Loving_Wife

In our court order we had something that said something along the lines of "the respondant will not remove the children from school for any reason." We then took that to the school and they could not, legally, release the kids to her. During this time Michael had joint legal custody with my cousin. Michael had sole physical custody of the kids. I went back and reread my journal enteries from that time and they were not nice. They were not loving, forgiving or generous! I was angry. How dare she take those kids and harm them even more. How dare she mentally hurt "my" children like this, etc. In the midst of our battle with my cousin I was far from being and feeling how I do today. The reason why I said what I did about being generous, kind and loving is because when we went to court it worked against my cousin. The Judge even commented on how much we were willing to work out issue and she was the problem. Our first court hearing wasn't like that. We got raked over the coals and there were a LOT of court orders that we had problems with. It took us documenting everything and the kids' therapist getting involved as well before we got the orders changed. We had to prove that the reason for our requests was not to keep the kids from their mother (which a lot of parents in divorce do) but because we had valid concerns. I know it's hard to see now but keep fighting for what you KNOW is best for your children. Don't forget to take that walk ... it will help!

Although my situation was a bit different than yours I can tell you some of the things that we did that helped us in court. We got the kids into therapy. The therapist then worked with the kids and their issues with their mom and took the pressure off of their Dad and I about the behaviors my cousin was doing that had very negative effects on the kids. It also stopped any of the "your attacking me and brainwashing the kids against me" accusation. We recorded phone conversations that the kids had with my cousin. Due to the drug use and her lack of memory it was a way to show her how what she said effected the kids. Even now that she is off of the drugs those video's have been priceless in helping her to understand Michael's actions and why he did what he did and the choices he made when it came to her having contact with the kids. It has been healing for us and has helped her to understand, and remember, her actions. This is one of the harder things to do but I can say that it can be done. We learned to give. We learned to let some things go. An example is although she had a license to drive, due to the drug use, we did not want her driving with the kids in the car. So we took the kids to see her, stayed during the visit and then brought them back home. Was it a pain, yeah it was BUT it was about the kids and what was best for them. The last bit of advice I have is to be generous, be kind, be loving (yeah that was a hard thing for me to do especially when I had one kid in a locked pysch unit and another in intensive day therapy) towards the other parent. My kids now are well adjusted, happy kids who are thriving. I firmly believe that our actions have helped them to be forgiving because we gave them that example. Just keep repeating, it's about the kids, take deep breaths and one thing that the therapist told me "do not forget yourself. Take that 30 minute walk to give to yourself. If you fall the apart you cannot help your children."

I agree. I currently am attending University of Phoenix (online) and it is very expensive. I am paying about $1,100.00 for 3 credits! Right now online school is my only option as I also homeschool 5 out of 7 children. I also do more homework at UOP than I ever did at the CC I attended and, I think, my work is held to a higher standard. I do not get the same grade for the same type of work. At UOP I would get a B on a paper but at the CC it would be an A. *ETA* I just found out by doing job searching that not all company's and almost all government jobs require that you have a degree from an accredited instituion, which UOP is not. Where it gets confusing is that UOP is accredited but not for my degree through the Council of Social Work Education. I have 24 credits towards my A.A. degree and when I finish that I will transfere to a CC.

I'm lery of sharing just because most people would read my experience and think "there is one way that one person could go through all of that" and it doesn't help me. My life has been one trauma after another! I understand why John did what he did. I understand feeling like you are in a stagnet pool of dispear. Of not wanting to hurt or be hurt anymore. Of forgiving only to find that the ones you forgave come back to hurt you time and time again. I am just tired.

I am tired. I'm tired of living like this. Death is much better than this

This has nothing to do with past abuse. This has to do with a 17-year old kid who trust her spirtual elders who twisted scripture to convince a scared kid that she had no rights to her own child, her own son.

and that is where my human mind and spirit puts limitations on forgiveness. I have forgiven a lot but have problems with other areas. Hence why I posted this.

I am struggling with the very same thing. The closer the person is the harder it is to forgive. I am ashamed to admit I don't know that I will ever forgive what happened to me by supposed loving family members.

I have some time on my hands. School work is done, kids are occupied and the other kids are at school. So I have been thinking. Forgiveness and what it really means. I can say that I forgive, I can even believe that I have but if I have continued thoughts of ill-will have I truely forgiven? If I feel that I have truely forgiven but still have those thoughts is it just human weakness being stronger than the forgiveness that I "thought" I had given? Is it possible that the forgiveness given was given in sincerity but now am trying to take back? That the vengence that the Lord promises is not enough? That my human heart wants, very much so, to "know" that the punishment will match the crime. That forgiveness was only given condtionally and now that forgiveness wants to be taken back so that I can give my own sense of "vengence?" What does that say about my own salvation? What does that say about my relationship, or lack of one, with God? And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. - Mark 11:25 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. - Matthew 18:21-22 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. - Colossians 3:12-13

What private schools are allowed to do and not do has a lot to do with if they are federally funded as well. If they accept federal funds for the school then they are subject to federal law. Of course this in the U.S. I'm not sure about Norway and would check your laws to see if the same applies. If the school is completely private with no federal funding they have more leway in what is taught or not taught in their schools. Pray in school is one example.

I know that I don't post here much and haven't gotten very personal about my past but you all are about to "hear" more than you probably wanted to know. Back in my late teens/early twenties, at the height of my rebellion towards God and any religious teaching of any type I had a polygamy marriage. Well kinda, technically he was only legally married to me but I did have a "sister wife" so to speak. She lived with us, helped with the children, helped with the house and yes I shared my husband, physically and emotionally with her. She was unable to have children so the only children in the house were my three kids. Although her and I got along and had a "good" relationship the damage it did to my husband and our relationship was severe. I know there are going to be those who argue "well it was not ordained or commanded and that is why it didn't work." Even if it had been God ordained we are humans, with human feelings and human hearts. You cannot share something as powerful and as intimate as a marriage with another without there being serious ramifications to the spirit of those involved. I would seriously doubt anyone who said that God had ordained and or command me to have such a marriage again. It is really easy to say what you "think" you would do or what you could handle. I will say this if my current husband came to me and said God had ordained or command him to have mutliple wives I'd be out that door in a hot minute and not ever look back!!!

On a side note to the mods. I wonder if this could be a sticky. My reasoning behind this is that many who are being abused will not, at first, step forward and voice their situation but they will read. Perhaps reading the posts that we have made about our situations and what we have been through, how we got help would help them to take the first step. I would hate to see such an important issue and such heartfelt and wonderful sharing be pushed to the back of the threads for lack of posting.

Having been raised by an emotionally, mentally and physically abusive father I can only comment from the child's view. Going through what I went through as a child tainted my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Children who know no other life tend to take their experiences and use those to make associations with others in their life and with their Heavenly Father. For many years I had trust issues with the Heavenly Father. If my earth father thought I was worthless, if my earth father hurt me why wouldn't my Heavenly Father do the same. That distrust spilled over into spiritual leadership as well. These leaders thought my earthly father was wonderful and such a "good" man. If these leaders felt that way then Heavenly Father must be the same. Keep in mind this is from a child's view. By child I mean less than 10 years of age. Unless you have personally been abused you cannot understand the fear and helplessness that the abused feel. Although society is getting better at helping those who are abused out of these situations it is still not enough. Children who report the abuse and are not removed from the home are more likely to have the abuse increase. The abuser is very good at retaliating at the "tattler" and breaking their spirit down even more. My dad, after I told, made me watch while he beat my younger siblings. I never again told anyone what happened at home. I tried to reach out to get help and no one listened. I felt responsible for my sibling’s abuse at that point. Now as an adult I realize that my Dad was an expert at abusing and terrorizing us but as a young child it was about surviving. I learned how to hide all of my siblings when my Dad went into a rage. I even held "drills" with them and managed at the age of eight to keep my 2-year-old brother quite. Our lives depended on it. I learned how to survive. Leaving an abusive home is not easy. I watched my Mom for years try to leave my Dad. We lived in battered women shelters on and off through my childhood. He had beaten down her spirit for so many years that it took my Dad tying her up, putting her in the trunk of his car with the intent to kill her before she was finally able to leave. Thankfully my Mom was able to escape but had she not I would not have a Mother today. That distrust is even more profound if they have sought help and have been rebuffed or not believed. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no one, unless you've been there, can understand the fear and distrust the abused has of everyone. I am always very careful how I word things when talking to someone who has been abused. Those that mean to help can easily have the abused feeling defensive. Remember that it's a way of life for them at this point. It takes the abused talking it out and constant gentle support from those trying to help. I know I had to "defend" my Dad's actions rapeatedly, and even point the finger at me and what I had done as an excuse for the abuse and have those around me say it's wrong. It had to be said repeatedly, over and over again before I was able to believe it. Doing the three steps below is so important but doing it gentle with love and compassion at the forefront with every conversation is so important and I cannot stress it enough. If love and compassion are not at the front the abused will not trust and work their way through the leaving process, and yes it is a process! 1. be a help to those trying to determine whether or not their own relationship is leading toward domestic violence, 2. Identify warning signs so such relationships can be avoided, and 3. Aid those in recovery through the healing process.

I think that LM was trying to say, but could be wrong and hope LM will clarify, but statics have proven over and over again that it is difficult to break the cycle. Many times those that have been abused return repeatedly to their abuser. Once the abused is able to leave the original abuser and not go back many times the abused tends to find another controlling and or abusive person. I would hope that LM was not trying to offend you but that instead only bring to your attention that leaving an abusive spouse is hard, but breaking the cycle is even harder. *ETA* I really have no advice to your current situation. As someone else already stated I would be very careful. The honeymoon period is a difficult place to be. By honeymoon I mean he realizes that right now he has NO control over you and cannot use the kids against you. That changes once you are back in the house. Statically the first week or so is "perfect" but the abuser cannot maintain the false "I was wrong, I'm sorry" attitude for long and things go back to where they were, usually worse than they were. I would second having a safe person closer than 35 minutes away and would even suggest having someone that you, personally, check in with every day. If you don't check in the safe person should have the police do a "welfare check." I'll keep praying for you and the children!

As one who posted about the electricty I was not snarky. I stated a simple truth. Not only do I pay the electricty but I also am responsible for what my minor children do whether that is online, or in life. I have five teenage children in my home 17, 16 and three 13-year-olds. Every single one of them knows that at any time I will take away anything they have have, whether that be something I have bought for them, others have bought for them or they have bought for themselves. If I choose to take something away there is no discussion. Consequences for not following the house rules are not up for debate. Rarely do people tell the whole truth and in this situation we are only "hearing" one side. The side of a teenage girl who is angry because she did not follow the house rules and the consequence for that was lose of her computer. We do not know if she had been warned before that this would be the consequence for disregard of the house rules. Who are we to judge how her parents parent. Parenting a teenager in todays world is difficult at best. To me the bottom line is she is angry over the consequences of her own actions, period! Had she followed the house rules and done her chores like she was suppose to she would not have lost the computer to begin with. Education is important in my house as well. That being said school, tests or anything related to school are not a viable excuse in my house for not doing chores. The OP herself stated "I am not a parent however I would love others parents views on this subject." I think, however I could be wrong, that she knew that most parents were not going to agree with her. It also gives her an idea of how other parents would react and think about her actions. Who knows she might even have a new appreciation for the parents she does have!

I would agree that sometimes that will work but not always. It depends on serveral factors how "easy" it is to have a spirit leave your home. Sometimes the homes with the most faith are the hardest to get "evil" spirits out of. I'm not saying it can't be done but it can be harder. One moment of doubt can take it two steps back in the removing process. Other times a simple request to leave is all it takes.

I can relate to a husband who is angry over situations that he has no control over. I know this might not seem like an answer but all I can say to you, and it's what I did, is pray for your husband. Don't forget to pray for yourself too! I have a blog, a private blog that only my husband can read, and I blog to him. Although my hubby is home every night I still blog to him. I blog about what the dogs ate that they weren't suppose to. What kid did what, the good and the bad. I tell him all the things that happen during my day. I share my hurts and yeah at times anger about the day and what happened with him through my blog. Sometimes, at least for me, writing it down helps to clear my mind and helps to center my thoughts on the important stuff. Some days the blog is nothing more than a love letter to him. Once a month I take one child and blog about that child. Rarely does he send a reply to my blog but we talk about it in person! I do online college and love it. I'm home with the kids and have the freedom to do school when it fits into my schedule. I really do love being a SAHM and being with my kids .... well ok some days more than others

I am the type of mom, if my child said that to me, I would point out that the elecricity that you use to charge and power up said laptop, I pay for. If you want to be treated more like an adult, then act more like an adult. Rather than searching for something that was taken away I would have talked to her. Making excuses, at least with me, does not go far but having a child come to me with a reason and offering to do another chore and or something to make up for the chore not done would have went a lot farther than what you did do. I tell my children all the time the law says I have to provide a bed, food and clothing however the law does not say it cannot be a cot, or clothes from the salvation army and for food all I have to provide is the basics. I tell my children if they don't like it they can go live somewhere else. I have to wonder if you realize just how childish, but more importantly how disrespectful, your actions where

IF YOU BREAK IT BEFORE YOU CLOSE IT this can be very bad. I get chills down my spine when I think about people making circles for spirits / demons. Very bad! If you are not familiar and don't close it properly it can cause terror in your life and your home (if done in your home). Even if not done in your home it can follow you home. Casting circles, playing with Ouija boards and other spirit contact activity is very serious and only those that know what they are doing should be doing it. Casting circles is much more than just putting a circle of sea salt on the ground. There are many rules and ways to cast a circle. Messing around with spirits is not something that should be taken lightly nor should it be done by most people. Even those that know what they are doing run into problems at times. I cannot stress this enough it is not something that anyone should be "playing" with and it is not a game!!! Another thing that most people do not realize is that rarely does a blessing of a home work the first time. Usually this is a done multiple times over several months.

Some crates come with a divider so that you can enlarge the crate as they grow. Without the divider I would have spent a ton on crates seeing as how all of my personal dogs have been large/giant breed dogs. Not only should they be able to stand up but they need to be able to turn around and lay down. I'll try and find a picture of my Rott when he was little in his crate. It gives you an idea of how the crate should fit. Off to find the picture now

My two cents as a Prossional Dog trainer is: Crating is improtant. Yes there are some dogs that do not need to be crated, I have one now that is rarely crated. That being said I also had two foster puppies that had to be crated when not being watched. Those two chewed everything in site, got into things that I would never have guessed they would have. An example is the ash from the fire place lol To me pecking order is not the most important reason for crating. Until the dog has earned the trust by not chewing or getting into things they shouldn't they should be crated unless supervised. With some breeds, like large/giant breed dogs that takes longer as they mature much slower than smaller dogs. The dogs will work out their own pecking order in time although all interactions should be supervised and it depends on the breed of dog as well. Some breed should never be alone with another animal. Breeds that are dog agressive are an example of that. Puppies are given a "pass" so to speak with older dogs until they are about 4 months old or so. Older dogs will allow a puppy to do behaviors they would never allow another older dog to do. Medical costs for care "usually" are payed for by the rescue but not always. *ETA* I no longer foster as the two that I did foster never left our home

I am not a member but wanted to post my 2 cents anyway... input would be great! I think that the reason that most people "of the world" who are not members or have never had experiences with the Mormon church are lead by what they see on T.V. or what their religion says. It's easy to be lead into a belief, especially when you are trusting in your spirtual leaders. If your spirtual leader says to you "they are a cult we need to pray for their salvation" many are going to accept that blindly. There are going to be those that are going to take that to an extreme and go overbroad with it. I was raised non-denominational christian. There were many times when growing up where it felt like my mom was "repressed" but as I grew my opinion changed. My mom was repressed because SHE ALLOWED it to happen. There is a huge difference between being submissive to your husband and accepting him to be what God called him to be, the head of the home and leader, and being repressed. There is a huge difference between a husband who is leading his home in love and a man who is leading his home in dominance because "he's the man and has that right." Where I think this falls apart in many homes is when you have a husband not being obedient and a wife who is not be obedient as well. I would think that being obedient to a husband who was not following God would very much feel like repression. It is not repression to submit to the leader of your home and whom God has called to lead your home. Or am I missing something???

Playing around with Ouija boards is not something that anyone should be doing. Even those who are strong in their religious beliefs can unintentionally let something through the board, rarely are these "things" friendly!!! It always amazes me the danger people put themselves in out of ignorance and or disbelief. The whole "it wont/couldn't" happen to me. I know about sleep paralysis but also belief that there are things that cannot be explained and are more menacing than sleep paralysis.

Michael is my only exposure to the Mormon church. I wasn't raised nor did I have any friends who were Mormon. I find it interesting that only Melchizedek Priesthood holder can give a blessing. So what happens when there isn't one around and someone needs a blessing or, thinks they need one? The person goes without doesn't make any sense to me.