paulp1002

Thank you for that post M. You seem to hit the nail right on. You know when this first started, she said that she prayed with an open heart and that the Spirit asked her to choose; a Temple sealing or a marriage with me. She choose me. However talking with her sister, mother and the Bishop she was easily swayed as you put it. (sorry I did not mention that earlier, but there has been a lot happening and after time, you seem to remember these little things.) That was how this all started. She has strayed from her beliefs before, and like you said she needs me to push her back. That didn't make sense to me. Conversations regarding religion with her is very difficult, because she tends to "talk the talk" regarding her beliefs, but many of her actions seem to prove otherwise.

Thank you Rain. It's good for me to hear that my situation is not the only one. I understand completely that we both have to "want it" to work and that it will not be easy. But with the love of each other and the love and support of God we can do it. I love and cherish my wife so much and want nothing but for it to work out. Which is why I am here. Thank you all.

Thank you Misshalfway. We have communicated. She knows what my struggles are and I'm afraid of telling her that if I know longer believe, because of the fear that she will just leave, without trying to work it out. With all the support that I have rec'd in this thread, I know it can work out, it has worked. I just don't know, if she is willing to work it out with an open heart.

Thank you all!! I want nothing more to make this marriage work. I hope and pray that my wife, can see that this marriage could work, even if we have different religious beliefs. This problem is the root to all our problems. She told me that she can not be committed to me 100% unless I am committed to her faith. That doesn't seem right to me, how can anyone have a successfull marriage without commitment? Like I mentioned in one of my original post, as long as we both have God in our lives we will be closer to him as a couple, that should be the only thing that matters. I have never put down her faith at ALL, she knows where I stand and I still go with her to Church and I accept the home teachers and missonaries in my house with an open heart. That won't change. She is hoping that one day I would be a faithful Mormon, and if not she would leave. I just don't think it is fair to have an ultimatum in marriage. I strongly believe that the reason for this ultimatum was because of the advice her Bishop gave her and the negative comments from her family. She was told that she should talk to the Bishop for guidance with inter-faith marriages, because he has the priesthood keys he should be able to give the correct advice. From what I have read in several posts, that was not the case. His advice was negative and it gave her a negative perspective on our marriage.

First off, as I stated before, I didn't join the church to marry her. I joined several months before I wanted to marry her. After we were married, I had concerns regarding the Church and was told to pray with an open heart, on if the Church was true. I did and the answer I felt I recieved pushed me towards Catholicism. To question me and my choices is to question the answer I recieved. Secondly, it wasn't just the church members that pushed me away, but they didn't make me want to stay either. I have noticed that a lot of LDS members have a close heart towards other religions. They don't except that other people believe without a doubt that their faith whatever it is, is their true faith. Instead, they believe that it is their way (LDS) and that's it. That's not the case, we need to accept and respect other religions. Those LDS members can not accept that, instead they try to change that. Many do not as you can see from the support I have recieved on this forum, and I appriecate that truely. Third, I am not a heavy coffee drinker, but I do enjoy tea. The Word of Wisdom was a "branch" of my problems, but after talking with other members I realized the "trunk" of my problems where with Joseph Smith. As I stated in my original post, I need proof. There is no actual proof, plain and simple. I don't want to get into a debate. There are several beliefs within the Church that I agree on, but that is it. And Last. My wife was raised in a Mormon household, but with her first marriage, she fell away from the Church, and in this marriage she tends to fall away from the Church. She wants me to push her back, "honey you need to go to Church," "Honey you need to pray and study your scriptures." Sorry, she is a grown wormen, if she doesn't get up to go to church on Sundays then that is on her. If she forgets to pray and study the scriptures, again that is on her. I have no problem reading the bible with her and occasionly reading the BOM, but I'm not going to push her into it. Everyone has choices to to make, right or wrong. I understand that as long as we both feel the spirit we are closer to God as a couple. It doesn't matter which God, LDS or Catholic, its the same God.

RAMRUMPTOM, first off I apologize if I come off defensive. I am not sure if you have read the entire thread or if you only scimmed it. My wife was okay with me believing in another faith as long as I believed in God. This all changed after she talked to her mother, sister and her Bishop. I have been totally fair with my wife's beliefs, I have supported her in her beliefs, I will still attend Church with her. I have agreed that she can raise our kids Mormon, but I will explain Catholicisim when they are old enough to ask. If she likes it or not, Catholicism will always be in their life, marriages, funerals etc... I don't want to get into a debate why I do not believe in this Church. I know that I have a comfort in the Catholic church. The Word of Wisdom was just one of my struggles. If it was commanded by God, please provide me scripture references from the Bible. Also the Pope would never change docutrine without biblical backing. Of course through time, things change and things are modified for the "Now" and as long as their is biblical references I will accept that. Again for everyone else who is helping me get through these tough times, Thank you.

Thank you everyone for your support. I quess my problem now is trying to talk to my wife. She has pretty much closed her mind to accepting me as another religion. She has bluntly said that if I can't be Mormon and give her an eternal marriage she will leave me. I hate to blame her family and Bishop, but they have all shared their dislike towards Catholics and I think that helped get her where she is today. The Bishop told her that there are things that she shouldn't sacarfic, and eternal marriage is one of them. He then told me the same thing, but adding that he didn't tell her to leave me, but if I can't give her want she wants then it won't work. I don't understand how someone who supposely has some of the priesthood keys could try to tear apart a marriage because the spouse doesn't agree with the other's beliefs. I even told her before, I was never a devout Catholic and probably never will be, but I feel a comfort in Catholicism. I like so many beliefs in both religions. Does anyone know what the Churches offical stance is on inter-faith marriages and are there any documented discussions?

To answer BenRaines first, my understanding of the catholic beliefs of life after death is: as long as we live a rightous life and try to be "Christ like", we will be judged to live with God in Heaven. Once we are in Heaven what more can one person ask for, then to stand there facing God and to live with God. we may still be married, but more importantly we are with God. One priest that I talked to, said that he loves the concept of Mormon belief that we are sealed for all eternity, but the Catholic church does not know if after death we are still married. If I'm wrong, I would love to hear what others believe in life after death according to Catholics. We weren't actually married in a Catholic or LDS church, we just went to the local Clerks and Recorders office and signed the papers. She didn't want a wedding. I totally understand how inter-faith marriages can be tough, but I feel that both Catholicism and Mormonism have great values and that our children when we decided to have some may have a stronger faith in God with both. When they are old enough to question which religion is best for them, we can both share our beliefs and teach them the importance of prayer and to ask and thou shall recieve.

Thanks for your reply. But I didn't do the LDS thing because I wanted to marry her. I converted several months before I knew I wanted to marry her. I had a testimony, but I now believe that it was a way for me to get closer to God. My parents never forced my brother or me to attend church, I know they wish they did, but they didn't. We grew up with God in our lives, and taught us to live a life worthy of God, being the best person we could be and doing what is right. I understand that is how LDS members are raised with the hopes of eternal marriage, but our understanding was that we can still be sealed even if we were not sealed in the temple. She was okay with that, until she spoke with the Bishop and her sister and mother.

About a year ago I met a fantastic woman, who is a member of the LDS Church. I started to attend church with her and was baptized in January of this year. The more we spent time together we knew that we right for each other, in May we decided to get married. The first couple months were tough, and now they seem to get tougher. I started to struggle with some of the Mormon beliefs, primarily the Word of Wisdom and Joseph Smith. I didn't and still don't understand how drinking tea or coffee makes me any less righteous of a person. I have asked the Bishop and he was not able to give me a straight answer. My wife's biggest concern is to get sealed in the Temple. I just don't feel that drinking tea makes me not worthy. Once we started going to our new family ward, I attended the Priesthood meeting and was immediately turned away. The person teaching the lesson did nothing but "bad mouth" Catholics for the full hour. My family is Catholic, my heritage is Catholic, I grew up Catholic and this offended me very much. My wife convinced me to talk to the Bishop, so I did. Although he said that that instructor should not have done that. He basically did the same thing, by pointing out what he thought was wrong with Catholics, when I didn't ask. This pushed me further away from the Church; I started to notice that many members in the new ward and singles ward seem to have a close minded attitude towards Catholics, whenever the subject came up. My wife noticed this and told me that as long as I have God in my life that was all that matters. She also stated that if I wanted to attend Catholic mass, she would attend with me after we attended our ward. I prayed and prayed and felt that the answer I needed was to re-investigate both Churches. I started to lean closer to the Catholic Church. Although there are too many beliefs in both religions that I love, I felt like I was in the middle. Although I was grew in a Catholic household I never made my communion, I found out that I can not make my communion unless I was married in the Catholic church, and in order to get married in the catholic church I have to agree to do my best in raising the kids Catholic. I told her that she could raise the kids Mormon and I would teach the kids Catholicism when they are old enough to ask. She said that she was okay with that, until she talked to her sister who is very close minded towards Catholics and her mom who said she does not want Catholic grandchildren. Her dad is extremely open-minded and very helpful. He helped with providing talks about accepting other religions. Her mom instructed her to talk to our Bishop; the Bishop basically said that she should not sacrifice her beliefs. I never intended her to do that. After her talk with the bishop she gave me the ultimatum to either believe in Mormonism or leave me. I told her I am still struggling and that I felt closer to the Catholic Church so she left me. I spoke with the Bishop and showed him a letter from the First Presidency regarding accepting other faiths and he just brushed it off. I feel strongly that because of his close-mindedness, he pushed her away from me. He closed her eyes to accepting other religions. I told her that I would try again, but I am still struggling. She told me that either I believe or she will leave me again. I have been praying and praying and the answer that I feel that I have is to research and study the problems that I am having. I figured that the Word of Wisdom is only a “branch” of my struggles, but the trunk is Joseph Smith. I realized that if there was proof that Mormonism existed in South America, then I would have to believe, because what Joseph Smith did, would have been a miracle. I went to the Smithsonian Institute and found that they have no archeological proof that it existed; nothing showing the existence of the Nephites or Laminates. Now I am torn. I’m afraid to tell my wife because I am afraid she will leave me. I love her with all my heart and don’t want to lose her, but I know she will if I don’t believe and that I feel that Catholicism is for me. I have no problems attending both churches and helping her. I found out that my friend’s sister who is Catholic just married a Mormon Bishop’s son and they have no problem accepting her. Why would this be such a problem with our Bishop? Mormonism and Catholicism have many of the same beliefs and many good values. To me, the combination would be a super religion. Reading some of the post on this website, I feel a comfort reading knowing the openness to Catholicism. I guess what I don’t understand, is if God is unchanging and a fair God; why would he want to tear apart two people who love each. She keeps saying that God is first, then me. Is that true? My understanding is that as long as God in our lives, no matter what religion we grow closer to him as a married couple. I hope this all makes sense… Please Help!!