addicthelp

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  1. You are wise in your thinking! Way to be justaname and anatess... and great question to be asking. It's parents like you that give hope to the rising generation.
  2. Unfortunately, I beleive most incidents do happen without parental supervision. If a child has been sexually abused...it is vital that they get help as early as possible to process those things. Here is the link to those stats: Child Abuse Research and Statistics
  3. Time for a strong opinion :) You may not agree and yes, a mothers (and even father's) instinct can be a very good measure as already stated. The general rule to stay safe is to keep kids fairly closely age specific. 2 years difference tops is a general age rule many psychologists recommend. I agree. Most importantly is that parents do not leave things to chance. it is vital that parents know when, where, and with whom their children are playing. Here are some stats: *In 1990 statistics proved about 1 in 4 adults admitted being sexually abused in some form as children. *60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse in America today. *The typical child sex offender molests an average of 117 children, most do not report the offense. *About 95% of victims know their perpetrators. *About 60% of the male survivors sampled report at least one of their perpetrators to be female. In other words...be vigilant as parents and aware. If you are in doubt, do not chance it :)
  4. I have come to the conclusion that we should stop eating and drinking anything Joking. The fact is that as has been stated...much is up to interpretation. Here is my general rule but just my personal opinion. Are we using interpretation as an excuse? I mean, I have to laugh when I hear people debate about Caffeinated Soft Drinks, than go gorge themselves on all sorts of fatty foods, put on a lot of weight, and shorten their lives by 20 years.
  5. Yah good question. I honestly don't' think she won due to any skill besides the fact that she found a way to stick to the end with 2 of the most Narcissistic people in the game. Like you said...they should vote because of superb game play but that isn't the case at all. They voted against the best player(s) because they were angry they got "played." It's like a bunch of jealous kids purposely giving a prize to someone who doesn't deserve it just as an act of revenge against their peers. I personally think Russ deserved to win even though I disagree with much of what he did as a person...he was a master at the game and in the way he played. I mean, he was a "Villian" after all...he played like he was classified :)
  6. If anyone cares I will explain the psychology behind why Sandra won instead of Pavarti or Russell :) First thing...America voted Russell as the fan favorite. Whether people like him or not, he made the show interesting and had a HUGE following. OK so Survivor brings back 20 of the favorite contestants. Whether "heroes" or "villains" they were fan favorites over the seasons. So why were they favorites? Because most if not all of them are Type A personalities. They took the limelight and ran with it. They love attention and validation. Many of them are likely narcissistic..I mean can anyone deny Russell is a narcissist? So you combine this many people who all want the limelight and the camera on them. These people make up the jury. I actually predicted Sandra would win when Russell chose to bring her. Why? Simply because the jury saw her as the "weakest" player. Since they couldn't have the spotlight, there was no way they were going to give it to the people who got the spotlight. Their votes were cast in retaliation and payback. Type A personalities in the Jury have and always will vote for the weakest player with the least amount of recognition...simply because they all wanted to be alpha wolf and didn't get it. As a result...Sandra wins and Russell and Pavarti would have voted for her too if the tables had been turned and say Rob and Jerri were the final 2 with Sandra :)
  7. Porn becomes just as addictive as any substance. I know many good men and women who have become ensnared by pornography. It is ok to feel hurt...that is a normal reaction. NO...you should not ignore it either. Most addicts will lie and be secretive about their addictions. Most will deny they have a problem. This secrecy and denial is the very nature of addiction. They generally feel ashamed and scared...they know the effects of their choices will eventually bring pain to them and others. The best thing someone can do for an addict is be genuinely willing to support and help them through a recovery process. Feeling anger and frustration are very real and valid emotions, however, making that anger and frustration the point of attack will send the addiction into deeper hiding and denial. Anyone with an addicted loved one or spouse has the best chance of success by being willing to support and help them through the process of healing and recovery. Not always easy but usually very effective. If the loved one goes on and on and never wants help or to change, that is another issue completely.
  8. The question can just about be answered with another question... Whats NOT behind the precipitous decline in America's Morality? Entitlement, Families being broken up, laziness and ease of life, technology, media, drugs, unrealistic needs, etc, etc, etc... There has always been declines in Morality in History. Sodom and Gomorrah. Noah's Time. Think of Moses and after he parted the Red Sea and went to receive the Commandments...the people began worshiping idols and committing sexual sin. Today we have the media, politicians, and neighbors....many of them cheating on their spouses or living in non-committal relationships. The real question should be: In a world of moral decline who will stand up for values?
  9. I hear where you're coming from. Running a business, school, 4 kids, church calling, etc etc... Life can definitely feel out of balance at times. There are a couple things I do every day that help me stay balanced in the chaos. First thing is I always read my scriptures, even if for just 5-10 minutes. This seems to be the biggest help of anything in providing structure and a boost. Second, I do a simple 2 minute plan each morning. There are times I simply don't do something because it is not a high enough priority. I am a huge believer that steadiness and consistency always wins the race. Not running faster than we have strength but being consistent. Mosiah 4:27 and D&C 10:4... Word Search: Run Faster There was an acquaintance of mine I looked up to who always seemed to do everything right and from an outside appearance always accomplished so much. I found out a week ago that their marriage was struggling and this person was on the brink of physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion. I thought to myself, "WOW! The grass is NOT always greener."
  10. There are 2 common situations when chastity lines are crossed: 1. Quick and extreme feelings of remorse. 2. Knowing the line was crossed but confusion of remorse. You are #2. So why is it like that you ask? First and foremost...intimacy is part of humanity and survival. These feelings are inherent to each human and without them life and creation would cease to exist. The fact is that these feelings can confuse because of how wonderful they are. To say these feelings are not wonderful would be lying. These feelings and relationships are part of God's plan. Now the kicker is God's infinite wisdom in knowing the necessity of waiting and following his laws to experience the depths of these feelings within a marriage. The adversary takes that which is good and wonderful and likes to put his own spin on it. Satan takes wonderful things and says, "This is wonderful...it feels wonderful...how can it be bad?" Satan would say, "See how good it feels. How can this be wrong?" Satan knows that if he can convince humanity to use these feelings outside of marriage and commitment, that he can destroy the promises of Abraham and eternal posterity. God knows that if these feelings are used within the bonds of eternal marriage, that relationships will be strengthened and eternal bonds formed. Have you ever held a small baby and felt that power of life? Think of millions of these sweet children in eternity. That is what Gods wisdom will bring. So you are correct that these feelings are powerful and YES they can feel very good even to the point where confusion takes place. Just know that you have a choice. You can use these feelings outside the bonds of eternal marriage and maybe even have a few years of great intimacy but ultimately commitment will fail and the pain down the road will be great. Many clients we see in counseling are in this category :) OR...you can humbly seek the Saviors atonement by praying and seek the counsel of your Bishop, which will ultimately lead to the powerful experience of eventually getting married in the Temple with either this person or someone else, using intimate powers with an eternal companion, and ultimately creating a posterity of millions that will Thank You for the eternities that you made these decisions now. Instant gratification is definitely temporarily rewarding but gratification within the bounds the Lord has set is eternally rewarding.
  11. I love Fringe. I have last night's episode recorded but wont get to it until tonight. One little tidbit...about 5 episodes ago, I predicted that Walter (from alternate dimension) would make it across. As soon as the bridge appeared I said to my wife, "And there comes Walter #2." She said...."Yah, yah, we'll see." We saw :)
  12. Great advice from the forum members! If this woman is someone who you could see spending the eternities with, than YES...don't wait to seek the guidance of your leaders. Set up an appointment with your Bishop. It might not hurt to set up an appointment with the Bishop and you and your girlfriend together. Even if she is not the one for you eternally, still, seek the guidance of your leaders. Either way, you will look back in the future and be eternally grateful for this decision. you cannot change the past but you can find amazing healing and forgiveness in the present and future. Experience that will bless your life and the life of others. The healing of the atonement brings Godly sorrow. Godly sorrow is a form of remorse that drives one to change behavior and seek the loving embrace of the Savior. The worldly sorrow of the adversary is a dark guilt that makes you feel unworthy of the Lords help and spirit. It drives people to not seek help but "fear" help. Do not allow yourself to feel this...you are a son of God and his love is perfect. The Savior is merciful and calms and soothes the penitent...resulting in positive progression. Seek the guidance of your leaders and yes, there may be a time allotted for repentance but you will feel peace and a powerful feeling of progression as you seek the Saviors help in this manner.
  13. anonymousone, You asked, "Any other advice on behavior and anxiety, and possibly its effects on marriage?" Anxiety can be related to soooo many things...but Yes, anxiety does effect marriages. Most surface issues of anxiety have links to past experiences and core personality issues dating back clear to childhood and upbringing. For example as a child or in growing up did she (or you) experience: verbally or physically abusive upbringing, entitlement/enablement, addiction, eating disorders, anger issues, depression, etc etc... Any of these issues will come to the surface in challenging times...times like you experienced in the past months. The anxiety and fears will literally tear individuals and couples apart as you have seen. In working with addicts and couples with other issues, I have seen 2 scenarios unfold. (Note: I am assuming that the spouse with the "issue" is wanting to change and repair.) 1 - The spouse is super supportive and even though hurt from their companions behaviors, they want to work together to find healing. They usually do find healing as they work together. 2 - The spouse collapses and struggles to ever get up. They do not want to forgive or ever trust again. They cannot see anything good but only the negative and hurt. This is usually an inherent trait (with a history and not something new) and an issue that requires work and time from a counseling perspective. I beleive that any 2 people can make it work......IF.......both partners are seriously willing to work. It is always a 2 way street. There is hope either way. If your spouse wants to get help than I suggest you do. If not, you are likely on the right path but that is your decision to make with the Lord. So the questions are: Have you both made up your minds now to divorce and move on? Is your spouse willing to get help along side you?
  14. Loudmouth...I love it! It is interesting how one of the first questions I always get asked is what addiction(s)/poison, if any, I am recovering from. I don't think any human being exists where all their life learning is all academic. All of our lives are shaped from experience. I am a huge believer of redemption, change, and forgiveness. I am not a huge fan in dwelling on the past...however, there are situations where individuals need to face the past, accept it for what it is, and move on in a positive direction. Much of my learning has been through watching and helping others...but of course I have worked to overcome my own weakness in life. For some it is substance, others emotion like anger, hate, or envy. Others is is self-image or depression. Others, it is pornography or sexual issues. Many have scarred childhoods and relationship issues. The list can go on and on.
  15. Angel333, Whenever I hear a story like yours I think to the picture of Christ holding the lamb close to him. http://institute.lds.org/content/images/manuals/dc-in/e-4.gif You did the right thing. Never doubt that. I could explain all the reasons why it was right but other posts have done well. Your son will someday thank you even if it is the eternities. Consider the lamb your son. In some way or another, and at some point of time, your prayers will be heard and all lambs return.