Gemma

Definately ask him what he meant - could be, his bishop emphasized the fact that, having started the repentance process, it was even more important for him to be responsible than it was for you - higher levels of knowledge meaning higher levels of responsibility. This doesn't mean that he's better than you, just that he's realised he needs to take responsibility for his actions as an individual and not let it be something thats a joint responsibility. Anyway, most of the time when something my sweetheart says hurts my feelings, its because I've misinterpreted, or he just didn't realise that it would hurt - we're not all sensitive about the same things. So I have a rule that I always ask at the first opportunity, then explain that I know he didn't intend it to be hurtful but it was, and explain why I felt that way. I usually end up laughing at myself for being silly! Gemma

I have no experience of ADD, but I do know that my thoughts sometimes wander when I'm praying or reading, especially when I'm stressed. I think its a normal part of how our brains work, and the challenge is to overcome that and refocus. I like the suggestion changed made about writing things down, but I'd use it in a different way - I'd have a notebook nearby, and every time a distracting thought came into my mind I'd write it down. That way its recorded for when I'm done with whats important right then (in this case praying) and I don't need to file 'don't forget to feed the dog' or 'I wonder what the football results are' in my subconscious and can fully concentrate. Heavenly Father loves you and understands the efforts you are making, so I think he'd be ok with you saying 'just a second while I right this down' every now and then while you retrain yourself to concentrate better.

This makes me sad! FunkyTown and I go to blockbusters all the time - netflix requires advanced planning rather than a 'what shall we do to night', and if he was here he'd give you his rant on the stupidity of people who download movies. Hopefully they'll be staying open here in the UK :)

Nope, haven't found a way to enjoy exercise, but I'm not doing too badly at actually doing it - for me, the key was finding something to keep my mind occupied while my body works out. I go to the gym so that I can watch TV, listen to music or read a book while walking or cycling - actually, I read my ensign in the gym, its easy to keep open. Keep trying, and focus on what you want to gain from exercise - for me, looking good and being fit was never enough motivation, once I realised the mental benefits of exercise it became something I had to do to feel happy, and I could do it. A vague feeling that you should do it is no motivation compared to realiseing what you'll get if you do. Gemma

Hi, I don't have loads of experience, I'm not an expert, but your words seem to express the same feelings I had early last year. My life was going great, but I wasn't happy and I kept thinking 'why aren't I happy? I need to pull myself out of this!' The turning point for me was going to see the doctor - I realised I was in danger of loosing something precious to me and broke down, booked a Dr appointment and told them I wanted help. They talked about my symptoms and gave me a questionaire to fill in, and told me to come back in a week. By the next week I wasn't feeling as desperate and had changed my mind about the pills and decided I wanted to try exercise first - the Dr told me that in studies, exercise was as effective in treating depression as medication. I'm not sure if that applies to long term, clinical depression as some people have but it certainly worked for me. The other thing that worked for me was reading about cognitive behavioural therapy. This is the book I read, I'm sure there are others just as good. http://http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Teach-Yourself/dp/1444100890/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1285336508&sr=8-1-spell It really made me realise that I was in control, but that by trying so hard to control my feelings I was building on my depression, and it gave me the tools to change the way I think. I feel fine now, but I still go back to it when I think I'm worying too much, or want to change a habit. My dr reccommended and online CBT program called mind gym, so if you prefer websites to books try that. So my advice: 1. See a proffesional - don't be worried that they're going to pressure you to take pills you don't want, there's other things to try first. 2. Exercise. This will give you the mental strength you need to 'get over it' - its a biological thing, exercise releases endorphins which make you feel good. 45 minutes 3 or 4times a week - treat it as a prescription 3. You're right, you can pull yourself out of it - but its ok if you need some help to know HOW to pull yourslef out of it. It will be ok, its not your fault that your having a hard time and its ok to ask for help. Heavenly Father will help you too - my testimony grew enormously as I relied on him to help me through that hard time, he'll help you too.

This probably isn't going to change the way you feel, but try to remember that women can sometimes focus on the trials when they get together - not because we're negative people, but because it makes us feel better to whine to our friends and get some sympathy! I had an interesting conversation with a friend about pregnancy - she said that actually, she felt fine, just a bit tired, and that giving birth wasn't too bad. It hurt of course but she was expecting that and just accepted it so it wasn't traumatic. The really interesting bit was when she told us that she would never say this in front of other mothers, I guess it would seem a bit too much like gloating? So I think we tend to hear the horror stories much more than the 'actually, its not so bad' ones. So don't listen too much to what others say, just judge from your own experiences with kids and don't feel like you have to rush into anything. There are many bad reasons for putting off having children, but there are good reasons too and only you, your future husband and heavenly father have any say in the decision.

You mean there's a club for people who love funkytown? And I've been loving him on my own all this time, sign me up!

I haven't really found my testimony of visiting teaching either - but I always think 'this must be an inspired program because no one person would think it was a good idea to ask us to do this on top of everything else!' My challenge at the moment is that our list seems to change every month, so there's no chance of building a relationship with the people we visit. I know some sisters in my ward do there visit teaching in a place called 'run-around', one of those indoor soft play parks for kids, where they can leave the kids to amuse themselve and drink hot chocolate while they visit. Would you consider doing that? I don't know what ages these kids are, how about picking up some colouring books and crayons or something like that to entertain them with? If I was you I'd probably be feeling resentful and think why should I do something for them, but if it works it will benefit you! Stick it out - at the end of the day, you get visits and you go on visits (with your partner) which means you are doing a great job and are better off than probably 80% of sisters. Try to build friendships if you can.

Back to the OP's question - I would've liked to clarify the situation before judging, the assumption seems to have been that they were sleeping in the same bed every night, whereas the poster may have been talking about a one-off, we were watching a movie in my room and fell asleep and didn't wake up till morning sort of situation. Its been my experience that as youth our leaders are so keen to protect us that they sometimes extend the law of chastity to things it doesn't neccessarily need to contain - for example I had a stake president give a fireside where he said 'you should only kiss your boyfriend like you'd kiss your parents'. Needless to say I spent the first 6 months of my current relationship feeling constantly guilty while I tried to figure out what was and wasn't ok. For me, its ok to kiss my boyfriend in different ways to how I'd kiss my parents I'm not encouraging taking the law of chastity lightly, and I certainly wouldn't reccommend sleeping in the same bed as your boyfriend because I don't believe in leaving yourself open to temptation, but its not a sin in itself and I would be wary of making someone feel as if they'd messed up bad when they may be suffering from overactive conscience!

Interesting discussion - if I can throw this into the mix, sustaining by a show of hands is a principle in the church. I've seen cases where someone has raised their hands to say they're opposed to a calling, and seen the bishopric make a note of it. I assume that they then talk to that member and give them a chance to explain why they opposed. In that case, if you knew of a serious unresolved transgression and that this person had told the bishop they were worthy to accept a calling, I think it would be your responsibility to object. Just going to the bishop out of the blue? I think as a previous poster said that would be taking away the individuals chance to confess themselves, which is an important part of the repentance process, so I'd only do it if I thought others would be harmed.

Sounds to me like she's interested, but after one date who knows? Text her and see if she wants to go out again and then you'll know! Take it slow, have some fun together and don't try to figure out straight away if its serious. As someone who is shy and didn't have a long term relationship till I was 28, I can tell you that the first time I took my boyfriend to my ward I was really, really nervous - that feeling that everyone was watching and that if the relationship didn't work out everyone would know - scary! And that was after 6 weeks of dating him! So I'd say don't even suggest going to church together till you're an item - who needs the extra pressure?

"Whenever I share what I want to do they ask me why I don't want to stay home with my kids and let my future husband work" If they ask you why, how about you really think about your reasons? Maybe you want to set an example of hard work for your future kids, you want to develop yourself intellectually, or you just don't think its fair to expect your husband to do all the work of providing your family with what they need. You could ask them if they've thought about what they'll do if Mr perfect doesn't turn up right away - are they gonna work in a store, go to college, do they expect their parents to keep on supporting them? I'd be interested to hear whether they've thought about it at all! For leaders this is a tricky one to balance. It is part of the gospel that we need to get married to reach our full potential, and that the mother is the best person to raise children. So if I was a young womens leader I would encourage you to aim for those things. But you shouldn't feel like you're limited to that! Its important for a woman to have her own goals too - I always wanted marriage and children but heavenly fathers plan was for me to wait till my late 20's to meet the right guy. The same thing might happen to any young women, and you don't want to waste your life waiting. I didn't go on a mission, cos I never felt like I needed too, and I spent a lot of time studying - I have a PhD in math and now have a good job. When I have children, I plan to be a stay at home mum but work as well, as either a math tutor or a dressmaker, or possibly both.

Focus on the people you think you can make most impact on - get your council together (assuming you have one) and make a list of the people you actually know - people who do sundays only or who you remember from youth days. I know our stake has 300 YSA on record and only 20 attending, so its a bit overwhelming! Sometimes the simple stuff works - last year I sent bought a box of christmas card and sent them with an invitation to our christmas party to everyone who'd only been to institute once or twice. We had 6 people turn up who hadn't been for months. A big YSA issue is transport - if this is a problem in your area (and it sounds like it might be) you may need to ask stake and ward leaders to help out. Another idea I've toyed with but never done is to challenge those who come regularly to fill their cars. Don't get overwhelmed - raising YSA attendance is always going to be hard for many different reasons so don't feel you have to 'fix' it, just remember you only need to make a difference to one person for it to be worth while!

A friend of mine asking the same question about her little boy when he was 4 - the answer she got was its time to start locking the door when he starts to get embarassed. Similarly, your girls will let you know when they want to bath themselves. No point in letting them think their bodies are something to be embarassed about! Try this link for basic braiding - to make it easier, start by put their hair in a ponytail then braid the ponytail. You could even divide the hair into three and put elastics at the bottom of each, then take the elastic off when you're done braiding. You'll find your hands get used to holding three things at once then you can try more things. The Simple Hair Plait I really admire the thought you're putting in to raising your girls well and the fact that you're asking to help. You'll do a great job because you obviously love them!

Welcome! I enjoyed your message its nice to hear you're thinking about coming back. I have no experience to base advice on but I'd like to share what I thought about what you had to say. It sounds like you still have a testimony of the church and a belief in the covenants you've made - the first thought I had was that, although you have concerns, the blessings and benefits of activity will be so amazing that you should try it despite those concerns, it will be worth it! Regarding your concerns, with respect to testimony I would say remember that the church is full of imperfect people - so their testimonies may not be perfect, or their ability to express what their actually feeling may not be perfect and when nervously standing in front of a room full of people they may find that the words used by others are all that comes to mind. When your ready to bear your testimony, I'm sure that any heart felt expression of your beleif in and love of the gospel will be accepted. In the case of lessons, I think we need to remember that the lesson isn't just about us - there's 20 or 30 other people in the class, and a teacher who has done their best to prepare but again, isn't perfect. This means that a question (debate) which interests you may not be the most uplifting thing for the majority of the class at that time - not that its wrong, just that there is a different point that needs to be the focus of that particular lesson. There's nothing wrong with open disscussion and debate, just be aware that sometimes its better disscussed with leaders or a small group of friends outside of formal meetings. Hope that helps - and I hope you can keep going back, and that you start to feel comfortable at church again.