mavreenrose

In a special fireside this question was raised to Elder Bednar, he said it was never about the caffeine. that is not explicitly stated in the WoW. We were told not to take hot drinks -- tea and coffee. anyway, i think drinking soda overall is unhealthy. Too much sugar.

I dealt with a really bad case of depression and anxiety last year and I was taking meds for it. it normalized things for a bit -- I felt better. But, I knew I couldn't stay on the meds my whole life.. Plus the fact that at times when I would miss a pill I get really bad headaches. Eventually, I simplified my life -- finishing my masters and refuse to proceed with a PhD, quit my toxic relationship (he's a good person but there was too much drama, just brought out the worst in each other) -- and adapted a healthier lifestyle. I still get anxiety attacks. i listen to music, i do breathing exercises and I write to myself. I am eating better (not missing meals and strive to exercise everyday). I think I was just out of balance.. So mu point is, maybe doing some life assessment and simplifying your life may help... I just wanted to share my experience. Sorry, if this maybe tangential to the topic.

I can't help feel that maybe I have "thought" myself out of getting married. I am 28, single, not dating anyone.. and in some ways, have just lost the desire to date. I've had boyfriends before. I broke up with my first love when I was 18 because I felt I was too young and he was too intense -- and well I was just fearful. My second relationship lasted almost 4 years but mostly long distance. It ended because -- well, we just aren't to be. I do not want to lay the blame on anyone. My third relationship was also long distance and when my then boyfriend went home to our home country, he broke it off. No biggie. My last boyfriend just told me "You are not the one. This is not the narrative that will eventually make me happy". So that's that. Somewhat, these experiences may just have reinforced that thought that I am not meant for relationships. I have tried. But I do realize I now have a lot of complexes to add on top of some "daddy issues" (Dad cheated on Mom with several other women. Etc) I have been told I have trust and control issues. Anyway, as of the moment, I am not really happy with where I am in my life. I am working on getting my confidence back. And in some ways it's like I have given up on the thought of relationships and what not. I have gone on dates in my ward but well, I am now one of the older girls.. I am generally friendly but I suppose I have always struck people as " Hey, let's just all be friends. But I don't want to date" type. And in some ways, I do admit to that. Recently though, a friend asked me if I will ever get married..if I will ever be NOT fearful to get married. It just sort of struck a nerve. Yet if I were to be honest...I am getting more and more comfortable at the thought of just being single.

well, i started the thread at 24.. but now i'm 26.. the age is supposed to increase :) i didn't make a distinction as to the SA and the YSA hence I posted it here.. I don't know how to transfer this post... circulating.. hmmm.. i hope guys would do tracting hahaha..

sounds like fun!!!! u should totally make a comic strip!!! :) i keep updating it hehehe so im sure there will be another poem for wen im 27 hehehe

Another installment... 26 and fantastic And living a fabulous life Still happily single Still nobody’s wife 26 and fantastic Just a tad bit confused Tis the season of dates And I’m a little amused 26 and fantastic Admirers come knocking When before I had none Some were even a bit mocking 26 and fantastic Could it then be my turn? Or will I go through another cycle Of a love gone forlorn? 26 and fantastic And I have a new theory Just got out of a break up? Everyone feels sorry 26 and fantastic No one really likes a mess So clean up your act And put on a nice dress 26 and fantastic And a secret I must share Admirers don’t come alone And not even in pairs! 26 and fantastic I know I must choose one day I will choose the best one But not yet today 26 and fantastic I still have a lot to learn People yet to meet And then it will be my turn 26 and fantastic I shall continue to dream Of my one true love And of happiness supreme 26 and fantastic Got a secret in my heart’s coffer The universe is conspiring To make me a great offer 26 and fantastic I’ll just stand my ground I can feel he’s coming He will soon be around 26 and fantastic I’ll take one day at a time Because I am on my way To happiness sublime 26 and fantastic I will now take my bow Stay tuned for my 27 poem Seven months from now!

I revisited my earlier post on this thread and I can't help but post again. Last time, I said I am single because I'm deemed intimidating. Although back home, I was considered a catch, I was always deemed "hard to reach" -- because I'm smart and I earned more than my contemporaries. Anyway, I thought being a student again would be a "leveling" factor. So I left my country and am now pursuing further studies. Nothing has changed. My dating chances remain nil. But I never thought that the reason is that I look YOUNG. My hometeacher tells me I look 15 although I am actually one of the "older girls" in my ward (I'm 25). Only the younger guys have asked me out, if any at all. Guys my age are either married or just see me as a little girl. I'm not fretting about it anymore though. I figured if I get married in this lifetime then that would be great. If not, there are still other things I can and should do. Marriage is not the be all and end all of everything. Once I finish my program and still remain unmarried, I plan to go on a mission.

hehe.. my intent first and foremost was to make a poem that would entertain yet i know would be honest.. i actually made a 25 and 3 quarters but i feel this one is frivolous and flimsy.. anyway here it is.. sharing with you all anyway.. :) 25 and 3 quarters And happily single This isn’t my “26 poem” Just some form of shingle ( a small signboard, not the disease ) 25 and 3 quarters A break from my “unmarried” series I confess I’m in no mood to mingle Or ride in crazy relationship ferries 25 and 3 quarters And I am grateful for this break There’s just so much That my poor heart can take 25 and 3 quarters And I’m loving my life I found better things to do Than obsess in becoming a wife 25 and 3 quarters And I’m embracing my fate He will get here soon enough Whether he’s early or late 25 and 3 quarters And I know what I want I discern better now From what I can and what I can’t 25 and 3 quarters I’m not living life sitting down I’ll work hard for a career Before I fit that wedding gown 25 and 3 quarters Anne and I are on a wager Bosom friends have/are getting married Haps, Juns and Ines – this is truly major! 25 and 3 quarters And I sometimes wonder How people make it seem so simple Or am I just a duffer? 25 and 3 quarters And I have set goals for myself PhD, health, and beauty So I won’t get stale on the shelf 25 and 3 quarters Got enough Bollywood to fill my time A gazillion three hour long movies! If not enough - then I’ll rhyme 25 and 3 quarters And you know this is fluff Making a 14 stanza poem Isn’t very easy stuff 25 and 3 quarters All I’m trying to say I love my life I enjoy each day 25 and 3 quarters Stay tuned for what’s coming That “26 poem” will be fun And most definitely exciting!

My friend and I discussed my dating chances -- and it has always been nil. Back in my home country, I was never the girl who went out on lots of dates though I was made to believe I'm a "catch". Most guys my age are intimidated by me as they deem me too smart, too accomplished, etc. While I was already an assistant manager for a bank, guys my age were returning from missions and thus were back to their studies. That never would have mattered to me but then they have already put me in an "out of reach" box. Now, that I am in the US and attending a singles ward and back to school (grad school), I still find my chances nil. Guys my age are either married or think I am too young (It must be an Asian thing for me to look younger than my actual age of 25) or just think the cultural barrier is too much of a hassle to bridge. I have only been in a date once -- and it was with a younger guy. But I learned not to fret about it. It will happen when it will happen. So hey, you're 20, you're young..make lots of friends, and keep asking girls on dates! :)

I feel like I need to give my own two cents on this matter. And I will be direct on this one. Don't ask her to wait for you. Waiting is a painful thing to do. At 18, she has her life to live as you have your mission to focus on. In order to do that, you need to forget her for a while. If when you come home and she remains unattached and you still feel as strongly for her as you do now then go ahead and work out your relationship. Asking someone to wait for you will stress you out on your mission. You will always wonder if she is dating someone or if she's staying true to you. Dear John letters cause a lot of missionaries to lose focus on the missionary work they should be doing. I am just stating facts. And on her end, it is not fair to her. When you wait,your life is at a standstill. Yes, she may pursue other interests but she would not be as free as she ought to be because at the back of her head she will be thinking of her promise to wait for you. I hope you don't find me being too forward having said this. But trust me. I know what I am talking about. During the course of your mission you will gain a lot of experiences that will change you. Allow her to grow up unhindered too and let her pursue her own path as well. I feel the need to share to you my story.. I waited for a missionary. We dated 2 years before he left and we had plans of marriage when he returned (I was 21, he was 20 when he left for his mission). I wrote him -- but during the course of his mission I realized that I really did not know where to place myself in his life. When I wrote him, I had to make sure that I did not put anything that will detract him. and it was tough, when you're in love and you can't let him know. A missionary need not be bothered about romantic relationships because trust me it will distract you from what you are called to do. Anyway, when he went home we realized that we both had changed so much. We dated for a bit but it didn't work out. So we broke up. I have to tell you, my regret was that I held my life at a standstill. Sure I pursued further studies and did worthwhile things but there were a lot of things that I wasn't able to do (dating is one of them) because I was on "reserve" and I built my life on the plans we made before he left. If I could do my life over, I would have lived as freely as I could and pursued what I wanted to do. And by the way, his younger sister asked me for advice if she should wait for a missionary who was leaving soon -- and guess what, my ex and I are in agreement. We told her not to be bound in a promise to wait for a missionary.

haha thanks dazed.. ^^ i posted my 24 and unmarried ages ago.. and my 25 still unmarried just now.. i am looking forward to what the future brings :) i try not to worry but there are days when "being single" just gets the better of me.. it is a struggle but i think i am getting better at it.. I hold on to the Lord's promise that no matter what path He will bless me when I obey His will..

25 still unmarried 25 still unmarried and no longer concerned enjoying life - free, unhindered still waiting for my turn 25 still unmarried and hardly distressed i've gone to places unfettered did more, worried less 25 still unmarried seems nothing has changed but this gal knows more now she has increased her range 25 still unmarried i have found my cause i have enriched myself corrected some of my flaws 25 still unmarried trying to earn a degree learning to cook and be as happy as can be 25 still unmarried making good use of my time fulfilling my callings and writing silly rhymes 25 still unmarried and earning my keep saving for the future storing faith to make the leap 25 still unmarried and finding joy everyday i see my purpose in life as i walk the Lord's way 25 still unmarried and all this is making sense i have been given time to gain life experience 25 still unmarried more friends have wedded all these wedding announcements makes me lightheaded 25 still unmarried and friends' babies have grown i feel content caring for them for someday i'll have my own 25 still unmarried and i go about each day thanking the Lord each time i pray 25 still unmarried and i'm wondering tonight if i have met the one and is he my Mr right 25 still unmarried i have been for some time yet i still trust in You Lord in Your will and in Your time 25 still unmarried great blessings i have reaped and more will be given when that temple date i'll keep --------------------------------------------------------------------------- hi! I just thought i'd continue this.. hehe Though I need to update this one of these days :)

Thanks FC. I think I'm coming to terms with it now. My ex is a great guy. But I guess he didn't love me enough to see me through. It hurts but I have to accept that fact. And just move on. As to grad school, I still have to decide on that. Right now, I just feel so vulnerable and I need my family for support.

Thanks MisterT. I appreciate it. I wish I can just get over it in a heart beat.

haha.. I liked the rhyme I'll keep that in mind.. I'm sorry.. I'm just struggling with it still..

Hello, I am revisiting this post in the hopes that I once again get some clarity. I went for the PhD. I am now in my second term of my program. When I left, my objective was get my PhD.. marriage will come when it will come. Anyway, I reconnected with an old friend who I met at the institute during college. And I went in a relationship with him.. Anyway, I am now once again at a dilemma -- that is to stay in grad school or not.. ( I actually posted a new thread < http://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/31417-stay-grad-school-not.html> , but I hope you will once again give me some insights..) Anyway, I'm posting it here... I just went through a break up. It was painful and I was blindsided. I never saw the break up coming. (I posted a blog about this -- The worst 48 hours). Anyway, my ex and I recently talked and I now understand (somehow) why he broke up with me. I have to admit that at first my feelings of rejection overpowered me so as to question whether he ever truly loved me. The only reason he gave me was that the distance was hurting him. He is in Hawaii and I am in Texas. But when we talked, I believed in his sincerity. He just wasn't made for long distance relationships. I cannot fault him that. We were well aware of the risks associated with a long distance relationship before we got into this, but I guess he never realized it would hurt him so. You see, he is graduating soon..and will be home bound in 2 months while I have years of grad school ahead of me. We did talk about marriage. He seemed intent in marrying me. He considered his options but if we get married he will be my dependent and thus cannot secure a living (We're both international students). He tells me he doesn't want me to quit grad school because these are my dreams..my family's dreams for me. He said he feels like things aren't falling into place for us and that we should wait. I wish we both handled it better. But we already broke up. I am trying hard to deal with it. He said he's still in love with me but he doesn't want a long distance relationship anymore. I asked him that if I pass by Hawaii on my way home for a break, if he would see me. He said he's scared to face me..and joked that we might get married at the temple in a rush. He said he actually planned to see me before he left for home. To be honest, I can do away with grad school. When I left my country, I had a good paying job which I'm pretty sure I can acquire again. I am confident in my abilities in finding a job. I left because I was searching for something -- a sense of purpose..and grad school felt like a "productive thing" to do. Still, I place greater value on marriage and family. In a way I feel like this break up had to happen.. I realized that I truly do love him. But right now, I'm asking myself if he is worth all this.. if he truly does love me as he says he does and part of me believes that he loves me.. Still there's this nagging thought -- if he loved me, then why did he break up with me just like that? I guess i still have very strong feelings of rejection.. I don't know.. Now i really am wondering what I should do..I am not totally unhappy with grad school. I am struggling but i feel like I can make it through. Yet I feel like if this is stopping me from my "happily ever after", then I can give it up and not think twice. Though now I am unsure how to proceed. Though he says he loves me, I am asking myself is there something worth fighting for at all? I feel like he wants me to make my own decisions without him influencing it, because I feel like if he asked me again to marry him, I will in a heartbeat and I'll say goodbye to grad school just like that. But maybe this is just some romantic notion in my head. I need your prayers and insights please. I am confused whether to stay in my program or what. Somehow my feelings of loneliness is overpowering me these days as well. I miss my family back home. And I am wondering if working on my PhD is worth all this trouble..Add to that the loss of what could have been an eternal marriage. Am I just struggling with my emotions? Or is there something substantial here that is worth fighting for?

Thanks, Nelly.. I really liked what you said.. This reminds me of "The Plan" -- it was a set of email exchanges between me and the guy who just broke up with me.. In it, were the things that we were aiming for.. And now they are just promises that were broken. I really thought I had it. Apparently not. I pray that I will find someone who will fit me in his plans.. and committed to see me through.. Sigh.

Hmmm.. That's a good question.. Maybe a recap of what brought me here is necessary.. Although, I think I posted it in an earlier thread when I was deciding whether to go or not... Hey, Nelly.. Thanks for asking me about this.. I'm beginning to realize now that a lot of my decisions have been influenced by a boy, whether he intended to or not.. Here's my story.. Last 2007, I was already doing my masters while I was working for the bank. I was doing my masters because it seemed like the "productive thing" to do. It gave me a sense of fulfillment -- like I was actually doing something with my life. I was living the life -- I magnified my calling as the Stake Primary President (even if I was a single gal), had a well paying job as an assistant manager and I loved the people I worked with, and I was home with my family after living in dorms for most of my student life. I was waiting for my missionary boyfriend. Life was good. And then 2008 he came home. We talked about marriage and I was filled with this sense of dread. Our plans were supposed to be for when after he graduates which was two years from that. But, I was in love and I believed that we could work it out. So we began mapping out what we ought to do. You see, I was pretty sure my father will question the practicality of that decision. We agreed that we will both work hard and save enough. I quit my masters program to show him that I wanted the relationship to work. It was a long distance relationship (see the pattern?) and he can only visit me weekends. Anyway, it came to a point when I was the only one working hard for the relationship. He quit his job and wouldn't find a new one no matter how i pleaded with him. That did not sit well with my mother at all. My mother was furious because she doesn't want me to be the sole breadwinner if ever I married my bf then ( She was right.. And yes, I could be pretty dumb). Anyway, I discussed with her an option which I felt would be more agreeable to her -- get married, go to school together, work together. My boyfriend then was planning to attend BYUH -- he was finishing his undergrad. I sent in my application to BYU Provo -- I was going to grad school. I was thinking it will all work out somehow. Anyway, we broke up soon after because it came to a point when the relationship was unhealthy. I couldn't be with someone who gave me little value. He had plans but didn't really see them through. While I built my life so hard to fit his plans, he kept changing plans with no regard for me at all. Anyway, he got accepted but decided he wasn't going. (I got accepted too but I decided to go to a different university as the school where I am now has better research.) Anyway, by the time our acceptance letters arrived we have already broken up by then. Anyway, I had the opportunity for grad school and I had a stable job. But then after almost 4 years at the bank, I was feeling restless. I didn't see myself being in the bank forever. I have always loved my first job -- teaching Chemistry to undergrads. And I majored in chemistry, not banking and finance. So I thought, hey, a PhD would help me get a better paying job doing what I love doing. So off I went to grad school. That was the objective. A PhD at a world class institution so when I go back home I can teach college chemistry. Anyway, that's what brought me here. I didn't foresee falling in love when I came here. I thought, if it happens it will happen. But I did. And I feel like I have found the one. Hence, this dilemma. Sigh. I am such a girl.

I actually have similar thoughts.. and he feels that way too. To just wait. To let go and let God. But it's a struggle for me. I feel like I'm on to something great..and now it eludes me again. I trust in the Lord's divine design for my life. But it's hard at this time when I don't "see the end from the beginning". I feel like the Lord wants to teach me something.. I actually have several affirmations a week after the break up that this is where I'm supposed to be. I guess I'm just working through my emotions... My friends think I'm crazy for thinking of giving up on grad school. It is taxing but I somehow manage to survive. It's just now that I'm beginning to question things.. In the grand scheme of things, what is it really that i'm working for? Eternal perspective. On one count, I feel like he is the one for me and he says he feels the same way. But things aren't falling into place. Hence I feel like there must be something I can do. Maybe I am being impatient.. It is hard waiting on the Lord.. Please pray for me that I might have strength and enough faith to get through this.. I'm waiting till the semester ends..and then I will go home.. For a bit at least..maybe I can find some clarity.. Because truth is.. I don't feel a reason for me to stay in grad school...

Thanks MrT and Nelly... He actually took himself out of the equation so I can decide for myself what it is i want to do... He loves me enough to support my dreams..He actually said the same thing..about timing..Sigh.. We were talking about options as to him moving here to be with me..He wants to do that but it seems like he doesn't have a lot of options as his scholarship requires him to go home..He has feelings of inadequacy as well..He says his grades are not good enough for grad school or an optional practical training that will allow him to stay in the US for a bit longer. I just feel like the easiest way for me is just to go home as well. I want to be with him. And when I look at my life's plan I feel like I won't regret not finishing grad school..Maybe I'm letting my emotions rule over my head.. I'm sorry.. But thank you.. You did give me things to think about..

Last year I asked for advice whether to pursue grad school or not and I've had various insights from this site.. I truly appreciate them..And I am also grateful for the relationship advice and support and comfort I got... Once again, I turn to you..hoping that maybe hearing some of your thoughts will help me as I make crucial decisions.. I just went through a break up. It was painful and I was blindsided. I never saw the break up coming. (I posted a blog about this -- The worst 48 hours). Anyway, my ex and I recently talked and I now understand (somehow) why he broke up with me. I have to admit that at first my feelings of rejection overpowered me so as to question whether he ever truly loved me. The only reason he gave me was that the distance was hurting him. He is in Hawaii and I am in Texas. But when we talked, I believed in his sincerity. He just wasn't made for long distance relationships. I cannot fault him that. We were well aware of the risks associated with a long distance relationship before we got into this, but I guess he never realized it would hurt him so. You see, he is graduating soon..and will be home bound in 2 months while I have years of grad school ahead of me. We did talk about marriage. He seemed intent in marrying me. He considered his options but if we get married he will be my dependent and thus cannot secure a living (We're both international students). He tells me he doesn't want me to quit grad school because these are my dreams..my family's dreams for me. He said he feels like things aren't falling into place for us and that we should wait. I wish we both handled it better. But we already broke up. I am trying hard to deal with it. He said he's still in love with me but he doesn't want a long distance relationship anymore. I asked him that if I pass by Hawaii on my way home for a break, if he would see me. He said he's scared to face me..and joked that we might get married at the temple in a rush. He said he actually planned to see me before he left for home. To be honest, I can do away with grad school. When I left my country, I had a good paying job which I'm pretty sure I can acquire again. I am confident in my abilities in finding a job. I left because I was searching for something -- a sense of purpose..and grad school felt like a "productive thing" to do. Still, I place greater value on marriage and family. In a way I feel like this break up had to happen.. I realized that I truly do love him. But right now, I'm asking myself if he is worth all this.. if he truly does love me as he says he does and part of me believes that he loves me.. Still there's this nagging thought -- if he loved me, then why did he break up with me just like that? I guess i still have very strong feelings of rejection.. I don't know.. Now i really am wondering what I should do..I am not totally unhappy with grad school. I am struggling but i feel like I can make it through. Yet I feel like if this is stopping me from my "happily ever after", then I can give it up and not think twice. Though now I am unsure how to proceed. Though he says he loves me, I am asking myself is there something worth fighting for at all? I feel like he wants me to make my own decisions without him influencing it, because I feel like if he asked me again to marry him, I will in a heartbeat and I'll say goodbye to grad school just like that. But maybe this is just some romantic notion in my head. I need your prayers and insights please. I am confused whether to stay in my program or what. Somehow my feelings of loneliness is overpowering me these days as well. I miss my family back home. And I am wondering if working on my PhD is worth all this trouble..Add to that the loss of what could have been an eternal marriage. Am I just struggling with my emotions? Or is there something substantial here that is worth fighting for?

the wife deserves to know. it is your moral obligation to let the wife know.

I recommend HipHop Abs!!! It's super fun and although moves are easy, it really works!!!!

hi darrel! If you are assigned in Manila Mission you'll mostly be speaking Tagalog.. although in some areas, you may encounter some variation in accents.. But being fluent in Tagalog will be sufficient =) I'm sure you'll be able to manage it.. =)

hmmm.. hehe i prefer rash guards...