wren

Is this better than the church's 12 step?

That was the confusing part about the group. So you go there and say all the crappy things your going through and then that's it. That's not helpful for me. I mean getting it out is part of it but I need feedback. Seems like we should have someone knowledgeable within the group who could give us advice. We are using brand new material.

Thank you everyone. I have been processing all the advice you have given and feel a lot better. I will look into the book and CANDEO. May Heavenly Father bless you all. Thank you for your prayers.

I really appreciate everyone's advice but I still don't feel like I have my question answered. I know He loves me by logic but I want to know how you FEEL that love. By the Spirit? Maybe this should be another post since it's such a huge, universal (i think) question.

I totally get not being the one policing him. I know that wouldn't work for either of us. It was the Bishop that suggested the filter and the only reason he said he wouldn't want it is if he couldn't do searches for homework for drug wars or watch the news, etc. He said he thought it was a good idea otherwise so I found a free filter and just set it to filter porn and lingerie. Going to the recovery group was my idea but I presented it without any pressure (i think) and just said that I thought it might help and if he didn't want to go I would. He really like it and said that he finally felt like he could master this being among others that were going through the same struggle. I really have a lot of respect for him and see how courageous he is. My struggle will be to not flip out when he slips up. I told him I wanted him to be open with me and that I didn't think it would work if he hid it from me. He told me as long as I react well and don't judge he will be open with me. As far as the aversion thing goes. He would be hurt that I suggested it and wouldn't even consider it. But I can see how it would work in other circumstances or with other people. I went to the Bishop last night to talk about my side of things since I haven't been able to tell anyone. I figured out that the anger I've had since our marriage went south (three years ago) has been toward Heavenly Father and not really my husband. I don't feel His love for me. I think my marriage not turning out how I wanted or expected was the last straw for me and I guess I just don't understand how he can love me and continue to give me all these struggles. I know His love on a logical level but not in the heart. I feel so guilty and ungrateful about feeling this way. But it is what it is. I honestly want to be close to Him again. Advice? How do you feel His love?

Thanks for all your support. I went to the recovery meeting last night with him. It went really well for him and so-so for me. The majority of the women talked about problems other than the addiction even though that's what the support group was for. It was a little irritating. I wished there was more time for sharing and giving support. I shared and was totally wrecked and then on to the next person with no comments, no advice, no nothing. Was pretty disappointed. Going to put a filter on the computer today. He said his own personal prayer for the first time since I've known him last night. Hope this really is the change he says it is.

I am so glad I found this site. I really need to "talk" this out but didn't want to post on any forum. I caught my husband masturbating about three months ago. I confronted him about it and it turns out he has had the problem since puberty. I felt very strongly that I needed to give him an ultimatum. I told him that unless he went to the bishop and started in a regular program for recovery I would divorce him. Btw, we have an 8 mo. old together and have been sealed in the temple. He went to the bishop but was very angry about it, nevertheless, I know the ultimatum was the right thing to do. He was very hush hush about his progress and I didn't feel comfortable asking him because I knew he would get angry. He stopped going to the bishop about two months ago and I had a feeling it was still a problem. He told me recently that he still struggles when he is alone. Last night he went to the bishop at the bishop's request and when he came home he confessed that he has been looking at porn our entire marriage. Seems he has always looked at porn. He said he only looks at it every once in a while and the last time was Sunday when he stayed home from church. I really don't know what to believe. He told me that he now realizes how it affects him and me and our baby. He said he feels guilty when he does it and that he recognizes that he has to humble himself and ask Heavenly Father for help, that he can't do it alone. I really had no response. I just listened and asked a few questions. I'm still in shock. I don't know why I didn't think he was addicted to porn too. He made some excuse for not putting a filter on the computer (bishop's advice) which makes me think he's not totally serious about changing. I'm not angry. I know it's not personal. I have tried my best to be a good wife and mother. Not to be cocky but I know that the women he looks at don't have anything better than I do. I know this is his long-standing problem and that there was nothing I could have done about it. I just need support I guess. I'm pretty baffled that God wants so much from me. My life has not been easy. I don't trust my husband. I will just trust in the Spirit to let me know if the time comes to go. In the meantime I will try my hardest to love him. I don't feel I have anything to forgive, I just feel empty like I don't have to try so hard anymore in our marriage, that I should just focus on our son. He's really broken something inside me.