JudoMinja
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Posts posted by JudoMinja
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Thank you changed! I loved your insight about the word Metanoia. :) I have actually never heard that word before, and I love learning new things and increasing my vocabulary.
Your thoughts also gave me a boost to my own- We cannot see the whole picture, and we will often make mistakes because of this and have misunderstandings. As we receive more and more of the truth, however, our vision becomes more clear, and we can let go of our past mistakes. The truth changes the thoughts, desires, and feelings of our hearts, so long as we are willing to accept it.
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Congrats on the three weeks! I went through some struggles with pornography of my own for about a year before I was finally able to overcome it. Sometimes I still feel urges, but I know how to tone them down and fight them off before they become dangerous now.
First off, I slipped up MANY times during my struggle to free myself of the addiction. Don't let your slip ups get you down. Try getting the book Putting on the Armor of God (can't remember the author). It has some advice on this I can paraphrase- If you focus only on the times you slip, you will always feel like a failure. Instead, think of the times you felt the urge and you did not give in. If you look at it this way, your wins will always outnumber your losses, and you will be able to maintain a positive attitude. Eventually, you'll be a pure winner.
All the suggestions given by others on here are great. I, personally, was cut off from the internet for about three months, then was only on in public and around other people for about another year before I can now trust myself to be on whenever I have the opportunity. (A good thing too, because it seems like the only chance I get to do the things I need to get done online is when everbody else has gone to bed.)
Above all, go to your Bishop. It doesn't matter that you and your family are inactive. This is something he needs to know about and can help you with. Overcoming any addiction is very difficult to do on your own, and an addiction of a sexual nature is the worst.
Once you have conquered this, remember it is an area where you are weak, and don't let your guard down. Keep barriers in place to prevent yourself from falling victim to pornography again. Never let them up. Even years down the road, you are more succeptible to this sin, because it is an area where you have been weak before and Satan knows how to wittle away at you.
You have the support of the Lord. Don't turn away from Him, and you will come off conqueror.
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I posted a response to your other thread with an idea to help get your husband off your back. After reading this thread, I am glad to hear things are looking up for you. If you need any additional, more personal support, I wouldn't mind in the least if you wanted to personal message me. I am currently going through a similar situation (though I don't have to deal with my husband so much since he is far away and unable to come after me since he's on probation and can't leave his state). I understand the emotional trauma accompanied with all the temperal stresses of trying to get by and look to the future.
Here to offer a helping hand and listening ear.
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I answered other-
My favorite is Maes Hughes from Full Metal Alchemist.
My favorite anime shows are Full Metal Alchemist, Wolf's Rain, Trigun, Cowboy Bebop, Naruto, Ouran High School Host Club, and Hellsing.
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Only those without spot can enter God’s kingdom. He cannot tolerate even the least degree of uncleanliness. His law and His justice must be fulfilled. We know this to be true, and yet, if this were the entirety of the gospel there would be no hope for us. Every single on of us has committed some form of sin. Every one of us has soiled our robes. Every single one of us is imperfect and makes mistakes. If we did not, there would be no need for us to be on earth to learn.
Our time in mortality is like being in school. There are spiritual nerds and delinquents, goof-balls and stiffs, those who seem to take on their trials with ease and those who constantly struggle, some are kind and helpful and others are rude and selfish. All, however, have the same goal- graduation. Without a passing grade, the student cannot complete their schooling and move on to greater and brighter things in the world beyond. The one difference between our schools and God’s school is that only those with 100% will obtain that goal of graduation in His school.
Impossible, yes? This is why there is another piece to the plan. If there were only justice, we would all b damned to an eternity without God’s presence. It does not matter whether you failed miserably or trudged diligently through all, obtaining the coveted 99%. Our imperfections make us incapable of that 100% goal. The near perfect saint is no better than those who have committed the most grievous sins as far as the law of justice is concerned.
We are all in need of help, and God knew this. This is why He sent the Savior. Jesus Christ was the only one capable of living a perfect life, and He did more than that. Not only did he obtain 100% for himself, but he provided a helping hand for everyone else on the earth, accounting for what they lack so that through the law of mercy we can obtain the kingdom of heave. The Lord only requires that we do our very best, whatever that may be, and he will grace us with the gift of the atonement.
This atonement is provided for all, but not everyone will obtain its blessings. Along with doing our best, the Lord has asked that we be repentant. Repentance can be considered a way for Him to be assured that our hearts are in the right place and we really deserve His help.
Think again of the school analogy. Jesus is like a tutor. He is willing and able to help everyone, but first we have to want His help and know that it is available. He sends out missionaries and others who have received His help to tell others about it. Some will refuse, because they simply do not want it. Knowing that without it they are doomed, these individuals, for whatever reason just don’t care. If you know of the help he can give and you want it, then the next step is for you to seek it out.
Our Jesus tutor does not have the time to aimlessly roam the hallways and find every individual that wants His help. That is why He sent missionaries! Now, the individual wanting His help needs to go find Him. The missionaries, having already found Him, can tell you how. With a humble heart and a contrite spirit, you must come unto Him and ask for His help, showing Him your grade and where you went wrong so He knows what needs to be done to set you aright.
Your work is not done here. Having found your tutor, He will not simply give you the answers. Why would He do this when the whole purpose of our being here is to learn? Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. No, there are no free answers to our problems, we have to work for them. Seeking Christ’s tutorship, however, He will guide us in where to look for those answers and He will stay by our side as we seek them, prodding us gently and compassionately along in the right direction.
In this way, we can find the answers for ourselves, given the careful nudging of our tutor to lead us there, and in finding our own answers we will better learn from them. It is at this point that we need to put these answers into action, aligning ourselves in such a way that will lead us to that 100%.
Helping us through these steps, a constant companion at our side, the Lord will easily be able to judge whether or not we are truly giving it our all and putting all our effort into our work. When the time comes for graduation, God will counsel with His Son to determine who has truly done their best and become worthy of the 100% they could not achieve on their own.
It does not matter how terrible you have been. It does not matter what errors you have made or how far from the path you have trodden. The only sins Christ did not atone for are murder and denying the Holy Ghost. These must atone for themselves, but as long as you have not committed one of these unforgiveable sins, Jesus Christ is capable of helping you obtain your 100% as long as you do your very best to show you are worthy of His help.
We must desire His help, seek Him out, humble ourselves before Him, confess all, and ask for His help. We must then follow the guidance He offers, learning how we can set ourselves aright and then do so to the very best of our abilities, continuously striving to bring ourselves in harmony with that 100% goal. Only then will we be worthy of forgiveness, and only then will the law of mercy be extended unto us as a gift to fulfill the law of justice. Without this, the full demands of justice will fall upon us.
Repentance is not a one time thing. Just as the student who seeks their 100% must continuously visit with the tutor to seek guidance and correction, so too is repentance a continuous process. It requires a serious commitment, a devotion of heart and mind, our souls and our very lives to do all that the Lord requires.
Alma compared faith to a seed planted in our hearts, and the same can be said of the spirit of repentance. When we desire forgiveness, we plant this seed within ourselves. What soil have we provided for this seed? A hardened heart is like barren rock and will provide no room for the seed to grow. A doubtful or uncommitted heart will allow the growth of thorns and thistles, choking the life from the seed. A bitter or angry heart will submit the seed to scorching suns and allow it to be snatched away by birds. The spirit of repentance requires rich and fertile soil, a broken and contrite spirit.
Now, the seed must be nourished. The living waters and light of Christ will allow the seed to grow. These are provided by living the gospel and devoting ourselves to righteous living. If we neglect this seed, it will wither away and die. It requires constant vigilance. We must care for it with love and tenderness, carefully weeding around it and protecting it from the scorching fires, searing winds, and terrible storms of the devil. When we fully commit ourselves to a repentant life, our seed will grow.
As the spirit of repentance grows within our hearts, we will experience a change. In fertile soil, richly nourished, this seed will flourish and grow and bring us great joy as it bears fruit rich in the love of Christ. It takes time, care, love, devotion, vigilance, tenderness, patience, faith, hope, humility, attentiveness, and discipline as we submit ourselves to His will and are obedient to His laws.
Repentance is more than simply stopping doing that which is wrong. When we allow the spirit of repentance to take root in our hearts, grow, and bear fruit, we will have lost all desire to do wrong, caught up in righteous living.
Many sins are addictive and difficult to overcome, even when we are doing everything the Lord has required of us. These include smoking, drinking, other drugs, pornography, and masturbation, among others. It is better to never get caught up in such sins, because their addictive pull is permanently scarring.
To be submitted to an addiction is to completely surrender your will to the will of the flesh. This is why it is so difficult to overcome. The practice of self-mastery, self-control, and temperance in all things helps in preventing addictions and can help us conquer them.
Those who have been caught in sins that have become addictive habits CAN overcome them. They must cling to the path of repentance even more firmly than anyone. Theirs is a difficult recovery and requires a firm, unyielding, resolute resolve. The pull of the flesh will remain a constant reminder, especially in times of struggle. This is because Satan knows this is where you are weak. When you were in the thralls of addiction, he had you firmly in his grasp, and he will always be striving to get you back.
The journey toward perfection will not be easy. It requires hard work. We are on this earth to be proven, tested, and this could not be done if it was easy. Learning requires challenge, and we cannot give up. We must submit ourselves to the challenges and continuously strive to overcome them even when all seems impossible and overwhelming. Remember, the Lord will not put us through more than we can handle, and he requires our very best- no more, no less. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it.
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There are cases where the social security office will approve a name and social security number change due to abuse. I am going to be asking for this for myself and my son once my divorce is final, because my husband had both of our social security cards, so he could easily use them for identity theft or to hunt us down. It can be hard to do, because such cases are rarely approved, but it sounds like your case may qualify.
"According to the SSA, you can only change your number if it has already been used for fraudulent purposes, if you know it's about to be used against you, or if there's a verifiable threat against your life, such as a stalker... The exact criteria the SSA requires before allowing someone to create a new number include:
• Sequential SSNs assigned to members of the same family are causing problems.
• More than one person has been assigned, or is using, the same number.
• Commonly held religious or cultural objection to certain numbers/digits in the SSN
• Despite trying to resolve problems brought on by SSN misuse, such as by an identity thief, a victim continues to be disadvantaged by the continuing SSN misuse.
• Harassment, abuse or life endangerment situations (including domestic violence)." Quoted from: Your Social Security Number - Vulnerable But Inflexible
Talk to your social security office to see what they can do.
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There is right and there is wrong. We all know this and are, in fact, born with such knowledge. Because Adam and Eve partook of the fruit of the tree of good and evil, we all have the ability to discern good from evil. This is why we have laws. Those laws vary, however, from country to country, because people often disagree on just what is right and what is wrong, but the difference between the two can be clear to those who know how to discern those differences.
The nature of something is made evident in the result that follows. All things have consequences. Good things result in good consequences, while bad things result in bad consequences. This simple logic is often muddled and confused, as Satan would have us mix the two. He fills the world with convincing lies, making good bad and bad good, but we can see through those lies when we rely on the spirit to direct our decisions. Doing what is right and good begets good, while doing what is wrong and evil will beget evil. Simple, yes?
Not so much. We must be careful not to attach the wrong consequences to our actions. Everyone will experience hard times in their lives, even the most worthy and righteous. These are not bad consequences for bad actions. Our weaknesses and infirmities are not signs of God’s judgment coming down upon us because of our sins. No, these outside circumstances are the results of one of two things- the natural and unavoidable courses of life, or the results of the bad choices of others. Two examples: A natural consequence of life is death, plain and simple. Everyone, someday, is gong to die. This is not a punishment or judgment. A consequence resulting from the bad choices of another may be an injury sustained in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. This, again, is not a punishment or judgment. It is a course of the chain of cause and effect which the Lord allows to take place so that our suffering may stand as a witness for those responsible come judgment day.
The only consequences over which we have complete and total control are those which result from our own actions. It is most important that we have the ability to discern the difference between right and wrong so that we can make choices that will lead to good consequences instead of bad. I believe this is why the Lord instituted the organization of the family. What better way for us to learn right from wrong?
A good, strong, family will be organized in a way that models our heavenly family. This facilitates the best environment for teaching. When we model our families after the plan given by the Lord, our children will be given the best opportunities to learn right from wrong and understand the consequences of their choices. Parents should strive to provide loving care and nurturing lessons to their children, mimicking to the best of their mortal abilities the same loving care and nurturing lessons we are offered by our Heavenly Father.
The Lord has given us laws, commandments, and instructions that will protect us from harm and lead us to eternal happiness. He has very specific standards which we are expected to follow. He is set and rigid in these ways, uncompromising and unwavering. His way is perfect, and it is only be following His way that we will ever attain true happiness. His expectations are not meant to restrict us or overwhelm us, but to free and enrich. Our homes should follow a similar pattern.
Parents must provide rules, standards of conduct and behavior, and expectations for their children. These should be made with the intent of protecting, nurturing, motivating, and nourishing them. Parental rules and regulations should not be put in place with the strict purpose of restricting or restraining your children, and expectations should not be set so high and steep so as to overburden and overwhelm them. Children should be obedient and fulfill the expectations of their parents to the best of their abilities, knowing that their parents have set such rules and standards in love and that being obedient will bring them happiness.
Parents must remain consistent in these rules and expectations. To waver, falter, or vary the standards will confuse and frustrate your children. Remember that it is your duty and responsibility to teach your children the difference between right and wrong. There is a clear line and distinction between the two, but how can our children understand or see this line if our homes are filled with gray and muddied interpretations?
Even the little things are important. Don’t ever think they are not! Those in the military are expected to maintain absolute perfection when it comes to their uniforms. When inspected, they must be dressed in the exact manner expected, all pieces of the uniform on, clean, tidy, and in their proper place, down to the last thread. Some may find it easy to complain about such a rigid standard, finding it far too unreasonable, harsh, and strict. They will try to get away with the little things, hoping their inspector will let it slide. If the inspector were to let a little thing go, then eventually these complainers will seek to loosen up the standard once again. Then again, and again, until finally uniforms are no longer required at all. The uniform expectations are not so strict that they are impossible or even improbable. The uniform is maintained through a consistent, uncompromising, high standard.
The media, however, has taken this slippery slide of compromising and shifting standards. When television first aired, shows with married couples would not even show the bedroom scenes as the actors could not be seen in the same bed. Now, public television is all but pornographic, because this high standard slipped one small step at a time, until we now have shows containing the worst filth.
Do not let your homes follow the same pattern as that of the worldly media. Maintain high expectations, strict rules, strong standards and code of conduct. Be firm and unwavering as the Lord. Make no compromises or expectations to the rule. Never change or alter what you have set in stone. Your children will thrive on your consistency and feel comforted and secure in knowing what is expected of them. They will know the difference between right and wrong.
Children will make mistakes, and at times will even rebel against the authority figure telling them what they can and cannot do. It is normal for children striving for independence to desire to make their own choices, and their lack of understanding will sometimes cause poor decisions. As they strive to strike out their own paths, children will often fight against your rules. Parents should model their reactions to this behavior after the Lord.
There is a consequence for every action. Good choices beget good consequences, while bad choices beget bad consequences. When we turn away from the way of the Lord, we lose out on the blessings and privileges we could obtain through obedience to his principles. God does not seek to control our choices or force us to do good. Likewise, parents should not seek to control or force their children to do good. Provide rewards for good behavior, and loss of privileges for bad behavior. When chastising or punishing insubordinate children, do so with love and tenderness and always remember that the goal is to teach them. Your children will learn through experience to trust your judgment so long as your judgment is centered on the Lord’s plan. Whether they learn through the happiness brought on from obedience or the unhappiness they will suffer from disobedience, your consistency and love in providing a God centered home will teach them the difference between right and wrong.
Furthermore, God is a God of mercy. Yes, your children will make mistakes and must suffer the consequences of their actions, but when they recognize that they have erred and seek to make restitution, parents should offer forgiveness. When children have done something wrong for which they are incapable of making complete restitution, parents should make up for the portion their children cannot fulfill.
The word discipline centers from the word disciple which means student. The purpose of rules, consequences, standards, punishments, and corrections is to teach. Being too light and letting things slide will teach children to be disrespectful and place no value on rules and standards. Being too harsh will teach children to fear and loathe authority. As we study and gain better insight and understanding into the ways of the Lord, we can better apply this knowledge and wisdom into our parenting methods, disciplining and teaching our children as Christ did his disciples. This will create strong homes, strong families, and strong values, our children easily able to distinguish right from wrong and make choices that will lead them on the path to happiness.
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Have you ever felt that you have been unfairly judged? Or perhaps the reverse- that someone you know of has not been judged harshly enough? Most everyone has had such feelings at some point in their life, usually in both directions.
We know every detail of our own lives very intimately. We know ourselves so well that sometimes we forget that others do not know us so well. Even your closest friends and family members do not know you as well as yourself, because they are not there with you for every moment of every day. They do not know the thoughts of your mind or the desires of your heart. They do not know what leads to certain choices and decisions or what has played the most prominent effect on our actions if we do not effectively communicate this with them. This, of course, leads to misunderstandings.
When a person has only pieces of the whole picture, they often misjudge the outcome. They make a call based on the information they have, filling in the blanks with guesses and assumptions. Sometimes, if a person is experienced enough or has been through a similar situation, they have enough pieces and enough prior knowledge that their judgment will lead them aright. More often than not, however, their assumptions will lead to misplaced pieces.
When this happens to us, it can be hurtful, though the hurt is rarely intentional. It is simply the result of inaccurate, incomplete information and faulty assumptions. Knowing this can help us overcome the pain of being unfairly judged. Instead of assuming the person meant harm, we can be understanding and explain our situation, giving the judger the missing pieces so they can make a more accurate assessment. When the opportunity to explain ourselves is not present, we can rest assured that they probably just did not understand the whole picture.
Sometimes, we are the ones placing inaccurate judgment on others. We see someone who seems to have unfairly gotten away with something and feel that something must be done. There are some who will even go so far as to take the responsibility of proffering the judgment themselves, but we must be careful. Just as we are often unfairly judged by those who do not see the whole picture, we cannot see the whole picture either. Instead of passing judgment, we should seek to be understanding.
The Lord has told us that judgment is his responsibility alone. He is the only one who can see the whole picture for everyone and proffer fair, accurate judgment for all. He has counseled us to reserve judgment and leave those who have done wrong in His hands. When something appears unfair, we must remember that God will exact judgment as He sees fit, and His judgment is always fair and perfect. We have no need to fear that He will judge us too harshly or others not harshly enough. Everyone will receive adequate judgment for their works.
Instead of seeking to remove the mote from another’s eye, the Lord has told us that we must work to remove the beam in our own. Our time here on earth is not the time for passing judgment but a time for preparation and perfection. If we are focused on preparing ourselves for the judgment day, we will have little time to worry about where others stand. Just as well, for that is not our responsibility anyway. Leaving judgment up to God and focusing instead on perfecting ourselves can help us in many ways.
In a matter as simple as an argument between siblings, one may say that the other deserved to be hit because they started it. Of course, then the other could be justified in hitting the first in return, saying the first deserved it because they hit first. This simple situation can translate to adult life in which a robber deserves to lose all they have, a molester deserves to be molested in turn, and a murderer deserves to be murdered in turn. We must be careful. Even when allotting judgment for simple matters and not such serious crimes we can create a never ending cycle. Family feuds and blood battles are started over simple matters when people take judgment into their own hands, dishing out only what the other deserves.
We must remember that if everyone got everything they deserved, we would all be stuck in the eternal torments of hell. God is a merciful God and wishes us to be merciful as well. In fact, He has said that we must be even MORE merciful than He. For God will pick and choose those worthy of His forgiveness, while He requires us to forgive everyone. Because we cannot see the big picture, because we are imperfect, our judgment will also be imperfect, no matter how hard we strive to make it otherwise. The Lord, however, is perfect, and so judgment is in His hands, for He will offer a perfect judgment.
All those who would enter into the church to learn of Him and follow His ways are to be accepted. All those who have done wrong are to be forgiven. Any judgment we take into our own hands will be answered upon our heads. The Lord will treat us with the same love, acceptance, and forgiveness with which we treat others.
This does not mean that we should be tolerant of the ways of the world. Accepting and loving others does not mean accepting their sins. We are to hold both ourselves and others responsible and accountable for living the high standards of God. We are living in a world that demands tolerance, claiming that inacceptance of actions equates to inacceptance of the man, claiming that a lack of tolerance equates to a lack of love. Do not accept these lies!
We can be accepting of our brethren without accepting their actions. We are to hold ourselves to a high standard, living in the world but not of the world. When we are in control of our setting and our surroundings, we can require that others do the same in our presence. If they choose not to, we can request that they leave, or leave ourselves. The world is run by ever-shifting, ever-changing standards that are slipping further and further from the Lord. If we accept them, we will infallibly fall from God’s path.
We know that many will choose not to uphold the same high standards to which we hold ourselves. This does not mean we can cast them aside or pass judgment on them. We must always be loving and strive to encourage them to do what is right. They must know that while we do not tolerate their sins, we love them and want them to feel the presence of the Lord in their lives. We should welcome them in church, in our homes, let them know what we expect of them, and NEVER pass judgment on them. When we judge others harshly over trivial matters, we can expect that the Lord will treat us the same.
We have all made mistakes and fall short of the glory of God. Yet, God wishes for all of us to return to His presence. Thus, we should not turn anyone out or make them feel unwelcome. All are to be welcomed into His church. All are to be treated with love and respect. All are to be brought onto the path of repentance and forgiveness. All are His children and should be treated as such.
The Lord does not say to the sinner- “Be gone. You are not welcome here. Your choices have created a bad example that will lead my followers astray. My gift of mercy is not for you.” No. The Lord says- “Come into my fold all ye that are weak and heavy laden and I will make your burdens light. Come unto me all ye sinners, and repent, and I will make your pathways bright. Welcome into my home and my presence. I love you and will always love you, no matter what you have done.” Should not we do the same?
The lord knows the hearts and minds of all. He knows who has truly committed themselves to following in His ways. He knows who is striving to perfect themselves and who has given in to the perceptions of the world. He knows the circumstances surrounding all. He has all the pieces to the puzzle, and only His judgment is pure and right. It is not our place, in our imperfections, to pass judgment that would likewise be imperfect and lack the necessary balance of justice and mercy, a judgment that no matter how fair we strive to make it will always be unfair. We are only to perfect ourselves and welcome others with kindness, understanding, and love to likewise perfect themselves. Bring yourself and others unto Christ, and leave judgment up to God
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It sounds to me like one of your biggest problems is a lacking social setting. Even for naturally anti-social people (like myself) this can be very distressing. It is hard to submit yourself to an environment where you feel unwelcome, unloved, uncomfortable, unwanted. I remember struggling through my early Young Women years because I'd just moved to a new place and all the young women had formed a clique. I was the odd one out, because I was new, the only one that hadn't grown up in the area. Two of the girls were in my classes at school and would often pick on me. It was hard, but I kept going and eventually I was inspired to open up to them and explain how much their behavior was hurting me. They'd had no idea how I was feeling, and while we didn't really become friends, they stopped picking on me.
People can often be judgmental. I have posted a talk on this in the share section. Their judgment is not the same as the Lord's judgment. They are imperfect, just as you are, and they are working on building themselves toward perfection. The Lord, however, is perfect, and he will never judge you imperfectly.
Humans were meant to be social. There are things we can not accomplish as individuals, edifyment and uplifting that can only be accomplished by pulling from teh experiences of others, tasks that can only be accomplished with help. Church provides a setting where, though you may not always get along, everyone shares your faith. If you attend all your meetings with the mindset that you will learn and take something away to better yourself and your life, then your attendance will never be wasted.
Always remember that it is God's opinion of you that matters, and you know what he has asked you to do. So do it.
Hope this helps.
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Excellent advice. I wish the wall of hormones and emotional needs were more scalable by such advice.
I understand well what you mean. My hormones certainly got me into a lot of trouble. However, this has taught me another important lesson- that above all, the best thing we could possibly learn in this life is self-control.
The two main reasons we were sent to earth were 1. to receive a body, and 2. to learn and grow through our personal experiences and choices to become more like Christ. I think that our bodies are what make reason number two possible.
Our bodies are often referred to as the natural man or the carnal state in scripture. This natural man is an enemy to God, because if we were listen to it and abide by all its wants and desires (like our hormones) we would ultimately be led away from the Lord. We become more Christ-like as we learn to reign in the passions, desires, lusts, wants, impulses, and hormones of our bodies.
Fasting helps us overcome and control our hunger, as does following the word of wisdom. Exercise helps us overcome laziness. Tithing helps us temper our spending. Seminary helps us overcome the pull of sleep. And practicing sound dating, slowed and tempered by caution and respect for the sanctity of the emotions growing between two connecting individuals, helps us overcome our hormones.
Giving in to these pulls of the flesh will lead us into addictions, place us in dangerous or unseemly situations, leave us unprepared and unorganized, bog us down with debt, and find us living selfishly, unhappily, and utterly miserable.
All these feelings are not altogether bad. Were we not to feel hunger, we would never eat and eventually starve. Were we never to feel fatigue we would overwork our bodies. Had we not the means to purchase those things we need, we would be in poverty. Were we never to feel tired, we would crash. Were we not to feel the wonderful hormonal attraction between a man and a woman, we would never procreate.
When we learn to exercise control over these feelings instead of letting them control us, then we become more Christ-like, then we can live happily, then we will truly be free to do as we please. A strong spirit is one that can keep the desires of its body in check.
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Anyway, no need to fear with 2012 right around the corner.
:)
Lol. Hurray for the Mayan calendar!
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The problem is his and I have been very supportive of him for years hoping things would be different.
It is fairly common for women to enter a marriage expecting their husbands to change, and for men to enter a marriage expecting their wives to stay the same. Both are usually disappointed. This comment, however, raised a red flag for me.
Do you mean that you have been hoping his behavior toward church would change or that his temper would change? If you are speaking of his behavior toward church, I would say you need to get over it. Yes, our faith is a very important and central part of our lives, but if you love this man enough to marry him despite this important difference, then you should stop trying to change him and just accept him as the man he is. If you are speaking of his temper, I think there is a lot you aren't saying. I have lived through an abusive relationship, and I can tell you that it is of no help to you or your son to stick around in an abusive situation. The sooner you leave the better. That way, you can start getting yourself on the path that will lead to an eternal family with someone else.
Unfortuantely, you are not really giving enough information to determine whether this is really the case. (Understandably so. If you are not in an abusive home then there is nothing more to tell and I'm just speaking out of over-caution due to my own experience. If you are in an abusive home, you will hardly be in a mindset to share details with strangers.)
If your husband is simply having problems that you are not doing your part to help with, I would definitely suggest counseling. Seek as much outside help as possible. Help never hurts, and it is not a sign of weakness or inability on your part. In fact, asking for help can be a sign of strength. No one was expected to work out a marriage on their own, and it is going to take time for you to learn to really get along with each other. Do not let petty differences separate you. You loved him enough to marry him, do everything in your power to do YOUR PART to make it work, and be willing to understand that his part is on him. Marriage is sacred, and should not be broken lightly.
If he is being abusive- no matter how much you want to make it work, it is not going to. Get yourself and your son somewhere safe before it is too late.
I will endure this as I have many times in the past .
You should never subject yourself to simply enduring something you have a power to change. While you are not able to change your husband (that is up to him) and should not really expect him to change, you should do what you can to communicate with him your unhappiness so that he knows there is something that needs working on, and if your situation is unfixable, get out.
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I happen to be an "environmental scientist" of sorts, having gone to college for an environmental degree, yet I consider myself far from an expert in the matter of global warming. There is too much information out there, all of it suspect, because there are various reasons and motives behind the studies and research. Some are looking specifically to prove global warming and the human factor in it, others to disprove it. Some attempt to do research simply for the sake of doing research, but these are far less likely to get funding.
I've never been one for all the nitty-gritty details as I prefer to look at the big picture. This adds to my feeling of not being a real expert, because one must really delve into the details to be sure of their validity, but this is the conclusion I have come to for myself:
Global warming is, yes, a part of a natural cycle of the earth which occurs very slowly. This explains the heightened overall average temperature of the globe during dinosaur times as well as the ice age. It is something that a small amount of data would have no hope of capturing as there will also be smaller cycles of ups and downs in the average temperature.
As far as the expected Little Ice Age is concerned, this was never experienced because we had already thrown the natural cycle out of wack. The majority of greenhouse gasses being contributed to the atmosphere has not come from industrialization but from agriculture. Tilling the earth, mass production of crops, destruction of the forests, and the mass grazing of cattle have all contributed to an increase in the greenhouse gasses being released into the atmosphere (one of the major ones actually being methane and not co2).
Global warming IS happening, with or without human influence. Humans HAVE contributed to speeding the rate of global warming. Coral is dying, unable to cope with the warming temperature of the ocean (even very slight changes smaller than a degree celcius have an affect on coral species as they are very sensitive to change). The sea level is rising, leaving many people who live on small islands with smaller and smaller areas of land to call home (eventually they will have nothing at all). Other sensitive species like amphibians are struggling and disappearing. Many places closer to the poles are experiencing shorter, harsher winters. The number of catestrophic natural events, storms, and disasters is increasing as nature seeks to maintain its balance. Ocean currents are shifting as temperatures change.
I do not believe that the earth is in any danger, however. Much of the changes on the planet occur slowly but earth is also no stranger to sudden catestrophic change. The earth will not be as it is now, many species will suffer and go extinct, but this is normal. Nature always finds a balance, new species come into being. Change is a part of life. Nothing is truly lost; it just transforms.
The question is whether the change will be too harsh for humanity to endure. Humanity will, of course, eventually meet its end on earth when Christ comes in his glory to reign and judge us according to our works. But is our influence on the changing climate something we can temper to be sure the world will be more hospitible for a while longer, giving us more time to prepare to meet our God?
Scripture says the day will come that the earth will burn like an oven. This is fact. The day WILL come, no matter what we do. This stands as a testimony that there are several factors contributing to global warming (like the sun) which we cannot control. Eventually, the earth will be too hot for us to endure. Earth will receive its paradisical glory in a baptism of fire and receive its place in the life after, just as we will.
But are we doing our part to care for and maintain the planet? The Lord gave us stewardship over the earth, trusting that we would treat it with the same love and care he expects us to treat our families. Wasteful living will destroy those things we hold dear. Perhaps, scientists' stumble on this phenomenon is simply another testimony of the principles the Lord has already taught us. Live within your means. Impart of your substance to one another. Let nothing go to waste. Care for others as you would yourself. Are we caring for this wonderful gift and home the Lord has created for us? If not, maybe we should rethink the way we are living.
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Take a look at your life right now. Just take a moment to ponder over where you’ve been, where you are and where you are going. It is easy to see where you have been, even easier to see where you are, but can you see where you are going? Do you know what your future holds? Where will you be tomorrow, a week from now, a month, a year, five years, ten years?
Those who travel life aimlessly and without direction will always wonder what the future holds. Some will look on the future in fear, some with hope, some with confusion. Others seem to care little about the future and give it no thought whatsoever; they focus only on the present.
We can know what the future holds. We need not wonder in fear and confusion. First, decide where it is you want to be. What is it that you desire for your future? Whatever your hopes and dreams, do not belittle them or think them impossible. Write them down. Make them concrete, so they are no longer dreams but goals.
Now that you know where it is you want to go, compare that to where you are. Are you acting in a way that will help you reach and achieve your goals? Can you connect the dots between where you are and where you want to be? It does little good to set a goal you do not know how to obtain. Any goal is going to require some work and effort, whether it be small or large. If you are not willing to do that work and put forth that effort, your dreams and goals will always remain beyond your grasp.
Someone dreams of joining the army. They decide they are going to do more than dream, they’re going to do it, but they never contact a recruiter, never take the asvab, and never get into physical shape. They graduate high school, get a part-time job at a fast food restaurant, and spend all their time and money on movies and video games. Someday, they say. Someday, I’ll join the army. Will such a person ever fulfill this goal? Not if they continue on the path they are currently treading. They must resolve to do the work that will get them in the army.
Someone wants to become a famous judge, dreams of having their own court tv show. As with the someone who desired to join the army, there is a specific path that must be followed if such a goal is to be obtained. The person must go to law school, work with a law firm, get to know the right people, and be very good that their job. Without completing these steps, this dream will never be accomplished.
To give our lives purpose, we must decide where it is we want to go and connect the dots between here and there. The scale of our goals can be far-reaching and all-encompassing. They can cover those things we wish to accomplish by the end of our lives, and small simple things like what we want to have done by tomorrow. As we set goals and make plans to reach those goals, we are charting a course for our lives, taking control, and giving ourselves purpose and direction.
We should set goals in every aspect of our lives, seeking improvement in physical fitness, knowledge, learning and intelligence, emotional health, talents and skills for recreational use, skills for work, interaction, and communication with others, organization and cleaning, family interactions, and most importantly our spiritual health and well-being. By setting these goals and following the necessary steps to achieve them we will constantly be moving forward and improving ourselves through work, study, and experience.
By setting goals and creating plans to reach those goals, we can find assurance, peace, and happiness that we are in control of the direction our lives are taking. Much like travelers and explorers who determine their destination and chart their course on a map, we can do likewise with every aspect of our lives. As members of the church, we also have the of having the Lord’s goals and plan for us already charted, we just need to make the decision to follow it. His plan will bring us ultimate happiness, because by following His plan new paths and roads are opened for us to follow and we are freed to choose the direction we wish to go.
When we choose to follow the Lord’s plan, our ultimate destination is to return to live with Him in all His glory and obtain all that He has. To reach this goal, there are several steps and smaller goals which He has set for us to accomplish. When we keep the commandments, are baptized in His name, receive the Holy Ghost, fulfill our callings, strive to live by the standards set forth by the prophets, receive our endowments, marry in the temple for all eternity, remain temple worthy and endure to the end, we will be living such a life that follows His plan and will lead us to the achievement of His ultimate goal for us.
This practice of setting goals and following plans requires action. Whether we want to compete in the Olympics or simply wish to maintain a standard of health and fitness that will allow us to do those things we enjoy, we must follow a diet and exercise plan that will help us do so. Whether we want to become a specialized surgeon requiring a masters degree or wish only to work as a carpenter, we must follow an education plan that will help us acquire such positions. Whether we wish to sing in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir or simply to enjoy participating in musical activities with family and friends, we must practice our talents with a plan that will improve them for these activities.
Likewise, following the Lord’s plan is not a passive endeavor. It requires action, work, effort. We must learn what it is He would have us do, and do it. Just as it does the future army recruit little good to simply believe they would enjoy the army, it will do us little good to simply believe that the Lord’s plan will lead us to happiness. If we want to obtain the ultimate goal of eternal salvation, we must follow the path that will bring us to that goal.
Any destination we wish to achieve in any endeavor will require the following of a particular path and direction. Straying from the path will ultimately lead us somewhere else, unless we take the time to assess the direction we are going and our location in comparison to our goal, then redirect ourselves onto the path that will lead us where we want to go. Without doing this, we will never reach our goals. Without ever setting goals, we will wander aimlessly with no direction or purpose. It is in the best interest of our personal growth and happiness to set goals, take control of our lives, and follow a plan, most importantly His plan.
As we pick areas of our lives to work on and make improvements, we will find ourselves identifying more areas in which we can improve. Someone who finds great joy in playing musical instruments may identify one on which they would like to focus and improve their talent. As they learn of their instrument of choice and practice their skills, they will find more and more that they previously did not know, becoming more and more familiar with the instrument and the eliciting of particular notes and chords, learning more and more complex and complicated musical numbers until playing this instrument becomes second nature. It is now a part of them, an intimate part of their life. Such familiarity takes time and dedication, and the more they work at it, the more they are able to identify specific areas in which they are weak and could continue to improve. Someone who has not mastered the same instrument will look on this person in awe, believing their skill must be perfect, for the outsider can find no fault. But the player who now intimately knows the workings of their craft knows this is not so and so continues striving for perfection.
It is the same with anything which we determine worth our time, work, effort, and dedication. Some will not maintain the focus required to obtain such mastery of one specific skill. They choose instead to learn all they can about multiple topics. They will never be an expert in any one area, but they will gain a general knowledge in multiple things so that their understanding spans a great many aspects of the world around them.
Both approaches can serve us well as we strive to improve ourselves in all things, but it is the first approach of firm dedication and perseverance with which we must set ourselves on the Lord’s path, for it is only those who immerse themselves in His ways that will achieve eternal life, because only the perfect can live in His presence.
Planning and goals will give us purpose and direction, and with this will come confidence, strength and happiness. We can be confident in knowing where we are going. We will find strength in standing our ground and avoiding those things which will lead us astray. And we will find happiness in our accomplishments as we learn and grow and improve.
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Just a thought-
I have noticed that (for the most part) people seem to fit into two categories when it comes to online vs. real life personalities:
One- they are more outgoing in person and appreciate the ability to check their posts online, so that they can be more reserved.
Two- they are more reserved in person and appreciate the ability to "speak" freely online, so that they can be more outgoing.
I, myself, fit into category number two.
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The stance of the church is clear: Entering into the sacred bonds of marriage is a very serious choice and should be entered with care. It is important to choose a spouse that will take you to the temple so that you may be married for all eternity- your marriage bound not only on earth but in heaven as well.
In todays world, marriage is not treated with nearly the level of sanctity it holds. Many enter marriage on a whim, only to be divorced days later. Some are married over and over again, sometimes to the same person but more often than not several different people. Others choose to bypass marriage entirely and simply live together- accepting all the intimacies and behavoirs that come with the union of marriage without the label.
This is so horribly perverse and wrong. When we enter into marriage we are making a sacred commitment to be bound to this one other person for the rest of our lives and for all eternity. It should not be entered lightly. It should not be broken lightly.
This being said, there are rare occassions in which the church supports a divorce. While these occassions are rare, the circumstances resulting in such exceptions are becoming more and more common. One of these, of which I have become intimately familiar, is abuse.
When I married, I made a hurried and careless decision. I thought I had made a righteous decision, that I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do, that I had married someone who would be with me for all eternity- supportive, caring, and loving. This surety, and my understanding of the sacredness of marriage, made it very difficult for me to make the decision to break my union.
I was subjected to terrible emotional, verbal, financial, and physical abuse. My life, and the life of my son, were in danger. And yet, I was too stubborn to break it off. I was certain that if I kept working at it, that if I respected the sanctity of marriage and stuck with my decision to wed, that things would work out. However, I had married someone who had become most bitter from the church, and now that I have left he has turned away from the gospel in anger and rejection.
I have learned since being away that it is BECAUSE marriage is so sacred that it MUST be broken when it is unhealthy and unproductive. My marriage was leading myself, my spouse, and our posterity down a path of utter destruction. Now that we are separated, I have the opportunity to return to the gospel and raise my son in righteousness. My ex could follow the same path, but he chooses not to, and it is his choice that necessitated my departure.
So, I understand now that the sanctity of marriage has not been lessened by my decision. I have simply given it the respect it so humbly deserves, and I will be much more careful the second time around.
To those approaching this all important decision in your lives: Do not rush! Consider your choice carefully. Call upon the Lord in fasting and prayer, and rely on his judgment so that you may be sure your future spouse will help you build up a family in righteousness. Do not fall victim to the perceptions of the world and think marriage a simple fling to be cast aside when it is no longer interesting. Do not think that troubles and trials justify a break in your marriage. You must exercise the utmost care before entering into this sacred unity, and once you have entered it DO NOT BREAK IT, except for the most dire of circumstances. Only those circumstances leading you away from the Lord qualify, nothing else. Cleave unto your spouse and none other. Always strive to draw closer to God, and together you will be blessed.
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Faith can be tested-
When you place faith in something that is true (like the Lord), your faith will yield positive results. Just as Alma said in Alma 32- we must plant the seed of faith in our hearts, nourish it, and wait for it to grow. This puts a heavy responsibility on our shoulders, for a seed cannot grow in stony or unfertile soil. It cannot be neglected. It must be willingly accepted with a humble and contrite heart (fertile soil), and it must be nourished with water, sunlight, pruning and weeding (prayer, scripture study, etc). Only when we do this will it grow and yield fruit.
Those who have committed evil acts in the name of faith are sorely misplaced. Take the crusades for instance. They believed they were doing the work of God, but had they given their faith proper nourishment and study, they would have understood that it was never God's will to have the gospel FORCED on anyone. The same goes for those who seek vengence in the name of God. It is not our place to deal out vengence. Judgment is in the hands of the the Father- "For vengence is mine sayeth the Lord".
This "law of increasing returns" is fulfilled when we give our faith proper care. So long as we have placed our faith in a TRUE principle, and we put forth much effort, we will eventually see a magnificent tree bearing much good fruit.
It is also important to remember that miracles (one of the blessings we can receive), come only after our faith is tried. If the Lord offered miracles to everyone without requiring them to put forth the necessary effort to receive them, we would not learn or grow from our experiences, and the miracles would not convert us. What would we learn if we were given all our food without ever having to work for it? Remember- if you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day; but teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.
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Hello everyone.
I am here, because I am recovering from an abusive relationship- a relationship I would never have fallen into had I stayed true to the standards of the church. As I am going through the process of healing and beginning anew, I have been struck with the urge to share as much as I can with as many people as I can. I have learned much from my experiences and from the teachings of the church, and it does me little good to keep it to myself. So I am here to share it with all of you, for what it's worth. I hope that someone here will learn something they can cherish and cling to, something that will keep them on the path or bring them back, something that will enlighten their minds and touch their hearts, something that will fill their spirits with truth.
And so, I am here to write, to share, to discuss. Take my words for what you will.
Inquiring of the Lord
in Advice Board
Posted
Recognizing the Spirit-
When the Spirit communicates with you he communicates with your MIND and your HEART. When you feel a sense of completeness, surity, warm fuzzies, etc (everyone's a little different), and you know in your mind and heart that it is right, this is a prompting from the Spirit.
Before we even approach the Lord about a matter in prayer, he has asked that we study it out for ourselves. When we have come to a possible conclusion or answer, then we ask about that instead of asking a vague question like what should I do? This makes it easier to recognize prompting from the Spirit, because all he has to do is give us a yes or no answer. Instead of trying to interpret what he is saying, we can be looking and listening for that yes or no. A yes will be communicated to us as stated above. A no will leave us still in confusion and disarray.