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Everything posted by sister_in_faith

  1. I just have a question for whoever would like to entertain it... I am a convert (almost a year and a half now) and I have a limited use recommend. My bishop had initally told me that I needed to be married before I recieved my endowments, but then found out that I'm 28 rather than 21 and said that I could move forward towards a full recommend. It was devistating for me at the time, but now I am starting to realize that Heavenly Father may not want me to have a full recommend for some reason. Let me illustrate my concerns. I have a brain tumor, and it has been gradually taking some things from me. My memory isn't as good as it used to be. Some days I can't even do my ABC's, some days I seem just fine. I (because of the brain tumor) have dropped into a deep depression, so bad that I have attempted suicide many times, and 'cut'. I also have an anxiety disorder now, and have a service dog with me to take to work. My bishop and stake president are very aware of everything going on with me, suicide attempts and all. It is hard because while I know right now that I don't want to hurt myself or cut or do anything contrary to Heavenly Father's will, I also know that I cannot gaurantee where I will be emotionally in an hour or two. When I do those things I am not in control of the decisions I make, and both my bishop and my stake president have both told me that I do not need to repent or that I should ever refuse to take sacrament because of this. I know that we all understand it is something beyond my control. Medications don't work (because it's not real depression, it is the brain tumor and it's location), and I have done everything else I can think of to fix it. So back to my question... I am beginning to feel that maybe I am not a good candidate for going to the temple. I'm thinking that maybe these things would make me fall into some kind of category so that I should refuse a recommend even if it is offered, or at the very least stop trying to obtain one. I of course would continue to be the best Latter-day Saint that I can be, going to church, reading scriptures, praying, etc. I just don't know; I'm starting to feel really doubtful about the whole thing. Any thoughts?