a1000tears

I admit that I'm not a die hard follower of everything that goes on with the ins and outside of BYU football. But they play one lousy game and then all of sudden they are a lousy football team? It doesn't make any sense to me. Especially if they have a history of of playing some great football. To me, I don't understand why anyone would criticize an educational institution just because they want to advance a sport. From what I understand, BYU going independent was a possibility for years. I think it's ludicrous that someone would think they did it because Utah went to the PAC. If there is one thing I know about sports (having raised three kids in sports), it's that you need to do what you can to advance that sport so it has the continued support it needs. Athletic programs are on the verge of being dissolved across the nation in our schools and communities. It's up to us to see that these programs can continue to excel. I think BYU going independent was a great decision for the University as whole and puristically a business decision that has nothing to do with Missionary Work, etc. I think it will also advance the other athletic programs at BYU which is a good thing. It will also expose our students to other Christian based colleges who value the same values BYU does. I do not believe it had anything to do with Utah going to the PAC.

Wow your story sounds so familiar to mine. I joined the church over 25 years ago. My family was much the same way. I generally stayed away from them until my own tesitmony was strong enough to handle and deal with all their issues. It got to the point where I felt sorry for my family. I had to start looking at them in a different way. Believe me I got many comments that I joined a cult and why wasn't the Holy Bible good enough, etc etc. I also knew that if any change were to happen, then it had to start with myself. I had a blessing once and in it the Lord told me to have faith and patience. At first I thought it was about my faith in Christ, the gospel, etc. But I learned later that it was to have faith and patience for my own family. Some major things happened later on that I would NEVER believe. My sister who spurned any church whatsoever, became interested in learning more..she was the one I thought would take an eternity to come around but it was through her that things in my family started to change. Are they members? no, they are not. But they have a much more positive light about Mormons, the church, etc. We all now get along and have learned to trust one another. Of course, I had outside help and influences in this that I was unaware of. I think the Lord was working on my family through my own prayers. They were influenced by other members of the church - that I had no knowledge of. People they later met and had respect for, viewing their lives and their examples helped my family in ways I could not believe. One thing that made my sister change her tune was really my own life. She saw how happy I was and through my example, then her change came about. She had many failed marriages, various fights with my parents, etc. Her change actually helped the entire family to change and learn to trust one another. There are still issues. But at least now we can talk about them. My advice to you is the same advice I was given. Never lose hope and faith that things can change for your family. I often thought it would take a miracle for my family to be on speaking terms and it truly happened. If anyone can work miracles, the Lord can. :)

Can religion lead to being judgmental...hmmmm...I'm not sure about that. I think we all form judgements at early ages prior to the influence of religion. There are so many factor's that lead to people being judgmental. I think being human we all do it, especially when we gossip about one another. But I think the error lies when we start thinking of ourselves better or start to measure our own worth against others and vice versa. Aside from all that, is it really religion we are talking about or culture. Each religious faction have cultures within themselves and I would think culture has more influence on that then religion.

Hi Momento, Welcome Welcome! When I first read your post I could not believe you are only 21! You articulate yourself very well. I'm usually drifing in and out of this forum simply because I have responsibilities in the real world that don't allow me to be active here on a daily basis. I just wanted to say that I appreciate your open mind and if nothing else I hope we can learn something from each other. You sound like a very interesting person. I assume you are going to college in the states and it makes me curious how you view America and if you do travel to the Toronto Temple I would also be curious about how you would view Canada. Anyway, I hope you have a good experience with this forum. I look forward to seeing your views on other topics. Blessings!

Just a thought - lack of desire could be a hormonal problem. I knew a women who had no desire to have sex, had problems with it. She and her husband tried all the counseling and medical advise, still didn't work. They finally decided to go to a sex therapist who helped them solve their problems. One of the problems they had was a lack of desire or even a disinterest in sex. They found out after numerous tests that her body was not producing any testosterone. Women do produce it but at lower levels than men. However, her body was not producing it at all. They had other issues but just trying to solve one of their issues helped them to eliminate possible theories with their other problems. :)

I know you gave valid reasons of why women should be educated..in case of unemployment..etc. I would hold that the main reason to be educated is so that we can practice provident living. I think it's important for young women to be more educated now than ever before. I think public schools will be more viral in the future. I see traditional schooling slowly being replaced with online schools. Technology alone keeps us on our toes. I often think that the main reason why I keep pursuing an education is not because society tells me but because my kids were born smarter than me and it's all I can do to keep up. :) Kidding aside, it's a great topic. However, I am a convert, and I found that the women in the church gave me more of an education than public schools, college and my own family combined. I find that some of the smartest women in the church did not obtain degrees, credentials, etc. So I guess the question really is about what we define an education to be.

I think it helps to have regular meetings with your bishop or his bishop as a couple. You can both go to your individual bishops but maybe you should get counsel together. That helped me and my husband. We also met with the Bishop EVERY SUNDAY until we got married. If you know you have to be accountable to someone, then it's easier to stay on the straight and narrow. Immerse yourself in church activities to help remind you of your goals as a couple. Always remember that the greatest temptations come right before the Lord is getting ready to HEAP incredible blessings on you. Church activities help because you are surrounded by people who will support you instead of people who may sabatoge you. Enlist the help of friends so that they can make sure you are not alone too much of the time or so they can help you avoid "pairing" off. Don't fall under the illusion that your can handle the greatest weakness you have on your own..get the right help from the right people. I hope you can endure this time in your life, just remember that great blessing are in store for you if you hold to your principles.

Christy, what a beautiful post you had written. I just had to respond. I do want to say that it will take time. What I've always been taught is that faith is like muscle. If you exercise it, you will gain strength. You know what happens when we don't exercise, everything goes south! lol I know these steps you are taking will bless your life more than you can imagine. You are a beautiful person with a beautiful mind. It's great that your and your husband are on the same page...that is also a great blessing. I've seen so many examples of people who try to join the church but one spouse is not as receptive as the other. I hope your children will embrace it and that I know you will be a great example and teacher to your kids and you will be giving them tools to learn how to cope with their own lives. I hope that you will be able to make friends soon. :)

I've read all the responses and they is some wonderful advice given. For me, there are perfectly good explanations for all the questions you listed. I particularly don't find it odd that you wife went away alone. Sometimes there is so much noise in someone's life that they need to get away and think for themselves to help them figure out what they truly want. This is an observation on the posts you have made. so I will put it somewhat bluntly but just know that I mean no offense by it. Do you always "check" up on your wife? Do you always question her actions...it seems like a Parent/Child relationship rather than a marriage. It's just an observation so correct me if I'm wrong. I think if you and your wife cannot get some help than you should probably try to get help for yourself and find out where you went wrong and why the marriage is going south. I believe you have a good heart and good intentions but you can only control your own behavior. Once you can learn to control your own behavior, then you will be at peace with her behavior no matter how bad it get's. Once you start looking inward, you will find that you will not be paying so much attention to her behavior. You will be able to handle her behavior and maybe talk to her about it in a more productive way. Just know that right now it's not working..what you are doing is not working..so you need to find a way to make it work. I think it's easy to think about divorce because right now it hurts. You are hurting and she is hurting and it feels like hell. I say don't worry about her right now..you need to worry about your own well being. Focus on yourself and the rest will come...and when I say the rest, I mean the answers you need will come. Don't let this adversity at this time in your life win. Be strong. Have faith and endure to the end. This time in your life will pass and if you and your wife can get through it, you marriage will be that much stronger, your bond and commitment to each other will reach a level you never realized before. You will have a knowledge on such a deeper level that you share with one another that you could not have imagined before. I want you to experience that. That only comes after GREAT adversity. Not once in your marriage but many times in your marriage. Once you get through it, then you learn how to handle and take care of each other as time goes on. I really am cheering for you and hope that you can find the strength endure to the end. :)

OHHHHHHHH this is my cup of tea and what I do for a living. It all depends on the teacher contract and how sick time is utilized. I see this more as a public safety concern and to insure the responsibility of the school district to not harbor an unsafe environment for their employees. Can you imagine the workers comp claims on this? That being said, if an employer "mandates" someone to not come to work due to a health issue, then the employee is usually compensated for the day. Simply because it was not their choice but they were mandated to not attend school that day. Depending on the teacher contract, they may be able to use "Personal time" or sick time, or they may put them on administrative leave w/pay. Simply put, the cost of a day's compensation would be much cheaper than a workman's comp claim. Each state has it's own laws in regard to immunization of public employees, and it falls on the employer to insure a safe work environment for their employees. Some teacher licensing requirements may impose immunizations and some professional designations may require it as well. For example, Bus Driver's must maintain immunizations to comply with DOT laws and regulations and to maintain their CDL licenses. (Commercial Driver's License). This is not mandated by the school district but by State and Federal laws. Btw, an employer does have the right under the new FMLA laws to ask for a doctor's note to verify an employee's absence. Now the doctor doesn't have to put the medical condition on the note, but an employer may ask for it. Now the moral question..should someone be paid or not...well if an employee chose to not get immunized, that should not be held against him/her. The bottom line is, that ALL the employees that are out for the same reason must be compensated the same. You cannot favor one over another. Therefore, it would seem that if someone elected to not be immunized due to religious reasons, then it should not be held against him/her, therefore, if he was able to be paid, then you have to treat everyone else the same way. If you don't, then the school district could face a discrimination law suit. So hence, in the long run, I ask the question, Is it better to compensate the employee than to get into a legal and /or Labor battle over one day's wages? It always boils down to money.

As far as going inactive - there is always more to the story..it's often times easier to say I left because of so and so..but I usually find it's much more than that. We need to also be mindful that not everyone leaves because of apostasy, there are cases of unrighteous dominion out there and nobody is going to bring that up in a conversation..instead they will say something of a lesser value. Is it right to say something one way or another? Hard to say because everyone could have a different experience. I think apostasy happens when our hearts have become hardened and there is no hope for change left. It can be gradual, but I believe that as long as there is hope for someone to change, then I'll have faith that that person will change. Besides, I'm in no position to judge. Trust me, I've made plenty of mistakes in my life and I would hope that people still had faith that I could change and grow for the better.

Very good discussion. I don't always view criticism as a bad thing. It can also be a good thing. To criticize does not necessarily imply to find fault, but the word is often taken to mean the simple expression of an objection against prejudice, or a disapproval. and does not necessarily mean finding fault. I think it's important to know the difference between the two when we are talking about apostasy. I think the way we present and handle any type of criticism is important. How else can we improve the way our teachers teach..or help our children correct bad behavior. Too much criticism can be a bad thing if we do not recognize each other's innate value. There are people that can over-react to criticism and don't realize that it's a way to help people think about their own actions. I think if we look at criticism as a good thing, then we can learn to handle it much better.

First of all, I haven't read all the responses so I just responding to your original post. I think the whole "beard" thing is unfair....It's not principle, it's policy. I don't think anyone would view the situation like I would view it, but it seems really irresponsible on the church's part to ask people to "serve" but only "if" you appear a certain way. I have a big problem with that, especially with people who are temple worthy. What's in our hearts is what matters the most..who cares what you look like. I hope you haven't had responses telling you that YOU need to change. I think the church sometimes needs to change and take responsibility for the things they do or impose on temple worthy members. I don't know how many times members tell people that they are at fault and need to change their thinking but when the church is at fault nobody stands up to it. There is always the excuse that men are not perfect, etc etc. Don't get me wrong..I am all about personal responsibility, but there are times when I think the "church" should take responsibility as well..and in those situations it all seems so one-sided. I know it's not a popular viewpoint but one that I see happening all the time. There is nothing wrong with the way you may feel about this..I'm just guessing, but we all have the scripture about not running faster than we have strength. We all have limitations and it's a responsible person who can understand and admit those limitations. The Lord knows this, but why members expect us to be perfect all the time is so unrealistic to me. I love people's limitations and weaknesses. It makes them seem more human. Also, I was wondering if your doctor had told you that you could not serve. If you were unable to serve because you were under the care of a physician, then it would make perfect sense.

President Hinkley said it best -- He admonished to cultivate “a spirit of affirmative gratitude” for those of differing religious, political, and philosophical persuasions, adding that “we do not in any way have to compromise our theology” in the process. He gave this counsel: “Be respectful of the opinions and feelings of other people. Recognize their virtues; don’t look for their faults. Look for their strengths and their virtues, and you will find strength and virtues that will be helpful in your own life.” I think this is the best advise when dealing with your husband. If he has anger, the best way to help him through that anger is to be compassionate about his feelings. There could be reasons he's not telling you..he could be fearful he could lose you. Try to see the pain beneath the anger and you may find the answers to better understand him. The first year of marriage is the most difficult because you both grew up with different traditions/ideas, the key is to find a way to be accepting of each other's beliefs and traditions. Learn about his traditions (usually the holidays bring them out) and try to understand them. I wish you the best in your study and in your marriage. :)

Mute, thanks for the mentioning the profiles. I'm still new to the forum and trying to navigate the website. I had no idea of what age the poster was originally, I never thought to look at someone's profile. :)

I was in the same situation when I was a teenager. It was hard. I'm not going to lie to you. I think you should discuss it with your parents, they could either surprise you or they could forbid you from it. My parents and family members were not very supportive. They allowed me to search and study the church but during that time they did everything they could to tell me the bad things and they tried to scare me away from it. Looking back, I'm glad I did share it with them because by the time I was really ready to join the church they realized that they could not sway me from it. Still many years passed and during that time examples helped them see that the church wasn't so bad and now they are pretty much accepting of it. They don't understand the church but they have realized that the church has made me a better person. I would discuss it with them. Honor their wishes so that they can see that the church isn't trying to "steal" you away and brainwash you. Invite them to study with you if at all possible. If not, let them know that at some point you will study it out, but for now you will honor their wishes. Once they realize this is something that you really mean and intend to follow up on, they may change their mind. If not, then honor them. That will show them your maturity about the situation. If they do allow you to study it, be prepared for some backlash and adversity..it will come. Pray Pray Pray, that will give you answers to your questions and allow you to face any adversity in your life. I know that bringing up a subject like this can be daunting especially if you have grown up with a particular faith, sometimes parents can feel rejected if you decide to leave what you were raised with. Just remember that achieving what we want is never easy but the blessing and rewards can be great.

I agree with most. An explanation would solve many problems. One thing you may not have considered is that if there are children attending the wedding, I'm sure the parents of the children would appreciate the explanation. Their own reactions could influence how their kids react whether positive or negative. People can get really high strung when it comes to their kids.

I'm wondering if the clothes are truly important. Sometimes things that are familiar and a regular routine helps kids with disabilities manage their own lives. When they are out of their routine it can cause stress and can result in behaviors that can escalate to a higher level. I'm wondering if anything happened while the SIL was taking care of the kids. I think that all the adults, spouses and husbands, should sit down and address their issues head on. I suspect that if you were to sit down with the children themselves this would be a non-issue.

I love all the answers here! There are many levels of faith. The way that I sometimes try to get people to relate to it is we exercise faith in our normal lives. How does faith play in your everyday life? Do you have faith in people around you or are you cynical about them? Do you have faith in your own talents and abilities. Or do you doubt them. These are things that have to be found out and tested. The point is that faith allows us to grow as a person and to find truth. It opens our hearts to exercise faith in other areas of our lives and as our faith grows we learn to trust it more and more. The stronger our faith is, the more sure we are about it and it makes it harder for someone to shake our own convictions. When we have strong convictions, we know who we are and what we believe in. Thus faith helps us grow and progress as individuals.

Subscribe to The Freecycle Network Pick your city as there are people giving things away for free. The whole point of the site is to reduce the amount of garbage in our landfills. I'm currently subscribed and I have received furniture, clothes, filing cabinet, treadmill, and sporting event tickets. Just be mindful of the rules and be considerate to those who give. I love the site as I think it helps people get rid of things they no longer need and it also helps the environment. I hope you do get some further help from your ward but this site is a great place to start to get the things you need. Don't be embarrassed, you should be proud. It takes courage to be out on your own, you've accomplished much so far.

Where to begin...Others have given you a great starting point..but it doens't surprise me that the parents are the first to be judged and attacked in situations just like this. It leads me to believe that they have no understanding of the situation until they are faced with it themselves. I do want to give you a parent's perspective and I hope it will help you understand where your parents are coming from. It isn't just about anger. It's about death. When you have given your love, sacrificed your dreams, your life and so many other things for your children and then to find out that you may loose them, is probably one of the most devastating things a parent has to face. Something inside them has broken, never to be recovered and never to be the same. A life and belief they had of their son. Things will never be the same. That is not something anyone get's over soon. It's as if someone has taken a dagger to your heart and twisted it, prodded, poked and left bleeding and there is NOTHING you can do. Your heart is forever changed. It doesn't mean your parents don't love him but they've lost something ...something that they cherished about your brother and it's gone. Just trust me when I say that your parent's reactions are not about your brother but about themselves...the thoughts about where they went wrong, and all the would've, could've, dialogs that go through their heads. It's the same as a death..it's a missed opportunity that they can't help but blame themselves and will probably never forgive themselves. Because they can't get it back. The only advice I can give is to encourage your brother to keep talking to your parents, hopefully, he will understand that their negative reactions are not about his decision but about their perceived failures as a parent. It doesn't matter if your brother tells them it's not their fault, they still may believe it is their fault. This kind of thing cut's deep...anything that happens with our kids is like loosing a part of ourselves. Anyway, I just felt the need to bring some enlightenment from a parent's point of view.

Hi Seeking, Good question. But don't you think anyone's approach to reality is not based on religious beliefs but by perception? Not all perception is religious based. Oh and btw, welcome.

Is it a trust issue? I know what's it's like to loose trust and to feel betrayed. I'd offer more advice but I'm not sure if it would be correct since I don't know the general circumstances. Aside what others have told you, I would try to talk to the Stake President or someone in the Stake Presidency. This advice was given to me and I didn't follow it because I didn't know if I could trust anyone in the church ever again. It takes a strong person and a lot of courage to do that. If not someone in the Stake Presidency, then maybe just someone you trust completely. The important thing is to talk about it. I didn't do that for a number of years and it wasn't until I was able to talk about it with a friend that I put things in a better perspective. Anytime you have negative feelings towards someone usually means you are being influenced in the wrong way. One thing my mother always told me is that when people are at their worst is the time you need to try and see the pain beneath that. When people are angry, rude, upset or annoying, there is a painful reason why and it has nothing to do with us. My mom was not a member of the church but she is a very wise woman. :)

Thank you all for your response, I appreciate the warm welcome as I try to navigate through this site. The missionaries are a good idea, I had not thought about that. I think my husband and boys will eventually come back if not now than in their own time frame as I know they have testimonies..it's my daughter that I worry about. She really never had a chance to build one and I'm sad to say I feel it's a great deal my fault for not staying strong and giving her those experiences. I think with her it will depend on the delivery of the message. She also has never really had a friend in the church and I think that is so key and important. Again, than you all and I hope to see you in the other discussions. :)

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum. My husband and I were married in the temple and have been active most of our married life (23 years). For the last 2-3 years, I've been inactive - it's a long story. My husband has been inactive for the last 4 years. We have three children two boys in college Ages 22 and 20. We also have a daughter who just turned 17. All our kids have been baptized but have remained inactive for the last 4 years. I know that in order for my family to get back to being active, it will definitely have to start with myself. My hope and goal is to not only to learn from all of you but to also try and be inspired. I miss the gospel discussions I used to have with members of the church and I hope that by trying to participate and learn that it will help me be a better person and also get back to church. There are things missing from life that I want to try and rebuild and while I know the answers don't lie in this forum, I'm hoping that it can at least point me in the right direction. Thanks,