Bini

I agree with you 100% that girls and women are in no shape or form responsible for the thoughts and actions of their male counterparts. We are not distractions and it is unfortunate that our self-worth and self-respect is directly linked to how we present ourselves in attire. How I choose to cover my body does not take away from my self-worth or self-respect. I am no less valued or have less respect for myself than any other woman who chooses to cover her body differently. This is a toxic concept that continues to perpetuate within certain groups. How you treat others and how you contribute to the world - that is what determines the kind of person you are - not what you put on your body. Again, you are not responsible for the thoughts and actions someone else has. Sadly, society has a long history of victim blaming, and while the dialogue has become better, lots of education and awareness still needs to come to light. If a man (or anyone) is having unclean thoughts and acts upon them (sexual harassment or sexual assault) - it is on him - it is not on the other party, period.

I agree with you 100% that girls and women are in no shape or form responsible for the thoughts and actions of their male counterparts. We are not distractions and it is unfortunate that our self-worth and self-respect is directly linked to how we present ourselves in attire. How I choose to cover my body does not take away from my self-worth or self-respect. I am no less valued or have less respect for myself than any other woman who chooses to cover her body differently. This is a toxic concept that continues to perpetuate within certain groups. How you treat others and how you contribute to the world - that is what determines the kind of person you are - not what you put on your body. Again, you are not responsible for the thoughts and actions someone else has. Sadly, society has a long history of victim blaming, and while the dialogue has become better, lots of education and awareness still needs to come to light. If a man (or anyone) is having unclean thoughts and acts upon them (sexual harassment or sexual assault) - it is on him - it is not on the other party, period.

It has nothing to do with being right or wrong. The 'eventually made the decision' is referring to the fact that I'm cautious not to head into an accident.

Growing up, I was the obly mormon in my family. I started coming to church around the age of 7 and was baptized at the age of 9. With any aspect pf the church, I was on my own. I didnt have parents telling me what was and wasnt okay for mormon standards. It wasnt until I was 12 years old that I learned about modesty. I was actually quite upset that my sunday school teachers didnt find it important that I knew this. I had gone my whole lds life wearing tank tops and shorts above the knee.
But at the same time, I am almost grateful for not finding out sooner, because it gave me a new outlook on modesty. As I was making changes to my wardrobe to fit lds standards, I came across a question. Why do I need to do this?  I went ahead and googled it and found an answer from the lds website (lds.org) It said that our bodies are temples and they should not distract or in any case not be able to contain the spirit and/or draw away from us as a person.
As my research continued I found many people saying it was to help men so they would bot be distracted.
Now wait. Slow down. It is MY responsibilty as a woman to make sure that I dont distract men?
Um no thanks! And why would it be a problem anyways? When you are too young to wear garments, you probably havent even sexually developed, therefore you should not be "distracting" to men in that way. If a young man can not control something like that, then he needs to be the one to change, it is not a girls responsibilty!!
I understand that once you wear garments you will need to cover them up with certain vlothing, and that I understand. But young girls should not feel the need to hide their shoulders and thighs in worries that they might distract boys or have God not love them as much or not see them as a good person. The church should be encouraging young girls to be confident and know that their body is nothing to be ashamed of, God created that body just for you!
I know that Heavenly Father is not shallow enough to judge a person by what they wear because that is not what they are. And I want you to understand that too.
 
This is not ment to offend someone, I am just expressing my opinion.

Run times, I'll see it on packaging, all sorts of things. I'll hear it said on TV or radio.

I have been seeing 1111 and 11:11 and 111 for years... Typically it is in the form of 11:11. I'm not really a believer in the hocus pocus but part of me is intrigued by the ever so slight possibility it means something. That said, I got it tattooed on my inner arm this summer...1111...because I see it multiple times throughout the day everyday and not just on a clock face...

For years now, when I check my watch randomly it is 11:11. Every time.
Anyone else experienced something similar?

You might want to consider a supportive network with other women/couples who have chosen not to have children. Whether that is an actual meetup group or something online, I think you could benefit from some comfort and reassurance from those who are in the exact boat, and not just 'trying' to relate. Secondly, I completely agree with the comment that you should immediately stop explaining yourself, as that opens you up to being targeted for a slew of nosy questions. Lastly, you and your spouse sound like a balanced couple, I wouldn't put any weight into what people are whispering about regarding your situation. Absolutely, hands down, without question, you can be happy and healthy without ever having children. I know several men and women who have chosen not to ever procreate and they are some of the most wonderful people I know. They are happy, they make other people feel good about themselves, they share hobbies that make a difference in the world, they have successful jobs, some are churchgoers, too. Hope you find some peace of mind soon and I'm very sorry you're dealing with insensitive and extremely nosy people who can't mind their own business!

Having been a health care professional, I would not ever bring a newborn infant, especially one that is 2 weeks old into a place where they are exposed to lots of things their little bodies aren't ready to be exposed to. The minimum recommended age for a newborn infant to be out and about is at least 6 weeks. The vast majority of paediatricians and ER doctors will tell you this is an important consideration for your newborn infant's health. As far as being able to attend church or anything that requires a degree of 'quietness', you may not have that luxury for up to a year, maybe more than that  But don't let people guilt trip you into staying home if you need to. Sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do. I'm sure your Lord and Saviour isn't blind... right? He knows your good intentions...

Having been a health care professional, I would not ever bring a newborn infant, especially one that is 2 weeks old into a place where they are exposed to lots of things their little bodies aren't ready to be exposed to. The minimum recommended age for a newborn infant to be out and about is at least 6 weeks. The vast majority of paediatricians and ER doctors will tell you this is an important consideration for your newborn infant's health. As far as being able to attend church or anything that requires a degree of 'quietness', you may not have that luxury for up to a year, maybe more than that  But don't let people guilt trip you into staying home if you need to. Sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do. I'm sure your Lord and Saviour isn't blind... right? He knows your good intentions...

You might want to consider a supportive network with other women/couples who have chosen not to have children. Whether that is an actual meetup group or something online, I think you could benefit from some comfort and reassurance from those who are in the exact boat, and not just 'trying' to relate. Secondly, I completely agree with the comment that you should immediately stop explaining yourself, as that opens you up to being targeted for a slew of nosy questions. Lastly, you and your spouse sound like a balanced couple, I wouldn't put any weight into what people are whispering about regarding your situation. Absolutely, hands down, without question, you can be happy and healthy without ever having children. I know several men and women who have chosen not to ever procreate and they are some of the most wonderful people I know. They are happy, they make other people feel good about themselves, they share hobbies that make a difference in the world, they have successful jobs, some are churchgoers, too. Hope you find some peace of mind soon and I'm very sorry you're dealing with insensitive and extremely nosy people who can't mind their own business!

IF the person insists....My motto for uncomfortable questions is..."Just because someone asks a question, doesn't mean I am bound to answer."
Silence works like a charm.
So yes, this is the face I put to let someone know I don't like what they are asking:
 

Haven't driven to Butterfield Canyon... I have done the other places.

Power Rangers because I promised my almost 6-year old that we'd watch it. It's no Avengers or Fantastic Four or any other superhero team movie - and sadly - that is exactly what this movie will be compared to. While it's not going to win any awards, I think anyone who appreciates the Power Ranger franchise will enjoy this, as it pays subtle tribute to the original TV series. The cast is mostly newbies, at least, I wasn't familiar with any of them but they did a decent acting job. I didn't cringe at corny dialogue or anything of that nature. The plot is typical of Power Rangers and the CGI was pretty good, in fact, no real complaints on that at all. I wouldn't mind seeing a sequel to this, hopefully, the second will be able to take-off since I felt that this first instalment had the burden of explaining a lot of PR history up to present day - so the story wasn't terribly complex or in-depth. But totally a family-friendly movie. No language, no innuendos that I noticed... Worth renting with the kids.

I don't have anything to add regarding immigration but I will say that cultural differences in a marriage are often extremely challenging. All new relationships feel blissful and invincible, just remember that reality always sets in, and being an interracial couple with intercultural backgrounds are added challenges on top of the "regular" relationship stuff. That's not to say it isn't doable - sure it is - people do it every day. But be sure you're considering all scenarios when it comes to having a relationship and marrying someone of not just a different race but a different ethnic culture. It is not uncommon for Filipinas to send money and gifts back home, and in large quantities to both immediate family members and extended family members. This is a cultural expectation and one that she will likely continue as long as she is able to provide x. Would this be acceptable to you? And if yes, will you put limitations on what is gifted? Not everyone can afford to do this and I have seen this become an issue over time, firsthand. Beyond that, there will be other things that will be difficult to adjust to, especially Filipino wife/mother matriarch roles... Are you prepared to tell your own mother, grandmother, etc. that your wife has the final say? Sounds silly but if you haven't seen how a Filipina wife/mother runs a household, you should probably schedule that into your calendar upon a visit, and pay close attention... Last note, as mentioned earlier, if she marries you - she is forever attached to you by the hip - no exceptions. She cannot get a divorce and if you decide to at some point call it quits, she will indeed wear a scarlet letter on her forehead, as she will never be eligible to start over again. Do some deep thinking on this, ask yourself how much of this relationship is sincere and how much of it is infatuation. Good luck.  

I don't have anything to add regarding immigration but I will say that cultural differences in a marriage are often extremely challenging. All new relationships feel blissful and invincible, just remember that reality always sets in, and being an interracial couple with intercultural backgrounds are added challenges on top of the "regular" relationship stuff. That's not to say it isn't doable - sure it is - people do it every day. But be sure you're considering all scenarios when it comes to having a relationship and marrying someone of not just a different race but a different ethnic culture. It is not uncommon for Filipinas to send money and gifts back home, and in large quantities to both immediate family members and extended family members. This is a cultural expectation and one that she will likely continue as long as she is able to provide x. Would this be acceptable to you? And if yes, will you put limitations on what is gifted? Not everyone can afford to do this and I have seen this become an issue over time, firsthand. Beyond that, there will be other things that will be difficult to adjust to, especially Filipino wife/mother matriarch roles... Are you prepared to tell your own mother, grandmother, etc. that your wife has the final say? Sounds silly but if you haven't seen how a Filipina wife/mother runs a household, you should probably schedule that into your calendar upon a visit, and pay close attention... Last note, as mentioned earlier, if she marries you - she is forever attached to you by the hip - no exceptions. She cannot get a divorce and if you decide to at some point call it quits, she will indeed wear a scarlet letter on her forehead, as she will never be eligible to start over again. Do some deep thinking on this, ask yourself how much of this relationship is sincere and how much of it is infatuation. Good luck.  

I don't have anything to add regarding immigration but I will say that cultural differences in a marriage are often extremely challenging. All new relationships feel blissful and invincible, just remember that reality always sets in, and being an interracial couple with intercultural backgrounds are added challenges on top of the "regular" relationship stuff. That's not to say it isn't doable - sure it is - people do it every day. But be sure you're considering all scenarios when it comes to having a relationship and marrying someone of not just a different race but a different ethnic culture. It is not uncommon for Filipinas to send money and gifts back home, and in large quantities to both immediate family members and extended family members. This is a cultural expectation and one that she will likely continue as long as she is able to provide x. Would this be acceptable to you? And if yes, will you put limitations on what is gifted? Not everyone can afford to do this and I have seen this become an issue over time, firsthand. Beyond that, there will be other things that will be difficult to adjust to, especially Filipino wife/mother matriarch roles... Are you prepared to tell your own mother, grandmother, etc. that your wife has the final say? Sounds silly but if you haven't seen how a Filipina wife/mother runs a household, you should probably schedule that into your calendar upon a visit, and pay close attention... Last note, as mentioned earlier, if she marries you - she is forever attached to you by the hip - no exceptions. She cannot get a divorce and if you decide to at some point call it quits, she will indeed wear a scarlet letter on her forehead, as she will never be eligible to start over again. Do some deep thinking on this, ask yourself how much of this relationship is sincere and how much of it is infatuation. Good luck.  

A friend of mine does acts of service/kindness every day, although, he'd tell you it's no big deal. Once a week he brings treats into work for his coworkers, sometimes it's as simple as doughnuts and other times it's an actual lunch, regardless he foots the bill and does it because it brightens up everyone's day. I should note that he's done this the past eight years and he isn't even a boss or supervisor of any sort (I mention that because sometimes that's what higher-ups do from time to time) - nope - he's just a regular guy that clocks in from 9-5 making the same pay as everyone else.

If a person is "angry" and still unable to move forward without thinking about partner, then don't date until the "anger" has subsided, or in good check. If this takes a month, a few months, a year then wait.
If a person is unable to stop thinking about their previous partner (romantic love) then stop dating and don't date until this is in check also.
If on a date you can't stop talking about "ex" relationship, then don't date until the relationship can be about what is in-front of you (general), not what is behind.
 
 

I was separated for almost 4 years before I finally gathered up enough money to file for divorce. During all that time I never dated. I would have liked to have had a meal out with my single male friends. Or gone to the local performing arts programs or to the movies. BUT as a LDS woman, that just wasn't in the cards. I totally understood, and agreed. So, what I did was invite the missionaries over for dinner, a married church couple and the gentleman I wanted to have a meal with. Win, win, win.
By the way, in my branch and the neighboring ward there were no single men between the ages of 50 and 80, that were worth two shakes of an eagles feather.

I say, keep your distance, especially if remarried. If there are children involved, there needs to be some communication and civility, but imo, it should be kept to the basics of visitation dates and times, and other necessary information about the children - nothing more. IMO when there is too much fraternization going on between the parents after a divorce it sends the wrong signals to the children.  They won't understand why their parents got divorced if they are now such great friends.  And, if they are good friends, then perhaps they should have worked harder on their marriage.
Women should not be calling their ex and asking for help with car repairs, leaky faucets, etc.  Neither of them should be calling each other and sharing their disappointments, confidences, etc.

Very interesting opinions so far. Any more?
 
I lean towards Jane Doe's thinking. Keep it simple and don't get too involved. Why? There is a reason two people divorce. That doesn't mean you can't maintain civility but the 1-1 tie has ran its course; it is no longer. I know that my husband now and myself severed all ties from previous spouses/significant others. We did not stay in contact at all. It was the best thing for our marriage to be able to progress not having those connections with exes. 

This is Kathrynne, who joined us on Monday. 

Why destroy them? Why not just take them, hide them and then return them when punishment time is over??

Very interesting opinions so far. Any more?
 
I lean towards Jane Doe's thinking. Keep it simple and don't get too involved. Why? There is a reason two people divorce. That doesn't mean you can't maintain civility but the 1-1 tie has ran its course; it is no longer. I know that my husband now and myself severed all ties from previous spouses/significant others. We did not stay in contact at all. It was the best thing for our marriage to be able to progress not having those connections with exes.