ryanh

Members
  • Posts

    865
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by ryanh

  1. A real experience from just month ago . . .
  2. And, if enough time has pased see if he/she stinketh? Alma 19:5
  3. Wrong! It does not make you a terrible person. It is disqualifying you for eternal blessings, and I would fear for your welfare were you to pass away now without a chance to fully repent. That's some pretty dangerous eternal roulette you are playing. But that doesn't make you any less valuable or important to our Heavenly Father, or the world. The adversary would have you tell yourself that you are terrible, and have you believe it that he might bind you into your path permanently. See: Satan's Secret Strategy and How We Fall for ItThere are many things I would like to suggest to you in order to try to help, however, I'll only give my opinion in response to your opening question. It absolutely would not be wrong to attend church, institute, pray and study. Just the opposite!!! Those are imperatives to stay connected to the Spirit, and find the strength you need. On second thought, I can't post without commenting further on the situation you are in. I have a friend who was in a very similar position to where you are now. That was about 7 years ago. She gave in, and sincerely thought that she could repent later, and come back "soon". Before she knew it, it was 6 years later, many men later (some married), and hadn't been to church in all that time. She too was stalwart when young. Served a mission. Fully intended to be chaste until marrying in the temple. What she didn't realize at the time was that in stepping down the path of immorality, the light and truth she once knew "disappeared". The last year has been an extremely tough one for her to get back to a point where she is in full fellowship. Extremely hard. Were she responding to you herself, I know she would adamantly tell you to stop now. Get married right away, or break up and change course. She would tell you that it will never be easier to do than it is right now - that the more entrenched you become in your pattern, the more difficult it will be to get out. She would warn you that while you may still be feeling spiritual promptings, those will diminish, and eventually, the light and knowledge you once had will dim. We cannot hold onto our testimonies and our spiritual knowledge without the help of the Spirit, and we won't have that help when we follow paths of sin. She recounts how, just six years later, some of her basic understanding that she heard over and over and over since primary is difficult to recall, and even more difficult to "feel". It's not because she is a bad person - it's because she's lost the light that was given to her by the Spirit.
  4. "Before attending her sacrament meetings, Sister Bednar frequently prays for the spiritual eyes to see those who have a need. Often as she observes the brothers and sisters and children in the congregation, she will feel a spiritual nudge to visit with or make a phone call to a particular person. And when Sister Bednar receives such an impression, she promptly responds and obeys. It often is the case that as soon as the “amen” is spoken in the benediction, she will talk with a teenager or hug a sister or, upon returning home, immediately pick up the phone and make a call. As long as I have known Sister Bednar, people have marveled at her capacity to discern and respond to their needs. Often they will ask her, “How did you know?” The spiritual gift of being quick to observe has enabled her to see and to act promptly and has been a great blessing in the lives of many people." “Quick to Observe” DAVID A. BEDNAR
  5. My mission experience was extremely hard. For at least 10 years thereafter I would periodically have nightmares that I was called on a second mission (even though I was married!). It would shake me for days as a result. So, let me reassure you, I understand that not all missions are pleasant experiences filled with happy memories. But I wouldn't for one second insinuate it was a failure, waste of time, or scramble to try to justify it with 'I guess I found some friends and grew up'. Your experience is what you make of it. You can either run from it, or learn from it.
  6. First, define for yourself what and where you were wronged. Are you referring simply to the emotional aspects? ("as in went against the law" doesn't really define any damages that occurred. The other day, I went faster than the speed limit. That was technically against the law. But, should the person in the car I passed sue me because I "went against the law" and they were offended? See what I'm getting at?) Or, have you been put in a position where you now cannot pay rent, cannot find a suitable replacement job, are facing eviction, repossession of car, etc, etc. Define in real terms what your true injuries are, not just your emotional hurts. Then, are you "supposed to let them just slide and not do anything about it" . . . That is up to you. Life's choices are not so clear cut as point to there is a right or wrong for every situation. Often, on the side of right choices, there are choices between good, better, and best. CAN you sue? Probably. From the little info here, it seems like you have enough to take to an attorney and at least start an action. SHOULD you sue? That depends on what you want to get out of this situation you have been placed in. Do you want money? Do you want revenge? Do you simply want to be made whole and equal? Consider the potential end of a suit . . . you get your job back, and missed pay. And then what? Do you really want to force an employer to allow you to work in a place where you would be disliked? (disliked because of a suit forcing payment of damages and rehiring). I personally would suggest asking what the Lord wants you to learn from this circumstance you find yourself in. Whenever we are in the throws of a trial, it is best to stop and ask "What does the Lord want me to learn from this?" Deciding to sue or not sue when we have been wronged is a hard decision. I've been there, and had to make some very hard decisions about how vigorously to defend myself from wrongful actions, and whether or not to sue to recover damages. It's not an easy decision to make!!! You may be justified under the law to sue. I would suggest though that there are higher roads you may take. Paths that will lead you to grow, and gain a much closer relationship with the Lord. For example, read: Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship Elder Robert D. Hales I would echo Gramajane encouragement. Don't get all bent out of shape from this. At least not until it is clear what the whole picture is. Be calm in considering what the situation really is, and what alternatives are before you. I have experienced times when a situation in my life appeared at first to be a huge setback. To an outside observer, it would seem to be nothing but negative. But, by and by, (esp once I finally quit fighting against it), I would come to find that the situation actually was a grand blessing, and not by accident that it came to pass.
  7. Nope. I was primarily replying to PV and mirancs (hence the comment about direction the thread had taken), and hoping the advice on avoiding mistakes would be benefical to OP as well.
  8. Personally, I have found online dating beneficial. You are not limited to your ward, everyone there is there for the same reason, and you don't need to know much about dating. There is a thread here on .net about the various dating services, some of which cater to LDS only.The one biggest piece of advice I can give is: Be yourself. Be true to yourself, don't try to put on a facade, and dating will then come easier, and have a greater chance of positive results.
  9. Given the direction this post has turned, and as advice that may be applicable to the OP, there is a book I would suggest: Finding the Right One After Divorce. It has been valuable to me in making sure I'm not making a mistake in re-entering the dating field. The authors walk through 13 common mistakes that people make in partner selection after divorce. The common thread running through each mistake is the motivation is 'fixing' something. Fixing finances, fixing loneliness, filling an emotional hole, etc, etc. The authors are very clear that it is dangerous to move on too quickly. A person may be over their divorce, may mostly be ready, but one or two pressures can cause them to make poor decisions. One line that particularly caught my attention is: "When you have recovered from your divorce and you're so okay on your own that you don't need to get remarried, you will then be in a good position to know when you're ready."
  10. It's tough! Isn't it? Especially for a new convert. I joined at 16, and was basically an atheist before that. I had my own patterns and struggles to overcome too. And now, divorced and dating after 14 years of marriage, I'm strongly reminded of how tough remaining chaste can be! I agree ith FT - it's about progression, not perfection. When you kick the current problem, don't forget to identify the next to rid yourself of, or to improve upon. :) If you two are truly committed to getting to the temple, you can do it!!! But, it will take both of you working together as a team to make it happen. You being strong when she is weak, she being strong when you are weak, and beginning now to practice those behaviors that will make for a strong marriage - teamwork towards a common goal. Talk about it, be frank, make specific plans together, do walk-throughs (but not role playing! ) of how you each will gently but appropriately correct the other when one begins to be aroused. Five months is hardly a blink of an eye in the perspectives of the eternities. You CAN do anything for five months. It isn't that long. FT and MM have some good suggestions. I would like to add a couple other thoughts. A pattern than will serve you and her well in marriage, which you can start right now, is to approach any problem as if it is a third party. The issue isn't "you", the issue isn't "her" - frame the issue (remaining chaste) as a third individual/party in your relationship. Then, you two discuss together how to solve this 'problem' mutually. Together discuss how to defeat this common problem. Even if you feel it it you that is the only one slipping up (masturbation), still treat it as if a third entity. Seek her help, her advice, and her input. She can help hold you accountable, and help you be strong when you need it. There are some threads you might peruse here on .net. Do an advanced search for "masturbation", or other related terms. One recent thread that may be of use to you is: Physical affection while engaged: how far is too far? (remember, you two have already made the marriage decision - now it is no longer time to 'feel each other out' for whether or not physical spark is there. Quite frankly, minimizing interaction might be advisable.)
  11. Read The Miracle of Forgiveness by President Kimball. He sets out some good guidelines in there regarding when to confess and when it is not necessary. I think President Kimball would assert that your situation is one where confession to appropriate priesthood authorities (your Bishop) is necessary for true repentance.
  12. Sorry, guess I didn't read the OP well enough. I missed the fact that the ex had not written a letter. I was told (but have no first hand knowledge myself) that if the Administration receives an application from a Stake President that does not include a letter from the former spouse, the Administration will try to reach the former spouse again before giving the file to the First Presidency. I don't know how long they will give, but that could significantly delay the process. If they have her address, it should be easier for them to confirm whether or not she wishes to comment or not. The one experience I am aware of where the ex (in this case, it was a cancellation) did not cooperate, it took almost 5 months from submission to receipt of the cancellation letter.
  13. I know of a couple whose Stake Presidents submitted their applications for clearance and cancellation on November 10th. The decision was finalized by the First Presidency on Dec 17th, with letters arriving shortly thereafter. Just be sure his Stake President has actually submitted the application. If there is nothing unusual, I agree with Ram - two months should be plenty.
  14. In my mind, the above snip doesn't quite mesh with the snip below. Why are you praying for “things” and otherwise so focused on your comparative position to others? It does seem that you think God is a vending machine there to hand out temporal blessings in immediate response for obedience. I generally try to be as kind as thoughtful as I can on these boards. Sometimes though, I really want to grab someone by the shoulders and speak bluntly as it seems a poster isn't otherwise going to grasp it. Your post Saturday is just such a post. What I see is an immature and selfish "what's in it for me" whining attitude. It seems to me that your heart is very much set upon the things of the world. Elder Maxwell used to point out that the "thou shalt not" commandments are protective commandments. In other words, God gave them to us to shield us from pain and difficulties. Either you believe that God is real, and does care about us, and therefore following His commandments is in our best interest, or you can decide you don't believe in God, and know better for yourself. But I fear for you as it seem you misunderstand, or do not have a testimony of, what God is, what the purpose of this life is, and how to find true happiness. If you want to sleep around, go for it. No one here is going to say you can’t choose for yourself. But, you have already been warned of the spiritual dangers. It may not hurt tomorrow, it may not hurt next year, but eventually, the day of reckoning will come, and you will pay the price. Some people are wise enough to learn from others. Yet other people are not so bright and have to fall themselves to learn that others were right. I hope you figure that out while you still have a chance to repent.
  15. Is he 12 as of today, or will he turn 12 in 2011? If he is 12 today, then on 1/2 he will no longer attend any primary meeting. The two hours where he would normally meet in primary will now be Sunday School and Priesthood. Depending on your ward's schedule order (sacrament first, or sacrament last), will determine if he will attend Sunday School or Priesthood first. Basically, he will be in Sunday School when you are, and in Priesthood when you are in Relief Society. If he is 11, but will turn 12 in 2011, then he will continue to attend Primary during Sunday School hour, but will attend Priesthood once he reaches the age of 12. The printed version of handbook 2 has a nice chart laying out the schedule, but the online one doesn't unfortunately. Handbook 2: Section 18. Meetings in the Church In 2011, the standard curriculum for 12 year old Sunday School is Presidents of the Church, which will walk them through various teachings of past prophets. (next year, as a 13 year old, the curriculum would then be Preparing for Exaltation). You can read more about the offices of the Aaronic Priesthood in Section 8 of Handbook 2. Also, see 8.11 Sunday Quorum Meetings For a few minutes, all priesthood quorums (old guys down to 12) meet together to go over announcements, welcome, etc. Then the 12-13 year old boys will meet separately from all others for priesthood related instruction.
  16. No, they will not be denied. It will simply mean the process will take longer to complete. Attempts will be made to contact the spouse, and give them opportunity to respond. But, if they choose not to respond, the process can go forward.
  17. You mention several 'excuses' she gives. Too luxurious, arrogance, adding books, etc. Those seem like red herrings. Were you to solve each and every one, I'd bet new 'excuses' would pop up in their place. When you mention that she feels she has no value, no hope of salvation, that feels like its getting at the root issues. Sometimes people who have a testimony of the reality of God, but have a distorted/inaccurate view of the atonement and Plan, reject religion because it causes too much pain. If past experiences with religion told her she as "bad" or "damned" because of her mortal nature and tendencies to sin, it is easier to reject religion than to face the issue to come to a real understanding. A good portion of that is developing an esteem of our worth to God. Were it me, I would want to know more about her views of God, the atonement, if she is valuable to God, if she feels she can be forgiven, etc, etc. Distorted or inaccurate views cannot be addressed without understanding what they are first. "We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves" - Galileo Galilei
  18. Thank you for the update. Its sad to hear that a planned wedding didn't work out. I'm sure there are lots of difficult emotions accompanying that decision. I feel confident that in 5 or 10 years from now, looking back at the whole situation, you will be very glad your choices led you to go on a mission.
  19. And if he doesn't adapt, then that is a good indicator that he does not yet have the skills necessary for a marriage relationship.
  20. I cannot vouch for the following quote, but it seems germane to the direction this thread is taking. See: why doesn't moroni's promise "work" for everyone?
  21. I have observed in my life what appears to be varying standards depending on the particular Bishop. I think of one in particular that likely would have had a response very similar to yours. And others that may not have been so lengthy in their expectations. However, what may on the surface appear to be variability, may in fact be inspiration and design. I can theorize many ways that such action, which may seem harsh, can be a blessing in disguise. It could be a blessing, a personalized test, or even just a scrooge Bishop that is part of our clinical material provided for practicing forgiveness. Meekness and humility in such circumstances is what is in order.
  22. That's quite an interesting reading between the lines. A second time, I will say, it would be prudent to see what inspired scholars of the scriptures say of this account. However, if you are determined to see it as a double standard despite what anyone says, than I simply hope you the best with your choice. What is the problem of checking with the Bishop? If a conscious isn’t clear and free, the bishop can help with that issue too. What is so funny about various pontifications from the various posters trying to come down on one side or another of yes/no of whether this is a confessable sin is that: no external party can tell! For some circumstances it may be, for other it might not be. Depending on where we each are in our spiritual progression, depending on individual psyche, and a whole lot of other factors we can't feel or sense, we simply can’t tell another person whether they need to or not on one-time slipups. I for one wouldn’t want to be responsible for assuring someone “no, you don’t need to talk to your B” when in fact what is right for that particular circumstance is for the person to see their Bishop! Eric needs to listen to the promptings of the Spirit and his conscious, and make a choice therewith. Choices like this are not by popular opinion.
  23. First, no one on this site has jurisdiction, let alone ability, to give you any feedback as to if or when you are forgiven. That is a personal thing.And no, there is no double standard. You are spinning the situations to create the illusion of a double standard. Did the Savior tell the woman "you are forgiven"? Go back and carefully read what was really said. Then go read what Talmage, Kimball, Oaks, and many others have said about the situation you reference. There is no double standard.
  24. And further, in response to you post title of whether or not you still have hope . . . . There have been a number of talks in recent general conferences addressing that very subject. See: Point of Safe Return as an example of one.