Bini

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Posts posted by Bini

  1. This isn't in the advice forum because I'm not asking for advice for myself just opinions in general. In the last six months, I've had some heart to heart talks with other women who are in the process of divorce and who are divorced. Some feel the need to take a time-out and recuperate while others feel ready to mix and mingle. When do you start dating after divorce? Do you wait a month? Six months? A year? A few years? Since everyone heals differently, I doubt there's a set-in-stone answer, but it seems that allowing yourself adequate time to reevaluate things is important. So what's adequate time and how do you know when you're ready to move forwards? People who have divorced, your input is of most interest.

  2. This does not represent feminism, at least not as a whole, it perhaps is the thinking of a very small sector of feminists. The tagline feminists promote is gender equality, giving women the same rights and opportunities that their male counterparts receive. Feminists champion full time working mothers, part-time working mothers, and stay at home mothers if that is what she chooses. I have been a stay at home mother for 6 years and I have enjoyed it thoroughly. As a feminist, I support a woman's right in making the decision she feels is best for herself and her family.

  3. I haven't read all the responses but a couple simple things I'd suggest...

    1. You casually mentioned suicide - GET HELP FOR THAT. Reach out to a hotline or support group and talk to someone.

    2. Keep your parents and her parents out of your personal life. Involving family and friends in these sort of things often makes life much more difficult. If you need a middleman, there are lots of resources to help with that, someone who is UNBIASED.

    Good luck

  4. Very interesting opinions so far. Any more?

     

    I lean towards Jane Doe's thinking. Keep it simple and don't get too involved. Why? There is a reason two people divorce. That doesn't mean you can't maintain civility but the 1-1 tie has ran its course; it is no longer. I know that my husband now and myself severed all ties from previous spouses/significant others. We did not stay in contact at all. It was the best thing for our marriage to be able to progress not having those connections with exes. 

  5. Every situation is different but I'm curious to see what the mainstream thought process here is. Assuming both parties remain on decent terms, what is a healthy and appropriate relationship between an ex-husband and ex-wife? And to what extent? Do you continue to celebrate or at the very least acknowledge birthdays? Do you continue to express appreciation on Mother's Day and Father's Day? Do you attend activities of mutual friends knowing that you will be mingling with your ex-significant other to some degree? Do you remain Facebook friends or stay connected via any other social media network? If yes to any of these, for how long do you do this and does committed courting or remarrying make a difference? And if you don't have children, does that change the scenarios? 

  6. A 2014 live action rendition of Beauty and The Beast in French and it was beautiful. The story is not traditional told at all. It is a love story involving a forest nymph and a king obsessed with hunting mystical creatures. You'd just have to see it to understand the plot but the cinematography is stunning. It's on Netflix right now.

  7. On 5/24/2017 at 7:47 PM, Sunday21 said:

    I am thinking of doing some research on those who observe coworkers being subjected to unpleasant behavior at work. I will begin by giving participants a definition of mistreatment which will range from things like:

    not passing on information that someone needs to do their work

    not inviting someone to an important meeting

    shaking a fist in someone's face

    cruel jokes, ridicule

    racial slurs & insults

    swearing

    not inviting someone to lunch with colleagues

    Any headway in your research on this?

  8. Here's the update between now and my last post. After completing marriage counselling, my husband and I decided to separate. I started working and I'm going back to school in the fall, so I've been pretty busy schedule wise and haven't had much time to centre myself. I've joined a group for women in the same or similar situation as myself, and there I have met some wonderful friends. For the most part, I feel pretty balanced, but I am going through a pretty major shift and everything is still kind of a blur. I've been looking into new hobbies and I've been giving myself 'me time' once a week to be alone and just recoup. Any other suggestions for the next steps in finding and maintaining positivity and balance?

  9. On 3/20/2017 at 6:55 AM, Mickey said:

    Many years ago, my brother in law cheated on his wife and destroyed his marriage to her. (Two children).. He then had several children with this girlfriend that he never married. To me, he lost my respect. She has remarried and has a family. I reunited with the ex on social media and "thought" I was showing my support on her behalf. She ended up getting mad and "Thanking" me for opening up a can of worms. I apologized immediately. A year or more has passed and I sent her a message telling her once again that I apologize for anything I said although I thought my words were in her favor, showing that I sided with her. She has not responded although I can see she has seen my message.  I felt compelled to apologize this 2nd time so that she realized I was sincere since we haven't talked since the first communication. I am still in the family and she is not, and I wanted her to know that even so, I am not on "his" side. What more can I do or say?

     

    (Thank you for your replies...since this was over 15 years ago, I thought It was a safe to show my support to her after all this time).

    Leave it alone.

    I've been in those shoes and when I don't respond, it means, I don't want to go back to that place in memory or in any shape/form.

  10. OUT OF LINE, PERIOD.

    I'm a parent, too. I would be furious that they lied to me but more furious that they secretly cornered my underaged child without my knowledge or consent! Trust has been broken here and I would not be comfortable with these adults being role models for my kids. Wish you the best. I left the church and not ever going back. So this is a church problem I will never have to deal with EVER.

  11. Thanks for the thoughts and positive vibes. I'm emotionally in limbo right now. There's so much to figure out, and yet, time ticks away. We have agreed to attend counseling and get some insight from a middle person. Not to get too detail, the situation is not abuse, but neglect that has caused a lot of hurt and resentment. We also agree that the best outcome -- whatever that is -- is for us to be a functional dad and functional mum for our kids. 

  12. Get Out.

    I wanted to love this so badly, and I guess I set myself up by reading all the hyped reviews, but it was too predictable that it fell short ultimately. That said, the cast did a well-rounded job and the plot is smooth enough. Unfortunately, it just dropped too many hints from the get-go that a critiquing mind is easily able to piece everything together long before the ending scene, which is a shame.

  13. It is a short-lived phase but may feel like an eternity. My 5-year-old daughter is good at self-entertaining from being an only child for a while but when she's with others she does enjoy the world of make-believe and pretend play. It's a healthy part of development, as I'm sure you know from your teaching, so aside from it getting old and exhausting, you at least know she is progressing as she should.

    When I'm not in the mood to play kid stuff, I try to extend myself to taking her somewhere like the park or as mentioned a play area, where she can release her energy and interact with other children. Sometimes children she is not acquainted with are the best playmates for creative play. I would try this. You could still squeeze in 'your time' with a coffee or beverage of your choice, read a book, play an app on your phone, chat with other mums, whatever you find relaxing for an hour or so while your little gets energy out.

  14. Due to certain things within my marriage, which I won't go into details, I have decided to ask my husband for a separation. As of now, I don't know what the end result will be, but I believe being separated is the healthiest option for our situation and family.

    If divorce indeed becomes a reality, I am so scared of facing things on my own, as I've become dependent on my husband the last 5 years or so. We've been married 9.

    I'm just needing some positive vibes.