Bini
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Posts posted by Bini
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I try not to judge, there are so many handicaps that cannot be seen with the naked eye, nor observed within the 20 seconds of passing someone.
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19 hours ago, GirlNextDoor said:
Growing up, I was the obly mormon in my family. I started coming to church around the age of 7 and was baptized at the age of 9. With any aspect pf the church, I was on my own. I didnt have parents telling me what was and wasnt okay for mormon standards. It wasnt until I was 12 years old that I learned about modesty. I was actually quite upset that my sunday school teachers didnt find it important that I knew this. I had gone my whole lds life wearing tank tops and shorts above the knee.
But at the same time, I am almost grateful for not finding out sooner, because it gave me a new outlook on modesty. As I was making changes to my wardrobe to fit lds standards, I came across a question. Why do I need to do this? I went ahead and googled it and found an answer from the lds website (lds.org) It said that our bodies are temples and they should not distract or in any case not be able to contain the spirit and/or draw away from us as a person.
As my research continued I found many people saying it was to help men so they would bot be distracted.
Now wait. Slow down. It is MY responsibilty as a woman to make sure that I dont distract men?
Um no thanks! And why would it be a problem anyways? When you are too young to wear garments, you probably havent even sexually developed, therefore you should not be "distracting" to men in that way. If a young man can not control something like that, then he needs to be the one to change, it is not a girls responsibilty!!
I understand that once you wear garments you will need to cover them up with certain vlothing, and that I understand. But young girls should not feel the need to hide their shoulders and thighs in worries that they might distract boys or have God not love them as much or not see them as a good person. The church should be encouraging young girls to be confident and know that their body is nothing to be ashamed of, God created that body just for you!
I know that Heavenly Father is not shallow enough to judge a person by what they wear because that is not what they are. And I want you to understand that too.
This is not ment to offend someone, I am just expressing my opinion.
I agree with you 100% that girls and women are in no shape or form responsible for the thoughts and actions of their male counterparts. We are not distractions and it is unfortunate that our self-worth and self-respect is directly linked to how we present ourselves in attire. How I choose to cover my body does not take away from my self-worth or self-respect. I am no less valued or have less respect for myself than any other woman who chooses to cover her body differently. This is a toxic concept that continues to perpetuate within certain groups. How you treat others and how you contribute to the world - that is what determines the kind of person you are - not what you put on your body. Again, you are not responsible for the thoughts and actions someone else has. Sadly, society has a long history of victim blaming, and while the dialogue has become better, lots of education and awareness still needs to come to light. If a man (or anyone) is having unclean thoughts and acts upon them (sexual harassment or sexual assault) - it is on him - it is not on the other party, period.
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On 8/29/2017 at 5:09 PM, Carborendum said:
I hope you understand that there is a difference between horses for courses and putting on a facade.
Would you actually go to a wedding wearing a tank top, bikini bottom, and a pair of flip flops? But you'd wear that to go to the beach no doubt. Why the difference? You do what is appropriate for the setting. That concept affects the way we dress, the way we behave, the way we talk, the way we interact. This is not a fake face. It is doing what is appropriate for the setting.
If that analogy doesn't get you, how's these:
Do you speak the same way to your 2 y.o. (or will you when your baby turns 2) as you would your boss? I'd hope not. They'd react very differently to the same tone or the same subject matter.
Some of my employees respond very well by showing them proper respect and explaining every decision. Others just refuse to do what I say unless I yell at them, and sometimes cuss at them.
When comedians come to the Provo comedy club (Johnny B's) they aren't allowed to tell jokes that are too raunchy because, frankly, most people who frequent the place wouldn't laugh at it. So, they tell other, more family friendly jokes. And they get lots of laughs.
When I go to my martial arts studio, I bow to others; they bow to me. We all call each other "sir" and "ma'am" regardless of age. I'd never do that anywhere else. But that is what is appropriate for the setting. Is this fake? No. This is what is done.
People smoke at various times. And forgetting the WoW for a moment, consider when they smoke. Could you imagine a pastor having a cigarette in his mouth as he said,"So, do you (puff) take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? (blow)"
I once had a client ask me why I didn't call him "dude" when he found out I was raised in So. Cal. I told him that if it were a less formal setting, I just might.
What is appropriate for different settings is part of what sets humans apart from animals. We don't just go to the bathroom in the middle of the living room. We have manners at the table. We dress for the occasion. We speak proper language at the proper setting. The fact that some notice Mormons actually do this is actually a compliment. If you can't see yourself behaving differently in different settings, then you don't really have the concept of what "appropriate" is.
Reading way too into things. Better sit down.
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On 8/28/2017 at 6:14 PM, Fether said:
This is kind of an interesting thing to read x) "I eventually made the decision" makes the situation sound like some intense moral anomaly xD Im sure we are all the same way
It has nothing to do with being right or wrong. The 'eventually made the decision' is referring to the fact that I'm cautious not to head into an accident.
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I know exactly what you mean and it can be unfortunate when you must put on a facade to impress people you wish not to disappoint. It's not a life I would want.
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I use common sense, which, doesn't always go hand-in-hand with the law. I've been met with a stuck red light a few times in my life and after waiting patiently for x amount of time, I eventually make the decision to go through it, once it is clearly safe and no cars are headed through.
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1. How did you join the church?
Basically born and raised.
2. Do you ever wish you never had bad days?
Sure.
3. Do you ever feel that being LDS can be hard?
I resigned as an LDS so I can't answer but being human is hard.
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On 8/8/2017 at 11:13 AM, Mordo_Rigby said:
Or at least asking what the other person wants from dating. I'm an RM and I've gone on several dates with a girl I met on Mutual(the app). I looked for advice elsewhere, but the non LDS world has answers that most often involve having sex before making a relationship official, which obviously I'm looking to have a relationship worthy of temple marriage, so I figured I'd ask here. Also, when you do bring it up, how have you done so in a way that doesn't send the other person running from awkwardness? Thanks!
I feel it's official when both parties agree it's exclusive and neither are looking at other dating options. I don't think this needs to be overthought, personally.
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2 minutes ago, Carborendum said:
I guess not, if you're seeing it multiple times throughout the day. It only happens twice in any given day, so... And that would mean you stay up pretty late nearly every day.
Where else do you see it?
Run times, I'll see it on packaging, all sorts of things. I'll hear it said on TV or radio.
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17 hours ago, Suzie said:
For years now, when I check my watch randomly it is 11:11. Every time.
Anyone else experienced something similar?
I have been seeing 1111 and 11:11 and 111 for years... Typically it is in the form of 11:11. I'm not really a believer in the hocus pocus but part of me is intrigued by the ever so slight possibility it means something. That said, I got it tattooed on my inner arm this summer...1111...because I see it multiple times throughout the day everyday and not just on a clock face...
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Having been a health care professional, I would not ever bring a newborn infant, especially one that is 2 weeks old into a place where they are exposed to lots of things their little bodies aren't ready to be exposed to. The minimum recommended age for a newborn infant to be out and about is at least 6 weeks. The vast majority of paediatricians and ER doctors will tell you this is an important consideration for your newborn infant's health. As far as being able to attend church or anything that requires a degree of 'quietness', you may not have that luxury for up to a year, maybe more than that
But don't let people guilt trip you into staying home if you need to. Sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do. I'm sure your Lord and Saviour isn't blind... right? He knows your good intentions...
- Just_A_Guy and clbent04
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On 6/19/2017 at 7:49 PM, ray13 said:
My husband and I have decided to be child-free. He has had a vasectomy. We also tend to move fairly frequently (one a year/ every 2 years), which means new wards/meeting new people. Whenever I hit Relief Society I get the "So how many kids do you have" type questions. I respond with "none. We aren't having kids." or something similar. And I immediately get hit with a sigh, or "you'll change your mind later sweetie". They just don't seem to grasp the fact we don't want kids and we are happy. Once people get to know me and they pursue more, I tell them No we are sure. My husband got a vasecotmy. We won't be changing our mind. We have lost friends over this because we are going against the church.
I have never liked kids and never wanted one.
Anybody else going through something similar or can offer words of encouragement / advice on how to deal with it.
It got so bad in my last ward that whenever family came up in class and they started talking about children/grandchildren a lot of the older women would stare at me and start whispering and I could hear my name. My husband doesn't have the same issue. They ask about his kids and he says "No. we arent having kids" and the elders class is like ok whatever. He doesn't get any of the harrassment I do so he doesn't understand so I can't really talk to him about it. He thinks Im over-reacting.
You might want to consider a supportive network with other women/couples who have chosen not to have children. Whether that is an actual meetup group or something online, I think you could benefit from some comfort and reassurance from those who are in the exact boat, and not just 'trying' to relate. Secondly, I completely agree with the comment that you should immediately stop explaining yourself, as that opens you up to being targeted for a slew of nosy questions. Lastly, you and your spouse sound like a balanced couple, I wouldn't put any weight into what people are whispering about regarding your situation. Absolutely, hands down, without question, you can be happy and healthy without ever having children. I know several men and women who have chosen not to ever procreate and they are some of the most wonderful people I know. They are happy, they make other people feel good about themselves, they share hobbies that make a difference in the world, they have successful jobs, some are churchgoers, too. Hope you find some peace of mind soon and I'm very sorry you're dealing with insensitive and extremely nosy people who can't mind their own business!
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Finally got around to watching 12 Years A Slave and wow. I thought it was beautifully and tastefully executed. For starters, I was expecting it to be unbearable to watch, and some parts were difficult, but overall it was put together in a way that educated the audience instead of using shock factor. The characters felt genuine and the story, despite heartbreaking, reminds us that a broken man can piece himself together, no matter the trials endured. The language never exceeded a PG13 rating, that I recall. However, there is some nudity necessary to the plot but you are so engaged in the dialogue and what is going on, you're not focusing on that aspect, rather you are understanding how these families (men, women, and children) were stripped of their clothing, shackled like animals, and examined by potential buyers to live a life as plantation slaves. Personally, the most upsetting part in the whole movie for me was seeing children ripped from the arms of their mothers, and all being sold to different slavers. There is one rape scene that is subtle and shows nothing but is unpleasant, fortunately, it is short lived.
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On 8/7/2017 at 5:14 PM, Backroads said:
If you really wanted to head out northwest, check out Devil's Playground.
I've seen pictures of this area but haven't actually been... thanks.
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On 8/7/2017 at 0:14 PM, zil said:
This place is very popular (will take a few hours to drive there). Keep on going past that place and you get a beautiful drive. Stop and hike around wherever you wish, or just turn around and drive back.
Antelope Island (not that exciting, IMO, but maybe I've been here too long).
Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge (north end of Great Salt Lake)?
Don't know about Route 39 to Pineview Reservoir, but pretty much all the canyons east of Salt Lake are a nice scenic drive, and you can stop and hike in any number of places.
On the west side of Salt Lake, driving up Butterfield Canyon is beautiful. (Go west on the road this shows you.)
ETA: That last one will take you up to where you can look down into the copper mine - quite a sight if you've never seen it. You probably want 4-wheel drive to get that far.
Haven't driven to Butterfield Canyon... I have done the other places.
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On 8/7/2017 at 0:09 PM, Vort said:
Drive out to Antelope Island. Great place to spend a day.
Nice suggestion but I go there quite a bit, I'm not too far from it.
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On 8/8/2017 at 1:46 PM, Mike said:
How far are you willing to drive before you turn around to head home?
I don't plan on spending the night wherever I end up. I'm thinking 2-3 hour drive is about the max I want to do... I will likely leave after work on Saturday about 12-1pm ish.
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On 8/8/2017 at 8:41 AM, Carborendum said:
Poor choice of words...
Because...
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13 minutes ago, Vort said:
By "northern Utah", do you mean the northern half of the state, e.g. Provo or Salt Lake? Or do you mean up north of Ogden?
Closer to Ogden area.
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I'm in northern Utah and I'm wanting to go on a day excursion Saturday or Sunday. Mostly I'm just wanting to unwind and maybe sightsee but not looking to be too active, although, hikes would be fine and rivers or lakes are great. Also, I know there are lots of interesting little places in and around Utah, too, so if anyone knows of a hidden gem location let me know. Lastly, I'll be driving a car so I won't be able to path find any rugged terrain but smooth-ish dirt roads are doable. Any recommendations?
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Power Rangers because I promised my almost 6-year old that we'd watch it. It's no Avengers or Fantastic Four or any other superhero team movie - and sadly - that is exactly what this movie will be compared to. While it's not going to win any awards, I think anyone who appreciates the Power Ranger franchise will enjoy this, as it pays subtle tribute to the original TV series. The cast is mostly newbies, at least, I wasn't familiar with any of them but they did a decent acting job. I didn't cringe at corny dialogue or anything of that nature. The plot is typical of Power Rangers and the CGI was pretty good, in fact, no real complaints on that at all. I wouldn't mind seeing a sequel to this, hopefully, the second will be able to take-off since I felt that this first instalment had the burden of explaining a lot of PR history up to present day - so the story wasn't terribly complex or in-depth. But totally a family-friendly movie. No language, no innuendos that I noticed... Worth renting with the kids.
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I don't have anything to add regarding immigration but I will say that cultural differences in a marriage are often extremely challenging. All new relationships feel blissful and invincible, just remember that reality always sets in, and being an interracial couple with intercultural backgrounds are added challenges on top of the "regular" relationship stuff. That's not to say it isn't doable - sure it is - people do it every day. But be sure you're considering all scenarios when it comes to having a relationship and marrying someone of not just a different race but a different ethnic culture. It is not uncommon for Filipinas to send money and gifts back home, and in large quantities to both immediate family members and extended family members. This is a cultural expectation and one that she will likely continue as long as she is able to provide x. Would this be acceptable to you? And if yes, will you put limitations on what is gifted? Not everyone can afford to do this and I have seen this become an issue over time, firsthand. Beyond that, there will be other things that will be difficult to adjust to, especially Filipino wife/mother matriarch roles... Are you prepared to tell your own mother, grandmother, etc. that your wife has the final say? Sounds silly but if you haven't seen how a Filipina wife/mother runs a household, you should probably schedule that into your calendar upon a visit, and pay close attention... Last note, as mentioned earlier, if she marries you - she is forever attached to you by the hip - no exceptions. She cannot get a divorce and if you decide to at some point call it quits, she will indeed wear a scarlet letter on her forehead, as she will never be eligible to start over again. Do some deep thinking on this, ask yourself how much of this relationship is sincere and how much of it is infatuation. Good luck.
- Just_A_Guy, pam and askandanswer
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A friend of mine does acts of service/kindness every day, although, he'd tell you it's no big deal. Once a week he brings treats into work for his coworkers, sometimes it's as simple as doughnuts and other times it's an actual lunch, regardless he foots the bill and does it because it brightens up everyone's day. I should note that he's done this the past eight years and he isn't even a boss or supervisor of any sort (I mention that because sometimes that's what higher-ups do from time to time) - nope - he's just a regular guy that clocks in from 9-5 making the same pay as everyone else.
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26 minutes ago, MormonGator said:
@Bini, you know I have nothing but love for you, so I ask this question because I'm concerned. A lot of times when people ask "for a friend" they really mean "I'm asking for myself but don't want to say it."
Wow. That's a hasty presumption. This is not about me nor did I insinuate it was about or for a friend.
What’s the last movie you watched?
in General Discussion
Posted
Red Sparrow = Excellent
I don't like Jennifer Lawrence as an actress, I don't know why, there's just something about her that grates on me. That said, I thoroughly enjoyed sitting through this one. The acting, plot flow, and intensity were executed well. I plan to watch it again soon.
A Wrinkle In Time = Good
I went into this movie with the lowest of low expectations but ended up being pleasantly surprised. The plot could have been great but fell short, and despite a decent cast, some of the actings felt mediocre. But while there was a lot that could have been improved upon, the cinematography was vivid and whimsical, my kids loved the odd characters. The experience of watching this is best on a big cinema screen, but for a movie ticket price, I'd vote you watch it on Redbox or Netflix at home.
Walk The Line = Great
Good movie. I think they did a good job of summarising Johnny Cash's life in a two-hour presentation. A bit heavy at parts, not always uplifting, but the vocal performances by Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon are excellent!