Melissa569

Members
  • Posts

    336
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Melissa569

  1. Even the bible says there will be people with certain gifts of the spirit. Many things similar to what you are going through have been happening to me and members of my family because, although we're not militant about going to church, we are EXTREMELY spiritual people, and in tune with all things in that area. I won't go into detail on some of the things that have happened, though... I learned at an early age not to do that with just any old group of people. It freaks them out, and they will just call you crazy. Best thing you can do is team up with others like you. Don't withdraw from the rest of the world and turn into one of those weirdos with the shades drawn, or anything... Just round up some supporters who know how you feel. I'm lucky in the sense that these things run heavily in my family, so I always have them to turn to. But good friends with similar lives are wonderful too. And they will believe you. They won't judge you, or be scared of you.
  2. ......Ewe, lol. Reminds me of the "granola cola" Sprite ad joke: Sprite - Granola Cola (1997) | Commercial
  3. I agree in general, a bishop should not go around telling everyone about your personal matters. But sometimes he has to tell "someone", in order to help you... Like for example-- I told my bishop that my husband has a gambling problem, and it was causing financial hardship. Before I knew it, our missionaries, my HT and VT were comming around dropping off the church's 12-step booklet, offering to give my husband rides to the 12-step meetings, reading us lessons on why addiction is bad, etc. So obviously they knew. And I can't be sure weather or not THEY told other people. So I guess I just assume that anything I tell the bishop, other people might be made aware of it. Not because my bishop is some kind of "gossip king", but because he can't do everything for everyone, all by himself. So in that sense, I can't really get mad at him, I guess. I imagine the bishop might need to enlist the help of those people for many other matters that would "seem" private too, like marriage problems, suicidal thoughts, etc.
  4. I'm starting to think that the reason we all debate religion and afterlife, is because there are things about both atheism and afterlife that both terrify and comfort us. And within both subjects, there are little sub categories made up of even more things that terrify and comfort us. So we are all trying to adhere to the parts we like, and reject the parts we don't. For each person, the parts we like or don't like are different. But soon enough, we will all know the truth, and there is a 50/50 chance each of us could be right or wrong. Boy, who needs horror films when you have THAT huge and scary notion? lol
  5. I've been evacuated because of an approaching fire before, when I was living with my dad before I got married. Its pretty scary... The fire had suddenly jumped the highway and headed straight for us! The Sheriff knocked on our door and said we and our neighbors had 20 minutes to leave. My Dad and I loaded our dogs into the car first, then I grabbed our family heirloom bible, family photo albums and my journals, while dad grabbed his military awards and important documents. Some of our neighbors refused to leave, though. Once we had those things loaded up, we still had a few extra minutes, so we went back for clothes, toiletries, and a few personal favorites around the house. Lucky Dad hadn't cashed his paycheck yet, so we would have had some money to live off of. They managed to get the fire contained right before it came to our house (after having burned about 2,000 acres!). It was a pretty eye-opening experience. Made me realize that in the grand scheme of things, 90% of the things in our home that we think are so important, really are not. But I guess if it were to happen agian today-- I would also grab my laptop computer :) OR at the very least, my USB disks with everything stored on them.
  6. I believe that the spirits of our deceased loved ones can come to check in on us from time to time, just to see how we are doing. Or just watch over us from where they are, as in they know whatever we are doing and where we are. If we see, hear, or feel anything, its just their loving presence surrounding us. And you have to be a very spiritual person to experience that. I also believe that bad or evil spirits probably think its funny as heck to mess with us, by appearing to us, acting like a haunting "ghost". They would do something like that just because they know it will shake your faith in what the bible tells you. Or they may take the form of a loved one to gain your trust, or to just plain mess with your head, and cause emotional turmoil. I don't care if anyone thinks I am crazy or what... But I HAVE seen and heard spirits. Mostly in my grandma's house, and over in Europe (man, there are some NASTY ones over there, let me tell you!). But I believe they were just evil / bad spirits. Not ghosts, or souls who once lived as humans. They're too horrible for that. I know there are some bad people in this world, but these "things" make even the most evil human look like a choir boy. As for my grandma's house-- there is just some nightmarishly bad energy among the 9 people living there. Very dark pasts, and a lot of anger. I think it invites bad things-- yes I think that if you invite or encourage bad spirits, they will come around you more than others. Hence why I almost never go in my granmda's house. But I do not believe that good spirits, or our loved ones (or any human who has died) would hang around grave yards, houses, or the scene of their demise, so they can move objects, appear before us, or make spooky sounds... Oh I'm sure they could if they wanted to, but they probably believe that its in OUR best interest that they don't (and it might be against the rules for them). We all think we want to see a spirit, but... If it were to happen, it would terrify the heck out of you, beyond words! Even if it was a good spirit. I speak from personal experience-- if it happened, you would FREAK! You would feel your pupils dilate, your eyes would widen, your breath would catch in your throat, and your heart would stop, right before it raced off at 200 miles an hour! Then you would either trip over yourself backing up to run away, or you would just freeze there. When it was over, you would either convince yourself that you were dreaming, or that you hadn't slept enough, or you'd hit your head, ate/drank something funny, or you were going nuts. Or you'd start telling everyone about it, and swearing it really happened-- which would cause everyone around you to think you were a complete wacko. The only reason I'm calm and ok, is because I have convinced myself that it was just bad spirits, messing with me. So instead of letting them intimidate me, I used the experience as further proof that God does in fact exist. If there is a hell and evil spirits, then there is a heaven and a god too. And while they did succeed in scaring me half to death at the moment (haha, very funny)-- the best thing to do is recognize it for what it is. Then get over it, and blow it off. Don't let if fool you, and don't let it mess up your faith in any way. Our loved ones (and angels) know all this, and they don't want to scare us by appearing. Not unless there is an extremely good reason for doing so. They're not trying to scare us for kicks, or make us end up in a loony bin. And even if you truly did believe that they had appeared to you-- it wouldn't do you any good. Again, not unless they came to present you with a special, god-assigned mission or something. The important thing in this life (to god at least) is for us to have FAITH in something we cannot see. And by a spirit showing themselves, they are taking that test and trial away from us. It only happens to special people, for special reasons. Or again, if bad spirits are just being jerks. But doing it "just because" is probably a huge no-no in heaven, for all the above reasons.
  7. Life is not "one size fits all". You cannot apply the same rules to every single person. There will always be people who are not able to live up to certain demands, exactly as they are laid out. For example, if it were a commandment to jog for 30 minutes a day, I wouldn't punish someone with no legs, for not being able to do it. Some kind of alternative would have to be offered for them. In that sense, I think its perfectly ok to turn down a calling, if it really dos not suit your capabilities. I've had to turn down a calling before. It was church-related, but it was to care for special needs children. I am really NOT the motherly type at all. I'm 29 years old, and I've never even thought of being a mother. I find it extremely difficult to pay attention to children, because I really have no idea how to communicate with them. I was raised by an ex Green Beret, and the only female in my house-- so everything was always about being tomboy-ish. I was also "the baby" in my family. Nobody was younger than me. I didn't look after or take care of anyone else. I was always the one that looked up to everyone, the one that everybody took care of or doted upon. So I really don't know how to reverse that role. It takes a very special kind of person to work with children-- someone who is patient, with little or no temper, someone who can get down on a child's level mentally and who really enjoys being around children. I can honestly say that I am none of those things, and never have been... I may never be either. If I ever have my own children, I think I would be more like a drill sergeant, lol. I would be commanding and orderly, I would expect them to fall in line. And it takes an EXTRA special person to work with special needs children. I firmly believed that I was soooooooooo NOT the right person for the job. And I said all that to my bishop too. He just kind of starred at me with his jaw dropped, and was speachless. He didn't know what to make of that, lol. But I had to be honest... Now, if I get a calling to teach all the women in church "wilderness survival skills" or self defense--- well that would be right up my alley! :) Don't get me wrong, I do have a "womanly" side. As in I sometimes wear a little makeup, I dress feminine (although with pants), I'm a darn good cook, I keep a clean home, I can sew and do crafts, I love romantic movies or books, etc. Its just my feminine side doesn't include "nurtuting". At least not much.
  8. I suppose I should clarify that-- for most average girls, when the body starts changing very noticably, as in their cycle hits, and and noticable visual changes start comming about, a serious interest in boys-- but deffinitely at least 12 or older. I know for some girls, the above things are happening eariler (I got my first menstrual cycle at 10 years old). But didnt' wear makeup till I was 13. I'm speaking in terms of when it happens for "most" others, and at least 95% or all of the other girls in the class have caught up together. For sure, 2-3 years into the double-digit ages. At least that would be my rule if I had a daughter, and it was the rule in our house growing up. :)
  9. Well of course, wait until they mention it. Or until you just see the signs (and you will). Heck with a 10 and 12 year old, you may be seeing it already! lol. You'll notice things like if you go somewhere like Wal-Mart, the girls will run off while you pick up some essentials. When you go to find them, they won't be in the toy isle like they used to be... Instead, they'll be in the "girlie" isles, looking at shoes, purses, clothes, testing perfumes and lip glosses... Little by little, they will start dropping more "girly" things into the shopping carts. It might be something small at first, like you will be in the store one day, and one of your girls will pick up some cherry-flavored chapstick, and ask you to buy it for her. Next time, she will ask for perfume. Then some slightly pinkish-tinted lip gloss... Then you'll hear complaints from your oldest girl that her little sister has been sneaking into her stuff and wearing her lip gloss, etc. (that's how it happened with me and my sister). It will move up from there. As a woman, I will say-- its not as much about age (although I say at least past 12), as it is "how much" or "what kind" of makeup it is. I don't think any girl or woman should be so painted up that they look like a clown, or Elvira. I never had much in the way of pimples or wringkles (of course I just turned 29). But I've never worn much more than a little bit of mascara to darken the eyelashes (in a natural-looking way, not all cakey and clumpy), and a little bit of lip color. Once in a while, some cover-up but not much (don't really need it, and that's the stuff that really makes you wrinkle and look older if you use it too much, so I don't like to). Make up is perfectly fine, just as long as its used in small amounts to enhance your natural beauty, and its not extreme or (again) cakey looking. But if I had to choose an age-- I would say as soon as pubery hits. Nature will let you know when its time to start primping for boys, and looking pretty. Its about that time when your first "cycle" hits, when you get your first training bra (sorry, I'm not trying to be crude), or when you start to really notice the boys. The other girls will give you a clue as well-- most of the girls in school I know start to test the makeup waters a bit when they see other girls in school shaving their legs and wearing little bits of makeup. For most of us, its starts around 12 or 13. We see the other girls start doing subtle things like wearing lip gloss. Or just a litttle bit of pressed powder. Sometimes very light eye shadow (like very pale pastel/baby colors that are barely detectable). Maybe grooming their eyebrows a little. A touch of mascara here and there. Over the next two 2 years, more obvious shades of blush, eye shadow, cover-up, colored lipstick, etc. will slowly start comming into the picture. Its a very gradual process. In other words, its not "One day we don't wear it, and the next day we do." You let it develop step by step. I say just let it happen naturally. And be reasonable-- tell them yes, they can wear makeup, as long as it looks fresh and clean. That way, you still have some parental say of the style of it, but they are allowed to wear it, like the other girls. And trust me, the other girls usually do a good job of keeping them in line. A girl will get teased in school if she cakes it on too thick, lol.
  10. Hmmmmmm, actually I suppose you're right. Although some young people might see being in a relationship as "smothering", others might be able to relax more and focus on other things, because they know they have "a sure thing" waiting for them. So in light of that, I guess weather or not you wait for a missionary, depends on weather or not having a sure thing reserved back home will help them concentrate or not.
  11. hordak--If women get pants would they give up the car? Sounds like a fair deal to me. I've never been a missionary, but I don't mind walking or riding a bike. Just not in a skirt!! lol. I would trade a car for pants ANY day, that's for sure. I won't even wear skirts to church. I dress very nice and professional, just in women's slacks and nice blouses. My clothes are perfectly respectable, by any standard. So if they would rather have me stay home than wear classy office attire-- than they are the ones with messed up priorities. Not me. *shrug* :)
  12. Hmmm, I'm not sure. I mean I know how the church feels about SPENDING money on gambling. But how do they feel about accepting the winnings? I myself have wondered-- if I won 50 million dolllars in the lottery tomorrow, would my local ward want 10% of it? I mean that's enough money to where I could stick it all in the bank and live quite richly off the interest alone for the rest of my life. So if that were my soul income from that point on, would that mean I would never be asked to pay tithe again? I doubt it. I'm not saying the church is dirty-handed, I'm just saying that everybody's attitude changes when the money is pouring IN instead of out. Or if the money is going toward a good cause. Even if they didn't ask me for tithe, I would probably do it anyway, just to (hopefully) get back into god's good graces for gambling, lol. And if the chruch refused to accept it, then I would give an anonymous donation. What they don't know won't hurt 'em :)
  13. I can see why no facial hair, because they are going for the clean look. But what I don’t understand is why the sister missionaries cannot wear clothing similar to the male missionaries, only in a female cut (white button-up blouse, black women's slacks, black name tag). They can still wear the skirt to church I guess, but I'm saying while walking around in public, and riding bikes, etc. Some say it would look too casual. But I do not think it would look too casual at all! Professional business women dress like that in the offices. And I think it would make them look more unified with the male missionaries, having the same basic color scheme in clothing and all. Also, I was talking to my neighbor the other day, and she said she would never join the LDS church, because it was "too chauvinistic". I told her I was Mormon, and she was like, "What? You're Mormon???" I was like, "Yes..." Then she said, "But... You wear pants!". I said, "So???" She said, "I thought Mormon women couldn't wear pants. I visited their church and all the women wore skirts. And those two missionary girls I met by Safeway-- they were wearing skirts too." I had to explain that it was only women attending a Sunday session, and missionaries that wore skirts. But the thing is--- A LOT of people have that impression. They think we're all backward and primitive, lol. I don't really like having to explain it constantly. Besides, skirts aren't the only professional-looking clothing a woman can wear. I think a nice matching woman's suit, or (like I said) neat professional ladies slacks and a solid-colored blouse look just as sharp, clean and presentable. If not more!
  14. I think god knows our general nature, and he knows what we might be "inclined" to do in most situations. As well as what will happen as a result of the choices we are likely to make. But he also knows that we are very much capable of change at any time, and he hopes that we will listen to him and make positive changes. Its sort of like how when 2 parents are going out of town for the weekend, and they tell their 17-ear-old son, "Ok-- no parties, no trouble, and no bringing girls over while we are gone!" Mmmmm..... They probably wouldn't say those things, if they didn't at least suspect their son was strongly inclined to try them. Or maybe they just figure that's what ANY teenage boy might try. And in 99.99% of cases, they would be correct. All they can do is hope that their son has been listening to them, and that even if he does try it, he won't go overboard or do anything really stupid. God has given us free will, and all he can do is encourage us to be smart. And if we're not smart, he can pretty much predict what's going to happen. Sort of like when you see someone who's had a few drinks picking up their car keys... You say, "Hey, if you drive drunk, you're either going to get in an accident, or a cop is going to see you driving funny and give you a DUI. Either way, you will lose your license, get hurt, or maybe even killed." And say they drive anyway, and one or all those things happen. You're not a psychic, but you knew it because that is the pattern of nature and the world. That's the way things go. Well, god knows the way EVERYTHING goes, and he has far more detailed and complex foresight. In fact-- sometimes I think that's all a "psychic" really is. Someone with extremely detailed foresight, who can piece together possible chain of event outcomes better than most others.
  15. I think when the OP said its "a cut-throat world", she didn't mean that ALL families and people are like that. I think she means that because this world is not perfect, plenty of such families DO exist all around us, and hers is one of them. I would say my family is half and half, MAJOR extremes-- half of us are just decent people who really love and care for each other and are trying to make it in this world. The other half are truly lost and empty souls, who struggle with addiction and trouble with the law, and are horryfyingly dysfunctional. My parents, brothers and sister and I are some of the good ones. But oh lord..... The bad ones will just blow you away! lol. I really wish that something could save the bad side of my family, before they all end up like my aunt Kathy (who passed away 2 years ago at the age of 37 from drugs, alcohol, and poorly-managed diabetes). They have been through dozens of help cycles, and even prison... Nothing has ever shaken them, or stopped them. nothing has ever made them consider giving up their lifestyle. They've even abandoned their children for it, and are willing to DIE for the sake of continuing to do whatever they please. They just don't care about anything, and nobody can make them. OP-- in this post, you almost remind me of my mom... Again and again, she bends over backwards, trying to win over the bad side of our family with love and kindness. She has never wanted anything mroe than for all of them to love, support and appreciate her. She does favors for them, helps them, tries to win their approval so she can possibly hear the words "Thank you" or "I love you" come from their mouths... And every single time, she gets her heart shattered when they bluntly tell her that nothing she does will ever be good enough. That she doesn't deserve anybody's love and respect, and they will never be greatful to her for anything. They turn and kick dirt on her face in return, and she cries because she just doesn't understand it. I always tell her (and I will tell you), "Look, you are a wonderful person, regardless of any mistakes you've made. And never let anybody tell you any different. We are only forgiven as much as we forgive others, so I strongly suggest you pray for the people who look down on you. From time to time, you can reach out to people who are lost. That's what Jesus would want you to do, because it helps to pull people in. But don't expect anything in return. Just hope and pray that one day it will sink in. And don't dwell on it if you don't see any changes. Instead, in addition tot he lost people you reach out to here and there, turn around and give your love, support and devotion to people who appreciate it. And allow them to give it back. There are people who care... They may not be the specific people you WISH would care (like certain family members). They may be strangers, or church members you don't know too well. But accpet what they offer anyway. Who knows, as a result, you may end up loving them like family one day. Its been said that the closest family members are not even blood related. If you have any family members who are more kind to you, spend more time with them, and less with those who don't seem to care. That's something I wish my mother would do--- She has her children and grand children who just love and adore her. Who would do anything for her! But she obsesses over her mother and her sisters, who do nothing but spit in her face... Some people you just can't change. And in the end, you have to love yourself enough to remove that negativity from your life, and replace it with good things.
  16. I think it depends weather a couple has kids. Don't get me wrong, because I'm all for having a gun and I myself have a one. I like how secure I feel with it. But then again, there are no children in my house, so.... If there were, I'm not really sure what I would do. I think people with children (particularly mothers) avoid getting a gun, because in their case, it can either be very dangerous, or totally useless. If you keep it under your bed or pillow, or anywhere that is quickly and easily reachable-- yes, it can be a huge help in protecting yourself or your family if an intruder happens upon you. This is the case in my house. But in such an easy-access location, it is a danger in a home with children, who will be curious about it and want to play with it. And then if you keep it locked up in a case in the top of a closet, or under the bed.... Well, its not going to be much help in a sudden emergency, is it? First you have to find the key and fiddle with that (or the combination), unlock the box, then get the gun out.... By then, anyone who has invaded your home has either prevented you from getting your gun by poitning THEIR weapon at you, or has already hurt someone. You have to keep the box locked with the key hidden, because otherwise the kids can get into it. That's what makes it so useless in emergencies. I think its really tricky to keep it esily reachable, and family friendly. My only suggestion would be, if you have kids, all of you shoudl go out to target practice with the gun, and everyone shoudl learn how to properly use it, and get planty of practice. This way, it will satisfy any curiosity the kids may have, and show them how/why its so dangerous, while greatly reducing any chance that they will seek it out to "play" with.
  17. Quite honestly, I love the computer age. Because of my laptop, I am earning a few hundred extra dollars from home, running an online store. I think its kind of nice to be my own boss on that, and get to pick my hours, sleep in as late as I want. I can take my laptop in Starbucks (I just drink the chocolate, strawberry or vanilla frap, or get their sandwiches, or pastries--- no coffee), and work there, lol. Or I can take it to the park and lay on a blanket, and work. Whatever I want. I never could say that before, but because of computers, I can now. And if I have kids, I can work AND be home to raise them. Win-win situation, I think.
  18. All I have to say about the comming end of the world is: YouTube - Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over (Some people believe this is an abstract about the end of the world, and how we should just hold tight to loved ones in preparation for it-- don't let the evils around you tear you apart, because there is no surviving the end, and love is the only thing you can take with you when your time comes. I agree!). There is freedom within, there is freedom without Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost But you'll never see the end of the road While you're traveling with me Hey now, hey now Don't dream it's over Hey now, hey now When the world comes in They come, they come To build a wall between us We know they won't win Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof In the paper today, tales of war and of waste But you turn right over to the TV page Hey now, hey now Don't dream it's over Hey now, hey now When the world comes in They come, they come To build a wall between us We know they won't win Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart Only shadows ahead, barely clearing the roof Get to know the feeling of liberation and release Hey now, hey now Don't dream it's over Hey now, hey now When the world comes in They come, they come To build a wall between us We know they won't win Well, don't let them win Hey now, hey now Don't let them win Don't let them win, yeah
  19. It looks like most people here agree on this--- its best to wait until he has his temple recomend, and THEN marry him (that includes a civil wedding, I wouldn't even do that right now). Also, I agree, make sure its because he loves the belief system of the church, and he's not just doing it to get you. Its very romantic that he loves you enough to attempt a big change like that to be with you. But that's really not the best reason for him to convert. You shouldn't convert to a religion because you're in love with a member. You should convert because you truly believe in it. Yeah, its gonna be about a year or so, but despite what he says-- still, he may or may not actually go through with all this. There is a lot to learn about the LDS religion, and he's going to learn the key parts of it between now and the time he gets a temple rec. And that's IF he really does. I honestly think its best to find out weather or not he still wants to do this, AFTER learning everything about the LDS church and its belief system. There's a difference between you explaining it, and months on end of study into it, with chruch meetings, missionary lessons, etc. He might fall in love with it. But he also might decide that there are too many things he does not agree with. He should be given that chance, before being legally and spiritually bound to someone who believes in it. If he decides he does not agree with it-- wouldn't it be better to NOT be legally married when you find this out? At that point, your marriage would be nothing but argument after argument about going to the temple. He says he wants to do it NOW.... But let's see what he has to say after he has learned everything he needs to learn. Only then should you do it. Hugs, and I wish you both the best, Melissa
  20. Just looking for low-cost options to give my second cousin, who will have her first child soon. I tossed out a few ideas, but any others are welcome! I’ll pass them on to her. And I guess it wouldn't hurt to put this out for other women. Details: I just got back from a baby shower. My second cousin on my mom’s side has maybe 6 more weeks to go before her FIRST baby arrives! I talked to her while we were standing outside, eating cake. She and her newlywed husband aren’t doing so good financially. She’s worried about the cost of diapers, baby food, clothes, formula, etc. Of course, those of us who came to the shower took care of the crib, the stroller, plenty of “first” clothes, pacifiers, bottles and lots of other supplies. But still, some of the supplies will eventually run out. I’ve never had a baby, but I offered her a few suggestions I’ve heard of, that I think can save her a ton of money: 1-- Cloth diapers. A lot of “modern” mommies freak out at first, but really, its how people were raised for thousands of years. Plus, with washing machines, its no big deal now; just scrape the “bulk” of #2 messes in the toilet, and keep soiled diapers in a special bag for washing. One size fits all, they can be adjusted for any size baby, and kept for future babies. You can get plastic liners for them too. No problem in public, just bring spares, and keep the soiled ones in a water proof pouch till you get home. Just toss the diaper in the machine and they come out clean and ready for the next use. You can even make them pretty easy, with a machine (I do a lot of sewing, because I design 18th century gowns, I‘d be willing to contribute)! 2-- Cloth bra pads for “milk leaks”. Same deal as cloth diapers, just wash them and re-use. 3-- The “Dollar Store” is your best friend! They sell bottles, clothes, rash ointment, pacifiers, baby powder (you can also use corn starch), baby soap and oil, toys, sippy cups, baby spoons, bibs, baby dishes, blankets, baby food, you name it! 4-- Make your own baby food. I have a “magic bullet blender”, and I use it all the time. It can puree fairly easily, and its small, so its easy to use at a moment’s notice. Think I’ll give her one. 5-- Breast feed to save on formula as long/much as you can. Anybody else tried these things? Any tips on managing them? Or just other tips I didn’t think of? So far, I think those tips could probably save her thousand’s over the first 2 years of the child’s life. But hey, every little bit helps. In fact, its giving ME ideas now, if I ever have a baby, lol.
  21. What is the one thing about yourself that you are working on making better? Maybe you need to learn to love yourself again. Or being able to have trust again in a relationship. Do you have a fear of another failure. These are just examples. Why do you feel this is something about yourself that you need to work on making better. I'm still married but its pretty rocky. My problem USED to be insecurity. My current husband was my first "real" relationship (real meaning not long-distance via letter, or online), and I was always really shy. Kind of insecure about looks and all, never thought I was very pretty. Stupidly I suppose, I always figured that when two people were in love, they BOTH wanted to spend every single waking moment together. Get closer and closer. Talk about everything. Connect and communicate on a deep level. But no, not in my case. I was the only one who wanted to do any of that... He would rather get a root canal than devote quality time to "us". We fought day and night our first year, because the relationship just wasn't even 1/10 as blissful or satisfying as I always dreamed a relationship was going to be. Sure I knew there would be arguments, but I also assumed we would be CLOSE, or at least have some common interests. I blamed him for all the misery. He was the one who would take me out on a dinner date, and spend the entire evening yapping on his cell phone to some buddy, or to a waiter, or the people in the next booth, and pretend I wasn't even there. Its been 6 years, and he's never given me ONE birthday gift, anniversary gift, or Christmas gift. He always ditched me on all those holidays too- to go be with his friends, or to gamble. Still does. Never walks next to me or holds my hand-- he always walks 10 feet out ahead of me. Never holds doors for me, just walks in like he owns the place and lets the door swing back in my face. Anyway, I assumed there must be something wrong with me. Maybe I wasn't pretty, or lovable, or desireable. I was totally convinced that he was cheating on me, and accused him of it constantly. Because I couldn't fathom the idea of anybody acting the way he does, when they're NOT cheating. But it turns out I was wrong. He's not cheating. And there's nothing wrong with me!! He's just got the biggest case of adult ADD I've ever seen. We never had kids, because... Well, he does NOT want kids at all, and I feel like dealing with him is like raising 10 kids already!! lol. He's quite immature and can't participate in "grown-up" things like a romantic date or situation (or intimacy), without getting distracted by something else and dancing off into another demension like a 2-year-old. He's not inconsiderate because he's a jerk, he's inconsiderate because he's just too hyper in the brain and can't slow down enough to really think about anyone else. Plus he's a foreigner, and his cutlure never made a big deal out of "holiday gifts" or the art of romance. So I guess he just doesn't understand why we Americans are so big on it. Fundamentally, he has a good heart. But I have to decide weather or not I wanna put up with all this for the rest of my life... And I really don't think I can. He may not mean anything by it-- but it hurts. Bad. Do you think you are more picky now compared to how you were when you were let's say 20 years old? Maybe picky isn't the best word... let's use more experienced and have a much better idea of what you will or will not put up with in a relationship. Picky and particular. Maybe even too particular for my own good. If you were married and now separated/divorced do you enjoy this time alone? Do you feel like you are getting to know your true self again? Finding interests that were deep beneath which are coming back to the surface again. N/A. But if we were separated, I'm not sure how I would feel. I would feel really guilty, knowing that he is a good man, and he really can't help being the way he is. He still deserves to be loved, I suppose. But the only person who could ever be happy with him is someone who is exactly like him, and therefore doesn't mind all his faults. I'm not that person. I would leave just because I flat-out can't handle a marriage where I feel like the only adult. Where all the key elements are missing (no kids, no romance, no intimacy, no closeness or real companionship), and those things always will be missing. So in that case, what's the point in being with someone? And Once I got that through my head, I guess I would feel quite happy and free. Do you miss being married? I'm not asking if you miss your ex/stbx-spouse, no I'm asking if you miss being married. If I were divorced, I woudl miss both being married, AND him. But I would try to move on, and enjoy the fact that I'm now free to search for someone who's more on my level. Looking at where you were 6 months to a year ago do you see drastic changes in yourself or subtle changes? Drastic. Every year that goes by, I learn more about how unfair love can be. Although I hope that one day, something will happen to make me see it in a better light. What is the one thing that you did or that happened in your previous relationship/marriage that you will never do again? Assuming we did split up? Ummmmmm.... Witht he next person, I wouldn't jump in so darn fast. I would want to get to know him for a good YEAR or so (living in separate homes), and keep a respectable emotional distance (meaning just be friends and don't "fall in love"), until I know him well enough to know if I wanna take it further. Compared to what I know about my husband now-- Heck, I didn't know ANYTHING about him those first few months we dated. What degree of contentment do you feel now compared to 6 months to a year ago with your new life and future? N/A What is the one thing that you learned about yourself that you didn't know was there? And how has it changed you in your day to day life? (example, you realize that you have a pulse?) Well, this isn't so much something about me, but... I learned that love IS NOT a darn fairytale. I'm not being negative, I'm just being realistic. Its not gonna be what you expect, not by a long shot. At least not the first relationship-- sometimes we do find what we're looking for after a big break-up and all the potential partners have matured, because they've been smacked in the face by life a few times. As for what I've learned about ME-- I deffinitely don't want a naive guy, or a virgin-- NO WAY!! No offense, but I like to look up to my man, in several aspects. Besides, I've had quite enough of feeling like I'm paired up with someone who is a child at best, in comparison to me. Bleh!!! lol. Finally, where do you see yourself 5 years from now? (Life, relationship, career, family, etc) Hopefully done with college (or career school), and either happily single, or happily married to THE RIGHT man (emphasis on the word "man"-- not boy, or guy).
  22. Actually, thank you for clarifying that, I myself was kind of confused about it. :)
  23. Amen. There are plenty of reasons why somebody might feel like an outsider in a group. Most of the time, they just want to hear that at least ONE person genuinely wants them around. And if many people say the same, it can work wonders. :) I remember when I was 12 and my parents had just divorced-- I was te ONLY girl in young women's, who's parents weren't still together. There were 3 divorced memebrs in my ward (1 woman and 2 men), but none of them had a teenage daughter living with them. I felt completely alone in my age group there, like I just didn't belong. Everyone else seemed to have a happy family. None of the other girls understood what was going on, at least not on a personal level. I stayed with my father, because my mother left him for someone else, and he was really depressed. Besides, I was a daddy's girl, lol. Dad and I started going inactive... But the church sent out the two male divorced members and some missionaries to talk to him. And they had all the girls in Beehive write me letters, asking me to come back and saying how even in hard times, its better to have support than to be alone. So we went back for another year, which really made a difference. Then we moved up to the mountians with Dad's parents, and there were no wards up there. But the way they reached out to us really made us feel better.
  24. If you talk to her, I probably would not mention anything about the racial part of her feelings at all, because its just too sensitive a subject. It would be difficult to do so without sounding patronizing, and I never cared about race anyway. I would just walk up to her, offer her a big hug, and speak my heart by saying something like, "I just want you to know that you are very loved and welcome here-- and so is anybody else who needs the truth of God's word in their life."