noche10

yes thank you to you both for ur comments !! well maybe i havent been very clear lol ----- my H is now the one who is 100% committed i mean he knows what he did was wrong -- he is going thru the 12 step recovery program - as i am -- and he is trying his hardest to not fall back to porn he . says he is doing all of this beacuse he is truely sorry and he really wants to be a better man he wants to be free of this addictions and he wants us to be an eternal family again -- so i am proud of him he is really doing everything he needs to . i am just haveing a hard time letting go and healing ---- maybe i am just beeing to inpatient with my self now -- i want to heal and move foward but i know its a process -- one that i have apperantly skiped and now i have to deal with the pain in order to heal .. but i feel stronger spiritually - and i feel hope that we can move foward - some days are just not as good for me emotionally --

yes het !!! i do feel that way sometimes like i have the world on my sholders ...... its not ez - i feel how u feel, im sorry you are going thru all this . it sux - i wish no one would go thru this but sadly somanny people are !!!!!!! i its weird i know my H loves me --- he tells me and trys to show me , he said that if he i could see how much he loves now i would never dought it ... but the problem is im still dealing with the past .... how do i let go completly -- and move foward .... its so hard --- i know he loves me but the did betraid me !! what he did was very bad and hurtfull ...

crazy potatoe , i guet what ur saying bt i dont get it at the same time !!!!!!! its so frustrating !!!!!! before all this happend i trusted my husband completely - and now i dont ----- i loved him w all my heart and now i dont as much ------ so are u saying this is my fault that all i need to do is love him and trust him - even if he doent deserve it ????????? dosent he has to earn his trust back and earn the love ??

i went to my first PA- support group last week ( well the family support ) it was great i left there with hope and the spirit ..... i have been so angry latley its almost like im going backwards at first it was ll love and wanting to help my H . and now i am starting to fell angry and resentfull i dont want to feel that way i want out marrige to be come strong i want to be happy...... he tells me he loves me now more then ever and he is so sorry for putting me thru all this ....... the problem is i dont feel as much love for him as i did ...... i dont see the lil things he is doing to show me love . and i dont always feel it ??? it feels like now i am the problem - like my heart is closed due to hurt -- but in the PA recovey class it says that i am the only one who can change the way i feel ! which i undurstand but not agreen with complely i mean if it wasent for his porn addiction and infidelaty i would not feel this way -- shouldnt he have more responsability on helping restore my pace and my self esteam?

dont get discurage . i went to the support group my self .. the one i went to was really great maybe you guys are still ususng the old format..... but they dont advise to give eachother advise . well not during the class anyways i would suggets making friends with some one who has been their longer so you can talk to her one on one.. have trust in the lord i am going thru the same this right now its not ez-- but i feel it can be done -

thanks yes things are getting better a lil at the time , he started the addiction recovery program and he sims happy - he now sees a light at the end . i have let my self get hurt and angry and i need to control and keep the spirt of god in me to stay strong .. but at least he is the one now saying it will get better we will ge thru this ....... also i have been under a lot of stress with all this and with my brother being sick please pray for him ? ..... we are praying that the cancer has not spread to his lungs .. How thankful I am for Him! How it pains me to think that my sins made His sacrifice necessary! How much I wish I could be perfect so that I could claim no responsibility for what He once suffered, or maybe even lessen it to some degree! woo i never though of it this way ur right ..

yes i know my spelling is bad !!!!!!! and yes i did write on that post but its not mine -------------- so whats ur point ???

thank you mrmm_ honey bee that mean s a lot

wow thanks guys for coming to my defense ) but i have to admit that i took a cpiple of days to think about what rico said The pain is still there because it's you who is hurting. It's you who needs the help to get beyond things. That anger you now feel for your husband is coming from the Adversary. He wants you to remember the things your husband did and he wants you to avoid truly forgiving your husband. Be strong and move forward because one thing is certain, Satan wants your family to fail. He wants it broken up. Your husband fell into his trap when he chose to cheat. When you accepted your husband's apology, you made it clear that you wouldn't let Satan break up your family. Now Satan is working on you. This is where turning to Heavenly Father and truly accepting the power of the atonement can help you. Go to Heavenly Father and pray for strength every time your thoughts go back to remembering what you have already forgiven. Whatever you do, stop wallowing in your tears. The power of the atonement isn't just for your husband, it's for you as well. and well he has a point ,, my H is doing everything he can to make things right and now satan is trying to get me to break the covenants i made and we are so despreratly trying to save .... but as always i have found stragth and courage thru prayer and ur advise thank you ....... i am feeling better i have a better prespective .. but it is hard to keep this feeling - its a strugle - i mean one day like today i feel great i love my h and i reay to move foward and well mayb e tomorrow wont be so good . but i think we can get thru this ............... thanks chet !!! Hang in there Noche! If the man you fell in love with still exists, hold on to him and help him find his way back (remember that he needs support and kindness too, because he has a lot of shame on his shoulders and is only gradually coming to realize how much). for reminding me why i staid in the first place :)

good luck best of wishes )

hi chet !! long time ... well i dont know what was going on that day ---- u know how it is somedays are good and some are as bad as they can b---------- i am sorry to hear that ur wife is being mean hearted ..... i am sorry u feel the love for her dimishe ... i pray that you can get the streght to move foward and to let god guide u thru the rest of ur deccisions .........

the appology has been acccepted but the pain is still there . if i didnt want to be in this marrige i would of left when i had the chance i from the beging knew that my covenets that i made with my h and the lord could b saved , but i am still struggleing with the pain from the infedelity - it dosent go away that ez ) -- i am also streesed at the fact that his mistakes are now hurting me phisicaly as well. --------- do i care to salvage my marrige ??? yes but do i have the energy and love for it like i onces did no ......... if you u thing thats bad well .. thats what happens when someone you love with all ur heart hurts u in the worst way .. the love and respect u have for then fades ..........

thank you honey bee ... its nice to know and have hope that there is others out there who have moved foward and that its possible for my h and i to be happy again...... and your right i do need to seek counceling for my self . i think that would help .....

rico !! if u have nbot been where i am then u cant understand the pain it feel to know the one person u trusted the most was not who you though he was ......... also i have forgiven him but like u said it takes time .. for me fogiveness came quikly but the memmories other things that have come up are hurt full and they hurt everyday

dont worry faded i was just angry and wanted to vent ! crazy potatoe - thank you for ur advise i actually dont have anyone that i can hang out with here - and i have really just wanted to stay home i am not depressed i just hate going places alone - i do enjoy going to the temple alone and that has helped a lot -- i know its ok to be angry i just dont want to be the wife who is always reminding him of what happend -- i want to move foward and i want to help him ... but ur righ i dont need to do it all for him ... and praying does help thanks

OK GUYS SORRY BUT TODAY I AM TAKING MY TREAD BACK ! --------- I THINK MY h INFIDELITY MIGHT OF GIVEN ME AN STD -- !!!!! I AM SCARED AND HEART BROKEN ALL OVER AGAIN .. THE PAIN OF WHAT HE DID IS TOO MUCH ---- HE HAS BEEN VERY LOVEING AND KIND AND PATIENT AND HE IS VERY SORRY FOR WHAT HE DID . BUT I FEEL THAT THE MORE PAIN IM IN EVERYDAY THE MORE I LOSE LOVE FOR HIM ...... THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE EVER FEALT LIKE THIS AND IT ALSO SCARES ME - LAST NIGH I WENT TO BED - NO KISS NO FAMILY PRAYER OR READING TOGETHER I WAS ANGRY AND IDNT WANT TO DOANYTHING W HIM -- THIS MORNING I FOUND A NOTE ON MY PURSE THAT READ " B STRONG I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH DONT GIVE UP PLEASE I NEED YOU " ........... HOW MUCH STRONGER CAN I BE !!!!!!!!!!! I AM TIERD , I FEEL LIKE I KEEP GETTING HURT OVER AND OVER ---------

lol --- i know i think it was his cute boy charm and how he wears his heart on his sleve -- oh well

well i read all 4 books in about a week a nd 1/2 lol and i have to say i loved them ....... i really enjpyed the reading and the story line and at least it gives girls a lil bit of pride in virtue ( no spolier ) but i have to say even now i am still in team ---jacob ---

i think u really need to pray about how to deal with ur wife -- we all response differntly and what works for some wont for others ---- talk to her and try to make he understand that u are hurt by her actions -- and she needs to be responsable for that

jimmy -- i am soo sorry you are going thru this aswell ---- it sucks !! -- but stay strong -- it does get better .. it has been 3 month for me and i hurt every day but lil by lil i see the atonment and the love of christ change my H back to the man he was before and now i can feel his love and his true sorrow for what he did .......... dont give up on ur wife , she gets angry - but she needs to realize that ur feelings are normal and u have all the right to express them - when i first came to this web sire i was told -- not to feel bad and keep my feelings to my slef that my H need to see the pain he caused me . that all this is part of the consecuasess of his actions ----- i dont knw if u read my prior bloggs but in one i mention how he did not want me to bring it up and to cecause he didnt want to rememer -- like ur wife he would get angry - but as time passes and he has starred his rempenting prosses , the spirt of the lord softens his heart and just last night he told me that he was wrong for telling me not to tell him that i was the victem and that he need to help me deal with the painhe has coused ........ has ur wife been to the bishop ? and started her rempting process if so great just be patient and --- if not well pray and be even more patient and encourge her ... stay strong best of luck -

i asked my H to delete his my space acct - for my sanity and as part of his proff of moveing foward -- good luck i know just how u feel its been 3 months for me too and every day i hurt ...

thank you crazy potato -- i will put ur advice in practice and see how it works thanks

well i greee also !! man today i feel angry and cared and hurt all over again ...... and my H feels like crap he is angry at himself for doing this to us and for hurting me .. he feels like scum ----- which at one point i feel he should feel that way and that it serves him right for what he did ....... but i dont want to put him down i dont want to make him feel like he is the worst thing in the world all thoug i sometimes feel that way .......... i just know that he is not the man his porn addiction turn him in to ----- i have seen his good side the side that loves me with all his heart the side that serve the lord and other with faith.....thats the man i fell in love with i i know he is still there ....... but somedays are hard and my own pain gets the worse of me ............. i wish i could be supportive all the time ..

thank u Chet ------- i sooo needed to hear that today !!!!!!! when i think back i feel that we have come a long way , but just when i think im starting to move pass and forget it -- something happens and i get hurt all over again. for instance - when he was unfaithful -- he went and got tested for stds he says they came back neggative - but when i went to my dr this morning i sked to get checkedd and my dr said he saw somethig and it could be not thing alt all or and std ( sorry i know this is too much info ) ------- so obously i lost it and call my H and told him how i felt he was very sorry he said i dont deserve all this ..... sooooooo here we go again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but to be honest i dont feel to worry maybe im just out of it today -------- i am very angry and hurt all over again -but i cant really do much till i know for sure ------- out off al the man i could have married i chose this one thinking -- he would never hurt me like a man from the world - because he was a RM and a member - the only member i ever dated ------- sometimes i cant help but think that some of the non members would of been better ..........

their is a program the church offers i dont know if its in ur area , my husband will be atteding it soon i hope - it is a 12 step addiction recovery program by the church . look in to it .. and dont let anyone decided wheather u should stay or go -- that is completly up to u and ur housband .. it wont be ez - but it can be done ''' love can heal everything stay strong and good luck