hawaiifly

Your story is very common, so you don't need to feel like you are weird, perverted, or even bad. You are of worth! You are a son of God and he loves you. Please let the self loathing go. Be honest with your bishop. He just set up the appointment because he is supposed to meet with you once or twice a year. Tell him how it started (very innocently) and how it developed. The more you keep it a secret the more hurt you will be. Your bishop should be very understanding and helpful. If you want some good info goto abettermormon.org.

I agree that judgements on individuals should not be happening. Judgements come from pride, and we all have work to do on pride As I stated above, since this is an anonymous forum, we are not judging individuals, but we are judging situations and actions. You have approval on this board to seriously date Kelly, because as you have stated HF has confirmed that you can. However, in the general case, most people on this board will disapprove of seriously dating before your mission. It goes against the counsel given by the general authorities. You cannot, and should not try to change this fact.

So you are concerned that if another youth receives a strong enough confirmation from H.F that he/she believes that they can ignore counsel given by general authorities about avoiding CHASTITY problems, that they won't follow that confirmation? Or are you worried that their self-esteem will go down because of the judgements? Personally, I don't believe that anyone with enough faith to actually receive a confirmation to ignore advice given by a general authority on an issue as important as the law of chastity will not have the faith to help them overcome the judgements received from imperfect members of the church. I really don't think you need to be concerned with that.

The oil spill does effect you in Washington, so you should be concerned about it. So why are you concerned?

Why are you so concerned? How is it hurting you?

So what you really want is for other people to approve of your behavior. I know it is prideful to make judgements against other people, but it is just as equally prideful to seek their approval. Why do you care that people make judgements about youth seriously dating? If heavenly fathers approves what else matters? Plus, from my experience, there really isn't that much disapproval in this category. When I got into the MTC, the MTC president asked how many missionaries were leaving behind a girlfriend, and over half of the Elders raised their hands. I thought I missed the memo that seriously dating before your mission was suddenly okay. There are plenty of members who actually encourage dating before a mission. I, however, am sticking with the counsel the GA's have given.

As I see it, your motives are to get us (a group of anonymous people posting in an online message board) to accept your behavior and your decision to seriously date. First of all I reject anyone being judgmental against you because we do not know you. You are an anonymous poster. All we can judge is your situation. We don't know you as a real person. If I were to get to know you as a real person, I could come to different conclusions. As far as your situation here are my judgements. The general authorities have said that you should not seriously date before your mission. So anyone deciding to go against this counsel would be an exception to the rule. As such, I will never change my mind on the appropriateness of seriously dating before a mission. I don't see why you should even try to persuade people to ignore counsel given by the general authorities. Not only will it not work on most of us, it does seem really foolish. As far as your maturity goes, I would agree with what has been said previously. Everyone I have meet that says they are more mature than their peers has not been. Being mature (to me) means making wise choices. I don't think it is a wise choice to come on an anonymous message board seeking approval for your choices. If Heavenly Father has really granted you an exception, then you should feel good enough about your choice to not seek approval from others, especially people you do not know. I see you stating that you are more mature than most people your age as just trying to elevate yourself above others. As far as you being able to control your hormones better than other teenagers your age, I would like to ask how you know this. How many other teenagers have you talked to about this issue? How have you compared your urges to theirs? I think this is Satan trying to trick you into believing that you do not have to worry about morality issues, that you are above it. I hope that you do not fall into that trap. Also, just because you haven't had any immorality issues in your online dating relationships doesn't mean you won't have them in real life. It is hard for me to imagine heavy temptations come as you type into a chat box where you cannot even touch the other person. I am pretty sure the temptations increase a lot when there is someone you can actually break the law of chastity with sitting right next to you. Also, there are a lot of things that differ between online relationships and face-to-face relationships. In online relationships, you really only have to collaborate to make one thing work, making sure your both online to talk. You don't have to agree on the food you eat, the places you go, how you spend your time, etc. etc. I am not saying that you cannot meet people online, however, I would never consider an online only relationship serious. Online means virtual. I am sorry. I don't care how much you think it resembles real life, it is a virtual world. It is a place where you can be different than who you really are. Most people realize that they have different personalities when they are online. Just think back to all of the things you have said in an online environment that you would have never said in person. This doesn't me that you and Kelly cannot have a good face-to-face relationship, but it does mean that there will be a lot of adjustments when it becomes face-to-face. So my recommendation to you would be to stop seeking approval from anonymous people in a virtual world, and start seeking it from God. He is the only one that can grant your exception, and the only approval you need.

Not that I have that much experience, but this is my thoughts. Them fighting and being bored is their problem, not yours. Why make it your problem? So what I would do is be consistent. Whenever they fight or tattle or bug you in anyway banish both of them to their room. Even if you can tell one person started it, put both in their room. If their room doesn't work, than find some other punishment. This would be perfect. "I am sorry" (make sure you show lots of empathy and love). "I need to get work done and I cannot spare any time to deal with YOUR problem. If you want me to deal with it, than I will have to take (very prized toy like xbox, playstation, movie) and sell it on ebay to make up for the time I am losing by dealing with your problems." If they persist, then take a prized toy of each of their and sell it on ebay. They will never bug you again. All you have to do is ask them if they want you to sell another toy. You will only have to get ride of one toy to make it work. That way you are dealing with your problem (not getting work done), and they will deal with theirs (fighting and being bored). Don't ever be a judge. You shouldn't care because it is not your fight and not your problem. I am sure they will learn how to treat each other nicely when the threat of losing their stuff to pay for your lost time is clear and present. Just and idea.

The love languages book does talk about how the euphoria of falling in love (where you become obsessed with someone so much so that that is all you can think about) usually wears off after about two years. That is probably what happened to him a couple months after you got married. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you though. He just doesn't know how to express it. It does sound like you are doing a lot to express your love by acts of service. You are also doing it in words of affirmation. You can either try to step up the words of affirmation, and make sure you never ever criticize. If he feels criticized, it would destroy everything you compliment him with. You can try to compliment him on stuff other than school work, and work. You can also try physical touch, because that could be his love language. When was the last time you initiated something? If he has to initiate all the time, he won't feel as loved. It also doesn't have to be sexual all the time. Try sitting next to him on the couch as he plays (as long as it doesn't interfere, because if you distract him too much he might get mad.) You could either act interested in the game as you rub arms, or get a book and try to read next to him (with all the noise it could be hard). Try cuddling with him in the morning. Maybe even setting a goal to initiate something once or twice a week could really help. You might have to experiment and try each language for a week. (Don't give up after just one attempt, it might take a while to set in.) Have fun with it for the next few weeks. Don't worry about the game playing, or the non-scripture reading during this time. Just think, I am going to do all that I can to show that I love him for the next five weeks, trying a different language each week until I find something that he really responds to. Don't worry about him reciprocating until you figured out what his language is, and you know he really feels loved.

I have an idea that might help. Have you read "The Five Love Languages"? I recommend it, but if you don't want to buy it, here is the gist of it. Each person has a different "language" that they use to express their love. There are five of them: words of assurance, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. From what I have read I would suggest that you feel really love when your husband spends quality time with you, since when he doesn't it really hurts you. Your husband probably has a different love language. It might be words of assurance, or physical touch, or acts of service. So try to figure out what makes him feel loved. I would start with words of assurance (since he is stressed out). Make sure you never criticize him. That will really hurt him if words of assurance is his love language. Then say things like "Thanks for working so hard in your school work. I know it stresses you out. It will really make sure we have a better future. I know of some husbands/people that just blow off school and play games." Try not to make it sound chessy and be sincere. Go out of your way to give him compliments for the stuff he does for you. Let him know you appreciate him and the things he does do for you. There are similar things you can try for the other languages. Like doing stuff for him, if his language is acts of service. Or giving him massages, holding hands, if his language is physical touch. Or give him gifts, for gifts. Anyway, figure out what his language is, and express your love for him in that language. I would really go out of your way for a two weeks. After the two weeks, start suggesting to him what makes you feel loved (spending quality time with you). You can either start telling him about the languages and that your language is quality time, or you can be more tactful. Say something like, "I would really like to do _____ with you tonight, that would make me feel loved/appreciated/etc. Can we please do something together tonight? You can play your game after we get back." Your husband sounds like a really good man. I don't think gaming addiction is a really big problem right now (because he is taking care of his work and school work). And he probably does need time to relax, and games let him relax. If you make sure he feels your love, he will probably want to reciprocate. He probably does reciprocate a little right now, but he doesn't know what makes you feel loved. I suggested starting with words of assurance because he leaves when he feels criticized. It seems like that is what really hurts him. It certainly won't help with his stress if he feels criticized. But it could be something different. Have fun with it. Try expressing your love to him in a different language each week until you see a difference in him that week. Hope it helps.

Wormwood, I really appreciate your testimony. I know that you will find a way free. I would also like to refer you and others to Elder Oak's recent talk. Healing the Sick He quotes Brigham Young: "That is very inconsistent according to my faith. If we are sick, and ask the Lord to heal us, and to do all for us that is necessary to be done, according to my understanding of the Gospel of salvation, I might as well ask the Lord to cause my wheat and corn to grow, without my plowing the ground and casting in the seed. It appears consistent to me to apply every remedy that comes within the range of my knowledge, and [then] to ask my Father in Heaven . . . to sanctify that application to the healing of my body." I know addictions and sickness are different. But, most of the time addictions cannot be overcome by yourself. They will almost always require help from your Bishop. And often times they require help from a professional counselor. I don't see any difference in a professional counselor and an online program that provides the same counsel, other than the counselor might be able to adapt his program to your specific needs better. Let me be clear, Christ is the only person who can really cleanse you from sin (ie addiction). However, he also has given us a modern look into how the brain becomes addicted, and some insight that helps us overcome that addiction. All the counselor or the program will do, is help guide you to find the healing power that only Christ can give you. The only recommendation I can give, is to get the help you need, and don't think that paying some online program, or paying a counselor, would be "cheating" you chance to come to Christ. If anything they will give you advice on how to depend on him more, so you can break free from your addiction. Both Candeo and InnerGold are faith based, and require you to come to Christ in order for them to work. I hope any addict reading this will have an open, honest and sincere prayer to ask Christ what help they need to get. If he tells you to get the professional help you need, than do it.