MisterT

Well, to be accurate, there are two Gods. There is God the Father, and God, aka, Jesus Christ. We, as members of the church, have a greater understanding of the actual foundations of the Earth because of the revalations given to Joseph Smith and the correct translations of Genesis as presented in the Pearl of Great Price and is revealed during the sacred Temple ordinances. It may seem confusing to some, and I don't think that many members really dwell on the notion all that often. But the fact of the matter is that God the Father, Elohim, did not create this earth; that was done by Jesus Christ with the assistance of Michael, the Archangel; who also had another role to play in the foundation of humanity...

Neither do I. But I do laugh at people who do really stupid things to themselves. Misfortune isn't intentionally brought upon One's self; it is suffered because, well, it just your turn in the cosmic lottery of life. Do you know why we laugh? Not because its funny, but because it hurts so much that's the only way we can express it. Look at all "humor," what out there is really humorous that doesn't relate in some way to someone doing something dumb or stupid? Nothing. Laughs are our way of dealing with incomprehensible pain or confusion. Or maybe setting our prosetetic legs on fire are. Either way, its a completely normal and natural reaction and emotion. Imagine how droll life would be if nothing were so sad that we had to laugh about it or we'd cry all the time.

Jesus is God. He is just not God the Father. The saviour created this earth at the command of The Father. He instituted the Plan of Happiness at His command, and was born, suffered, and died a mortal death to pay justices price for sin so that all may be forgiven if they repent and dwell with Him in His kingdom in the next life.

I think Yahweh would probably crack a joke or two himself. Especially when talking about a guy who let his prostetic leg be set afire because he lost a drinking contest. Remember, the big guy loved a party; the whole water into wine story from that wedding he attended. Religious never meant humorless; even God himself loves a good joke. Just look at the Duckbilled Platipus for a perfect example. And 8-track cassettes,

You're absolutely right. I've been utterly heartless about this tragedy. I'm sure his pants had done nothing to warrant being set ablaze; they are the true victim here. And for that I also blame George Bush. And to bolster my claim, Jimmy Buffet will be singing in a Gulf Coast benefit concert this week where he too will say that the oil spill tragedy, along with this mans hot pants, were the result of George Bush's legacy of lenient governmental regulation of the petrolium industry. Viva La Revoluccion, Comrades!

Miscarriages are more common than most people would ever guess. Quite often a 'late' period of menstration is nothing more than an early term miscarriage. Having been intimately involved with a triple board certified specialist physician who dealt in these types of issues, I sent a lot of time in discussion on this topic; especially since she was almost fanatically investigating what she believed to be her own infertilitly. I have heard of the hormone suppliment you're being administered. Its relatively new but the data seems to support the conclusion that its beneficial.

Two Gods huh? Well, he's right. There's that other guy, and then there's me. Get it straight for next time, OK?

I have no advice to offer, good or bad. I only suggest you speak to your Bishop and the local Mission President. I'm sure it has a lot to do with maintaining even the appearance of propriety, so that there's never any question in anyone's mind, yourself included, that your thoughts and actions are pure. I personally make it a habit of never hugging anyone, ever. It maybe part of the reason I'm in my mid-30's and single...

You do realize I've been teasing you, right? I hope you got that I was funning you, not trying to be nasty. Just shake your head north and south and say "yessir," and we'll get along nice... Don't make me start my "You listen here, son. I was humping 200 pounds of gear through a stinking jungle while I carried a machinegun and shot people for a living at the same time your poop looked like mustard, so you can show me some respect, or I'll pummel your buttox until you do" speech... Again - I mean this humorously. What fun would the internet be if you could actually ask a serious question and get a serious answer without some wiseacre making fun of you??? Do you really want to live in a world like that???

Well, I know that its fashionable these days to say "there's no such thing as a stupid question," or "the only stupid question is the one you don't ask," but I'm from the old school of bad parenting that says "ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer," "yes, son, there is such a thing as a dumb question; think before you speak," and my ultimate favorite technogeek anacronism "WSYWYG," (what you see is what you get), or more computer tekkie, "Trash in, trash out." I hope you are feeling the sarcasm seething though the ethernet. I'm not laughing with you, I am laughing at you.. Oops, I meant to say it the other way, but instead wrote what I was actually thinking...

Dona Ana County.. That explains it all. There's nothing there but an enormous Army live-fire range in which millions of rounds of depleted uranium ammunition has been fired contaminating the countryside with enormous amounts of fumic uranium, the leftover contamination from atomic accidents at White Sands, residue from chemical rocket motors that are known mutagens and carcinogens (Hydrazine being proven to be a serious mutagen in all exposed lifeforms, and virtually guaranteed to cause pancreatic cancer from even small exposures), the contaminants from petrolium exploration such as aromatic sulfides and other known mutagens, and hundreds of other toxins, poisons, mutagens, and likely even wild mutated strains of several chemical and biological weapons experiments that were conducted in the area 50 years ago. With all of that.. stuff in the air and environment, its no wonder a guy not only agreed to this while he was sober, but allowed it to happen after losing a bet on how much he could drink; he was genetically damaged after conception to be without the self-preservation gene, is likely lacking an IQ over 30, is probably most definately mentally retarded, was schooled by others who are little better off than himself, and likely made his prosthetic leg out of a piece of a partially burned but destructed before it left the test range ballistic missile which was still covered by a solid propellant, which is why it combusted causing severe burns through his clothing (cause a modern ENGINEERED prosthetic is typically made out of titanium alloys that are not known for volatility or flamibility - which is why they're used to make aircraft that are capable of traveling so fast that the friction of the air would cause other metals to melt or spontaneously combust). I personally don't think the alcohol had anything to do with this... accident. It was George Bush's fault.

BEcause there's a field generated around your person created by The Force, simply referred to as a "Force Field," that is naturally generated as an effect of receiving The Force, or as most of us like to refer to it, the Priesthood. Since the "force Field" is of infinately varying density, becoming less penetrable with decreasing distance, it simply is physically impossible for an Elder to make physical contact with a member of the opposite sex unless she is in posession of a "Force De-Fielding" device which is issued in the sealing room at the Temple. Next strupid question.

Working to make better? Everything. I was a miserable husband, miserable father, miserable spouse, miserable.. well, just miserable in life. Getting to know myself? Unfortunately. I find I liked the old me much more. I was much happier when I was able to cling to the youthful image I had of myself; intelligent, talented, handsome. Well, not so handsome, but better than the shaved butt of a moose. Am I more picky now? No. In fact, I'm much less picky. When I was younger I had more opportunities. I had talent, ambition, drive, exuberance; I was able to cause people to fall lock-step in with whatever idea or plans I had. Of course back then I had more hair on the top of my head, less hair on my face, more chest and less gut, bigger arms than the legs on most horses, a quip for every occasion, and a rather sunny outlook. Back before I was a has been. The only thing I'm even slightly glad about is that I'm a has-been, which is better than a never was. Anyway, seeing as though I'm much less desireable as a partner, I find I must congregate and philosophise with those who are also less desireable. After a certain age, probably about 25, or certain number of children, say 2, you have to be grateful for what you can get; cause there sure isn't much out there for people like that who are any better off themselves. Misery likes company, and so do divorcees apparently. I've always enjoyed my time alone.. especially when I had people to share my alone time with. When I was younger it didn't bother me any because I had always been that way. A miserable childhood that was so indescribably lonely I won't even try to describe, near complete isolation as a teenager due to parents divorcing, living arraingements, school, having to work just to eat, joining the Army at 17 to get away from where I was and to get opportunity. In the Army I found I didn't like most people and that the barracks were quite probably the seventh circle of hell. Ever wondered what athlete's foot that was so agressive it was crawling up the backs of a guys legs looked (and smelled) like? No? Can't say as I blame you, I never did either. But I got to see (and smell) it while the guy was standing next to be completely naked showering his nasty self off. Ever wonder what it would be like to come back from a deployment and find that while you were gone one of your 31 roommates (or more.. perhaps all) had been having.. company in your rack while you were away.. discovering this by flopping down for the first time in months on something softer than dirt face first, only to find the physical evidence of their recreational activities on your pillow? I never wondered that, but I got to experience that gem as well. In the Army I found I valued my personal space. Eventually I moved out of the Barracks, and because of my marital status I couldn't get post housing and wasn't allowed to live off post (not to mention not getting BAQ, BAS), I simply moved into "transient housing," essentially a hotel on post that cost $7.00 per night, and you could stay there for up to 1 year at a time. Getting out of the Army I found I didn't like being alone so much anymore, and eventually got married. Then, true to my old habits, I found I looked for reasons to be alone as much as possible. Perhaps I found marriage to be more interesting as a proposition than I did as a reality, or perhaps I was just overwhelmed. Now that I'm not married any longer, and after 12 years of marriage, that I am desperately lonely again. Only this time I'm not in a financial situation to socialize. Where was I 6 months to 1 year ago? Seriously considering using one of my dozens of firearms to check out permanently. And when I say seriously, I mean the po-lice banging down my door and dragging me out because someone close to me thought I was going to do what I was thinking about doing, even though I never said anything to anyone. I guess that was the dead giveaway, no pun intended. What's the one thing from my marriage I'll never do again? I only get to choose one thing? Wow, I've gotta list as long as my arm, and my arm ain't short. I guess the top thing on my list is I'll never take for granted my family again; cause' sure as the sun will rise, doing that again will lead to the same result as last time. What contentment do I feel now in comparison to the last year? None, really. I'm in just as bad of a financial situation, I'm just as alone, medications essentially forced on me by well-meaning doctors and church leaders leave me weak, tired, ill, and listless; so even if I had gainful employment I'd probably get fired for being incapable of achieving the level of activity that's generally expected of a Master Tradesman. I'm slighty more familiar and in slighly more regular contact with my birth family, but when I say slightly, I mean one or two contacts every few months instead of one or two a year. The one thing I learned about myself I didn't know was there? That I essentially lack the little light behind the eye thats supposed to flash when you start to do stupidly self-destructive activities; instead I have a little voice that says "Hey, Ryan, you should really try that.. Yeah, it looks dangerous and probably impossible, but that's just because you haven't tried it yet." In other words, I have the instinct for self-preservation the way a Lemming does. Where do I see myself in 5 years? Besides being De General, De President, De King of the Sea.. The most amazing man there ever be? Oh, sorry, I was remembering a parody song I heard as a child about Idi Amin. I just hope not to feel the way I do right now. Which is one can short of a 12 pack (of coke). one (candy) cigarette short of a carton, one family short of happiness. [/self-loathing off] Edi Amin parody song (for those of you not interested enough to google it for yourself)

I heard one kinda like that.. it involved a farmer, his wife and a sheep. The farmer came into the house with a small ewe under his arm and said "honey, this is the pig I have to sleep next to because you snore so loud." The farmers wife said "Dear, that's a sheep." He said: "I was talking to the sheep." Oh wait, that wasn't anything alike at all...

What was the topic? All I got out of it was that women should be making me quilts... Why have none of you done this for me yet? Sheesh, I feel like I'm getting ripped off.

I'm single because I've managed to sabotage every relationship I've ever had. Not on purpose, but the result is the same as if it were.

Roger, slap the wife, lecture the cat, and beat the kids.. I'm enroute.

You could just show up for sacrament meeting, keep to yourself, then leave afterwards. Worked for me for awhile. Eventually people began to recognize me and chat; I became pretty friendly with a few of them. When I was finally comfortable enough in the ward to speak with the Bishop about my very serious transgressions, it was less adverserial and much more geared towards helping me past my sins. Yeah, there was some fire and brimstone from the Stake President, and there was a long process of repentance, but having eased into it slowly over a period of time, instead of driving straight into it with a 9 iron, I felt much less.. cornered. I'm the type that puts up his fists and fights when cornered; I'll do anything to win. But the approach was non-confrontational and geared towards reconcilliation instead of punishment, and because of that I never felt like an outsider.

I kissed my grandfather until the day he died. In Germany I observed little gatherings of friends who would hold hands as they walked down the street. it didn't bother me in the slightest.

I sure wouldn't want to meet The Lord God with a temple reccomend gotten by deception. I figure the Almighty might have something unpleasant to say..

My ex-wife was 5'6" tall and 89 pounds when I married her; 14 years and 4 children later she was barely over 110. Some people are just tiny naturally; size, or the lack of, doesn't necessarily equate to an eating disorder; just as all of us who're over their ideal weight don't necessarily have an eating disorder either. I'm 6'3" and just under 275lbs. I eat no refined sugars, corn syrup (high-fructose or otherwise), few fatty foods, and a primarily vegetarian diet capped at 1,800 calories per day and I still have a gut. This is because of my body's ability to very effeciently store calories in my fat tissue. Even when I was in the Army and a PT freak, I was only 30 pounds lighter than I am now. Instead of worrying about her like this, simply sit down with her and say "I'm very concerned about how skinny you are; I love you and I don't want you to die from an eating disorder." Then wait for what she says. Maybe she's like my ex-wife, who could eat anything she wanted, in any quantity that she wanted, and never gain a pound. Or maybe she has a medical condition that prevents her from absorbing all the nutrients and fats that she ingests. Or perhaps she does have an eating disorder and simply needs a loving hand to help her get control over it. Bottom line: Your worries are unfounded until you talk to her about the issue.

I'm a little dense I guess, because I can't figure out what this video of a panda bear destroying a tree branch had to do with Christ cursing a fig tree. Can you explain it to me?

I recall Spencer W. Kimball saying something to the effect of once we pass on we'll have unlimited knowledge. I'm not sure if that was before or after the Second Coming of Christ. I believe the people who die, with the exception of those who are sent to spirit prison, will be so happy and contented that we mortal slobs would hold little interest to them. We do know that Angels deliver messages, and I believe that on rare occaisons deceased family members may be called to deliver a message; the purpose of the deceased appearing is to help those contacted to immediately believe in the message, be it a warning, an offer of assistance, or important instructions/revelations that would otherwise be dismissed as a dream, hallucination or an overactive imagination.

I like women who are straight forward when they want something; if a girlfriend asked me to bring flowers, I would appreciate it that she was up front with me. I would have no problem if she simply stated "bring flowers next time."

There are wards in San Francisco where those who attend are predominantly homosexual; the doctrine taught in those wards is identical to any other family ward; which is that sexual congress is the sacred act of creation and should be comitted only between those legally and lawfully married. If memory serves, they even have their own newsletter out that way.. I believe it was called the 'sunset' or something to that effect. I used to shoot professionally and one of the groups I would train was the "Pink Pistols," a homosexual oriented shooting club based in San Francisco. Good, honest, hard working people that deserve not one less iota of support than any other Son or Daughter of our living God. I'm not sure what else there is to say on this subject, honestly.