Twospiritdancer

Thank you so much..... it's amazing how much sense is made when you ask someone who is looking in, or even better.... been there. Doesn't mean it makes things easy, but it's nice to get understanding and sense. And I really need it today, as I recieved info that my husband has gone and spread the word, the news has spread like wild fire.... even friends overseas have heard. This makes showing my face that much harder. I want to make sure that no matter what choice I end up making, that my children remain in the church, that I will take them and attend with them, continue to raise them with the gospel teachings.... I'll continue to do this, but I'm not sure how it's going to be with all the talk. Oh boy, this has gone from bad to worse.... I will attempt to get down on my knees and do as you suggest, and hope I'll be heard.

I understand what you are saying, I know the laws, commandments and principles of the gospel. I have been told over and over again to rely on the Lord, to keep His commandments, use the atonement,...... I know all of this. And yet it is easier said than done. This is something no one can understand unless you have been there. My situation goes against everything I believe in. I do not wish to convince anyone that it's right or prove it to be ok. But I do have greater compassion and understanding for those I once critisized and ridiculed. I have spoken to some who expressed the ordeals they went through of self hate and suicidal thoughts. This is a fight too big for one person, yet no one can fight it with you..... you do stand alone. And another thing,.... it's not always about sex.

This most certainly has proven to be the most worst thing I have ever had to deal with. My struggle came to haunt me a few yrs ago, the questions, the confusion.... ate me up inside. I would do my ironing late at night at the back of my house and just sob my heart out as I prayed and pleaded with the Lord for help and protection. I knew this was too big for me and had no choice but to hand it over to the Lord. I begged for protection, but I'm afraid I got the very opposite. The very fear I prayed to be protected from was placed in front of me as if on a silver platter. I cannot express the fear and panic that ran through me. And to this day I still ask why?..... What did I do wrong that I was not found worthy of the protection I needed so badly????? Anyway, this does not help me in the least, with too many unanswered questions. I have been to my bishop, he has been great. And my spouse is aware of this too, which is so difficult to watch what it is doing to him. You know.... sometimes I wish I didn't know so much,..... it would make things so much easier..... I think.

Thank you all for your kind advice and insight. No words can express the gratitude I feel for the love shown and judgements withheld. Thank you

I have been faced with what I would call the most difficult challenge, I would not wish on my worst enemy. I have asked the how's, when's and why me's, and find my heart breaks everyday. To cut a very long story short..... I am married and I'm gay..... I did not wake up on morning and decide I wanted to be like this, to be hated, to hate myself, to destroy my family, be depressed..... suicidal.... No, I definitely did not choose this. Now I have to live with myself. I have been excommunicated, but I love the church and all it's teachings. I love the gospel and the guidance it brings. I know the church to be true, I believe in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and I believe in eternal families..... I know right from wrong and not wish to be trashed, but would appreciate some insight on this. I want to love as well as be loved, and I want to live the gospel at the same time..... but I cannot have both..... how do I live with myself? Where does this leave me?

I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you......lol

Hi, I'm Twospiritdancer. Not much to say, just hoping to gain insight, guidance and growth