Kim5791

Mute's definition of disfellowshipped is just about right. You are still a member of the Church, but your privileges to do anything but attend for yourself are pretty much suspended. It's intended to keep you active in your faith, and to continue to be exposed to the spirit and the supportive family of the Church, while keeping you from committing the disrectful transgression of partaking of Church related responsibilities and privleges (i.e. callings and sacrament) while being unworthy to do so. To avatar4321, my boyfriend has been very supportive of my need to be attending Church, so much so that he hasn't pressured me because he is familiar with how much pain it's been causing me. He is willing to attend meetings with me, and early in our relationship he did some personal investigation of the Church on his own. I have never hidden anything from him, in a personal or a spiritual nature. We have an open and honest relationship, and I know that he is the kind of man that, if he joined the Church, would eventually make Bishop-material. My fear of returning to Church is based solely on my own shame. I know that what I'm doing is wrong, and while I haven't made the decision to stop, I think about it all the time and wish desparately that I could find some kind of compromise. But the Lord works in absolutes, you don't get to pick and choose which of His rules you agree with. My biggest concern outside of all of this is my boyfriend. I do not want to remove myself from the possibility of an eternal marriage, or from being able to attain celestial glory. I have to start exposing him to the Church so that I can learn if he is serious about joining someday, so that I will know if marrying him is the right thing to do. Everything about him as person is amazing, I love him and I know we would make each other happy for years. But years on Earth are immaterial next to eternity with the Lord, and I need to make that distinction now before things become irreparable.

I have been disfellowshipped for over 2 years now, wow I hadn't even realized that until today.... I have never lost faith in the church, and I continue to live righteously in nearly all aspects of my life, with the exception of one: I have committed the transgression that initially caused my disfellowship repeatedly since my initial disciplinary council. I have felt great shame and disappointment in myself about this, and I would stop if I felt that such an action wouldn't drastically disrupt my life as it exists currently. I will add that my transgression is not illegal nor socially unacceptable. I need badly to be attending church, I know that nothing will change if I do not start attending church again. I have moved and am no longer in the same ward I was in when I had my disciplinary council. I want to begin attending church, but I am not ready to discuss anything with the bishopric of my new ward (I haven't met them since I've never been, so it's not a matter of being uncomfortable, I'm simply not ready to go back to the issue). I have avoided returning to church because I know that since I'm continuing to commit such a grevious transgression, I don't feel worthy of being there. I am afraid that if I return, I'll be forced to meet with the bishopric, I'll be forced to undergo another disciplinary council, which would result in excommunication. This terrifies me, and has been the motivation behind my not having felt the spirit of the Lord in His house in over a year. I want so desperately to resume attending meetings, and it's more important now than ever because I'm planning to marry the man I'm dating. He is not a member of the church however, and has had no exposure to it to date. I need to be coming to church, so that he can come and feel the spirit and decide if he wants to join the church. But I'm so scared to go myself that I can't really ask him to go either. I want to know if I can attend meetings without having to speak to the bishopric about my transgression right now. I have no intention of letting it continue for forever, because I want to feel the blessings of being a member in good standing of the Church again, more than anything. I just am not ready to face it yet, but I know that avoiding going to Church will never bring me closer to facing my problem. Can I go and just attend the meetings, or will I have to talk to someone about my membership status?