truetothefaith

Thank you so much BornAgainLDS. Satan is working on me too and I have days where I have questions. My husband's addiction has been hard on me. But I think we have grown closer through it. Right now it doesn't look like he will be getting excommunicated which I think would be a relief to anyone. He has been sober for months now and I know he is trying and that he loves me. I have thought of counciling but that costs money we don't have, being poor starving college students. I know he can shake this. Thank you for your prayers. I know they have helped.

I have been where you are. The first time I caught my husband was a few months into our marriage and I was devistated. He said that he was "a weak man" but that he was sorry and wouldn't do it again. I knew it had been an issue for him growing up but he told me he had stopped and taken care of everything. I felt betrayed, rejected. Everything that goes with it. You've got to understand, What Satan loves more than keeping a couple from the temple, is destroying a marriage that has already been there. These feelings of betrayal, rejection, feeling unattractive are all Satan's attempts to bring you BOTH down. He isn't just going to work on your husband with this and when your husband did this he opened the door for Satan to use the addiction to affect you. We are required to forgive ALL men. Charity never faileth. I totally agree that you need to say, "I love you. I want to spend forever with you. What can I do to help?" Getting him to open up to you and be able to talk to you about this is key. He needs to know that you are over getting upset and that you honestly want to help. I imagine he hasn't been doing a lot of personal prayer or scripture study. So set an example. Let him see you do it, but don't tell him he should. My husband didn't want to change after the first time. He too came up with stupid excuses about why not to put filters and such on the computer. The second time I caught him, he was really sorry. I believed him but he wasn't ready to go to the bishop and I didn't push him. He wanted to do this the right way and needed that time to figure things out, which I respected. He has since talked to the bishop. And the process has begun. He is doing soooo much better. I can tell when he has slipped up because his entire mood changes. And he hasn't been that way for a while. You can't force him to change. The best thing to do is figure out what is missing in your life. Be it pray or scripture study. Letting him see you work on these things will help him to work on them as well. I know there is life after addiction! A wonderful life. But he does have to show that he wants to change. I told him if he didn't show improvement, as much as I loved him, I needed someone who wanted to be with me and was willing to fight for it. He understands that I need that in my life and he has stepped up to the plate!

I have 2 questions. 1) Has any man on here delt with a pornography addiction and been able to overcome that addiction? I'd really love some insight from you! 2) Has anyone been married to an excommunicated member who was actively trying to get back into the church? I'd really like to hear your reasons for staying and if you have any regrets! Thanks everyone!

Thank you again everyone. I feel all I really needed was to know that I can go somewhere to talk about this without people knowing me directly because I really can't go to anyone who I know because you know how things spread. This has been great therapy for me and I feel much better about what lies ahead. I know the atonement is for me and my husband. I know he has the desire to change that Christ will forgive him if we repent! Which makes whatever consequence he has is just what we have to do to get him on the right track! Oh and alps I thought of something else! We are attending the addiction recovery classes held by the church. I highly suggest going with your husband. I think all of us have an addiction we can recover from so pick something you can do too! Like diet pepsi for me is what I am working on! Or you can even pick forgiveness too for being something you need to work on as well. If you don't have a program near you, you can download the manual off of lds.org and do it together at home. You know this program has gotta work when the church is the one's who sanctioned it. There is hope. I know where you are and how you feel. Anyone dealing with this same issue, who have husbands struggling with pornography but who WANT to be better and change, fill free to send me a message. I am still going through this too and I still have my moments where I feel down about the whole thing. It would be great to know I have friends I can go too who understand.

Yes I was very VERY heart broken and I flat out told my husband that I didn't trust him... But I know a woman who's husband was addicted to pornography and he has since repented and has served on the high council and is currently in a stake presidency. Her husband gave me hope that people CAN change. That redemption IS possible and that I had to cling to that for hope. On the flip side, his wife, though she has said that she has forgiven him, in reality still hasn't. She is still with him BUT she has become a hermit. She puts him down any chance she can and will not let it go. I see how miserable she is in her unforgiving state and seriously it has been 10+ years since he was welcomed back full fellowship and she still hasn't forgiven him. I knew that if I was going to choose to stay with my husband, I didn't want to be miserable all the time. When my husband comes to me with his slip ups, I choose to not get angry. I choose to provide comfort and support because I will NOT be like my friend. I do not want to be miserable for the rest of my life. I want to trust my husband. I want him to feel like he can trust me not too lash out. One of my favorite quotes of all time is: To forgive is to set free a prisoner...and realize that prisoner was you. If your husband has made progress, if he is working on it, if you can honestly see he is trying, REJOICE! Be grateful that he hasn't given in completely. And when he admits to slip ups, listen and try to understand and don't choose to be heartbroken because I learned that it is a choice. When I was heartbroken the first time, I felt that I wasn't attractive enough. That I wasn't enough. That I was failing and that it was all my fault. I told my husband this and he said that it wasn't the case at all. He said that Satan was working on him AND he was working on me. If there is one thing that Satan loves more than keeping a couple from entering the temple, it's destroying a couple that has been there. Now I don't know if you have been sealed but Satan isn't going to just work on your husband in hope that your marriage fails. He is working on you too by making it easy to feel heartbroken and insecure. I decided that if I was going to expect my husband to overcome this, then I needed to overcome my own issues of insecurity and heartbreak. That I needed to forgive. Especially since if I don't forgive, the greater sin lies with me. It took me a LONG time to get to this point but I've noticed that it's easier for my husband to resist temptation because he knows I have overcome mine. I found myself, instead of telling him he needs to pray and read my scriptures, that if I did it when he was watching and set that visual example, that he felt motivated to do those things too. I also will frequently ask his council on spiritual things and that makes him feel more secure in his testimony. I also have a reading list that has totally helped me get to this point too and I highly HIGHLY suggest that every wife read them: Behind Every Good Man by John Bytheway: Tells women how men process and how we can best support them. The Love Dare: You can get this at Walmart for pretty cheap. It's a 40 day program to help increase the love in your relationship. Charity never faileth, right?? It's simple too like for a day, don't say ANYTHING negative. It will help your husband feel more love from you and his desire to change will GROW! The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimball: Oh my goodness this is prolly the most important out of these 3. It outlines the Atonement perfectly and it totally gave me hope. I really hope this helps. Forgiveness is a choice. A conscious choice. Though a hard one to make in our situations but I can tell you, through experience, that you CAN do it. I did it. And it has made all the difference. I hope this helps you and anyone else who is in the same situation.

Thank you everyone! Like seriously there is nothing wrong in my marriage BUT this. My husband met with the stake president and apparently the stake pres is amazed that I am standing by my husband. Which makes me a little sad because my husband has come a LONG way and he is an amazing man and father. I wouldn't even call it an addiction anymore... He has slip ups but they are few and far between and he tells me immediately. I have faith in him. I know he will be able to kick this! Isn't this what the atonement is for? My husband just gets the feeling that the Bishop and stake pres don't think he can do it because he has had this problem for literally half his life. But I know how scared he was to tell me. I have never seen him cry, except for when he confessed too me. And he gets teary when I tell him how proud I am of him. If he didn't want to change, he would've left me a long time ago. But he says he isn't going to give me up and he is amazed that I am still with him. I was always taught growing up that people can change and I just couldn't quit on him when he has come this far. We are deffinitely past the worst of it. Now it's just picking up the pieces. We say prayers, we read scriptures, pay tithing, fast, pay fast offerings...etc. We are working really hard! And I just want this all to be done so we can move past all of it... Thank you everyone for your support!

I am so glad I found this site. I am in a situation that I can't talk about with anyone... My husband has had an issue with viewing innappropriate things online his whole life. I knew this before we got married but he told me it wasn't an issue anymore. Which it wasn't... but a few months into our marriage I caught him. I cried and wasn't sure what to do. He was very apologetic and ashamed. I decided it was a just a slip up and let it go. But then it happened again almost a year later. I finally decided he needed to speak to the bishop and he is meeting the stake president for the second time tonight... We have an amazing marriage. Everything is perfect...except for this. I have since forgiven him, which was a long and hard process but we are completely happy now. I know he very well could be excommunicated tonight. I know what ever happens we are going to work through it together. He wants so desperately to make things right. Also though I know atleast 6 other couples who have divorced for the same thing that happened too me. I guess I want everyone's oppinion on what you feel is right... All these women I know divorce their husbands and no one says it's wrong...so does that mean that choosing to stay with my husband is wrong? He has never physically cheated on me and I know if I leave him it will destroy him... He is actively working on his issue and our marriage life has actually gotten stronger through this. I know there is a lot of church material on what to do if you have committed the sin but I haven't found anything to help out the spouces... If he wasn't sorry and kept messing up, I would leave. But the difference is that he is soo sorry. He is working on changing and I know he can do it. I guess I am just scared that people won't understand if they find out... and I would like to know what you would do if your spouse made a big mistake but was now trying to change and succeeding?

I'm new and I don't know how long I will be on here...I just had a question but I did want to say thank you for having me!