Ivy64

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Everything posted by Ivy64

  1. Oh thank you all so much! You've been such a big help! I got a much better idea of this now... Of course I always wanted a temple marriage, but right now it just isn't possible so I guess thats why I didn't want to do the whole traditional "walk down the eisle" stuff, but my inlaws are non-members so it would be really nice for them. :) I know this is whats best for us know and I know we will make it to the temple. Winterstar, we too have no money and nor do our parents. We are expecting some though (hopefully) through a buisness investmen but we thought it unwise to wait. WE are whats most important. However getting ready for the if all has made me really think of a receiption and stuff. I mean, it would be such a waste to wear a wedding dress for just 15 minutes right?! I am hoping to use part of my tax return for most of these expenses. We were planning on forgoing a reception but, think we can do it for less then $1000? XD And also just out of curiosity, have yalls families/you been married in the chapel with a less then modest dress? Do they let you? Im going to go to a speciality modesty store here that we are SO blessed to have (face it when you ask for sleeved dresses anywhere the people look at you funny!) I definitly want to be modest and show my intentions to go to the temple in that way too (which is also why I want it in the chapel.) So just curious Thanks again all!!
  2. So long story short, we decided go ahead and do a civil wedding. I have a few questions about it. I knew a couple that got married after the girl got pregnant, they had to have the ceremony in the RS room and not the chapel. Will I have to do that cause I am no longer a virgin? Or was it just if I were pregnant (which I am not.) Also, whats it like? Is there the typical walk down the eisle thingy...kiss the bride all that? Cause I sorta hope not haha Also does anyone know if it has to be MY bishop that does it? Or could it be like my former bishop? Also I have talked to my parents and they are supportive. No questions or anything :) I think really they are smart enough to figure things out but, I am thankful... Thanks in advance :) Oh and I am excited hehe
  3. Just so you know a really good friend of mine also had the same addiction. He went to therapy and talked to his bishop and everything the same as you. He really desired to go on a mission and messed up alot too. But guess where he is now? Yup, he's on his mission. I commend you for having this desire and telling the bishop and your dad and everything - that is NOT easy. And yea you will screw up but know that if you are sincere and endure to the end that the Lord will support you. Especially if you have a great desire, he will do all in his power to help you get there. We're proud of you! Don't give up!!
  4. I have to agree with Loudmouth. Since when has a "seperation" ever been good for a marriage? I agree. It's his way of destroying it, indirectly.
  5. Let me put it simply, and apologize ahead of time for its roughness.... A marriage will NEVER work with someone who does not share your same beliefs. (I can't imagine how you can put up with it anyway.) You must give up your beliefs, or the girl.
  6. Very very good Innergold. Good stuff. To add on the "warn your children of the dangers" thing, did you hear this story? A highschool girl and guy dated. While they dated he took naked pics of her on her phone ( I believe.) She ended up sending it to one of her friends and was sent to another one etc and guess what, everyone was caught. Everyone with the pics ontheir phones were ARRESTED. At about 16 years old their lives were OVER. They would spend the next 20 years in jail....think of everything they will miss... What I think kids don't get is what pornography really IS. iIt is ANYTHING that is created with the purpose to arouse. This can be skantily clad women just as much as full out sex, even the sex scenes in movies now - I mean comeone its pornography!! TEACH them to have the proper perspective....
  7. Sometimes there is no significants, only reflections or particals of thoughts left over for the day or sometimes dreams are just random - trust me I have some WEIRD dreams. But if you feel a particular DRAW to this then it might be the spirit. The only other significance I can think of is the 7 Seals....Signs of the second coming. Do what you feel maybe the spirit is trying to prompt you to, or to understand, but don't go fanatic about it you know ? :)
  8. AH!! I get it! That last one made more sense. It make sense I believe I have even been through that. Thanks!
  9. Im sorry I jsut don't get the whole "fighting against evil only makes it stronger" stuff. Hemidakota's comment is what makes sense to me.
  10. Also, if you can't become worthy over thsoe many years what makes you think you would a year after you are civially married? Especially since marriage usually makes us complacent or we are no long on our "best" behavior...
  11. This is my problem. This is why I want to be civally married first. BUT I know we will go to the temple. You gotta pray about it darlin'...
  12. You guys really need to watch the movie Traffic: War on Internet Porn....
  13. Ivy64

    Marriage

    Thank you :) Actually ALL the people I know who have heen civally married first actually did go to the temple later... Think about this I also know many people who have gotten married inthe temple the man is a returned missionary and one of them still ends up having an affair .... so hmmm...really? Its about the marriage. But the temple is soemthing I DO want. I want to repent. I think I needa see a counselor about my past abuse issues though. Thanks for the input :)
  14. My answer is simple. Pray. Ask the Lord not "is he right for me" or the other things ppl normally pray for. Ask if you should continue dating him... BTW, how old are you? You sound young...
  15. You know what?! I have been thinking alot about stuff like this lately. Especially with how much worse the world is getting. My thoughts are: What about the girl who marries the born in the church, returned missionary and he still cheats / gets addicted to porn? What about the couples whose lives are ruined by a church leader who takes advantage of the young women and shes excommunicated? (it happens, I know someone, but I am NOT at all saying the priesthood/organization is bad or anything.) What about all the people who have made every right decision their entire lives and still don't get to live their dreams and watch everyone else live it? (this was me) Here's the answer I have come to. BIG DEAL! I mean sure, some of these things are a really big deal. And I know you are in a world of hurt right now. But seriously I think the church puts on this imagery of a perfect life if you are married in the temple and while I do know the blessings of the temple are real and sacred and their make good marriages I still know PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE and we are imperfect and sometimes fall of course and WE ALL HAVE OUR DEMONS. I know people who have gone through these things, and guess what THEY ARE OK. I know couples married civally who have never had the gospel and they are SO happy. This may not be deep or waht you are looking for but it realy has impacted me lately. So CHOOSE to be happy aand positive. Positive especially. I am sorry to sound harsh but you knew what you married. And just because someone is slipping doesnt mean "get out of the marriage." I mean seriously come on! You know what kind of evil is in the world?! You know how lucky you are you have a husband who knows his actions are WRONG!? IF he is willing to work through it then dont alienate him by showing him contempt! Support him and choose to love him! I gaurantee if you get through this together you will both be better for the experience. We did not come to earth to live perfect lives or see how far we could get without sinning or making mistakes. This is mortality. Find the joy in life - ike a child that grows in you! Amazing! - and make the best of it the best you know how! And I highly recommend you do it wil love, patience, understanding and charity and all the other principles the Gospel provides. Best of luck to you.
  16. To stop fighting means you are accepting. I am sorry, I think you are confused...
  17. Ivy64

    Marriage

    Update So I went to see my parents who were in town at my bro-in-laws and sisters house. My sister in law is one of those members who is like, in my mind, near perfect. She's so righteous and bright I feel like she is an angel, and not only that but she is not judgmental or blind she really is favored of God... Anyway she was a way of getting me to talk. I am closed to her then my real sisters (we are many years apart so I grew up when they were out of the house) so shes easy to talk to and always wants an update of my life. This time however I had no intention giving her an update. Then, when we were alone and she was asking me questions, I ended up telling her... I guess I felt like I was sick of it and wanting to get it out or something. She told me I shouldn't wait and should go talk to the bishop asap before it tears me apart etc....I want to in a way but I dont. I am scared, and not for telling my bishop what I've done. I am fine with that. But about what will happen..I dont know probably its just satan but I was really mad I told her.. However it put things into perspective for me so I am wondering if maybe that was suppose to happen? lol Anyway I am a little scared right now and lost. I am wondering if I put up a front before, making myself feel so strong or if I really am OK and the past abuse issues make me just a TAD more innocent ( i know how that must sound...) but I still dont feel like repenting. That scares me. What the heck is wrong with me I was never like this! Yet I am still happy!
  18. A very close friend of mine had a similar problem. I watched him (not literally...) go off and on off and on his addiction, having to re-modivate himself many times. Sexuallity is such a powerful part of our mortality its hard to stay away from it...trust me, being raped and molested for 4 years and now addicted to sex myself, I know. This is why there are seemingly "strict" boundaries as far as chastity and dating go. For our protection. But if we mess up there is ALWAYS hope. #1 DONT beat yourself up. This is a sure way of you abusing yourself again ie: viewing pornography again. #2 Don't give up. I got in the mess I am in because I got sick of it and gave up. Not really me, but a moment of weakness can overtake us when we least expect it. #3 Keep reading your scriptures and praying. They will give you the POWER to resist temptation better. #4 Work with a bishop. Remember, he is your presider in the name of the Lord who does whats best for you.... #5 Watch what you are thinking. Perhaps you didnt know it but you let some things play in your mind and thats why you haven't had the spirit? Just remember Heavenly Father won't abandon you. keep working at it, you seem to have your heart in the right place so I know you can be successful. Sometimes I feel like we slip based on our agency but also as a test/another lesson....do your best and move forward and you will be blessed. :)
  19. Ivy64

    Marriage

    I definitly think its just him...I was terrified of it before, for many reasons, yet at the same time having that hypersexual drive. Doesn't seem like it makes sense, does it. Honestly if this doesn't work out I feel like I could never try for marriage again. He is right for me in every way. I appreciate the questions they were good ones to think about. I definitly want to be married inthe temple but my thinking was if it is going to take a year to repent then why not go ahead and get married first? Idontknow I really appreciated what Ben said. I think honestly, all in all this is all happening for a reason. While it is "bad" it definitly is blessing me with clearer vision and a more balanced mentality. Everything doesnt seem so scarey, doom and gloom now. Thanks all :)
  20. Ivy64

    Marriage

    Missingsomething: I am sorry if I came off defensive. I wasn't offended at all and hope I didn't sound rude to you!! I just wanted to make sure it was clear, not just to you but anyone else who might just start reading who hadn't read my other post, about myself etc. John Doe: Yes, I have been to counseling. I went trhough church services too. I think its turning out to be a longer process then I expected. You see, I use to have break downs (as early as a year and a half ago) just remembering the stuff I went through. While I healed and got over and worked through the events themselves and learned to become a more emotionally idependent adult, I think perhaps I need to go back to work on the things that have cascaded over time to affect me today from it, if that makes sense. Doesn't it suck how much something carries over and taints and branches off iny our life? IT was almost 10 years ago and I still suffer... Thank you everyone for your input and support.
  21. Ivy64

    Marriage

    Let me clear up a couple of things. #1 I NEVER suggested lying to my parents in any way. We are very close, I could never ever do that to them... #2 No we are not living together. #3 We have been together 6 years this June. This is hardly a "new fling" type of deal. We've been trying to get married forever and something is always in the way....we've been through ALOT and I just can't imagine my life without him. I put way too much into this, given up my whole life. I know that if we were to be married and live a life outside of the gospel we'd be happy. I know that the gospel makes you happy but I also learned that it is not the miserable hell without it like it seems to be engrained in us to believe when we are young. However I do want the sweetness and the peace of the gospel in our lives. The reason I want to get married civillay first, besides the importance of his family being there, is not just so I can skip t he whole repentance process or what not. I know I would still have to go through that. But mainly I have a pretty good feeling I will/am addicted to sex. Why? Like I said, I was raped for 4 years when I was young....it made me have a high libido...everyone I have ever gotten to know has told me I have always had the most sexual tension from anyone they ever met all through highschool...I don't think I Can stop. Him? He could. It doesnt reallly matter to him. He isnt your typicall guy. In fact, its usallly me jumping on him, to be honest. He hardly ever starts it. Anyway I appreciate the input. REmember, I am the type of girl that grew up totally commited to going to the temple...but REALITY has started to settle in me more...nbo that I have lost my testimony just that it is balancing out...a real blessing. I dont regret anything...I have learned and grown so much.
  22. Ivy64

    Marriage

    Really good points man I appreciate that. The other people going to the wedding is a big plus too. You see when he joined the church it really broke his mothers heart. She has nothing against the church it just made her feel like, she didnt do enough in the religious area for her kids you know? But she was adopted at age 8 by VERY strict baptist parents I mean her father is sooo cruel it is sad. Always tells her she and all her kids are going to hell but they are suuuuch good people. Anyway we knew if she wasnt able to be at her sons wedding it would break her heart all over again. That and it might be easier with those grandparents I appreciate it a lot man.... :)
  23. Ivy64

    Marriage

    Ok so I wrote a little while ago about being lost, having lost my virginity and not sure wether to try and stop my actions - risking failing and not being able to stop, or getting married first civilly... Me and the bf have been talking lately. I feel like a lot of the things we have planned for over the years we just sort of hoped for and we have been dragging along waiting for them. Now, it looks like they are coming along. I want to capitilize on this. I Feel like if I get married civially, its atleast a step, versus just sitting here waiting etc. Im a little lower spiritually then I have ever been but I realized I have been better mentally, and temporally better then ever and I owe msot of it to him so I feel like we can do anything together. Basically what I am saying is I think we decided we want to go ahead and get married this summer. Really even that isn't soon enough for me. He knows how important the temple is so we are determined to go a year from now. My question is, how do I break that to my parents when the time comes? Anyone else had to do this? Tell me your experience. Advice?
  24. Ivy64

    Not Easy

    Sakuragirl, Ive been following your posts... I would have to agree with Wingnut. I am sorry but I think Wingnut is right. Why? Because you said "He left me with $50 and bills..." Typically someone who loves you and cares for you doesn't say "lets get married!" then say "Oh well, your on your own now...." I hear alot of people say their significant other tell them "I need space etc" To me that just means..well..you know I am sorry, I hope things work out Keep praying!