carlimac reacted to SpiritDragon in Elder Packer Vindicated 21 Years Later
I believe your statement to fall victim to the confusion everyone seems to have with thinking that "love" and "acceptance" are the same thing. It is completely possible to love one's neighbours while disapproving of their decisions and even their actions. If you doubt this possibility to love another human being while not fully accepting everything they do, I suggest you talk to a parent with teenagers... most will wish the teenager would change something about themselves and yet still love them.
If your neighbour has a genetic predisposition toward ingesting cyanide or simply chooses to it doesn't really matter, the result is the same. To actually care for such an individual would not involve accepting death by cyanide as inevitable, but by supporting them to avoid it. Acceptance is not always so loving.
carlimac reacted to drham3rd in It's hard to be LDS
As a convert for over a year now, I really do not find the LDS lifestyle that difficult! As long as one is spiritually in tune with the Lord, it is not difficult to follow His commandments. But I do agree that being Mormon is a lifestyle not simply a religion. I fear that many converts do not fully understand this and that might be why its is difficult for converts to maintain their spiritual pathway.
carlimac reacted to FunkyTown in It's hard to be LDS
There are difficulties.
Living in England, there is very much a pub culture out here. At my last job, when the layoffs came, the bosses drinking buddies were the ones who weren't laid off.
In university, it's the same thing. You are walled off - Separated - from things non-LDS people can take for granted.
You wake up at 5 AM to take your kids to Seminary, Monday evenings you're at home with FHE. Sundays, you volunteer 3 hours at church and then stay in with your family. That's assuming you don't have meetings or a calling, which almost all members do. Then, there's youth nights, Priesthood outings, Ward Welfare, not to mention home teaching, Temple Nights, Family History.
And for all this, you also give up 10% of your income.
If we didn't believe it was true, we just wouldn't do it.
carlimac reacted to MarginOfError in Where is everyone?
For the record, I'm not complaining. The length of some of the leashes given out has played a big role in my reduced activity here (and perhaps that should include my own leash).
But, then again--and with all due respect--I'm an idiot.
More seriously, the level of activity around here has decreased because, to rephrase john_doe, there's very little fresh blood. A part of that has to do with the loss of the chat room (I'm not advocating to bring it back, just stating my observation). It's a lot harder to establish yourself in this community with only the forums. I felt like a lot more people drifted into the forum--and stayed longer--from the chat rooms than we get now. Probably because it's easier to establish rapport with others in an immediately interactive environment as opposed to the delayed interaction of the forum.
One thing that would go a long way to revitalizing the community would be for us to back off of new posters a bit. I feel like we often see a new member post a thread, and then we all pounce and leave three pages of responses before the new member even has a chance to come back and see that there is a response at all. And since the lifespan of a thread staying on topic is an average of 3.2 replies, they probably feel like we've alienated them before we've helped them.
carlimac reacted to Traveler in Does anyone have a calling that secretly appeals to you and that you would say yes to without having to ponder?
It has nothing to do with gender. I am convinced that anyone that thinks they would make a good bishop has no clue what a bishop really does.
carlimac reacted to classylady in Does anyone have a calling that secretly appeals to you and that you would say yes to without having to ponder?
Relief Society teacher has been my all-time favorite calling. I've had that calling about 5 different times and I would love to be called to that again.
My secret wish? I would love to be the wife of a Mission President. I don't see that happening.
Hubby and I have had a major financial setback, and the only positive I can see from it, is it frees us to serve a full time mission in a couple of years. I've been so stressed and anxious about our finances, but the thought of serving a mission brightens my life.
carlimac got a reaction from Palerider in Does anyone have a calling that secretly appeals to you and that you would say yes to without having to ponder?
What would it be? Can be a current calling or one you'd like to have.
How about callings you dread?
This is probably a repeat thread but let's have a go at it again.
carlimac got a reaction from Windseeker in Where is everyone?
I have to say that it feels sometimes like the oldies have a "leetle" more freedom to say what they want without repercussion. That makes sense because some of you have been coming here for years and the mods 'know" you. Some have even met in person. There is a deeper understanding of where that person is coming from, tolerance for their sarcasm, etc. If they "attack" another poster, well...hahaha, that's just so-n-so being so-n-so.
Not long ago a newbie-ish ( I think) kinda lost it and a really interesting and important ( I thought) discussion got the door slammed shut. A few days later someone tried to revive the discussion but I think everyone had either moved on by then or just didn't dare tread there again. It just seems a shame. Most forums I've been on, when that happens, one of those sparring usually goes off in a huff and the conflict ends or fizzles pretty rapidly on it's own.
One of the things the Church gets a lot of criticism for is that it's members are "shut down" if they voice a differing opinion. Is there any way we can show that we CAN tolerate this kind of thing, use a soft voice to turn away wrath and show what a Christ-like people we really are?
carlimac reacted to The Folk Prophet in Where is everyone?
I don't know if I've posted this on here before, but I have a southern sister-in-law who jokingly points out that you can get away with anything insulting if you add "bless his/her heart" to it.
"That boy's a real idiot, bless his heart."
and so forth.
Of course it doesn't play in writing. You have to have the tone, and, of course, a southern accent helps. :)
Maybe that's the solution:
"Nonsense, bless your heart."
carlimac reacted to Suzie in Where is everyone?
Over-moderation or too many rules? Personally, I believe it is not a problem with over-moderation at least not with regards to posters but yes with threads. There are members who attack and are plain mean and unfortunately ruin the experience for the rest, that's where I think perhaps the mods should step in and deal with the particular member/s in question rather than close a good thread but like I always say, not our site, not our rules.
carlimac reacted to Windseeker in Where is everyone?
I think a combination of format changes and problems (i.e. your post didn't show up in 'View New Content' no matter what the settings are) and over-moderation have choked some of the life from the forum.
I enjoy discussing and helping people with real world problems but allot of things that people go thru are off limits now. I also enjoy debating politics but the over regulation makes me hesitant to post anything. The world is getting worse, our problems are getting more challenging so where do LDS people go now to discuss real issues and get advice in an anonymous public forum...not here. There is no purpose in anonymity here because what we discuss here is the same issues we discuss face to face in Elders Quorum and Relief Society and in halls between classes.
It's sad because I can't find any other forum that offers active level headed moderating that has as diverse contributors as this site once had. If I want to discuss politics the only forum I've found contains a bunch of wacked out conspiracy theorists that while claiming they are LDS think the church itself is part of the New World Order, if I want to discuss challenges with living the gospel I'm stuck getting advice from cultural Mormons.
I really like the people and moderators on this site but the tighter rules and format issues have taken a toll.
carlimac reacted to Syme in Mormon group plans mass resignation
I went to the resignation website. There's a poem on the About page:
"This is not the place for questionsThis is not the place for answersThis is not the place for thinkingThis is not the place for doubts This is the place for conformityThis is the place for silenceThis is the place for the 99This is not the place for the 1 This is not the place for agencyThis is not the place for changeIf this is not the place for themThen this is not the place for me" Well, that escalated quickly. I wonder if there's going to be an "Occupy Temple Square" movement soon.
carlimac reacted to Windseeker in Mormon group plans mass resignation
My uncle just returned from serving as a Mission President and two of his daughter-in-laws are inactive because of this. Both these women are well education, one with a PhD from Harvard.
My wife is a PhD candidate and a respected health professional yet had the exact same reaction my friends uneducated surfer wife had, "way to show you don't understand your own religion".
carlimac got a reaction from Backroads in Modesty Police verses Doctrine
Doing a U-turn back onto topic, I honestly can't imagine men being attracted to some of the stuff I noticed at Wal-Mart today. Shirts too high showing muffin tops and pants so low-cut that caboose "cleavage" shows when bending over. ACK!! And shorts so short that just an itty bit of cheek hangs out with every step. Also another gal with shorts so short and a shirt hanging down low enough to cover them completely. I had to hold myself back from taking her aside to tell her she forgot to put on pants before leaving home. C'mon ladies! Grow some self respect!
carlimac reacted to Backroads in Modesty Police verses Doctrine
I would also add that, in certain poses, tight yoga pants better lend themselves to modesty than BYUI's gym shorts (unless they've changed them since I attended.)
And to throw out my opinion on the topic at hand, I see a balance. I do not believe the ultimate purpose of modesty is to keep male minds clean, but don't justify immodest dress on that principle.
carlimac reacted to yjacket in Modesty Police verses Doctrine
To each his own, I guess . . . .the question is how did you gain that self-control? During your teenager years would you have the same self-control as today?
What teenage boy would be able to go into VS or Fredrick's, etc. and not be aroused. What teenage boy would not be aroused by going to a beach and seeing a lot of very attractive young women in bikini's?
And the line between lingerie model photographs and pornography is IMO very, very small. In fact, one could make the claim that lingerie photographs do more to enhance arousal vs. simply naked pictures. So if you are saying you can walk into Fredrick's and be okay, then you are in essence saying you can look at naked pictures and be okay. More power to you, but do recognize that that expectation of the younger male population in general is pretty unrealistic.
Dollar's to donuts, I bet a significant portion of the LDS population who has porn issues, started through seemingly innocent things. I sure know I do not want my 16 year old son (when he gets there) watching VS shows and going into Fredrick's.
In general talks on modesty are aimed at the youth, why, because they are the most vulnerable to the trappings of the temptation. They do not have the wisdom, experience, or age to be able to walk into Fredrick's and be totally okay.
So I have no problem for the Church or adult leaders to teach that a) we should be modest, b ) it is a shared responsibility both on the viewer to "garnish their thoughts" but also on the viewee to not be walking lingerie model that would encourage the viewer to not garnish their thoughts. And when individuals say that wearing modest clothes is a form of self-respect, it is, b/c as my wife says "if you don't want to be thought of as a particular type of person, then don't dress like one."
I have no idea of your age, but men's libido on average drops as they get older and if they are married, thereby making it easier to reset temptation.
If a dress didn't affect a significant portion of the male population then what Cameron Russell does at the beginning of her TED talk wouldn't matter:
Why did she change clothes from a very good looking and fairly modest (in today's standards, but certainly not garment enabled) outfit into something different?
To deny the why of her decision to change outfits is to deny reality.
carlimac reacted to EarlJibbs in Modesty Police verses Doctrine
In speaking only on dress...
A beautiful woman walks in the room dressed modestly - Yes there still could be impure thoughts but one would have to use their imagination.
A beautiful woman walks into the room dressed immodestly - The chances then become far greater since the imagination is snatched from me or taken to a whole new level if I dwell.
Multiple beautiful women walk into a room dressed immodestly - Vastly more difficult. I personally would need to leave. (human shaped cloud where I once stood). This doesn't mean I am weak, just that I accept what a situation like that COULD do to me.
Yes yes, self control. But the day that people can have that much self control is the day that the prophet announces that dressing immodestly is acceptable. Are they responsible for my thoughts? Nope. Can they help or hinder my thoughts? Of course. I understand that ultimately I am accountable for my own decisions and thoughts. God will judge us all in the end.
carlimac reacted to yjacket in Modesty Police verses Doctrine
To me this boils down to the underlying feminist message of something akin to. I can wear whatever I what and do whatever I want and if you have issues with it it is your problem.
Men are generally more visually oriented, while women are more emotionally oriented. It is why in general men have issues with pornography and women have issues with "romance novels".
We are responsible to some degree with how our actions influence and affect others. Group psychology is very interesting, sometimes all it takes is one person in a group to influence for good or evil the rest of the individuals. To teach a child otherwise is to ignore social mores and is an extremely self-centered un-Christlike attitude.
When I drive my car into sketchy neighborhoods, I make darn sure I have a clean car, i.e. no laptops, CDs, valuables, etc. are visible, it is a plain 'ol boring car. I do not want my car to become interesting for some would-be thief. Now if I had a laptop on the dash and someone stole it, it would be ludicrous to claim that I caused them to do it. However, do I bare some responsibility . . . you better believe it; I'll think to myself (dang it) I should have put it away so it wouldn't have been a temptation for someone and so they would have moved on. Sometimes, even if you have a clean car it still gets broken into . . .the idea is to lower the risk.
A female and in a sketchy part of town, wearing a low-cut dress, mini-skirt etc, is doing herself no favors in presenting a low target of opportunity. I personally think these ultra-feminists are really doing women a disservice by not recognizing the actual reality of the situation, rather they want to make the world to conform to their perceived reality. All I can say is . . . good luck!
So yes both men and women have responsibilities, it is shared. Women certainly should not be dressed provocatively and men shouldn't be thinking certain thoughts.
carlimac reacted to The Folk Prophet in Modesty Police verses Doctrine
The problem, and the lie in the protestation, is the idea that these modesty teachings imply that dressing sexy "makes" men do something. It does not, and never, anywhere, will you ever find any single teaching that says so. It does not "make" men think bad thoughts. What it potentially does is influence men to that end. All we do, say, speak, wear, etc., has the potential to influence others for good or for bad, and we ARE responsible to that end, without question. This is the plain truth of it. Twisting it to mean something other than what was said and then attacking the teaching does no one any good. It only works towards tearing down righteous principles.