LilylovesJesus

Thank you all! I am giving a talk tomorrow on religious music in our church, homes, lives. Your stories and song lists have inspired me. I may quote a few of you of it is alright...I will use your lds.net name if that is alright. Thank you again!

Do you have a favorite hymn that has had an impact on your testimony? Any stories of music bringing one back to the gospel, or playing a part in conversion? Has religious/lds music made a positive change in your home? I'd love to hear about it! Thanks!

Wow Charley...wonderful, honest reply. Thank you so much!

I still can't believe someone actually tried to tell you what music you should or should not listen to. Wow. For what it's worth, when I was investigating, Adrian and I would listen to Slayer on the way to sacrament meeting. I know, I know....but it never prevented me from feeling the spirit in church...hey, I joined didn't I? (: On the other hand, there was a while after getting baptized where I just could not listen to Led Zep...reminded me too much of the "good ole days." Sometimes you are what you listen to if you can't control your emotions. Last time I tried to jam out to Christian Pop on the radio, it turned out to be a part of some show where they were bashing Mormons...hating on the Mormons...so those people running that show were idiots, but I could never assume every band on that sation is a hater. Christian music though...blehh...I have never enjoyed any of it, including contemporary LDS artists...sorry!!!!! I'm sort of a snob I guess...it's just a matter of taste....I just think it's bad music. IT all sounds the same to me, just like top 40 mainstream. Anyway, as a musican I have never wanted a chosen audience. Hey, next time you feel like listening to Calvary 103 or whatever it may be...you do it, and if you love the music, you call the station and tell them that you are a Christian music loving Mormon...who also happens to be a Christian! Music is the universal language right?

Thank you...each and every one of you. I hope I have not offended anyone. I do not wish to disrespect our current Prophet or those who came before. My journey as a member of this church is what I make it. This, I know...just need to remind myself. These questions have never shaken me until now, and it is my desire to find a way to address them....I have moments where I doubt, and I am not one who can keep that doubt tucked away. It's like addiction...often the best way to stay out of trouble is to talk about it....I have always enjoyed every side of the story. In every other aspect of life, when I am making a decision I look at every option, every view point, every possibility. With the gospel, I have done the same thing. I see that only God can give me the answers I truly desire. I know as a member of this church I need to learn how to better run on faith and lean not on my own understanding...something that is hard for me, but that's part of my journey I suppose. I still wonder....when non members ask me about church history, things the prophets have revealed...I stumble....will I ever be able to answer their questions without feeling completely stupid and regretful the next day? I don't know how the missionaries do it, I really don't. I would be a TERRIBLE missionary in that regard. When others challenge my faith in this gospel, I immediately go on the defense, but ultimately feel defeated. How can I answer these questions when I am so far from knowing how to answer them for myself? And even when I do know the answers, I am not eloquent in my response. Some may think five years in the church is a long time...it often still feel so new to me. I am not a scholar in any way, shape, or form. When I joined the church, I joined on blind faith. THings are different now. I need to adjust and adapt. I know members who get angry at questions I have put out there, but I never mean harm. Sometimes we have to stumble and make fools of ourselves before we can walk without shame. For an adult, I sure feel like a kid...just blurting out questions that come to my mind...I just want to know. I'm sure God never intended for us to know everything. You are all right about the anti sites. Unfortunately, it is all too easy to run into them. There was a time when I would be able to spot them, and instantly look away. It is amazing to me that people spend so much time and energy with what they hate rather than advertising what they love. Finally, I think I need to work on strengthening my testimony of Joseph Smith and go from there. Boy there is so much to learn, so little time...

I am so sorry for assuming that non members would not have useful advice for me at this time. How small minded of me. Thank you everyone for your thoughts. You have no idea how much conversation helps. I'll try and think before I type next time!

I'm new here. Just to preface, I am a Convert of five years, and for the first time I am concerend about my testimony...working on this by asking questions. My husband shutters to think I do this, but I second guess decisions past prophets have made. I also anticipate future prophets possibly making mistakes. These chosen men are human. They are not perfect. What a huge responsibility it must be. We are taught to follow the prophet. What if the prophet is wrong about something? We are told to follow them anyway...I think that is the answer, but it's a hard answer for me to accept. I often wonder if past prophets were wrong about certain issues....for example not allowing black men to hold the priesthood...I know that's a whole other can of worms I'm sure. Second thing. I would like advice on how to repel the lurings of anti Mormon websites. I do NOT seek them out. But I am currently having such a hard time...mentally and spiritually. I was trying to find more info on priesthood blessings, and came upon a website I thought was Mormon friendly, but of course it was some ex Mormon. Right away on the website it had a section of fast facts about the church....things like Joseph Smith had a slave sealed to him, etc...some things were so silly, but I admit other "facts" that popped up made me wonder. It's the LAST thing I needed to see considering I am fighting a fading testimony...trying to hold on to it, make things better. Thoughts? I'm sure many of you are rolling your eyes as I am surely another typical convert asking age old questions. Please know I am sincere in trying to learn as much as I can by going to the source...in this case, hopefully other faithful members who can offer their advice.

A- Chugga Chugga CHOO CHOO!!!!!! He has no idea I'm even on here...unreal!!! Love him, just saying...

I was born and raised in Arkansas, and am also a convert! I am not technically inactive, but I do struggle and know how easy it is to jump ship. All I can say is this...not going to church does not make things any easier for me. Give it time...I mean, don't have any expectations of how you SHOULD feel. Go to church..or read the ENsign...something...baby steps. Little by little you may find the answers...but hey, I should take my own advice! It's important to have a support system...someone to talk to. Ask questions...everyday. I'll send prayers your way for what it's worth. I know the only reason I get up in the morning is because someone out there must have said a prayer for me.

UGhhhhhh...me me me me me. Just re-reading my post....me..I...me...I... This is the problem.

You know, the funny thing is.....my motivation for being "good" is all backwards. I don't want my husband to worry about anything else right now, and I don't want to dissapoint him. I am more afraid of the stigma of breaking the word of wisdom...it's like I have lost sight of WHY I should keep the comandments. I have no interest in my own salvation right now...but I am afraid to dissapoint the Stake Presidency. I have this crazy idea that God is sort of put off with me right now, and he has no reason to really swoop down and help me out....I think he is waiting for me to do something, but I have prayed. I have prayed and prayed. That's how it all started. I believe in the prayers others have on behalf of me...but I have no faith in my own prayers....sigh... I just can't tell you how strong temptation is for me right now. It's all I can think about. Fast and tesimony is tomorrow and I have anxiety about it. I used to be up there every month. Now I'm trying to thik of excuses not to go. It's hard being a mother when I feel like such a silly child right now. I need to just snap out of it and pull myself together. Good grief!

Moses started out as a basket case.....LOVE IT!!! Thanks for the reply. I am so excited that someone actually read my post....it's nice to know people want to listen. Wow.

As if I need another reason to be on the internet late at night, but this is surely more worth while than facebook. I joined the church five years ago after meeting an inactive returned missionary who shared my love of live music and bourbon. I soon found that his love for the gospel was paramount, and as I inquired of the church, he came back to full activity. The Stake President baptized me. I knew the church was true when I went into his office and he spoke....I felt God speaking through him. I knew the church was true when I felt the Holy Spirit so strongly in that office, and after years of substance abuse and addiction, I was able to go home that night, and from that moment on, I had no desire whatsever to drink, smoke, or harm my body in any way. I am married with two children. We were sealed. My husband is actually well known on this website. He is a brilliant man who loves this Gospel so deelpy. Knowing myself and my history, I always worried I might lose my testimony. This past year has been the hardest year of my life thus far for reasons I need not get into. Adversity has found me and the snoball just gets bigger by the day. I have let go of the rope a few times. I have given up. Currently I am barely hanging on. I am tempted to ask to be released from a stake calling. I feel I don't deserve to hold a calling when my faith is so weak. Every day I think about having a drink. Every day I think about self medicating in some way. I am no stranger to depression, but this is the first time I have had a case of it since joining the church. I am a musician and an actor. It is hard to be Mormon in this industry, but I've never struggled with it until recently. That's another post another day... Let me be clear though....I want to believe. I want so badly to feel worthy...to feel special in God's eyes and to make him proud. I want to be a good person. I do not have many friends in our ward, or stake for that matter. I am hoping that by talking to other church members, I can rediscover my faith...my testimony. Oh, and my profile picture? I took my four year old to an art museum and we stopped to admire this photo of Iggy Pop. She said, "Look Mommy, it's Jesus."