After 15 years of not attending church (I‘m baptized), I stopped by our local church last Sunday. They said I should be with the 9am ward next Sunday, so I’ll be doing that, and joining their ward. I’ll be attending regularly, to try and figure out what direction my life should be headed in. I know I’ll need to speak to the bishop and all… But there is a matter in my marriage I feel I will have to bring up with him, because it could determine weather a divorce is in my near future. And I think that’s an important subject. I just don’t know what to expect from the bishop...
So here’s the deal:
As I said, I was baptized when I was a child. My husband believes in God, but he's never been a memebr of any church. Anyway, I feel sooooo guilty, because I often find myself wishing I were single, or maybe even with someone else. Its because my emotional and companionship needs are not being met in our marriage. My husband is very simple-- all he needs is the occasional quick.. ya know… We’re talking maybe once or twice a month, not to be crude. And maybe dinner cooked and the house cleaned-- and that's it, he’s happy! Even that much, he can take it or leave it.
But I, on the other hand, am a very deep, passionate, communicative and emotional person. I’m extremely romantic, and I think the best parts of life are the moments you spend with your significant other! Hubby and I have very little in common, other than the fact that we still love each other. We’re not very intimate, hardly ever talk, and there is pretty much no romance. He just doesn’t need it.
I’ve considered leaving my husband many times over it, even though I will always love him. He simply doesn’t desire the things I do, he’s not interested in them. And he wouldn’t be with any other woman either. My attached feelings of love are keeping me with him (he was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything!). But its very confusing and causes tons of stress. I’ve told him how I feel many, many times. He gets upset when I say I’m not happy with him, but he always forgives me for saying it. He‘s just not the close, romantic, intimate, communicating type. But ignoring this problem is not very fulfilling, and it doesn’t resolve anything, or get us anywhere. I don’t know what the church does with people who get divorced… I don’t know what they would expect me to do, when my husband is just not the kind of guy I need. And I really don’t know if he ever could be. A person either wants those things in their life, or they don’t. I can’t make him, lol. We’ve discussed this problem for the past 5 years, until I was blue in the face. I've tried bringing home improved marriage/intimacy books, CD's, DVD's, games, etc. And every method imaginable for introducing the ideas and activities to him. But nothing ever changes.
I love my husband to death, and it kills me to think that it won't work. But I'm at my wit's end.
So besides the obvious “Well, that’s why you should be more careful who you marry…”, what do you think bishop would say about all this? Or should I even bring it up?
EDIT: Due to one of my replies below, It hink its also important to mention that my husband does have a VERY serious gambling problem, which keeps us apart alot, because he's always at the casino. Even at home, he tends to withdraw intot he computer, in a free online poker game... This too is extremely tasking on the marriage... He only learned to play poker after our first year and a half together, and before that, we didn't have half as many relationship problems. Still some, but nowhere near as bad.