to raise my hand in utter disagreement, but just then an escape arrived. A woman interrupted the class to ask if any men would be willing to help in primary. I eagerly jumped up and went with her to help. Here comes whammy three. I was walking with her in the hall and she said, "You'll be joining another man in the 9 year old class. There must be two men in a class to teach primary." I thought for a moment and asked the question I knew I'd hate the answer to but knew I'd stew about if I let it go unasked. I asked, "Do there need to be two women to teach a primary class?" She responded, "No, you only need one." I didn't say anything. Gender stuff always gets to me generally - it is my number one struggle with the church - something I've been working on in prayer and with my church authorities for some time. I did my best to make the best of church that day - all in all I'm glad I went. I really missed it. I was however keenly aware that some strange stuff did happen. Now this IS a new ward and I'm not used to the people yet, so that could explain a fair bit of my missed expectations - but it was so strange finally going back and being bombarded with stuff that can make me pull my hair out. I hope I get to go back soon!

This has to be the single most interesting interpretation/explanation of polygamy in the Eternal Worlds I have ever seen. I don't agree with it at all, but it is certainly interesting and something I would not have considered.

Often addictive behaviours are tied to specific stimuli or "triggers." Reorganize the room where you normally view pornography. Consider the kinds of things that happen around you that make you want to look at pornography and avoid those stimuli until you are strong enough to form other associations with them. Do anything you can to prevent the onslaught of stimuli that reinforce the behavior. If that means dropping off the internet, then so be it. You can determine what causes your mind to go the direct that eventually leads to pornopgrahy. Cut those thoughts off at the pass by not allowing their triggers into your life. Most importantly, keep the Lord in your life and in your struggles. Your bishop can and should be a part of your healing process.

Pedophilia, like all paraphillias, is a psychological condition, and those who struggle with it can benefit tremendously from therapy. I'd find a good therapist locally - perhaps through LDS Social Services, and talk to them about breaking your paraphillic associations.

It is this kind of thinking that used to sustain me - trying to make sense why a blessing was or was not received, in my own head. In the end, I found myself just "making excuses for God". I use that statement lightly and in order to explain that I didn't really know why something happened or didn't happen with regard to a prayer, so I'd start making excuses as to why it did so I'd feel better about it. I don't like living like that though, it can be incredibly stressful.

I believe that scripture, however, how do we know when the blessing has been obtained, or more specifically, how do we know which blessing in our life corresponds to the law we we obedient to? I mean, I can certainly believe God would withhold a blessing for a time, but how do we determine when a blessing is being withheld for a time or when the law has not been followed to a specific standard? The scriptures say the rain falls upon the just and the unjust alike. How do we know when we are being blessed for say, an answered prayer, as opposed to just having something happen to us naturally? Sorry, lots of questions there.

Hello all, It has been a while. I've been pretty busy but a few things have happened since I've been away. Quick rundown - I graduated college, I bought a house, I found a puppy, I got a job finally. As to the title of this post, I am really struggling with what I'm referring to as attribution error. This story will illustrate it: Say you have a friend who is inactive in the church. He has been struggling looking for a job as well for many months with no bites at all, not even an interview. He finally goes back to church one Sunday, and then the next day he gets two job interviews and offers! What does one make of this? Did God bless him because he went back to church? Most members I have met would say this is the case. Now let's try that story a different way: Say you have a friend who is active in the church. He has been struggling looking for a job as well for many months with no bites at all, not even an interview. He has a short term crisis of faith and decides to not attend church one Sunday, and then the next day he gets two job interviews and offers! What does one make of this? Is he blessed for not going ot church? Most would think not. The problem is, I think when we attribute the friend's blessing to the fact that he went to church, we must also be willing to attribute the blessing when that is not the case. I find it far safer in my experience not to attribute blessings to anything I did, but recognize that God causes to rain to fall upon the just and the unjust. A blessing could come for no other reason that God willed it (or didn't un-will it) because He believed it would be best for you at the moment. The problem with THAT stance is though, well where is God? What is the point of prayer if we cannot attribute blessings to it? It is driving me nuts right now. I want to believe that we can discern when a blessing is based on something we have or haven't done and when it is not, but I can honestly tell you; I have no idea on how to test this. If I take the stance that "stuff happens, but that stuff is generally better when you pray" then I feel like I'm going along life blindly and not holding the scriptures to the standard I should be ("ask and you shall receive, knock and it shall be opened"). But I'm afraid that when I do hold the scriptures to that standard, that it inevitably will fail the test. This is no fun.

I don't "know" either. In testimonies I never claim such, only that I believe, or believe strongly, or have evidences that cause me to believe. I understand however why others choose to use that word - 1) they might really know, or have a personal witness that has been stronger than my own, or 2) they want to express how much they are assured it is true, or 3) they are following a Mormon cultural trend to use the word know. Regardless of the answer, it doesn't matter. If you realize you don't know, don't feel bad. Knowledge of these things does not come easily - it takes a LOT of faith first.

I'm grateful to you all for the love you have shown and your prayers. For the vast majority of people, these things I have spoken about never even enter into their minds. I was fortunate enough to have the Spirit of the Lord dictate to me "what" I should do - and that life I am leading today. But I still struggle with "who" I am, as well as the "why" for my condition and others like me. I want it to make sense so I can make sense of it to others. It is so hard to be an advocate for the Gospel to my brethren and sisters who struggle as I have, when I can offer no promises of understanding, no guarantees that they won't be crushed taking my path. I can only go by the Spirit and speak as I am dictated to speak. I have so many many detractors though. I am overjoyed when I find a person willing to listen to my story, to seek an answer other than that which the world floods them with. I constantly try to promote a message of selflessness despite a condition which seems it will overwhelm you if you don't think only of yourself. But my detractors have strong arguments, and they are based in accepted evidence, numbers, and common wisdom, while I only offer faith and the 'hope' of a better life. It is no wonder so many who hurt have such a hard time hearing a message that seems on its surface will only bring them more pain. Many feel as if they have been hurt by members of the church which makes me a difficult person to listen to. I can understand this. The lack of revelation leaves many confused as to how to deal with their peer, friend, relative, son, daughter, father, or mother who struggles with their gender which usually results in at worse, ignorant statements, or at best, spiritual triteness. I desperately desire to bridge this gap - this ever widening gap. The world would convince these brothers and sisters of mine that the Lord's plan is unattainable, that it is steeped in tradition - a tradition that never considered them. I wish to bring hope, to tell them that they can know their Savior, they can feel love, direct love, from a Heavenly Father. Even if things don't make sense, they can rely on the arm of the Lord, and feel safety even while it appears their ship will sink in the raging storm. These are all the things I have experienced. I keep looking for answers to questions, something to stand strong against the tide of worldly knowledge, something profound that breaks the adversary's stormy winds, but none of my arguments hold much weight, and in the end, I am left with only one thing in my arsenal - my personal experience and testimony, which is, at best it seems, anecdotal compared to the shared experiences of so so many which do not relate to it. Why should my experience be so different from others? Why should the Lord favor me with such specific direction, while others wander on their own? Am I particularly blessed, or just particularly deluded? I don't know, and perhaps that is the trial of my faith.