baver3

Ok, I am sure everyone is getting sick of my issues with my ex but these things keep coming up. Im hoping that maybe someone has gone through something similar and can give me some advice. My ex is threatening to sue me so that his parents can have additional visitation time with my kids. They want to be able to call and talk to the kids whenever they want and I have cut them off from contacting me (except email). They dont like that they cant call whenever they want and now are extremely angry. They are also angry that the current visitation for our infant does not allow for the baby to be away from me and that my ex's visitation with her cannot really be disputed or set up until she is 1 year old, at which time will be reviewed. My ex's parents want to just be able to take the baby when she is 1 year old and be able to visit with her when I am not around. My ex has never come to visit her and has not made any attempt to make a bond with her. Basically the grandparents get to see the kids WHENEVER their son has visitation with them. They also are allowed to call the boys WHENEVER their son has visitation with the kids. How is the relationship with their grandparents MY RESPONSBILITY???? He is their son and to me it is HIS responsibility to allow his parents the time to talk to the grandkids and to schedule it so that they can see them. A few weeks ago my ex's mom emailed me asking if they could take the boys for one week (above and beyond what is in the visitation schedule) because my ex had set up his 'vacation' with me and did not consult with them and they didnt think they would be able to make it to see them. They live far away and would have to fly to see them. I told them it was unfortunate he didnt consult with them but I cant take my kid out of school additional days. He would be missing out on too much and would be on the verge of being kicked out of his program if he takes too many personal days. So they then rearranged their schedule so that they could come visit the kids during my ex's 'vacation' that he had planned. Basically I want to know what rights do they have? And am I doing anything detrimental?

I agree, dont wait. And no matter what happens with your boyfriend, you will feel better and it will be worth it. I also agree that your BF needs a dose of humility and like Loudmouth said, sounds like you are afraid to lose him. Let him go...for now. You will find eachother again. He will most likely come crawling back to you by next week and you will start texting eachother or maybe calling. Give him some space to sort all this stuff out. You are probably a great girl and if he was attracted to you before Im sure not much has changed in that department. If he doesnt come back...at least you will be free of your sin and you will be READY TO GO to find someone new to give your heart too. No worries!

I always thought that the woman should just LEAVE if her husband cheated....UNTIL my own husband cheated on me. He didnt think it was 'cheating' either (whatever) but thats just rationalizing terrible behavior. My husband cheated on me and in an instant you get desperate to save your family and I tried desperately to protect my children. Now we are divorced and I will tell you what happened. Basically I say that my decision to leave him hinges on two (of the MANY MANY MANY) mistakes that he made. 1. He was NOT willing to work it out and stay with me. I asked him the first night that I found out if he was willing to give up this relationship with this other woman. His answer, "No." -goodbye. Im not in a polygamist marriage. My man is my territory and Im not 'sharing' him. He doesnt get to have his cake and eat it too. 2. After working on things in those tender few days after I found out, He told me that I was "trying too hard". I dont think you can ever TRY TOO HARD to keep your family together or to make it work. It became painfully obvious that staying together with him was not what he wanted and he couldnt appreciate my efforts to stay with him when HE was the one that screwed up. Above all the biggest and most important thing you can do in deciding is TAKE IT TO THE LORD and wait for an answer. That answer with give you the most strength you will ever need in doing whats right. If He says 'GO' then when you really do go you will never look back because you will be able to trust in the Lord that what you are doing is the right thing. If he says, "Stay" then you will be able to put everything you have in your marriage and waiver. Prayer, in my opinion, is the advice you need. Your kids dont need to know anything right now and what they will know will be obvious cues that they probably have already picked up. My kids are 2,4, and 3 months. The four year old knows a lot and thats mostly because he is perceptive. I ask him a lot of questions in relation to what he understands and I was amazed at the beginning how much he knew.

I know you did not ask for advice but my first impression after reading your post what I would do. I would separate. Try to move out so that you can have separate finances and yourself from him. This person will most certainly RUIN you. Im not saying run out and divorce him I just think you cant make rational decisions with this situation so close to you. He knows how you feel about it and he wont do anything to resolve it. He is hurting you on purpose. After you have some clarity and you move out then you can make a better, more rational and clear decision about what to do whether that be to stay with him or leave him. He could most certainly benefit from a dose of reality himself. The best part is that when he runs himself into the ground (which you know is bound to happen ANYWAYS) you will financially be away from him and the only person he will take down will be himself ALONE. Draw on help from EVERY SINGLE PERSON you know. You need to take some action before this worsens. I so hope he can shape up. Gambling is such a stupid thing to give your family up for.

I think the "consequences" as far as the church go, or as far as the world goes, would be less of a worry than the eternal consequences. I believe he would most likely be excommunicated...but you never know. It depends on how sorrowful he is in his sin. You said at this point he cant stay away from this woman. Sounds to me he is NOT ready to let go of this sin and turn back to God. He may have a long road ahead of him. He has made a very very grave mistake playing with this fire. The consequences will extend into the lives of his children and the rest of his life. He may lose friends from church and will definately lose the respect of nearly everyone around him. I dont guess anyone can look fondly on a relationship sparked by lust, deceit and selfishness when children are involved and a conscience effort has been made to abandon the committments made to his wife. How tragic. I hope you can be supportive to your friend. Continue to encourage him but I would definately say D NOT CONDONE his behavior. Dont allow him to NOT be responsible for his behavior. I would have a hard time staying friends with someone who was willing to leave his wife and children because of a two-penny trash attempt to degrade the covenants he made in the temple. It is so much more serious than a civil marriage. Divorce is not taboo. Lots of LDS people are divorced. It just all depends on how it happened, the sin and the crap that comes along with the reasons of the divorce. Your friend is going to have to start all over if he wants any chance of gaining the respect of anyone. and like someone else pointed out, that INCLUDES his children.

I dont advise clicking on this link. When I did it force-opened 30 windows and I could not get my computer to stop. I had to shut it down and then couldnt get it to come back up. I dont know why it did that, when other people had no problems, but if someone would have warned me first, I wouldnt have clicked on it.

Maybe he has some kind of scar but most likely not nail marks. There are lots of ways to kill someone. And he doesnt NEED those scars anymore so if he wanted them gone, he could make them gone and we cant guess whats going on in HF's head. Go look at that pic of Joseph Smith in the grove (where he sees HF and JC) and see if you see marks in HF's hands.

You are right. Its good you are moving on now. I actually find it interesting that you think she will do a better job with them. It makes me wonder if my STBX possibly feels the same way, thats why hes not fightng it. Just an interesting take on that, thats all. I wonder how your wife is doing.

I have felt His love first. And I in turn love Him back. My love leads me to want to continue that relationship and continue to feel that love. I personally dont believe the initial feeling came from something I did (maybe from something in the premortal existance), who knows....but I dont really think it was MY doing. God allowed me to feel this and now my choice is what to do with the feeling Ive been given. Disobedience would be considered ignoring the feeling Ive had or disregarding it.

She is delusional. I think she read these emails from this man, was getting some affection from these leters that she wasnt getting from you. I suppose she conjured up in her mind a 'real' relationship with this person (who she didnt even know who it was). Thats why this whole so called relationship is delusional. It was never even real. Clearly you had issues in your marriage. I guess this is now HER decision to leave. I wouldnt make it easy on her though. Maybe if you have some kind of separation that is more clear cut she would/could come to her senses. Have you received any guidance or advice from your Bishop? Im wondering what they would have to say about it. My husband decided to leave me. I dont think you can really ever know what goes on in your spouses head that decides to leave. But rest assured when everything is settled, there will come a day where they realize all the big fat mistke they have made. If I were you I would just hang tight and continue to be patient in your affliction. It will pass, its just going to take some time. Your wife has some things to sort out. This sounds like a silly thing to say but you cant take it too personally what she is doing. LIke I said: delusional. And you are right: she has no where to run.

If you have really large breasts maybe you should also consider getting the LONG/tall kind so if your bust takes up a lot of space on the top that it wont be too short to tuck in. That would be seriously soooo annoying. Just a thought. Another question is which top is best for breastfeeding? I am at a loss of what to do. Its already totally frustrating to nurse but then have to deal with the whole garment issue on top of nursing bras!!!!!!!!!!!! I really hope someone will chime in.

I heard this story one time (maybe its LDS folklore) about a lady lied to get into the temple because she wanted to see what it was about. She was a total fake and it was a scam. She went through the temple for the first time and when she came out she crossed the street (I think it was the SLC temple) and was run over by a car and killed. Now Im sure that doesnt happen to every single person who lies and of course this woman's intent was of complete deceit but I think people get their reward. I think some people lie because maybe they have a wedding to go to and they dont want to be embarrassed because the cant go or get a recommend. Maybe they shouldnt go because they have some sins to work out, but the testimony is still there. I personally believe the Spirit will lay guilt upon them harshly to bring them to repentance. Before my uncle married his second wife, his wife had an affair which led to her first divorce. She never repented for it, lied and then remarried my uncle. So far nothing has happened to her. I think people who lie and say they dont have any past sins to work on just try to stuff it down deeply and rationalize that maybe they repented on it on their own and dont need to confess it. I personally believe that NOT confessing it has damned her progression for the past 10 or so years. I think it has kept her from progressing in a lot of ways. Yes, she will be judged later on but I also believe that not keeping yourself inline with the straightness which is demanded of us to be deemed worthy of temple worship aslo inhibits us spiritually for how ever long we are unwilling to correct our behaviors. I think we are the greatest enemies in holding ourselves back. Its what Satan wants but we do it to ourselves.

My parents do this and it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO annoying. I dont think you should ever walk around in just your underwear around your kids after they are past like 5 years old. Im 35 now and I just moved back in with them and THEY STILL DO it. Personally I find it disgusting. I dont want to see all their bits. I also think at a younger age it created a kind of 'opinion' about wearing garments as far as I felt about them. I think if you dont want to wear clothes then you should stop for a second and just throw on a robe. Nobody wants to see that...not your kids...no one.

My child is only 4 but I asked him what the sacrament is and he totally answered the question right. I think its important for children to learn before they are asked to take on the committment of the baptismal covenants. I dont think noisy children are disruptive AT ALL. They are a part of having families. Most of the time the adults/parents in my ward just take the child out quickly. Sometimes I dont do it so quickly since Im a single mom. I think most people are understanding about this and are pretty forgiving. Besides having my own very young children there is only SO MUCH you can take away from Sacrament talks. The most important thing is the sacrament itself. If you can focus on this I think you can take away what is intended from the meeting. Now if you want to do some SERIOUS worshipping, the Temple is your place...no children allowed...complete uninterupted peace and quiet.

Wow. I wouldnt want to touch that with a ten-foot pole.

Um....lying...thats a tough one. I think there is a difference between what you did and 'bearing false witness'. Bearing false witness comes with it an intent to deceive with motive. Seems to me you werent so much trying to decieve him as you were trying to protect from doing something harmful. What a crazy situation. I wouldnt give too much thought about it. I think you did the right thing. Maybe you could have just NOT answered his question and just ask him if you want to call a cab or whatever. At least if he ends up driving away you would have delayed his driving and maybe he was able to sober up a little. I dont know.

There may be more changes as we near closer to the millenium but it would be my guess that what would be required of us would be more of a tightening than a loosening of our standards as to set us apart even more from the rest of the world, or perhaps to 'qualify' those of us who are willing to sacrifice even more to make us worthy, ready and willing to do as the Lord instructs us.

I think it totally depends on the situation. I would like to think that if God wants it, he will clear the path. (like parting the red sea for example) Sometimes clearing the path means that it will seem 'easy' or 'quick' but just because getting there the hard way doesnt mean it wasnt God's will either because many times there is a lesson for us to learn in there somewhere. Perhaps people are just saying what they WANT to believe.

I dont understand why people stay separated for so long. In my stake president interview I was told to NOT date until the divorce is final. To me there was no grey area. Just wait to date or hurry up and get it over with.

It doesnt SEEM honest but I think if you pray and ask HF what you should do he will direct you to whether or not you should walk away from that house. He will lead you to a different path, whatever that may be. After that answer is received, I think it is not then useful to decided what the judgment on that decision would be. I think it would be best in all situations to do what you think it right. You mentioned the temple recommend. One of the questions is are you honest with your dealings? If these people HONESTLY cannot afford their payments (and unless you are their accountant how would you really know?) then they have probably contacted their bank and notified them that they cant afford it and are trying to 'afford' a home that is better within their means (like the one family that is re-buying a house). I am currently short selling my house. My husband can pay the mortgage but has chosen not to. I dont feel like I have a choice but I cannot but in 100% of my resources JUST to fufill the mortgage payment. Perhaps these famlies you are talking about have taken all of their family needs into consideration and it is just the best decision for THEIR family. That doesnt mean it would be okay for you but honestly if I were in your shoes, I wouldnt want to be stuck with that much debt and no asset to show for it either. It might be honest but not ethical and it may be ethical but not honest. The difference between the two is INTENT.

You are crazy if you dont go with him. Two years is a very short period of time but it you live apart it will drag on FOREVER! Go and just rent a place. Be together. I think being separated can do nothing but bad for your relationship. The money isnt worth that but seriously, GO TO EGYPT. You will grow together as a couple as you experience new things. You will most likely depend on eachother more. Like I said, you're crazy if you dont go. I would never do that. My husband wanted to take a private contractor job in Iraq. I told him that if he couldnt promise me he would come back to me, then I couldnt promise him that I would be here for him when he got back. Now we are divorcing and thats another story but I think when you live alone from your spouse and you start doing things on your own, you really do change and you cant guarantee that you will be growing in the same direction. I hope the best for you guys.

I cant believe its taken this guy an ENTIRE YEAR to take you out and even then YOU had to ask him. I guess some people are THAT shy. Kudos to you for being patient. It sounds like you are building a good strong friendship. And you are right about not having kids and other people around. Its so weird to find yourself in the single social scene again after never leaving PARENT LAND. It is a very awkward feeling. I am happy you had a good time. Hopefully next time he will feel comfortable enough to ask you out and to call you. I think its great you called him. I think some shy people are so afraid of rejection that they just dont even try. The fact that you called him let him know that the rejection he fears just isnt there. So maybe it will be easier for him to make the next move.

Your baby has its days and nights mixed up right now. One week old is so young. Give him/her some time to change to your schedule. Its going to take some time. Do not give your baby rice cereal! You should not be introducing this until the baby is about 4-6 MONTHS old. My doctor told me that babies wake up in the night when they need an extra feeding. They need so many calories in the day. If they are short some, they make wake you for an extra feeding. I like the advice about the rocking. Feeding in bed is great for the nursing mom. I highly recommend that. You are going to be a zombie for about 6 weeks. Just take every day and night as it comes. Be patient with your little one. All they know is when they are hungry. Oh, another tip was when you need to change their diaper in the middle of the night try to keep everything totally quiet and dark and dont talk to them much. Finish the job and then swaddle them up and put them back down to sleep. Pretty soon they will get the hang of 'night time' and before you know it you will be sleeping through the night!

My brother has two girls who are 5 and 8. I asked him the same question about showering with them around. He said that his 8 year old has seen him and he just doesnt make a big deal about it. I know that he 'avoids' opportunities for them to actually see him but when it does happen he completely down plays it. I think it is good to talk to the girls (2.5 seems a smidge young). They should understand that everyone has private areas and what is appropriate. I think if you go over the top trying to cover them up or cover yourself up it may make the situation more than it needs to be and could conjure up feelings that it is wrong when in actuality you are doing nothing wrong. Giving your girls baths is not wrong. Yes, they will let you know when they need their privacy. For now, they will need help washing their hair. Also, girls need CONDITIONER. It will also help you do their hair if you buy some spray leave in conditioner. My kids (boys) are 2 and 4 and I make them wash their own private areas. There is no reason that I should be touching them there. I have made it known that it is their responsibility. I wash everything else. They see me shower but I make sure that as soon as I am out I am totally covered or I go get a robe or something. When they do see me completely naked it is for a VERY short time and I dont make a big deal about it. Being a girl is hard. Being a girl with high self esteem is hard. It is so important they feel pretty and hearing from their dad will be very important. It is so sweet that you are willing to do their hair. I would ALWAYS give them the choice of how short to cut their hair. Most girls like it long (er). I think you could get away with cutting a girls hair about every 2 months. When you take them in to get it cut ask the lady to 'do' their hair. You can watch and you will learn some new things. Get some pointers from them. Best of luck!

Alimony is considered TAXED INCOME. You MUST pay tax on it. I would therefore consider it income. It makes sense to pay tithing on it. On the other hand, child support is not taxed. I dont think it would be right to pay tithing on that. Thats just my little humble opinion.