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Everything posted by Onhech

  1. Welcome! If you have questions about anything in the Church feel free to ask!
  2. Confused, I actually was happy to read your story. I feel that the Lord is looking after you and loves you. I think you are wise to study and to seek a spiritual confirmation. Your story reminds me of a man I met, Roger Keller. Dr. Roger Keller was a trained minister ( with a Ph.D in Religion from Duke) with a chapel in Arizona (which has a significant amount of Mormons). His congregation asked him to teach them about Mormonism. He told them that "first I'll teach you about your religion and then we can talk about the Mormons". He eventually taught them about Mormons and became involved in a Christian group which reviewed the anti-Mormon book/video "the Godmakers" in which the Christians asserted that it was a misrepresentation of the LDS history and beliefs. He then later published a book called "Reformed Christians and Mormon Christians, sit down, let's talk" which talked about differences and similarities between the religious outlooks. Keller had been seeing the missionaries for years and had talked to them about everything. At one point he received a witness and instantly converted. He realized that this meant he would lose his job and that his education as a minister was next to void in the LDS church (6 years of schooling!). He told his congregation of his conversion, resigned, and started working as a cab driver. To me that is amazing. Here is this successful guy, a published author and established minister with a Ph.D, working as a cab driver. That takes faith and conviction. Some time later her received a call from the LDS university BYU asking him if he could religious education there (not a minister but a teacher). He later served as a Bishop (who as you know is a lay minister) and has been very involved in inter-fail dialogues (particularly non-christians). He gave a talk which I though of while I was reading your post. It is I would really encourage you to listen to it. He talks about conversion a lot and how the church isn't opposing any religions. He takes it more from a protestant viewpoint but it can apply to you as well.I would encourage you to have the missionaries over and study with them. Seek for a spiritual witness, one that cannot be taken from you by any secular means. The Lord loves you and he will provide for you. While I do believe that the LDS church is the restored church of God I believe that God is in both of the churches and they are both doing great things. I am thankful I am a member of the LDS church and though the additional knowledge it gives me I feel I know Jesus and God better and can better worship them. After all "this is life eternal that they might know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent" (John 17:3). God Bless you, follow what you believe God wishes for you to do.
  3. Remember that there is no "one person" you are supposed to marry. There are no soul mates. You decide who is your soul mate and it make it happen by commitment and love. You have the choice to marry whomever you will. My suggestion is that you pray to find a good man and then be smart with who you date. Make a list of things you like. Then go out and find him! There won't be a perfect person, or a person that won't make you upset or sad at times, but you choose what you want and what you can live with. When you do desire marriage with someone make a logical decisions based on the facts (including emotional, not all sterile quantifiable information) and go to the Lord for confirmation. Don't expect the lord to choose for you, you are to ask if it is right and he will tell you if it is not. Personally I believe that if you both re faithful members in love that almost always the Lord will confirm to you that what you are doing is right. I agree with Vort - do not seek for signs. If you don't want to marry him you are given you agency. God does not dictate who you will marry. Make your own signs such as "do you have a valid temple recommend and attend it regularly?" I hope I'm not cynically damaging your idea of courtship, I don't mean to. This may be just my outlook on things though I believe most of it is supported by doctrine and church counsel. p.s. 19 is still young, you need not feel like you need to get married anytime soon, do it when the desire comes naturally and things feel right.
  4. Just labeling something isn't useful. In fact reification (making a mental state "real" by arbitrarily giving it a name other than "normal" (e.g. poor grades, very active = ADHD) is often harmful and hurtful to the persons mental condition and self confidence. We are all unique and have different issues, he may have symptoms that may cause some to consider him to be on the autism spectrum but I don't think that is really relevant or useful. From your description the most important problem is that he isn't achieving your desired emotionally empathy or perhaps is not emotionally sensitive enough. To my knowledge this isn't a symptom of autism, and even if it how would reifying it help? Autism is not curable at this time nor is there an "emotional pill" to help him with being more emotionally connected with you. What benefit is there to even pondering if he is autistic? As far as being emotionally inept. Have you considered that he is male? (I jest... Somewhat. However, males are quantitatively found to be less emotionally intelligent) In seriousness: Remember, any dissatisfaction in marriage comes form unmet expectations. Now there are two ways to fix these - 1) meet the expectation, or 2) change the expectation. Usually I think that there should be a little of both. However, I don't know if punishing you husband by emotionally and physically kicking him out of your life (or room) is a good idea for you, for your children who see you, or especially for him. It sounds like he is trying to be better, I would suggest that you do not practice conditional love (where you only show him love when he does "_____" (in this particular case insert "in emotionally astute")) love HIM, do not love who you WANT him to be to be (or thought he was when you married him).
  5. If you are looking for accuracy you are not going to get it. You are asking (mainly) religious people un-anonymously in a public forum if they broke the most preached against commandment in the Bible. Those who did will most likely A) not answer or B) not tell the truth. However, I will not - I am single. :)
  6. Welcome! I wish I was in NZ :/ What is your status on your papers?
  7. There are often celebrations for temple open houses. Particularly in areas where the church is less prominent. However, Alberta (where Calgary is) is a little Utah. At least for Canada. There are several Mormons in the area and they have 2 other temples in the Provence (the rough equivalent of a State). I live in Vancouver BC and when under progress there was a youth celebration here with dance and whatnot.
  8. I never said that It didn't apply to every type of consumption of meat. In fact my first comment about leftovers was my original point while hunting was a side note. The implications I was talking about with hunting are as follows. While those who eat meat are accountable for the food they eat I feel that these verses have some heavy additional implications to those who make game of the death of animals. Hunting in most 1st world counties has become a sport and a recreational activity. People do not generally hunt because they lack food; It is usually more expensive and less convenient to hunt than it is to buy the meat from others. Hunting is now primarily for the enjoyment of finding and killing animals. The scriptures say that "surely, blood shall not be shed, only for meat, to save your lives". So are these men doing this for meat or for the experience of hunting and killing? I would think for most it is at least a little of both. But I would also assume that most gain pleasure out of the act of hunting and that this is their primary reason for hunting. Killing an animal is not inherently good or evil, it is the heart of the killer that determines that, but ask yourself "why do you hunt?" If the answer is not "food" than you could be in trouble. If the answer is "fun" than I think you are in trouble. If you kill Gods living creations for "fun" I would suggest rethinking your life and motivations. That sounds like bloodlust to me. I seem to be in some good company on this: Joseph F. Smith: (1) "I do not believe any man should kill animals or birds unless he 'needs' them for food...I think it is wicked for men to thirst in their souls to kill almost everything which possess life. It is wrong, and I have been surprised at prominent men who I have seen whose very souls seemed to be athirst for the shedding of animal blood. They go off hunting deer, antelope, elk, anything they can find, and what for? 'Just for the fun of it!' I am a firm believer... in the simple words of one of the poets: 'Take not away the life you cannot give, for all things have an equal right to live'." (Juvenile Instructor 48:309) (2)“… The unnecessary destruction of life is a distinct spiritual loss to the human family. Men cannot worship the Creator and look with careless indifference upon his creations. The love of all life helps man to the enjoyment of a better life. It exalts the spiritual nature of those in need of divine favor.” (Juvenile Instructor. April, 1927) (3)“I never could see why a man should be imbued with a blood-thirsty desire to kill and destroy animal life. I have known men-and they still exist among us-who enjoy what is, to them, the “sport” of hunting birds and slaying them by the hundreds, and who will come in after a day’s sport, boasting of how many harmless birds they have had the skill to slaughter, and day after day, during the season when it is lawful for men to hunt and kill (the birds having had a season of protection and not apprehending danger) go out by scores or hundreds, and you may hear their guns early in the morning on the day of the opening, as if great armies had met in battle; and the terrible work of slaughtering the innocent birds goes on” (Joseph Fielding Smith, Answers to Gospel Questions, vol 4, p.45). George Q. Cannon: “We should by every means in our power impress upon the rising generation the value of life and how dreadful a sin it is to take life. The lives of animals even should be held far more sacred than they are. Young people should be taught to be very merciful to the brute creation and not to take life wantonly or for sport. The practice of hunting and killing game merely for sport should be frowned upon and not encouraged among us. God has created the fowls and the beasts for man’s convenience and comfort and for his consumption at proper times and under proper circumstances; but he does not justify men in wantonly killing those creatures which He has made and with which He has supplied the earth” (George Q. Cannon, Gospel Truth: Discourses and Writings of President George Q. Cannon, selected, arranged, and edited by Jerreld L. Newquist, p.24) Spencer W. Kimball: “Now, I also would like to add some of my feelings concerning the unnecessary shedding of blood and destruction of life. I think that every soul should be impressed by the sentiments that have been expressed here by the prophets. And not less with reference to the killing of innocent birds is the wildlife of our country that live upon the vermin that are indeed enemies to the farmer and to mankind. It is not only wicked to destroy them, it is a shame, in my opinion. I think that this principle should extend not only to the bird life but to the life of all animals” (President Spencer W. Kimball, Fundamental Principles to Ponder and Live, Ensign (CR), November 1978, p.43). Lorenzo Snow: “Killing for sport is wrong…One day, to while away the slowly passing hours, I took my gun with the intention of indulging in a little amusement in hunting turkeys… From boyhood I had been particularly, and I may say strangely, attached to a gun. Hunting in the forests of Ohio was a pastime that to me possessed the most fascinating attractions. It never occurred to my mind that it was wrong-that indulging in “what was sport to me was death to them;” that in shooting turkeys, squirrels, etc., I was taking life that I could not give; therefore I indulged in the murderous sport without the least compunction of conscience.” (Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, p.188-189) Hugh Nibley (keep in mind is NOT a general authority): (1)"We have taught our children by precept and example that every living thing exists to be converted into cash and that whatever would not yield return should be quickly exterminated to make way for the creatures that do. . . . I have heard important Latter-day Saint leaders express this philosophy and have seen bishops and stake presidents teaching their reluctant boys the delights of hunting for pleasure." The earth is our enemy, I was taught. Does it not bring forth noxious weeds to afflict and torment man? And who cared if his allergies were the result of the Fall, man's own doing, and could be corrected only when he corrects himself? But one thing worried me: If God were to despise all things beneath him, as we do, where would that leave us? (Introduction to "Subduing the Earth," 85-86) (2)[There has always been a philosophy of hunting peculiar to Latter-day Saints.]. . . . It's a frontier attitude, conquering the West, as it were. But of course the presidency of the Church has consistently bucked that attitude. Brigham Young, Joseph F. Smith, and then President Kimball have all talked against it. Joseph Smith never carry anything larger than a pen knife. He who carries a gun will surely regret it. Brigham Young said if the Mormon people weren't so ignorant, they'd be damned for their treatment of the creatures. President Kimball's bicentennial talk against hunting was very exciting but it had almost no effect whatsoever. They swept it under the rug. We say a prophet is a prophet and then freely interpret how we want. ("Nibley Talks about Contemporary Issues," 12) --- So once again, I am not condemning hunters, I don't know your motivations, but I do condemn hunting for the "sport" or "fun" of it. This coming from a guy who has been hunting, has family who hunts, and who has been exposed to a lot of hunting.
  9. However I came across this scipture in Gen JST Genesis 9:10–11: But, the blood of all flesh which I have given you for meat, shall be shed upon the ground, which taketh life thereof, and the blood ye shall not eat. And surely, blood shall not be shed, only for meat, to save your lives; and the blood of every beast will I require at your hands. So that holds a lot of responsibly for us. Eat the leftover meat on your plate :) This is also has harsh implications for hunters.
  10. 1 Tim 4:1-3 "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth." D&C 49:18 "And whoso forbiddeth to abstain from meats, that man should not eat the same, is not ordained of God." personally I feel that it is more holy to animals rather than plants. I know that the plants have never sinned. However I believe that animals have agency and are more likely to have sinned than plants. So I'm a meatetarian - I only eat meat. But if you notice that it is not condemning NOT eating meat, it is only condemned to command other not to eat meat. So by the letter it can be a personal choice just not a decree to others.
  11. The question is: What constitutes a female? What do you need to be a female? What about male? And I according to APA 6 in writing you should refer to them in their role , gender identity (if transsexual), or gender expression (for transgender) regardless of birth sex. So basically whatever they consider themselves. Meaning that this person should be refereed to as "she"... At least in formal writing :)
  12. I have dealt with a lot of people who feel they are addicted to an action or substance (and how isn't.. I am... I just can't stop eating... It happens 3 times a day and no matter how hard i try i just keep going back!) and I have come to see a few patterns and things that I saw help. I had a roommate that had a similar issue and we talked about it in-depth. Remember that the sexual desire is a good thing, we just must keep it within the commandments of God. You are not sinning to have desire, and you can't always control what comes into your mind but you CAN control, and it is a sin, to give room for those thoughts to grow. As one once said "you can't control if bird flies over your head, but you can control if it builds a nest on your head." If you control your thoughts than you will control you actions. So you want to learn how to control your thoughts in times of temptation. How do you do that? I don't know if there is a magic bullet. Defiantly growing spiritually close to the savior will help. Remember, not matter what you do he loves you and will be there for you. Just put in sincere effort to talk to him. One parable of Jesus to me is very helpful (Luke 11:23-26 (see JST)). Christ told of a man who was cleansed of a devil. This man kept himself the same - clean and empty. However it then said that the devil came back with 7 more of his friends and the man was worse than he was at the start. Jesus stated that "He that is not with me is against me"(Luke 11:23). It is not merely enough to be cleansed from out sins and call it good - we must replace the sin with Christ and good. So as it applies here - fll your old ways with Christ and good. Read your scriptures, pray, read good books, work out. You must fill yourself with good. But as far as external controls. I would take note of the circumstances in which you are tempted (the location, the time, the atmosphere, the company) and if you can seek to avoid those atmospheres. For instance, if it happens late at night than go to bed early - set a bedtime. If it happens when everyone is gone than don't be alone, find a friend and go there, or just go outside for a walk. If electronics is an issue than you may need to have parental controls on it. Also having a friend could help a lot too, someone who will understand, perhaps your father. If you think things are going to be bad, start early (as soon as you start thinking about it or feeling) and talk to them. Or maybe arrange that at those certain times you can go do something with them. Lastly, I would suggest not beating yourself up about it too much. You obviously know it is wrong and you want to discontinue. Focus on being better and positive things, not the negative things. Often times in addiction it is hard to stop because to stop you need to stop thinking about it. However, when you feel guilty about something you think about it a lot and focus on it giving it attention. I would advise you to see yourself as a good person and a fresh person. You actions now are not bound by what you have done in the past. Keep the bishop informed of the situation if you slip again, but don't get depressed as that could lead to an increase of the activity. Just because you slip up once doesn't mean you have not changed or repented at all. It is a process. Work on improvement. Good Luck! You seem like a good person.
  13. See your bishop and be honest with him. Remember that God loves you and that he will forgive you if you honestly repent(the word Repent is a greek word for change) of what you did. God won't forsake you and neither will we (as a church or as a community). I believe it is more important the direction you are going than what you have done in the past. It is better to be an inch away from hell walking out than a mile away running in. You seem that you are on the right track - the pathway to god - keep progressing and you will get through everything no matter how tough.
  14. Bini, I realize it is very personal but I would be very interesting in how you felt it has been to get married so young. You don't have to answer anything you don't want to. Why did you get married so young? What problems did you think you had that you otherwise would not have? What benefits? Does it give you more questions?
  15. Vort Thanks for your clarification, I would agree that socially it doesn't make much of a difference if you got married 10.5 months earlier or later. Thanks for putting in the wording you did.
  16. MOE Thanks for your critique and suggestions, they are helpful. I realize you do not have my data set and cannot know the scope or the current inferential statistics so you are at a disadvantage, I apologize for this. I understand that when you look at 10.5(0.87 years) months in the scope of 90 years of life it does look truly infinitesimal. However, the range of opinion of the ideal age of marriage is so narrow that .87 years is quite a significant difference. If the range of marriage was 20 years then I would agree that .87 is not really even noticeable (4.35% difference). However, with my current data (Only 400 response) there is a 95%of my results have fallen in a 3.0 year range so to have .87 years difference between sex is a significant difference(29% different). With an almost 30% difference in the ranges it really makes me wonder (if the difference is true and significant)- why? What is the difference? A secondary question is is it different than non-LDS Audiences and if so why? I'm not claiming significance, and even if I had the data set that could I would be very hesitant as the methods I have employed to get the data (as in it is a convenience survey done on the Internet and a lot of my friends (being age skewed), but if my results were generally verified at a 2-3k number of responses I would consider the difference to be significant if not the methods able to show statistical significance. Below is the range breakdown. Interesting to notice that the tightest opinion is the males opinion on when men should get married. Male Opinion LDS Single Male Ideal 95% Range = 2.7 Years LDS Single Female Ideal 95% range = 3.2 Years Female Opinion LDS Single Male Ideal 95% Range = 3.1 Years LDS Single Female Ideal 95% range = 3.2 Years
  17. Thanks for your input Judo, The results are not yet statistically significant as the the Standard Deviation of the two do overlap. However, in this study the age differences are going to be small to start with particularly in the LDS scene so these numbers although fractions of the year can have significance. I do hope I will eventually get enough surveyed to have significant different between male and female ideal ages. .87 is a fairly decent difference in the female age though so I hope the tend continues and the standard deviation narrows. I have only about 400 results (83% LDS) so I do need a lot more people answer to make any significance claim in regards to that. The mean difference between male and female ideal age s overall is 1.5years.
  18. Thanks Bini. Another some other interesting statistics Single LDS Males think the Ideal age to get married: Male=23.61 Female=21.63 Difference between the ideals=1.98 years Single LDS Females think the ideal age to get married is: Male=23.97 (.36 of a year older than the males opinion) Female=22.30 (.87 years older than the males opinion) Difference between the ideals=1.67 years (.31 years shorter than the males) So essentially females believe that you should get married older than the males generally think and they think that the ideal age gap is smaller than males. Why would this be?
  19. Yeah! I remembered that one and you left me a little note that made me smile. I'm from BC too btw(I hope it is okay for me to say that on here), I'm from Maple Ridge. Thanks for the contribution. FYI the atheist and agnostic means are MUCH higher than the LDS means. Atheists (m/f ideal age) =31.00/30.07 Agnostic (m/f ideal age) = 27.12/26.50 LDS (m/f ideal age) = 23.92/22.28
  20. Thanks to everyone who has/is taking this. It is helping me a lot!
  21. if you don't remember get your spouse or friend to take it :) Maybe I should have put 50 (for a first marriage) is seen by most as less-than-ideal. You can't even have kids if the woman is over 50. Send this survey to your friends! I only have 11 responses so far
  22. I have posted a similar survey about marriage on here before but I need more responses if I could get it. If you could spend a minute to do this survey it would be very appreciated I am taking a survey on ideal ages to get married (though other religious perspectives are very much appreciated and are factored in). It is 8 questions and could be taken in 4 minutes. It would help me if you took it at The Marriage Ideal Survey . Please take the survey BEFORE you read the thread if you are going to take it so as to avoid bias. Note to troublemakers I realize that the survey is restrictive and does not fit nearly anyone's beliefs about marriage - everyone is different. I have a lot of people that want a range but for the purpose and scope of the survey a singular number is required. It would be helpful if, even if you did not fully agree, you placed an ideal age (assuming that everything is perfect and feels good) that you feel would be a "good" age to get married. Most would agree 14 is generally too young and 50 too old, so I'm asking "under ideal circumstances, assuming everything is ideal at what age would be most ideal age to get married at?" LINK--->Marriage Survey
  23. What are his given reasons as grounds for divorce? Why exactly does he want to discontinue after a week? Was it a temple sealing? If you are married to him, do you want to spend the rest of your life/eternity with this man? You deserve a man who wants you even in the tough times and is willing to work through problems. You don't want to be in a relationship where he is half committed or less, I don't think that would work or foster happiness for you or your future children. Ultimately if he is done and does not want to work through it at all you can show love and you can offer to work through it but a marriage is a two way operation, it takes two to make but one to break. I would do all you can to try to see what is really the heart of the issue, but let him make his choice. If he leaves it is not your fault. And just from a viewpoint you gave us unless there is something "fixed" in him (and not just subdued or put on the back burner) it looks like there may be more happiness in the split than trying to force him to stay, even for a child. Children don't fix problems, they amplify them. I would suggest trying to save it, but let him make his choice, he needs to choose you if it is going to work.
  24. So I don't know who all knows about this as it has apparently been a while coming but there is going to be musical made- "The Book of Mormon on Broadway". Now before you get too excited it is done by the creators of South Park. As many of you know they both consider the Church as full of ignorant religious fanatics who don't know their history. As such I would not expect this film to necessarily portray the church in good light. They said in an interview that two missionaries from Utah are sent to Africa with a set of tools (the gospel) and realize that their set of tools can't help them in the situations they are facing. (for the above see the video below) The Book of Mormon the Musical They anticipated that it will be loved by the Mormon community so maybe it's not all bad.. They have aired Mormon related shows in the past including a rather narrow look on the Joseph Smith story on an episode of South Park and a fulltime movie Orgasmo. The first showings are to start next month (Feb). Thoughts? I'm not sure how big this will be, I would hazard to guess that it will not be well known about. It will raise some curiosity about the book of Mormon and will probably keep a few missionaries busy.
  25. I quickly checked Alma 11 heading where it originally said "The Nephite coinage set forth". This has long been seen as a anachronism as to our best knowledge there were no coin systems used in the Americas at that point. The scriptures never speak of coins but only of measures yet many still attack the book of Mormon for having "coins" in it. This has also been changed online to read "The Nephite monetary system is set forth". Good stuff :)