Desileigh

Thank you for all the different opinions and thoughts. I does help to hear other peoples perspectives. I completely understand being friends first. You know why a lot of people get divorced? A lot of them THOUGHT their husbands/wives were one thing and end up marrying a completely different person. My ex and I knew eachother for 2 years before we started dating, we were together for 4 years before we got married. The man I thought he was, was still the man that I married. You never know how life can change in the blink of an eye and your whole world ends. For my ex and I, I feel like our world changed many times. We were both changed from the hardships of war. He was an Infantry soldier in Iraq for a year, we were both changed when his platoon SGT., the only male figure in his life that he looked up to was killed. When he came back, trying to fit back together, with all the remnats of battle stress was difficult, but I still loved him, he was still my best friend. Sadly he made some choices and decisions and decided he didn't want to be married anymore and found someone new. Even though all of this, we still have a deep friendship that was founded many years ago. While we are no longer together, there is still a friendship, and he will always be there for his children. So please, don't assume that just because someone is getting divorced it is because they weren't friends with their partner.

I agree that waiting for awhile after the divorce is final, to let my emotions become a little more "normal" or at least to start to feel less broken. As for waiting till the kids are 18...my daughter just turned 3 so that would mean waiting 15 more years. I really would like to not be alone for that long.

What is the one thing about yourself that you are working on making better? Maybe you need to learn to love yourself again. Or being able to have trust again in a relationship. Do you have a fear of another failure. These are just examples. Why do you feel this is something about yourself that you need to work on making better. Since separating I look back at how i was and see a million mistakes, or things I could have done differently. I think maybe if I had ______ he wouldn't have left. Right now I'm just trying to find some happiness within myself. Do you think you are more picky now compared to how you were when you were let's say 20 years old? Maybe picky isn't the best word... let's use more experienced and have a much better idea of what you will or will not put up with in a relationship. I think there are some things that i put up with that I wouldn't want to deal with again. Before I did all the cooking/cleaning/paperwork ect. Basically everything except work his job. (Which he did do well to support his family) But I would like someone who would be willing to help if needed, and not make me feel like a failure cause I just can't do it all. If you were married and now separated/divorced do you enjoy this time alone? Do you feel like you are getting to know your true self again? Finding interests that were deep beneath which are coming back to the surface again. At this point I am so tired of being alone, I have had enough alone time. Do you miss being married? I'm not asking if you miss your ex/stbx-spouse, no I'm asking if you miss being married. HELL YES, I loved being married. Maybe I was blind, but I truly did love being married, and just having that one other person. Looking at where you were 6 months to a year ago do you see drastic changes in yourself or subtle changes? I feel stuck in so many ways... What degree of contentment do you feel now compared to 6 months to a year ago with your new life and future? Its slowly getting better What is the one thing that you learned about yourself that you didn't know was there? And how has it changed you in your day to day life? (example, you realize that you have a pulse?) No matter how your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief. Finally, where do you see yourself 5 years from now? (Life, relationship, career, family, etc) Hopefully teaching since I finished my degree, as for the rest of it, who knows.

Thank you for all the responces. Divorce is still not final, but papers are started and in progress at least. I haven't been on a date, the more I thought about it (even though I do get so lonely at times) it just felt wrong. It felt like I would be breaking my marriage vows even though my ex is with someone else. It just didn't feel right to me. I want to be a good example to my kids and waiting till it is completely final is important. I still am not sure if I would want to get married again...I am so scared. I gave my heart to my husband and he just decided to throw it all away, so I'm afraid to be hurt again. sigh...guess it will all work out when it is the right time. I was with the same man for 10 years, an even though I would still be young enough to go to the young single events once the divorce is final, I feel like I wouldn't really fit in as a mom and having been married before. I wish dating wasn't so complicated, lol. Thanks again D.

Thank you for the replies. I don't want you to think that I am just looking to rush out and date, that is definatly not my intention. I've waited this long, I can wait till my divorce is actually final. I don't plan on introducing anyone to my children until it is really serious. I don't hide that I have kids from anyone, but when I do actively start dating, I want to keep that part of my life separate. I always thought I would be married forever the first time...so this whole being separated and trying to start over thing just sucks

First off, I'm not sure if this should be under single adults or young since adults (I'm 28), but it would feel a little odd to me to be under young single adults with having 2 children. I joined the church a little over a year ago. I guess I'm just looking for some feedback or suggestions. My husband and I separated about almost 10 years together, he left me for someone else. This was before I joined the church. We've been separated for about 2 years, but we're still legally married even though we haven't lived together or been together. In some ways I feel like it is wrong to even try to date while I'm still legally married, even though we are separated and he's moved on and with someone else. I've only been on a couple first dates, and I've always been honest with the person who I went on a date with...but...I don't know...guess I just feel confused.... :/ I just feel completely overwhelmed with the whole thought of dating...will the guy be accepting of my children? what if I like him and he doesn't get along with my kids, cause that would be a definate no for me? Would he accept the fact that I can't have any more children? Should I date a member or non-member? UGH, just confused and looking for thoughts from other LDS people. Thank you

I am a new member to the church, I joined the church in Jan. 2009. Growing up I never went to church at all, any church. Most of my family doesn't know I joined the church because they are against any religion, but it feels like the right place for me. Also, I'm a single mom of 2 little ones. My husband and I divorced after almost 10 years together. I joined the church after we had separated, looking to find some happiness and wanting to provide my children with a better life than I had growing up. I'm still learning about the church...but really enjoying and growing.