jjsmith99

Thanks to all the positive advice given. It is good to hear speciifcs and good scriptures. Focusing on strengths and realizing Satan does want to destroy families has refocused me. I believe we can forgive but in this mortal life we don't forget. That is to help prevent it from happening again. As was mentioned in a thread, now I can solidy testify as to the total impact of decisions. I wish youth could see that more as they face difficult situations and temptations. Your choices affect you, AND your future spouse / family. I wanted an area to share these feelings. It is helpful.

I am looking for advice. I realize I'm NO where near perfect so I see how crazy this is, to feel this way. Some excellent help already posted to which I am grateful.

OK, this may be selfish, but as our children have grown up and we have had the why stay morally clean talks I have regressed to be really upset, hurt by my spouses sexual activity before our marriage and before I knew her. Yes, she told me. Yes I believe she repented. It hurt up front (I was able to abstain before marriage) but I didn't want to judge or be one of those shallow people who would break up because of past sins. I do love her. It just constantly hurts. Now every time I read a General Conf talk on being chaste I feel a sting and a pain. We have briefly discussed it but you can imagine this is a difficult, painful, akward talk. I don't want to judge but can't help my feelings. I don't want to relive it either. Conflicted. I realize the repentence process can make you clean, I'm struggling with the seeming unfairness of someone who abstains vs someone who didn't. Maybe I should not have proceeded with the engagement and marriage. I wish I would have known how hurtful this would be over the years.