mdfxdb

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Everything posted by mdfxdb

  1. I can't tell you the answer to that. The real question is could you look at if you wanted to, or is he stopping you? If he tries to stop you, then he is trying to control and manipulate the situation. There should be an open book policy.
  2. I don't know her position in the community, but it doesn't exempt him from consequence. So, let me get this straight, he commits a sin and now he's trying to "protect" you? What about when he actually has an affair and brings some disease home? Will that be protecting you too? He's "protecting" you by not showing you the pics? So I guess you should thank him because you should feel better not knowing the whole truth? It's one thing to be satisfied at his word and having the choice to look or not look at the pictures, it's something else completely to not be able to have access. He is making the decision for you, you are giving him all the power. I suggest you put a stop to it and make your own decision as to the type of protection you need. I suggest he is protecting himself from consequence.... The dates don't matter, and the fact that these pics pre-date the budouir pics is of little consequence because he is clearly a repeat offender. Why would he keep this from you? He doesn't want to tell the truth. He is only telling you enough to make you complacent. He is only telling you these things because he got caught... Tip of the iceberg....
  3. You might feel better after confronting her, but did it stop your husband from texting and getting naked pics of another? How does that make you feel? You might feel better after a confrontation (if it goes your way), but it's not a solution to the long term agony you are set up for if your husband doesn't change his ways.
  4. I don't know you, but I feel for you. You are too concentrated on "her" the other woman, and not concentrated on your husband. Forget her, she's not the problem. Your husband is the problem. How will her consequence enhance your marriage? How will her fall from whatever position she has benefit you or your marriage? Your husband needs to come clean, his life, like yours should be an open book. If he is unwilling to share his texts/conversations/photos of and with this woman then you can only assume the worst. In general people involved in this type of behavior have more to hide than they let on. You are likely only seeing the tip of the iceberg. Your husband protecting her because she is a public figure is a sign that more was going on than just pictures. Why is he protecting her? She's not his wife? She's nobody to him right? Right? Really your husband is trying to protect himself because he is selfish. Oh yeah, there is probably more to this than what you know and he is scrambling for cover.
  5. How is your husband going to stop you? I don't agree that you need to confront her. Your husband needs to take responsibility for his actions, and his part. Your husband can't stop you from doing anything you want to do. What is he going to do? Leave you? Based on what grounds? Because you confronted someone he was inappropriate with? I would not confront the other woman. Doing that will not modify his behavior. You will benefit nothing from it in the long run. If you are going to confront someone then confront your husband, make him take responsibility for his actions, hold him to account. Keep in mind this is just the stuff you discovered/he told you about. What else is there that you don't know about?
  6. The trick is getting them to work together towards a common goal. Establishing "rules" about video games and such (example) only turns you not only into his wife, but also his mom. You make the rules, you enforce the rules, you enforce the consequences, except the consequence is that the dishes are dirty (insert random/agreed upon task) and you have to live with it just like he does. How is that fair? How does it do anything other than foster resentment towards you as both maker and enforcer of the rules, and heaven forbid you get sick of the dishes, and actually do them because you don't want to die of some weird disease, well then you have just de-manned him by doing his job. He's going to resent you for that as well. How long should you be the maker and enforcer of the rules? How many mountains should you move so they can "feel" like they can get to the dishes?
  7. Why did he have to be perfect to atone for all sin? He was trapped in an imperfect mortal body, by definition he could not be perfect. He was subject to the same infirmeties that we all are. He ate, he bled, he was tempted. I do not believe he was perfect until he was ressurected. Our ressurected bodies are our perfect state. As it is his. If we believe the Bible to be the word of God then by his own quotes you see he excludes himself from perfection prior to ressurection.
  8. Matt 5:48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. (Christ speaking prior to death and ressurection) 3 Nephi 12:48 Therefore I would that ye should be aperfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect. (Christ speaking post ressurection) He was not perfect in life.
  9. When it comes to a decision for divorce/separation you need to decide on what hill you are going to plant your flag and fight your battle. Is the above quote that hill? Are you willing to threaten divorce if he doesn't move? And more importantly are you ready to follow through with that threat? If it isn't real, then it doesn't count. It's a tough decision. If it were me I would insist on moving. As a man I wouldn't want the reminder thrown in my face every Sunday. It would make me contemplate a feloney on a weekly basis.
  10. This boils down to a misunderstanding of what "friendship" is between a boy and a girl. In her mind always you were just "friends". That never changed at all, ever. In your mind there was potential for more. You cannot be her "friend". Common mistake girls make is they "friend zone" guys, and then think those guys just want to be their "friends". This is incorrect, guy never really want to be friends. That being said, you need to get over your one-itis. Leave the poor girl alone, don't send the letter. Ignore the previous comments about thearpy/you don't understand the atonement. You are hurt, justifiably or not you are hurt, but you need to get over it. Don't get over it by hurting someone else.
  11. It's a difficult way to live. Your bishop will not ever advise you to leave him over something like this. Because of the LDS perspective on marriage you will be hard pressed for someone to say "leave him". Most marriage counslors (LDS Family Services) would not advise you to "leave him" either. If you are not inclined to leave him then counseling can be beneficial as you will learn to "live" with it. If you do not think he will change, or are tired of waiting then you have some very difficult decisions in front of you. Trust me there are many good men out there who don't have this problem.
  12. The short answer is: It depends. This is a decision only you can make. You know your tolerance levels, you know if you are happy or not. You need to think of this from an eternal perspective. Is this what you want your children exposed to? Do you really want this in your life? Unless he is serious about his addiction and recovery things will not change. He has to change, there is nothing you can do to make him change. How many more lies/dissappointments are you willing to put up with? It is not an easy decision.
  13. In her prior posts you will note he "struggled" with it 4-5 hours a day while they were dating!
  14. You really think it's great she married a known addict? Of the 3 primary reasons for divorce Addiction is one of them, along with Adultery and Abuse! By marrying him with his known problem she did in fact accept that fault in him. Sure advise her to talk to her bishop, if it's anything more than "I need marriage counseling" Her bishop is out of his league and would be ill advised to go further than a referral to LDS family services..
  15. I answered your question. I didn't say people, I was addressing the OP. See my response from prior post: "You have some big decisions to make. I would seek out a counsler. I don't see what the bishop could offer you. They are typically not trained counslers. " read (Bishops are not trained counslors) To OP 4-5 hours a day? You knew this and married him anyway? You are suprised/shocked/hurt that the behavior has continued? I do not discount your prayer prior to marriage, and I do not discount your feelings about it being ok. I can tell you that things will be ok if HE decides to change, and if HE works at it. Geez, are you going to go to your bishop and tell him you knew all this stuff, and are just now bent about it? I have a sincere desire to run a marathon someday, but I haven't started training....think NIKE will sponsor me based on my sincere desire?
  16. I'm sure the Bishop would be concerned for his flock. He should be. I'm just saying he doesn't need to know the gory details. If the OP feels compelled to talk to the Bishop she should leave it at "we're having marital problems". All the other stuff she should leave for a professional counselor. Why would I think/assume her husband has a calling? Don't introduce scenarios that are outside the bounds of the OP question. Your husband was in the Bishopbric, he may have first hand knowledge of how busy the Bishop is, he doesn't know what the Bishop knows, believe me he doesn't want to know..
  17. Those sins are her husbands sins. He claims to not believe in the church. If there are no LDS counslors around then she should find a competent alternative. Really, what is the Bishop going to do/say? He will advise her to Pray, Fast, Read the scriptures, Attend the temple if she is worthy. He may put a call into the husband and try to get him to "come clean". Based on what the OP has stated I don't see the husband being overly responsive to that. He will not advise her to leave her husband, he is probably not qualifed to give competent marital advice.
  18. My cell phone can get me to LDS Social Services for counseling. She does not need a bishop for that. Geez, first answer on this forum is "see your bishop" I'm glad I'm not a bishop. Lots of people can offer spiritual support..
  19. First things first...Of course your husband is addicted to sex he's a man, and by definition he's addicted to sex. He is handing it poorly... I do not condone his transgressions. He is wrong, he shouldn't be doing the things he's doing. I dissagree with some of the above posts in that you should take away his smart phone and get an internet nanny. You're not his mom don't treat him like your child. You can't change him. You knew he had porn problems, but you still married him......Was there some reason you thought it would change? You have some big decisions to make. I would seek out a counsler. I don't see what the bishop could offer you. They are typically not trained counslers.
  20. Did he do everything "right" before you were married/had kids? Was he attending church, temple, praying with you? Was there a moment of sudden change or has this been a pattern of behavior?
  21. Your Bishop is not a marriage counsler. You should seek counseling for yourself, and hopefully he will want to come with you. There may be some deeper issues that need addressed here. The fact that he will not go to counseling spells big trouble in my mind. He should at least want to address your concerns (even if he thinks they are silly). It is clear you are not happy, as a reasonable spouse shouldn't he want his wife to be happy? The answer is yes.
  22. I picked this part out becaue I think you need to understand that as a man "sex" is the deep emotional connection. If you want more from him on a touching/attention basis you need to be clear with him that is what you need. You need to tell him all the time, and you need to take afirmative action with him so he knows this is what you need. Don't assume that because you told him he heard you, make him say it back, make him promise to take action, and don't be afraid to be specific about what you want. Don't assume that "he should know" Trust me he doesn't.
  23. Infidelity starts with small steps. I would worry more about his fb texting than anything else. The other stuff is a result of his wandering eye/mind. Both you and he need to resolve the underlying issues behind his wanting to flirt with other women.
  24. oh ye of little faith.... She will levitate straight to his arms...