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Everything posted by Jamie123

  1. She-Ra was always criticized for giving unrealistic bodily expectations to young girls. (You don't get big breasts AND a tiny waist - its one or the other or neither.) No one ever mentioned that no one looks like He-Man either!
  2. I remember the He-Man/She-Rah cartoons where at the end of each episode the moral lesson would be pointed out. It was usually something like "Don't kick the bad guy when he's down, even if he is a jerk" or "you won't have your grandparents forever ever, so appreciate them while you can". Not bad really, for a franchise that was mostly about selling plastic junk.
  3. He would get better business if he gave out lollipops 🍭.
  4. It occurred to me this evening for the first time - ever - that if Mother and Father Bear swapped clothes, Mother would look exactly like Father and Father and Father would look exactly like Mother.
  5. How do you fit four elephants in a Mini? Two in the front, two in the back. How do you know if an elephant's been in your fridge? Footprints in the butter. How do you know if two elephants have been in your fridge? Two sets of footprints in the butter. How do you know if three elephants have been in your fridge? Three sets of footprints in the butter. How do you know if four elephants have been in your fridge? There's a Mini parked outside.
  6. In the same noble tradition: Why didn't worms go into the ark in pears...I mean apples? Oh drat!
  7. This one always cracks me up... What do you call a boy with a paper bag over his head? Russell.
  8. Why can you never find any aspirins in the jungle? Because parrots eat 'em all.
  9. This system will allow you to classify each specimen into its correct genus and species. 1. If it looks like Paul McCartney then it's Paul McCartney. 2. If it has small round tinted glasses and you can imagine it standing next to a Japanese woman with long dark hair, and it looks like John Lennon then it's John Lennon. 3. If its playing the drums then the chances are it's Ringo. 4. If it doesn't fit any of the above categories then you can safely label it George Harrison. Another minute wasted with Jamie123! 😝
  10. What did one earwig say to the other earwig when they both fell of the wall for the tenth time that day? Earwig go again!
  11. What do you call a woman who throws all her bills onto the fire? Bernadette
  12. May autocorrect always choose hilarious replacement words when you are trying to type a serious massage.
  13. She could always twitch her nose...
  14. May you hear an intermittent buzzing noise in your bedroom just when you want to go to bed, with no sign of an actual fly no matter how many hours' sleep you lose searching for it. May said fly descend upon your face the moment you give up and put the light out. May the Yorkie bar you bought for your mid-morning treat inexplicably taste of mint. (Not that there's anything wrong with mint chocolate, but when you buy a Yorkie bar you expect a Yorkie bar and not an After Eight.) May your next door neighbour start tinkering with his car on Saturday Morning, just as you sit down to watch Little House on the Prairie.
  15. Yup... I never much liked the beads. In fact hair styles like that have always bugged the heck out of me. What do these women do when they wash their hair? Undo every last pleat and remove every last bead, and then put them all back again? By the time you're done with all that palaver it'll be time to wash your hair again! Still...women will be women.
  16. Never saw that movie. I just looked it up: It looks like Bo Derek was nominated for the Golden Raspberry "Worst Supporting Actress"
  17. As a kid, I was subjected to homophobic abuse. And I'm not even gay! In fact I am SO not-gay, I think many of those who homophobe-abused me were gay by comparison. In fact I suspect some were actually real-gay with an "I'll homo-abuse the allegedly gay kid to get the attention off myself" type of agenda. But that's speculation. The point is, I know that homophobic abuse is an actual thing, coz I've been on the receiving end. And though I agree there is much nonsense talked about "hate speech", homophobia (along with transphobia) is a real thing. But it's so easy to think after the event what you should have said. I was never able to think on my feet. So I'm going to indulge in a little wish-fulfilment fantasy... There was one kid - somewhat older than me - whom I'm going to call him "CT". He once gave me a grilling about what I'd do if I were propositioned by a half-naked Bo Derek, beckoning me to bed. When I didn't immediately respond in words to the effect that I'd "do" her, he told me I was not normal, while his bully-partner (a smirking sycophant whom I'll call "CV") snickered snottily away to himself in the background. CT: So? What would you do? There's Bo Derek calling out for you, wanting you!" Me: Well... (Not sure how to respond. Even then I had a superstitious view of sex [barring masturbation], even though I was not very outwardly religious.) CT: Come on! It's Bo Derek? You do know who Bob Derek is, don't you?" Me: She was in 10. And Tarzan the Ape M..." CT: So...? What would you do? Me: OK, well tell me first what you'd do? CT: Oh well...haha...what wouldn't I do? Haha...mmmemmmmemmmm... (performs bodily contortions intended to convey sexual arousal, but actually more suggestive of diarrhea) This is where fantasy takes over... Me: So you'd have had "carnal knowledge" of her? CT: Mmmm...you could put it that way....(continued vocalizations and bodily contortions). But you'd just run away, wouldn't you? Like a scared little rabbit, that's you! You'd... Me: Has it never occurred to you that Bo Derek is married? CT: (Momentarily taken aback) What...? Me: Yes. To John Derek. That's how she got the name 'Derek', you know. Or did you think that's the name she was born with? CT: I don't believe this! If you think...you're actually saying that...? Me: That I think the sanctity of marriage is important? You bet I am! Or are you the sort of slimy little toad who goes around sleeping with other men's wives? CT: What...? (looking over to CV for support, but getting none.) Me: Because if you are, then I hope that when you get married, some other little slime ball comes and has his way with your wife! And I hope she enjoys him ten times better than you! CT: But... Me: And I hope he tells everyone about it, and everyone has a good laugh at Mr. Cuckoo-Cuckold! *does cuckoo impressions* It's good to dream...
  18. No idea if you sing this hymn, but... I vow to thee, my country All earthly things above Entire and whole and perfect The service of my love The love that asks no questions The love that stands the test That lays upon the altar The dearest and the best The love that never falters The love that pays the price The love that makes undaunted The final sacrifice And there's another country I've heard of long ago Most dear to them that love her Most great to them that know We may not count her armies We may not see her King Her fortress is a faithful heart Her pride is suffering And soul by soul and silently Her shining bounds increase And her ways are ways of gentleness And all her paths are peace (Sung to the tune of Jupiter from Holst's The Planets)
  19. I don't know very much about him other than what I've read. And this happened in Glasgow, a long way from me! Perhaps I should be a bit more cautious in what I say...
  20. I suspect the latter. He's a bit of a fantasist. He's self-published about a dozen novels, which are largely believed to be AI-generated. If he was a cynical swindler he'd have run off with the money instead of stopping around to take the abuse, and giving refunds. I wonder how much out of pocket he is. Quite a lot I'm betting! P.S. I read somewhere the girl who played "The Unknown" has now been hired by London Dungeon to do a regular performance there!
  21. I love karate. I just wish I was better at it. (Balance was always my biggest problem.)
  22. A while ago I posted about Elizabeth Holmes, the queen of unsuccessful "fake-it-till-you-make-it". The cautionary tale of Billy Coull is not dissimilar. It's probably funnier too - because nothing life-and-death (such as blood testing) was ever at stake - but also quite heart-rending when you think of the poor little kiddywinks expecting to see Wonka's factory in it's glory... ...and actually getting this... Wonka: The Scandal that Rocked Britain review – a whole hour of TV on the chocolate disaster that went viral | Television | The Guardian Coull was an idiot of course. He used AI to create a wonderful website, and a lot of people bought into it. (Just as they bought into Elizabeth Holmes' pretty face and Steve Jobs demeanour.) Could he create such a thing in real life? Well I believe he thought he could, and when real life caught up with him, he was the first to admit his own stupidity. He did blame some of it on being "let down by suppliers" (which could be true - who knows?) but at least he didn't skip off to the Bahamas. He was there in the thick of it, taking the flack from enraged parents who called him a "scammer". (And if you don't know what angry Scotsman - or Scotswoman - is like, think Groundskeeper Willie times a hundred!) A true scammer would have been long gone, leaving his hapless employees to pick up the pieces. It reminds me of this verse (don't know the author, but it's about bricklayers):